Lost ficlet: Dude Looks Like a Lady
Title: Dude Looks Like a Lady
Characters: Sawyer, Miles, Richard (as slash if you wish!)
Word Count: 617
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: What it says on the tin
Disclaimer: I have never owned these characters or the premise of Lost; I just enjoy throwing them into awkward situations for my own amusement, and I make no money from so doing.
Beta: unbeta'd as it's short and I'm lazy (again?)
Author’s Notes: Vaguely AU; could be considered sideways 'verse. Title stolen from Aerosmith's song of the same name. This story was written in November for mini_nanowrimo from a prompt by msb66: Sawyer has to be persuaded to wear women's clothes. Hope this one works for you, love!
NB: this fic can also be read here at AO3
"No way, José!"
"I swear they won't be looking for a woman," Miles told Sawyer.
"And you think they won't notice me in a dress, Valentino?" Sawyer looked at his partner dubiously.
Miles raised his eyebrows and then his hands in exasperation. "I don't know then; you come up with something. Otherwise, we're stuck here - or more specifically, you're stuck here. Look around you, Jim. Backstage of a strip club full of all kinds of thrills and frills. I still say it's your best bet."
"I ain't looking for those kinds of thrills."
"Oh, I don't know." The third voice joining in the argument sounded very amused.
"Very funny, Guyliner. You got some tips for me?"
"Come on, Sawyer," Richard coaxed, "You're the only one whose face they saw, and I doubt they realize how tall you are. Just as long as you stick to flat heels, you'll be fine. Although I think maybe you should shave."
Sawyer rubbed his chin, frowning in thought. "Okay, okay. But don't you two be getting any funny ideas!"
"Who, us?" Miles exchanged a look with Richard, who smiled back at him innocently. "Of course not, Jim. Now, let's get to work."
Miles pushed Sawyer through an open door after Richard, who was rooting around in a drawer by the time Miles had Sawyer seated before a mirror.
"Sideburns," Miles said, sounding all business.
Richard pulled something out of the drawer, grinning as he revealed an electric shaver and went to work. Sawyer had to admit that by the time he'd finished it was the best shave he'd had in a while.
"Now the legs," Miles decided, almost making Sawyer leap out of the chair. He pushed Sawyer back down into the seat. "At least we know your chest is already smooth."
"Why d'you want me to shave my legs? They ain't gonna be looking down that low."
"No, maybe not, but you'd look ridiculous in this if they aren't shaved." Richard held up a stunning pink shimmery-looking mini-dress.
"What the…" Sawyer was speechless.
"I think it's the only thing here big enough to fit you," Richard informed him.
~//~
Sawyer couldn't have felt more ridiculous if he'd tried, but somehow Miles' and Richard's plan had worked and they'd made it out of the club and into a taxi without any of the heavies who were watching out for Sawyer catching onto the disguise.
Back at their motel room, Sawyer exited the cab in haste, sure the driver had been staring at him suspiciously for at least half the ride.
Miles could barely hold in his laughter as he got the door to their room open and Sawyer stumbled past him to get out of public view as quickly as possible. Besides, the damned shoes they'd found might have been low-heeled, but they were a size too small and were killing him.
Richard closed the door behind them and gazed at Sawyer assessingly.
Miles's grin widened. "You look pretty good, actually. Richard, where did you learn to do make-up like that? Oh wait, look who I'm asking."
Sawyer was already kicking off the tight pumps and wiggling his toes. "How in hell do women wear those things? And don't just stand there; help me out of this damned dress, Lagerfield."
Miles didn't move, but his eyebrows started waggling suggestively as he exchanged a look with Richard.
"What?" Sawyer asked.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Richard turned back to Sawyer, his gaze distinctly predatory.
"Oh yeah," Miles replied.
Sawyer looked from one to the other, and then his own smirk surfaced. "If I'd known that you two had such a kink for me in a dress, maybe I'd have worn one sooner."
~//~//~
Guitar Center
Characters: Sawyer, Miles, Richard (as slash if you wish!)
Word Count: 617
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: What it says on the tin
Disclaimer: I have never owned these characters or the premise of Lost; I just enjoy throwing them into awkward situations for my own amusement, and I make no money from so doing.
Beta: unbeta'd as it's short and I'm lazy (again?)
Author’s Notes: Vaguely AU; could be considered sideways 'verse. Title stolen from Aerosmith's song of the same name. This story was written in November for mini_nanowrimo from a prompt by msb66: Sawyer has to be persuaded to wear women's clothes. Hope this one works for you, love!
NB: this fic can also be read here at AO3
"No way, José!"
"I swear they won't be looking for a woman," Miles told Sawyer.
"And you think they won't notice me in a dress, Valentino?" Sawyer looked at his partner dubiously.
Miles raised his eyebrows and then his hands in exasperation. "I don't know then; you come up with something. Otherwise, we're stuck here - or more specifically, you're stuck here. Look around you, Jim. Backstage of a strip club full of all kinds of thrills and frills. I still say it's your best bet."
"I ain't looking for those kinds of thrills."
"Oh, I don't know." The third voice joining in the argument sounded very amused.
"Very funny, Guyliner. You got some tips for me?"
"Come on, Sawyer," Richard coaxed, "You're the only one whose face they saw, and I doubt they realize how tall you are. Just as long as you stick to flat heels, you'll be fine. Although I think maybe you should shave."
Sawyer rubbed his chin, frowning in thought. "Okay, okay. But don't you two be getting any funny ideas!"
"Who, us?" Miles exchanged a look with Richard, who smiled back at him innocently. "Of course not, Jim. Now, let's get to work."
Miles pushed Sawyer through an open door after Richard, who was rooting around in a drawer by the time Miles had Sawyer seated before a mirror.
"Sideburns," Miles said, sounding all business.
Richard pulled something out of the drawer, grinning as he revealed an electric shaver and went to work. Sawyer had to admit that by the time he'd finished it was the best shave he'd had in a while.
"Now the legs," Miles decided, almost making Sawyer leap out of the chair. He pushed Sawyer back down into the seat. "At least we know your chest is already smooth."
"Why d'you want me to shave my legs? They ain't gonna be looking down that low."
"No, maybe not, but you'd look ridiculous in this if they aren't shaved." Richard held up a stunning pink shimmery-looking mini-dress.
"What the…" Sawyer was speechless.
"I think it's the only thing here big enough to fit you," Richard informed him.
~//~
Sawyer couldn't have felt more ridiculous if he'd tried, but somehow Miles' and Richard's plan had worked and they'd made it out of the club and into a taxi without any of the heavies who were watching out for Sawyer catching onto the disguise.
Back at their motel room, Sawyer exited the cab in haste, sure the driver had been staring at him suspiciously for at least half the ride.
Miles could barely hold in his laughter as he got the door to their room open and Sawyer stumbled past him to get out of public view as quickly as possible. Besides, the damned shoes they'd found might have been low-heeled, but they were a size too small and were killing him.
Richard closed the door behind them and gazed at Sawyer assessingly.
Miles's grin widened. "You look pretty good, actually. Richard, where did you learn to do make-up like that? Oh wait, look who I'm asking."
Sawyer was already kicking off the tight pumps and wiggling his toes. "How in hell do women wear those things? And don't just stand there; help me out of this damned dress, Lagerfield."
Miles didn't move, but his eyebrows started waggling suggestively as he exchanged a look with Richard.
"What?" Sawyer asked.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Richard turned back to Sawyer, his gaze distinctly predatory.
"Oh yeah," Miles replied.
Sawyer looked from one to the other, and then his own smirk surfaced. "If I'd known that you two had such a kink for me in a dress, maybe I'd have worn one sooner."
~//~//~
Guitar Center