Maintaining the Distance, Part 9/9
Title: Maintaining the Distance 9/9 (Final)
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 1,754 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve and Danny get about as frank about the situation as they’re likely to, and Steve realises something important.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight
Can also be found here on AO3
It was a couple of hours later when Danny showed up. Steve's tears had long dried, but he found himself glancing in a mirror as he headed to answer the door. There was a little redness at the edges, but hopefully nothing Danny would see - or if he did, he'd have the grace to ignore.
"Hey," Danny greeted him as he walked in past Steve and headed for the kitchen.
Steve followed, a little nervous of what Danny might ask. By the time he stepped into the room behind his partner, Danny was headfirst in the fridge.
"Don't you have any beer in here?"
The lightness of his voice seemed a little off, but Steve took the way out it offered. "I hid it so you wouldn't steal it all before I had a chance to get one myself."
"Figures. Ah-ha! Here it is." Danny shifted something and Steve could hear the clank of his two last bottles of beer - the two he'd been saving for just this visit - as Danny pulled them out and straightened up to hand one to him and twist the lid off the other. "Outside?"
"Yeah," Steve nodded, twisting his own bottle open and flicking it into the recycling. He held it up, a lop-sided smile on that felt about as false as the beard he'd worn at Christmas with his Santa costume. "Cheers."
"Cheers," Danny replied without so much as looking at him, and went outside.
Steve followed after a quick gulp from the cool bottle. He hoped it wasn't obvious he'd already had a couple more bottles between Adam leaving and Danny arriving.
"So…" Danny started from halfway across the lawn.
"So… what?" Steve faltered, his heart skipping.
Danny was in one of the lounge chairs by the water before he spoke again. "You want to tell me anything?"
"Not really." Steve sat down beside him and stared resolutely out at the water.
Danny, uncharacteristically, didn't say anything for a minute, but Steve could feel him staring at him.
"Don't look at me like that." Steve took another swig from the bottle, and finally faced his best friend.
There was a wariness in Danny's eyes that said he knew something had happened, but he wasn't sure exactly what, or whether he should push things. "If I'm looking at you like anything, it's because I can't believe you'd just let things go. Your competitive streak is about as long as the Indianapolis 500."
Steve took a breath while he decided what to say.
Danny quirked a not-exactly humorous smile. "And of course, we're taking emotions here, so you'll say as little as possible."
"Look, Danny you should know: it's over with me and Adam." Danny opened his mouth as if to launch a tirade, but Steve stalled him with a hand up. "And I'm fine, before you ask. It'll be fine. Adam went back to Kono and they're happy, and that's all that matters."
Danny had closed his mouth, but he didn't look convinced. "Steve, you're my best buddy, much as it pains me to admit it." He smiled more genuinely this time. "And I care about you enough to worry that you're keeping that boiling pot of emotions all restrained inside your chest. If - or should I say when - it all gets too much and you explode over some stupid little perp's idiotic behaviour and try to blow something up that is not deserving of such lunacy, you know who'll have to pick up the pieces, right? Yeah, buddy, I will. You know I will if I have to, but I'd much rather you just let out the pain and/or rage right here and now, when I can commiserate on how much of an idiot Adam is for complicating our lives way more than he needed to."
"He can't be too much of an idiot," Steve offered, ignoring Danny's offer, "or Kono wouldn't be interested."
Danny's eyebrows and his hands went into overdrive. "Don't do that! And you know exactly what I mean! Who was here with you last time he left? Me, that's who. Oh, I know you feel like you can't share some of that with me, but I saw your pain, no matter that you thought you hid it, tough guy."
Steve noted how Danny didn't mention their last discussion on how much better placed Chin was to deal with Steve's feelings about Adam. And he was right. While Chin had shown concern and been ready for him when he needed to talk, it was Danny who'd been there for him most in the aftermath. He allowed a small smile at the memory of the distraction Danny had offered.
Danny frowned at him when he didn't reply, and went on, "It's the twenty-first century, Steve, you don't have to act like a caveman."
"Caveman?" Steve wasn't sure what Danny was getting at - or at least, he couldn't help being obtuse - it was part of the way the distraction worked, and sure enough, Danny's splutter did make him smile for real this time, or perhaps it was the build-up of alcohol in his system.
"For the love of baseball, Steve! Do you have any idea what you do to me?"
Steve let out a half-laugh and put the bottle back to his lips.
Danny waggled a finger of his free hand at Steve. "I am trying to offer you a lifeline, my friend, and all you can do is laugh." His tone changed from mildly annoyed to concerned on the next sentence. "You gotta be hurting, Steve. Come on, even I can see you've had more alcohol in the last hour or so than you'd usually drink in a week."
"Danny, don't," was all he managed before he had to turn away, blinking back more of the tears he thought he'd finished shedding.
Steve heard Danny's bottle being placed on the grass and then Danny stand up. He took the step between them before Steve could figure out what he was doing. Danny's warm hand was on his shoulder. "Hey."
Steve blinked hard and managed to look up at Danny standing over him. Danny gestured for Steve to stand up as he took his hand back, and he stepped back a pace to allow Steve to move. Confused, Steve put his own bottle down beside his chair and did as he was bid.
Danny opened his arms. "C'mon."
Grateful for the quiet offering, Steve stepped into Danny's open arms and wrapped his own around Danny, holding on tight and closing his eyes. Danny held on just as tightly.
They must have stood there like that for the good part of five minutes, and Danny never said a single word - some kind of miracle to Steve's mind - and he was just beginning to think he must have broken the man, when Danny cleared his throat. Steve took a deep breath and moved enough that Danny released him. They both retook their chairs and reached for their bottles in synchronicity.
"I couldn't do it," Steve said softly after a sip at the beer he suddenly realised he no longer wanted. "Kono needs him more than I do."
Danny just nodded, and while Steve wasn't looking at him directly, he was well aware of the self-restraint it was obviously taking for Danny not to launch into some kind of opinion on the matter.
It was easier to talk about this without Danny questioning, he had to admit, and he was thankful the man had realised this method was a better way for Steve to get out what Danny felt he needed to say than his usual loquacity allowed.
"I won't say I don't… wouldn't… want him to choose me, but I already did this once. I don't… I mean… I can't in all good conscience…" He was aware he was pausing too much, but how could he say he loved Adam and didn't want to lose him, when he'd just said he couldn't keep Adam away from Kono in the circumstances?
"I know," Danny put in at last, when the latest pause had gone on for way too long, his voice still more gentle than Steve was used to. "You love him, don't you?"
Steve still couldn't look at Danny. He turned the still half-full bottle in his hands. "You know I do. But I can't risk him - or Kono - thinking we both made a big mistake."
"If you love something, set it free…" Danny mused in the same quiet tone.
"Exactly!" Steve finally risked a glance at this new, less judging Danny. "I can't believe he'll come back, but that doesn't even matter."
"It doesn't?" Danny's expression was curious.
"No. I have… everything I need already." Danny's eyebrows went up and he nodded with what looked like scepticism. "You don't believe that? I have a great job, a beautiful house on the best island in the world, and I have friends I can count on. What else could I possibly need?"
Danny looked as though he could think of something, but he shied away from it. "That is all true, my friend. And you know your friends are going to help you get through this, right? No matter where the chips fall."
He looked at Steve evenly, and that steely resolve that Steve so admired in him gave him strength. "I know you will, Danny. Thank you."
At that, Danny clearly understood that Steve had reached the end of all he could say on the matter for now. "So, how about the ball game?"
"The one that's probably already underway?" Steve grinned, pushing the pain out and into the distance he needed to maintain for his own sanity. "We should definitely go watch it, because I need to see your team get put back in the place we know they so richly deserve."
"And that, buddy, is where you're wrong," Danny said as he stood up. "My team are - and always will be - vastly superior to that second rate bunch of reprobates you loosely describe as a team."
Steve got to his feet and followed Danny back to the house, his heart considerably lighter than it had been. The usual banter continued as they made their way to the television.
While Steve knew that there would be other moments for him to feel as lost and alone as he had earlier, he also knew without a single doubt that Danny's friendship was the rock onto which he'd always be able to pull himself out of the water.
~//~//~
END
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 1,754 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve and Danny get about as frank about the situation as they’re likely to, and Steve realises something important.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight
Can also be found here on AO3
It was a couple of hours later when Danny showed up. Steve's tears had long dried, but he found himself glancing in a mirror as he headed to answer the door. There was a little redness at the edges, but hopefully nothing Danny would see - or if he did, he'd have the grace to ignore.
"Hey," Danny greeted him as he walked in past Steve and headed for the kitchen.
Steve followed, a little nervous of what Danny might ask. By the time he stepped into the room behind his partner, Danny was headfirst in the fridge.
"Don't you have any beer in here?"
The lightness of his voice seemed a little off, but Steve took the way out it offered. "I hid it so you wouldn't steal it all before I had a chance to get one myself."
"Figures. Ah-ha! Here it is." Danny shifted something and Steve could hear the clank of his two last bottles of beer - the two he'd been saving for just this visit - as Danny pulled them out and straightened up to hand one to him and twist the lid off the other. "Outside?"
"Yeah," Steve nodded, twisting his own bottle open and flicking it into the recycling. He held it up, a lop-sided smile on that felt about as false as the beard he'd worn at Christmas with his Santa costume. "Cheers."
"Cheers," Danny replied without so much as looking at him, and went outside.
Steve followed after a quick gulp from the cool bottle. He hoped it wasn't obvious he'd already had a couple more bottles between Adam leaving and Danny arriving.
"So…" Danny started from halfway across the lawn.
"So… what?" Steve faltered, his heart skipping.
Danny was in one of the lounge chairs by the water before he spoke again. "You want to tell me anything?"
"Not really." Steve sat down beside him and stared resolutely out at the water.
Danny, uncharacteristically, didn't say anything for a minute, but Steve could feel him staring at him.
"Don't look at me like that." Steve took another swig from the bottle, and finally faced his best friend.
There was a wariness in Danny's eyes that said he knew something had happened, but he wasn't sure exactly what, or whether he should push things. "If I'm looking at you like anything, it's because I can't believe you'd just let things go. Your competitive streak is about as long as the Indianapolis 500."
Steve took a breath while he decided what to say.
Danny quirked a not-exactly humorous smile. "And of course, we're taking emotions here, so you'll say as little as possible."
"Look, Danny you should know: it's over with me and Adam." Danny opened his mouth as if to launch a tirade, but Steve stalled him with a hand up. "And I'm fine, before you ask. It'll be fine. Adam went back to Kono and they're happy, and that's all that matters."
Danny had closed his mouth, but he didn't look convinced. "Steve, you're my best buddy, much as it pains me to admit it." He smiled more genuinely this time. "And I care about you enough to worry that you're keeping that boiling pot of emotions all restrained inside your chest. If - or should I say when - it all gets too much and you explode over some stupid little perp's idiotic behaviour and try to blow something up that is not deserving of such lunacy, you know who'll have to pick up the pieces, right? Yeah, buddy, I will. You know I will if I have to, but I'd much rather you just let out the pain and/or rage right here and now, when I can commiserate on how much of an idiot Adam is for complicating our lives way more than he needed to."
"He can't be too much of an idiot," Steve offered, ignoring Danny's offer, "or Kono wouldn't be interested."
Danny's eyebrows and his hands went into overdrive. "Don't do that! And you know exactly what I mean! Who was here with you last time he left? Me, that's who. Oh, I know you feel like you can't share some of that with me, but I saw your pain, no matter that you thought you hid it, tough guy."
Steve noted how Danny didn't mention their last discussion on how much better placed Chin was to deal with Steve's feelings about Adam. And he was right. While Chin had shown concern and been ready for him when he needed to talk, it was Danny who'd been there for him most in the aftermath. He allowed a small smile at the memory of the distraction Danny had offered.
Danny frowned at him when he didn't reply, and went on, "It's the twenty-first century, Steve, you don't have to act like a caveman."
"Caveman?" Steve wasn't sure what Danny was getting at - or at least, he couldn't help being obtuse - it was part of the way the distraction worked, and sure enough, Danny's splutter did make him smile for real this time, or perhaps it was the build-up of alcohol in his system.
"For the love of baseball, Steve! Do you have any idea what you do to me?"
Steve let out a half-laugh and put the bottle back to his lips.
Danny waggled a finger of his free hand at Steve. "I am trying to offer you a lifeline, my friend, and all you can do is laugh." His tone changed from mildly annoyed to concerned on the next sentence. "You gotta be hurting, Steve. Come on, even I can see you've had more alcohol in the last hour or so than you'd usually drink in a week."
"Danny, don't," was all he managed before he had to turn away, blinking back more of the tears he thought he'd finished shedding.
Steve heard Danny's bottle being placed on the grass and then Danny stand up. He took the step between them before Steve could figure out what he was doing. Danny's warm hand was on his shoulder. "Hey."
Steve blinked hard and managed to look up at Danny standing over him. Danny gestured for Steve to stand up as he took his hand back, and he stepped back a pace to allow Steve to move. Confused, Steve put his own bottle down beside his chair and did as he was bid.
Danny opened his arms. "C'mon."
Grateful for the quiet offering, Steve stepped into Danny's open arms and wrapped his own around Danny, holding on tight and closing his eyes. Danny held on just as tightly.
They must have stood there like that for the good part of five minutes, and Danny never said a single word - some kind of miracle to Steve's mind - and he was just beginning to think he must have broken the man, when Danny cleared his throat. Steve took a deep breath and moved enough that Danny released him. They both retook their chairs and reached for their bottles in synchronicity.
"I couldn't do it," Steve said softly after a sip at the beer he suddenly realised he no longer wanted. "Kono needs him more than I do."
Danny just nodded, and while Steve wasn't looking at him directly, he was well aware of the self-restraint it was obviously taking for Danny not to launch into some kind of opinion on the matter.
It was easier to talk about this without Danny questioning, he had to admit, and he was thankful the man had realised this method was a better way for Steve to get out what Danny felt he needed to say than his usual loquacity allowed.
"I won't say I don't… wouldn't… want him to choose me, but I already did this once. I don't… I mean… I can't in all good conscience…" He was aware he was pausing too much, but how could he say he loved Adam and didn't want to lose him, when he'd just said he couldn't keep Adam away from Kono in the circumstances?
"I know," Danny put in at last, when the latest pause had gone on for way too long, his voice still more gentle than Steve was used to. "You love him, don't you?"
Steve still couldn't look at Danny. He turned the still half-full bottle in his hands. "You know I do. But I can't risk him - or Kono - thinking we both made a big mistake."
"If you love something, set it free…" Danny mused in the same quiet tone.
"Exactly!" Steve finally risked a glance at this new, less judging Danny. "I can't believe he'll come back, but that doesn't even matter."
"It doesn't?" Danny's expression was curious.
"No. I have… everything I need already." Danny's eyebrows went up and he nodded with what looked like scepticism. "You don't believe that? I have a great job, a beautiful house on the best island in the world, and I have friends I can count on. What else could I possibly need?"
Danny looked as though he could think of something, but he shied away from it. "That is all true, my friend. And you know your friends are going to help you get through this, right? No matter where the chips fall."
He looked at Steve evenly, and that steely resolve that Steve so admired in him gave him strength. "I know you will, Danny. Thank you."
At that, Danny clearly understood that Steve had reached the end of all he could say on the matter for now. "So, how about the ball game?"
"The one that's probably already underway?" Steve grinned, pushing the pain out and into the distance he needed to maintain for his own sanity. "We should definitely go watch it, because I need to see your team get put back in the place we know they so richly deserve."
"And that, buddy, is where you're wrong," Danny said as he stood up. "My team are - and always will be - vastly superior to that second rate bunch of reprobates you loosely describe as a team."
Steve got to his feet and followed Danny back to the house, his heart considerably lighter than it had been. The usual banter continued as they made their way to the television.
While Steve knew that there would be other moments for him to feel as lost and alone as he had earlier, he also knew without a single doubt that Danny's friendship was the rock onto which he'd always be able to pull himself out of the water.
~//~//~
END