The Cure for Lesbian Bed Death
Christmas present for out_of_words24. Or because it's so late...I dunno, incredibly early Chinese New Year's present? In any event, this is entirely different from the 3Lee I thought I would write, but it is nonetheless 3Lee. I hope you like it, bb! ♥
The Cure for Lesbian Bed Death
pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae(/Sungmin)
Hyukjae remembers when showers with Donghae meant hot, wet kisses under the spray, the slick slide of soapy hands over soapy skin and blowjobs deliciously slow enough to last until the hot water ran out. Now they mean mutual back-washing and an extra five minutes of sleep as they rest their heads on each others' shoulders and doze in the warmth. Hyukjae is slightly worried that he likes it better this way-it can't be a good sign for their relationship that he's so willing to trade earth-shattering head for sleepy hugs, a small voice inside him points out-but he comforts himself in the knowledge that even if their showers aren't overtly sexual anymore, at least they're erotic. They still kiss (pecks on the forehead after rinsing count, he's pretty sure) and they still rub soapy bodies together (if just to slide by each other to grab the conditioner or turn up the heat) and-ok, see, like this, Hyukjae thinks, and lets out a sigh of contentment as Donghae's hands work shampoo into his hair, massage his scalp. This is sensual and intimate and-
"What's so funny?" he asks, opening his eyes to look, slightly nonplussed, at the amused face that goes with Donghae's laughter.
"I spiked up your hair with the shampoo," Donghae gets out between guffaws. "You look ridiculous!" And then he snorts, and Hyukjae thinks, This is just like Jungsu-hyung and-oh my God...
Before he knows it, he has rinsed out his hair, slicked it back and attacked Donghae's mouth. When he breaks the kiss, Donghae is staring at him like he's just grown a second head, but he is not deterred. He will not be like them. "You know what we haven't done in a long time?" he asks throatily, and then sinks to his knees and takes Donghae's cock into his mouth.
Donghae lets out a clipped "Holy shit!" and Hyukjae thinks, damn right, because they have been together long enough for him to know how to get Donghae off, the fucker. The...the laughing fucker...
"Why are you still laughing?" he demands, this time decidedly more than nonplussed, and Donghae shakes his head in uncontrollable mirth and leans against the shower wall, wheezing.
"God, I'm sorry, it's just that I keep thinking of your hair all spiked up! It's so funny, lemme do it again and show you!"
Hyukjae stares at him, bent over double and still shaking with laughter, and thinks, Holy shit. Holy shit. We're an old married couple. We're Kangteuk.
***
When they first got together and Shindong agreed to trade rooms with him ("so you two retards can have retard sex?" Heechul had asked in disgust), Donghae learned that Hyukjae slept in just a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants, sprawled out on his back with his hands clasped behind his head and one leg curled under the other. He also learned that this was a major turn on for him, and that if he trailed soft kisses down Hyukjae's stomach, then peeled back the waistband and ghosted his lips further down until they were wrapped around Hyukjae's cock, Hyukjae would grow hard in his mouth, and moan, and wake up and call his name and buck his hips upward and usually initiate sex that really was retarded, in that it left him totally incapacitated, mentally and otherwise. It hadn't taken long before this became a nightly thing, and by unspoken agreement Hyukjae always went to bed before him and he always woke up Hyukjae with a warm, wet, suction-y "surprise."
It's still a thing now, just not a nightly one. Donghae would be quick to point out to anyone who asked that this decrease in frequency does not by any means imply a decrease in desire on his part, but rather shows how good he has become at controlling his desire. It's not that he doesn't want to fuck Hyukjae senseless every night-really, he does-it's just that he realizes that Hyukjae is often tired, and he's often tired, and on some nights it's a better idea to just wrap his arms around Hyukjae's chest and nuzzle into the crook of Hyukjae's neck and sleep.
Tonight, though, is not one of those nights. It's a "thing" night, and not just because he feels bad for laughing hysterically in the shower this morning when Hyukjae tried to blow him. No, it is a "thing" night because Hyukjae looks hot, and they have a hot sex life together, and even if he has started to snort like Jungsu-hyung occasionally that doesn't mean...well. It's just a "thing" night, is all.
So Donghae slides onto the bed and brings his lips to Hyukjae's stomach, kisses down over his navel, slowly following the treasure trail lower. When Hyukjae moans, he runs warm hands up and down the sleeping boy's sides, then begins to peel back Hyukjae's sweats. Soon he is sucking away happily, and Hyukjae is moaning his name, and "no" (he assumes this is because he's doing that thing with his tongue that Hyukjae likes and it's just too much for him to handle), and then Hyukjae knees him in the face.
"What the fuck?" he asks as he falls off the bed.
"Oh, shit, sorry, sorry!" comes Hyukjae's sleep-coated voice from above. "I didn't mean to...I mean, I said 'no.'"
"Well, I thought it was a 'yes' kind of 'no,'" Donghae says, clutching the throbbing side of his face.
"No, it was an 'I'm-tired-please-stop' kind of 'no.' I'm sorry, babe," Hyukjae says, pulling him up onto the bed with him and distractedly kissing his temple. "Now go to sleep."
And Hyukjae does, but Donghae's face is still throbbing, and he is pretty sure that is not the part of him he wants throbbing right now. This is serious, he thinks as Hyukjae starts to snore.
***
Hyukjae goes to Sungmin for advice, because Sungmin is a whore, at least to the extent that a box full of puppy dogs and bunny rabbits and babies with angel wings can be a whore. He has slept with everyone in the group except for him, Donghae, Youngwoon and Jungsu, but, he is told, in a very altruistic, therapeutic, Dirty Sex Nun sort of way. Everyone else seems to have been satisfied, so Hyukjae thinks maybe Sungmin is his best bet for sex problem solutions. He is not prepared for Sungmin's diagnosis.
"Lesbian Bed Death," he says gravely.
Hyukjae stares. "Hyung, we're not lesbians."
Sungmin stares back. "You might as well be. You're not having sex."
Hyukjae does not know what to say to this, so he contents himself with opening and closing his mouth dumbly.
"Hyukkie, your problem is very common," Sungmin explains kindly. "You're in a long-term monogamous relationship. After a while, that starts to get boring. You just need to spice things up a bit."
"Spice things up?" They already have sex in the shower. Or try to.
"You know, like have sex in a public place," Sungmin suggests.
"Yeah, that's a great idea. It'd be really good for all of our careers."
"Ok, fine, don't have sex in public. I guess you're just not as sneaky as me and Kibum." Hyukjae doesn't ask. "Or, ok, how about this? Have a threesome."
Hyukjae feels his face redden. "Hyung, I don't know..."
"No, really, it's a great idea! You find someone both you and Donghae trust, and then you," and Sungmin looks furtively around, and then whispers into Hyukjae's ear. Hyukjae's face grows redder still.
"Hyung, that position doesn't even sound possible."
Sungmin looks puzzled. "Sure it is. Want me to show you-"
"No, no," Hyukjae says hurriedly, backing out of the room. "Thanks for your advice. I'll think about it."
***
Donghae also goes to Sungmin for advice, because Sungmin is a good listener and a kind-hearted person and because according to everyone else he is an expert at fucking people's brains out.
"Lesbian Bed Death," Sungmin concludes solemnly.
Donghae's eyes widen. "That sounds serious."
"Oh, it is, Donghae, it is," Sungmin says, slowly shaking his head.
"What should we do?"
"Well, you're going to need to spice things up. Maybe you could try role-play. That did it for Siwon; he was the priest and I was the naughty altar boy-"
"Hyung, I don't think that'll work for us. You know what a bad actor Hyukjae is. I'd probably start laughing and I've already...well..." Donghae finishes, trying not to remember how funny Hyukjae's spiky hair looked.
"Ok, then," Sungmin says pensively, and then his eyes light up. "Ok, how about a threesome?"
Donghae furrows his brow. "Hyung, I don't know..."
"No, listen, I think this'll work. You've just got to find someone that both of you trust, and then you," and he whispers into Donghae's ear.
Donghae furrows his brow further. "I'm not sure I understand how that would work. Can you draw a diagram?"
***
It is easier to broach the subject than either one of them had thought it would be.
"The thrill is gone, 'Hae."
"We need to spice things up."
"We do."
"I think we should have a threesome."
"I think we should have a threesome with Sungmin."
They both stare at each other for a moment.
"Do you think he's still awake?" Hyukjae asks.
***
"Well, boys, how was it?" Sungmin asks, lying back into the pillows and throwing an arm around each of them.
Donghae twitches. "It was just like the diagram, only better."
Hyukjae cannot move. "I can't believe you can bend like that. I mean...holy shit."
Sungmin smiles. "You weren't so bad yourselves. Donghae, the way you use your tongue to-"
"Oh my God, it ought to be illegal, right?" Hyukjae chimes in.
"No kidding. And Hyukjae, that thing you do-"
"With his hips?" Donghae lets out a laugh mixed with a moan. "Kills me every time."
The room goes silent, and Sungmin counts down the seconds: 3...2...1...
"Donghae, do you want to come take a shower with me?"
"Yes."
And then like that, the two of them have disappeared from his arms and are racing to the bathroom. Sungmin waits until the moaning gets loud enough for him to hear, then stretches out catlike in the bed. He would be offended that they hadn't invited him along, but after all, he organized this to help them get their spark back, so he can hardly complain.
Plus, he knows they'll be back for more. Hell, it was months ago that he got Jungsu and Youngwoon hyungs fucking like rabbits again (and without anyone knowing, to boot), and they still try to get him back into bed with them at least once a week. It's so annoying that he may have to give in when Hyukjae and Donghae proposition him again, just to avoid more wheedling. That, and because the way Donghae uses his tongue and that thing Hyukjae does with his hips really are something...
The Cure for Lesbian Bed Death
pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae(/Sungmin)
Hyukjae remembers when showers with Donghae meant hot, wet kisses under the spray, the slick slide of soapy hands over soapy skin and blowjobs deliciously slow enough to last until the hot water ran out. Now they mean mutual back-washing and an extra five minutes of sleep as they rest their heads on each others' shoulders and doze in the warmth. Hyukjae is slightly worried that he likes it better this way-it can't be a good sign for their relationship that he's so willing to trade earth-shattering head for sleepy hugs, a small voice inside him points out-but he comforts himself in the knowledge that even if their showers aren't overtly sexual anymore, at least they're erotic. They still kiss (pecks on the forehead after rinsing count, he's pretty sure) and they still rub soapy bodies together (if just to slide by each other to grab the conditioner or turn up the heat) and-ok, see, like this, Hyukjae thinks, and lets out a sigh of contentment as Donghae's hands work shampoo into his hair, massage his scalp. This is sensual and intimate and-
"What's so funny?" he asks, opening his eyes to look, slightly nonplussed, at the amused face that goes with Donghae's laughter.
"I spiked up your hair with the shampoo," Donghae gets out between guffaws. "You look ridiculous!" And then he snorts, and Hyukjae thinks, This is just like Jungsu-hyung and-oh my God...
Before he knows it, he has rinsed out his hair, slicked it back and attacked Donghae's mouth. When he breaks the kiss, Donghae is staring at him like he's just grown a second head, but he is not deterred. He will not be like them. "You know what we haven't done in a long time?" he asks throatily, and then sinks to his knees and takes Donghae's cock into his mouth.
Donghae lets out a clipped "Holy shit!" and Hyukjae thinks, damn right, because they have been together long enough for him to know how to get Donghae off, the fucker. The...the laughing fucker...
"Why are you still laughing?" he demands, this time decidedly more than nonplussed, and Donghae shakes his head in uncontrollable mirth and leans against the shower wall, wheezing.
"God, I'm sorry, it's just that I keep thinking of your hair all spiked up! It's so funny, lemme do it again and show you!"
Hyukjae stares at him, bent over double and still shaking with laughter, and thinks, Holy shit. Holy shit. We're an old married couple. We're Kangteuk.
***
When they first got together and Shindong agreed to trade rooms with him ("so you two retards can have retard sex?" Heechul had asked in disgust), Donghae learned that Hyukjae slept in just a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants, sprawled out on his back with his hands clasped behind his head and one leg curled under the other. He also learned that this was a major turn on for him, and that if he trailed soft kisses down Hyukjae's stomach, then peeled back the waistband and ghosted his lips further down until they were wrapped around Hyukjae's cock, Hyukjae would grow hard in his mouth, and moan, and wake up and call his name and buck his hips upward and usually initiate sex that really was retarded, in that it left him totally incapacitated, mentally and otherwise. It hadn't taken long before this became a nightly thing, and by unspoken agreement Hyukjae always went to bed before him and he always woke up Hyukjae with a warm, wet, suction-y "surprise."
It's still a thing now, just not a nightly one. Donghae would be quick to point out to anyone who asked that this decrease in frequency does not by any means imply a decrease in desire on his part, but rather shows how good he has become at controlling his desire. It's not that he doesn't want to fuck Hyukjae senseless every night-really, he does-it's just that he realizes that Hyukjae is often tired, and he's often tired, and on some nights it's a better idea to just wrap his arms around Hyukjae's chest and nuzzle into the crook of Hyukjae's neck and sleep.
Tonight, though, is not one of those nights. It's a "thing" night, and not just because he feels bad for laughing hysterically in the shower this morning when Hyukjae tried to blow him. No, it is a "thing" night because Hyukjae looks hot, and they have a hot sex life together, and even if he has started to snort like Jungsu-hyung occasionally that doesn't mean...well. It's just a "thing" night, is all.
So Donghae slides onto the bed and brings his lips to Hyukjae's stomach, kisses down over his navel, slowly following the treasure trail lower. When Hyukjae moans, he runs warm hands up and down the sleeping boy's sides, then begins to peel back Hyukjae's sweats. Soon he is sucking away happily, and Hyukjae is moaning his name, and "no" (he assumes this is because he's doing that thing with his tongue that Hyukjae likes and it's just too much for him to handle), and then Hyukjae knees him in the face.
"What the fuck?" he asks as he falls off the bed.
"Oh, shit, sorry, sorry!" comes Hyukjae's sleep-coated voice from above. "I didn't mean to...I mean, I said 'no.'"
"Well, I thought it was a 'yes' kind of 'no,'" Donghae says, clutching the throbbing side of his face.
"No, it was an 'I'm-tired-please-stop' kind of 'no.' I'm sorry, babe," Hyukjae says, pulling him up onto the bed with him and distractedly kissing his temple. "Now go to sleep."
And Hyukjae does, but Donghae's face is still throbbing, and he is pretty sure that is not the part of him he wants throbbing right now. This is serious, he thinks as Hyukjae starts to snore.
***
Hyukjae goes to Sungmin for advice, because Sungmin is a whore, at least to the extent that a box full of puppy dogs and bunny rabbits and babies with angel wings can be a whore. He has slept with everyone in the group except for him, Donghae, Youngwoon and Jungsu, but, he is told, in a very altruistic, therapeutic, Dirty Sex Nun sort of way. Everyone else seems to have been satisfied, so Hyukjae thinks maybe Sungmin is his best bet for sex problem solutions. He is not prepared for Sungmin's diagnosis.
"Lesbian Bed Death," he says gravely.
Hyukjae stares. "Hyung, we're not lesbians."
Sungmin stares back. "You might as well be. You're not having sex."
Hyukjae does not know what to say to this, so he contents himself with opening and closing his mouth dumbly.
"Hyukkie, your problem is very common," Sungmin explains kindly. "You're in a long-term monogamous relationship. After a while, that starts to get boring. You just need to spice things up a bit."
"Spice things up?" They already have sex in the shower. Or try to.
"You know, like have sex in a public place," Sungmin suggests.
"Yeah, that's a great idea. It'd be really good for all of our careers."
"Ok, fine, don't have sex in public. I guess you're just not as sneaky as me and Kibum." Hyukjae doesn't ask. "Or, ok, how about this? Have a threesome."
Hyukjae feels his face redden. "Hyung, I don't know..."
"No, really, it's a great idea! You find someone both you and Donghae trust, and then you," and Sungmin looks furtively around, and then whispers into Hyukjae's ear. Hyukjae's face grows redder still.
"Hyung, that position doesn't even sound possible."
Sungmin looks puzzled. "Sure it is. Want me to show you-"
"No, no," Hyukjae says hurriedly, backing out of the room. "Thanks for your advice. I'll think about it."
***
Donghae also goes to Sungmin for advice, because Sungmin is a good listener and a kind-hearted person and because according to everyone else he is an expert at fucking people's brains out.
"Lesbian Bed Death," Sungmin concludes solemnly.
Donghae's eyes widen. "That sounds serious."
"Oh, it is, Donghae, it is," Sungmin says, slowly shaking his head.
"What should we do?"
"Well, you're going to need to spice things up. Maybe you could try role-play. That did it for Siwon; he was the priest and I was the naughty altar boy-"
"Hyung, I don't think that'll work for us. You know what a bad actor Hyukjae is. I'd probably start laughing and I've already...well..." Donghae finishes, trying not to remember how funny Hyukjae's spiky hair looked.
"Ok, then," Sungmin says pensively, and then his eyes light up. "Ok, how about a threesome?"
Donghae furrows his brow. "Hyung, I don't know..."
"No, listen, I think this'll work. You've just got to find someone that both of you trust, and then you," and he whispers into Donghae's ear.
Donghae furrows his brow further. "I'm not sure I understand how that would work. Can you draw a diagram?"
***
It is easier to broach the subject than either one of them had thought it would be.
"The thrill is gone, 'Hae."
"We need to spice things up."
"We do."
"I think we should have a threesome."
"I think we should have a threesome with Sungmin."
They both stare at each other for a moment.
"Do you think he's still awake?" Hyukjae asks.
***
"Well, boys, how was it?" Sungmin asks, lying back into the pillows and throwing an arm around each of them.
Donghae twitches. "It was just like the diagram, only better."
Hyukjae cannot move. "I can't believe you can bend like that. I mean...holy shit."
Sungmin smiles. "You weren't so bad yourselves. Donghae, the way you use your tongue to-"
"Oh my God, it ought to be illegal, right?" Hyukjae chimes in.
"No kidding. And Hyukjae, that thing you do-"
"With his hips?" Donghae lets out a laugh mixed with a moan. "Kills me every time."
The room goes silent, and Sungmin counts down the seconds: 3...2...1...
"Donghae, do you want to come take a shower with me?"
"Yes."
And then like that, the two of them have disappeared from his arms and are racing to the bathroom. Sungmin waits until the moaning gets loud enough for him to hear, then stretches out catlike in the bed. He would be offended that they hadn't invited him along, but after all, he organized this to help them get their spark back, so he can hardly complain.
Plus, he knows they'll be back for more. Hell, it was months ago that he got Jungsu and Youngwoon hyungs fucking like rabbits again (and without anyone knowing, to boot), and they still try to get him back into bed with them at least once a week. It's so annoying that he may have to give in when Hyukjae and Donghae proposition him again, just to avoid more wheedling. That, and because the way Donghae uses his tongue and that thing Hyukjae does with his hips really are something...