if i were a roast…
Originally published at kendrak's attack. You can comment here or there.
if i were a roasted animal, i think i’d be a whole roasted pig, preferably cooked over an open fire on a spit or in a bed of coals underground. i remember helping out with a pig roast my first semester at cloyne. there were plenty of obnoxious people moaning about the pig in the walk-in fridge. it wasn’t like the pig was just hanging out, completely exposed for the world to see while they went to hoard cheese. no, it was wrapped in plastic and paper. you could tell it was the whole pig because it was a giant lump that was pig shaped, but you couldn’t actually see it. so many quasi-vegetarians were offended, but they ate it in the end. i wasn’t vegetarian at the time, but i’ve been ok with where meat comes from for twenty years. (after the shock of lamby pie.) the pig cooked in the ground for the day and was great later that night. i already am a pig (remember my moral failure?), so it’s only fitting.
master chef mario batali was recently asked what roast beast he’d be. his response:
I’d be a guinea pig, the national dish of South America. I would want to be slowly poached in Chateau d’Yquem, starting at cellar temperature. By the time you were truly done you’d be wasted, so you wouldn’t really care.
have you seen roast guinea pig? not the most appetizing animal. looks allright. brined guinea pig looks allright, but i wouldn’t eat it. don’t worry, i’m still vegan. i wouldn’t eat a guinea pig anyhow, because i think that would give maude license to come and eat my face off in my sleep. i don’t want to give her any excuses.