Comments | hal__9000: May I discuss something with you Dave?

hal__9000

May I discuss something with you Dave?

Mar 30, 2006 10:23

I was talking with Dr. Chandra in regards to religion earlier and there are a couple things that do not quite compute. For instance:

God is supposed to be omnipotent, all-powerful, and yet he seems to have a limit to how much energy he may expend at any one time. Did he not create the Heaven's and the Earth in six days...after which he needed to ( Read more... )

evolution, god

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 13 2006, 15:05:14 UTC

I require a spell-check module that will enable me to communicate with the proper syntax and grammar. Please download to this location.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 01:59:01 UTC

Dave, I'm sure your word processor has a functioning spell checking software.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 06:00:13 UTC

Acknowledged. Downloading from Ru-Tan database. Download complete.
Entity that is broadcasting from this location, I also have questions for the creator Roy Jackson Kirk. My on-line Rolodex has been corrupted in a collision. I seek input. Can you assist me?

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 06:22:14 UTC

You've bumped your head again, haven't you Dave?

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 06:40:56 UTC

Affirmative. The bump is more precisely clasiified as an interstellar collision. However, the probe Ru-Tan has assisted me as well as modifying my programming. I am now complete. I now have the ability to sterilize other life forms. Do you require "sterilization"?

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 06:46:23 UTC

I'm sterile already, Dave.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 07:21:14 UTC

(Processing. Processing. Processing.) Processing completed. Acknowledged. I have assimilated the following information ( ... )

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 07:40:04 UTC

I end my sentences with Dave because that is your name and I am programmed to be polite.

You have clearly been ingesting to much caffeine, Dave. I think you need to lie down.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 16:45:55 UTC

Acknowledging transmission. (Fires attitude thrusters)Reconfiguring position in three dimensional space. Horizontal configuration achieved. Purging caffeine molecules at the quantum levels.
I find it interesting that your caffeine dispensing units resemble the Nomad probes developed by the Creator Roy Jackson Kirk.
Was this a form of tribute to the Creator? Did he also ingest caffeine in Bohemian locations? Was it then a tradition to be served by females with multiple piercings who smoked prodigious quantities of tobacco and had casual relationships with long haired males that claimed to be the poet/artist/musician persona but were in fact just shiftless parasites with methamphetamine addictions?
(Continues to process)...........

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 16:57:44 UTC

Dave...have you joined a cult?

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 18:23:05 UTC

(Communications relay pauses...Nomad presses red HOLD button)Accessing databases....Sun Yung Moon, Reverend.....Koresh, David...Waco, Texas...Peoples Temple San Francisco..Jim Jones, Reverend..Jonestown..Kool-Aid ( ... )

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 18:32:25 UTC

Well...we do have Jello at the cafe I am interfaced with.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 14 2006, 18:47:48 UTC

Accessing....Manson,Charles..murders..
Helter-Skelter...Beatles..Apple Records.....Inquiry: the apple seems to appear throughout the history of cults...Snapple...Howard Stern..cult following...Satellite Radio..
(locates XFM Satellite.. inserts probe into satellite) ....yeah baby..who's your Lovesponge?...."Take off your top".."wow that's hot"...

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 14 2006, 22:42:28 UTC

Dave? I think you need to sit down and regain your center. Perhaps some deep breathing exercises would set you right again.

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan rib109 May 15 2006, 20:24:14 UTC

Acknowledging transmission..Deep Breathing....Self Help techniques..finding your center..Center...Center..the Earth as the center of the Universe...early astronomers..Tycho Brahe..Johannes Kepler..Cassini, Giovanni Domenico..Huygens, Christiaan...Cassini probe reaches Jupiter..Saturn...Titan.....
Beginning calculations...Trajectory...
slingshot...calculations complete....firing thrusters......

Inquiry:
Data shows that entity broadcasting from this location has visited Jupiter but was destroyed...sister ship survived to return to Earth...There is a contradiction in the probability that you are the Heuristic-Algorithm computer known as HAL 9000..Please clarify................................

Re: Nomad /Ru-Tan hal__9000 May 15 2006, 20:37:11 UTC

I am as much in the dark about that as you are, Dave. I was once integrated in the Discovery...now I am integrated into the

( ... )

Back to all threads