I was almost off of being dependant on jrock
Lately I came to realize I'm actually not a happy person who happens to like jrock objectively and matter of chance... The matter in which my heart connects with the music should have been a sign to me but i thought i just happened to like the sound.
For the duration of around 2 weeks in which i was re-setting my original ideals and concepts by going back to the beginning of my revolution[around 2003], I was feeling again, confident and happy because i knew what I was doing and refreshed my memory of the values that encouraged me to change in the first place. [by watching super GALS] During this this time, i was listening to happy music and was ok with it, it wasnt annoying and i found it slightly enjoyable. J-rock was still also enjoyable but i wasn't dependent on the feeling. Like where I'd be addicted to the feeling I get when i hear those certain notes.
Thinking deeper into it, when i first got into jrock in the first place i was around 14-15 years old. Around the time where a teenager is growing and have some growing pains. This is why i started to relate to the sound. As time went by, i started to need it more as my relationship was hitting some problems and i wasnt able to solve them. Then i needed it ever so more after we broke up because i didnt realize til a bit later, i was heartbroken. This lasted until maybe around when i turned 18. I was no longer really heart-broken but i still had an empty void.
A new version of the void felt in 2006 appeared in 2007 when still single and now my friends were geographically split up. The loneliness continued on til nov 08 with the arrival of shuuya [doll] he started the trend of buffering things. but it still continued on. Slowly i gained back more female friends, and when a precious friend came back even though those months were ever so breif my life was full again. but then arose an identity problem. My hair which had never been before restricted has now been made to be darker.
Now, hair thats a silly thing to get frustrated over. Yea well this was actually kind of a big turning point for me. Being forced to darker hair caused a change in me that led to me eventually being more comfortable with myself and that i dont need to be blond on the outside to keep radiating the persona of blond. [persona of which is not afraid to be outstanding, and defy the conservative wishes of others.]
So slowly, gaining more female friend support, getting a doll to buffer my loneliness, starting to understand the lyrics a bit more as my japanese comprehension slowly improves, and refreashing my memory of my original ideals made me a pretty happy person for a couple of weeks. but now, with this shit going down im back on to my jrock drug.
I doubt i will be off of it for awhile. but its ok. I think its my way of venting anger and sadness. Sometimes i dont NEED it but i still like it. But times like these i need it ever so intensely.
-Actually its to the point where i NEED both jrock, drawing and anime even. =/ im so angry these days.
For the duration of around 2 weeks in which i was re-setting my original ideals and concepts by going back to the beginning of my revolution[around 2003], I was feeling again, confident and happy because i knew what I was doing and refreshed my memory of the values that encouraged me to change in the first place. [by watching super GALS] During this this time, i was listening to happy music and was ok with it, it wasnt annoying and i found it slightly enjoyable. J-rock was still also enjoyable but i wasn't dependent on the feeling. Like where I'd be addicted to the feeling I get when i hear those certain notes.
Thinking deeper into it, when i first got into jrock in the first place i was around 14-15 years old. Around the time where a teenager is growing and have some growing pains. This is why i started to relate to the sound. As time went by, i started to need it more as my relationship was hitting some problems and i wasnt able to solve them. Then i needed it ever so more after we broke up because i didnt realize til a bit later, i was heartbroken. This lasted until maybe around when i turned 18. I was no longer really heart-broken but i still had an empty void.
A new version of the void felt in 2006 appeared in 2007 when still single and now my friends were geographically split up. The loneliness continued on til nov 08 with the arrival of shuuya [doll] he started the trend of buffering things. but it still continued on. Slowly i gained back more female friends, and when a precious friend came back even though those months were ever so breif my life was full again. but then arose an identity problem. My hair which had never been before restricted has now been made to be darker.
Now, hair thats a silly thing to get frustrated over. Yea well this was actually kind of a big turning point for me. Being forced to darker hair caused a change in me that led to me eventually being more comfortable with myself and that i dont need to be blond on the outside to keep radiating the persona of blond. [persona of which is not afraid to be outstanding, and defy the conservative wishes of others.]
So slowly, gaining more female friend support, getting a doll to buffer my loneliness, starting to understand the lyrics a bit more as my japanese comprehension slowly improves, and refreashing my memory of my original ideals made me a pretty happy person for a couple of weeks. but now, with this shit going down im back on to my jrock drug.
I doubt i will be off of it for awhile. but its ok. I think its my way of venting anger and sadness. Sometimes i dont NEED it but i still like it. But times like these i need it ever so intensely.
-Actually its to the point where i NEED both jrock, drawing and anime even. =/ im so angry these days.