(no subject)
i moved to najid's apartment today and it feels even more like i'm settling down here even though they'll only be gone for a few days and i'll be on a couch when his other roommate patrick comes back. i think about going back and i can't really find any comfort in familiarity right now. yes i miss my friends but i feel so much more at ease here even though there're lots of crazy people on the streets. it snowed today for the first time in my life i got to see snow falling from the sky. i had dinner with the singaporeans here it was nice they all wanted to get away too we're all alike in that sense.
i thought about my endless quest to leave the country to settle somewhere else i thought maybe here and my mind wandered again around the world and it made me realise how i don't think i can ever settle anywhere until i see all the places i need to see. i wished there were unexplored places still i guess in current times those places would mean the destinations no one ever talks about. the people i've met always ask me what am i doing here wherever i am with them i look at them in the eye shrug my shoulders and say i don't know they smile and say that's great.
i went on further and contemplated the possibility of never ever getting married or settling down. i never really thought about it much and i guess it doesn't really matter, marriage and ceremonies are just formalities. i'm more concerned about ending up alone as cheesy as that sounds right now at this age. my wanderlust, i suspected would be the reason why i can never hold down a relationship with anyone so far. i am too selfish to consider someone else's feelings when i want to go away for extended periods i always want to go away and i guess even if i found someone who would be willing to hold out for however long i decide to disappear i'd end up feeling like shit about it and wouldn't be completely free when i'm so far away. i don't know.
i thought about my endless quest to leave the country to settle somewhere else i thought maybe here and my mind wandered again around the world and it made me realise how i don't think i can ever settle anywhere until i see all the places i need to see. i wished there were unexplored places still i guess in current times those places would mean the destinations no one ever talks about. the people i've met always ask me what am i doing here wherever i am with them i look at them in the eye shrug my shoulders and say i don't know they smile and say that's great.
i went on further and contemplated the possibility of never ever getting married or settling down. i never really thought about it much and i guess it doesn't really matter, marriage and ceremonies are just formalities. i'm more concerned about ending up alone as cheesy as that sounds right now at this age. my wanderlust, i suspected would be the reason why i can never hold down a relationship with anyone so far. i am too selfish to consider someone else's feelings when i want to go away for extended periods i always want to go away and i guess even if i found someone who would be willing to hold out for however long i decide to disappear i'd end up feeling like shit about it and wouldn't be completely free when i'm so far away. i don't know.