An Anxiety Attack Feels Supernatural . . .
Yesterday, I had more anxiety attacks in a 24 hour period than I can ever recall having in a similar amount of time. And there was nothing obvious to bring them on.
I don't know how many of you have ever seen Joss Whedon's series Angel, but there is a character in it who gets these really helpful prophetic visions, but they come with dizziness and mind-splitting headaches and sometimes some other unpleasantness.
That's what an anxiety attack is like. Only, the headache is a bit milder. Still, the uncontrollably fast heartbeat makes up for that missing pain. obsidiandice can attest to how scary this is. Recently, he and I were resting peacefully, and he was listening to my heartbeat when I was seized by a sudden anxiety attack. If my heart were a car, it'd go from 0 to 60 in 0.5 seconds. Very figuratively, of course; I think we'd have even bigger problems if my heart started at 0.
These attacks are also accompanied by visual and auditory hallucinations. When I'm having them, I feel the most intense feeling of deja vu. For some reason, these visions, and moreso this deja vu, scares me a lot; I theorize that this fear is partially responsible for the heart-rate. Which would make the attacks a bit of a cycle: anxiety accelerates my heart rate, which likely creates the reaction of fear, which keeps the heart-rate up. The other part that doesn't make any sense is that the hallucinations are not in any way threatening in-and-of themselves.
The directly above is a bit of and unsupportable claim to make, as once the attack passes I cannot remember what I just heard or saw enough to tell you. Still, I know the content of these hallucinations is benign.
Another few interesting points: my anxiety attacks are made worse by background noise. When I'm in the throes of one, it is best to turn off all background music, and indeed to stop talking. Which is why I made obsidiandice turn off the Angel DVD menu music last night. However, body contact is extremely helpful when my attacks set it. For one thing, it keeps me from fainting, as I feel extremely weak during and after an attack. But also, attacks take away my sense of connection to place and time, and body contact seems to be the only thing that grounds me in reality.
Well, that was longer than I intended, but contained a lot of information that I needed to get out. I think next time I have one I will try an experiment: I will, if I am able, orally repeat everything I am hearing in the auditory part of the hallucination. *shrugs* I don't know what could come of that, but sense I feel I have a set of hallucinations that seem to come up repeatedly, I could at least figure out what these are and record them.
No other news, really. It's my kid sister's 14th birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday to her!
I don't know how many of you have ever seen Joss Whedon's series Angel, but there is a character in it who gets these really helpful prophetic visions, but they come with dizziness and mind-splitting headaches and sometimes some other unpleasantness.
That's what an anxiety attack is like. Only, the headache is a bit milder. Still, the uncontrollably fast heartbeat makes up for that missing pain. obsidiandice can attest to how scary this is. Recently, he and I were resting peacefully, and he was listening to my heartbeat when I was seized by a sudden anxiety attack. If my heart were a car, it'd go from 0 to 60 in 0.5 seconds. Very figuratively, of course; I think we'd have even bigger problems if my heart started at 0.
These attacks are also accompanied by visual and auditory hallucinations. When I'm having them, I feel the most intense feeling of deja vu. For some reason, these visions, and moreso this deja vu, scares me a lot; I theorize that this fear is partially responsible for the heart-rate. Which would make the attacks a bit of a cycle: anxiety accelerates my heart rate, which likely creates the reaction of fear, which keeps the heart-rate up. The other part that doesn't make any sense is that the hallucinations are not in any way threatening in-and-of themselves.
The directly above is a bit of and unsupportable claim to make, as once the attack passes I cannot remember what I just heard or saw enough to tell you. Still, I know the content of these hallucinations is benign.
Another few interesting points: my anxiety attacks are made worse by background noise. When I'm in the throes of one, it is best to turn off all background music, and indeed to stop talking. Which is why I made obsidiandice turn off the Angel DVD menu music last night. However, body contact is extremely helpful when my attacks set it. For one thing, it keeps me from fainting, as I feel extremely weak during and after an attack. But also, attacks take away my sense of connection to place and time, and body contact seems to be the only thing that grounds me in reality.
Well, that was longer than I intended, but contained a lot of information that I needed to get out. I think next time I have one I will try an experiment: I will, if I am able, orally repeat everything I am hearing in the auditory part of the hallucination. *shrugs* I don't know what could come of that, but sense I feel I have a set of hallucinations that seem to come up repeatedly, I could at least figure out what these are and record them.
No other news, really. It's my kid sister's 14th birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday to her!