Restart.
Title: Restart
Pairing: Yamajima, Okajima, (Okachii and Yamachii if you squint hard enough)
Author: springdrop
Rating: PG-15?
Warnings: Angst. Romance. And Chinen (Yes, it’s a warning).
Wordcount: 7589.
Disclaimer: I wish.
Summary: Something happens between Yuuto and Yamada that threatens their friendship. Ryosuke begins to avoid Yuuto. But Yuuto doesn’t want to be left hanging like that.
Notes: I don’t know, really. It suddenly came to mind. I wanted to make a multi-chap out of it, but I know I’m not good at keeping up with updates and such. And I like writing long one-shots better anyway. XD
I wrote most of it in two afternoons. It took me TWO MONTHS to get the last two paragraphs done. I fail so much.
English in NOT my first language and this is not beta-ed. Just to let you know.
Yuuto doesn’t understand. He thinks he must have lost something on the way -for example, when did Chinen begin to kiss Yamada (or everybody else, for that matter; but Chinen could rape Hikaru all he wants, for all Yuuto cares) randomly on his cheeks, or when did Daiki begin to monopolize Ryosuke’s already limited free-time?
The last thing Yuuto remembers is that they had kissed -and had not stopped only there- and then everything had come crushing down. Yamada had begun to avoid him, shrugging him off with a couple of well-thought words or a smile.
He can feel his heart shattering every time he sees Ryosuke smile at somebody else with that smile that had been only for him, when the older boy’s face would lit up and his eyes would shine. The smile that makes his heart beat faster than usual.
Yuuto follows his figure with his eyes, hoping to see Ryosuke turn to him and make his way to where Yuuto is sitting. And he would begin to chatter endlessly, not even bothering to check if Yuuto was really listening because he knew that he would, by any chance.
Yuuto is too busy looking at Ryosuke. Too busy to notice two eyes looking at him from only a couple of meters away, the eyes of a person that feels exactly as he’s feeling right now.
“Yuuto-kun. Let’s go home together?” The tall boy looks up surprised from his bag. He was already ready to go home alone, like he was starting to get used to do.
He tries is best to smile a bit at Keito’s questioning gaze -he’s tired to fake smiles all day long, after all- and nods his head. Keito’s words have made him feel just the slightest bit better, and he should be grateful to the older boy for that.
They walk in silence for a bit. Yuuto doesn’t strangely feel like talking, and Keito can see it in his eyes that the other boy is feeling worse than usual.
“Hey, want to come over?” Keito hopes he is doing the right thing. He knows that Yuuto wouldn’t say him anything if he was to ask what had happened right now. “I could use some company, my dad has been away for nearly a week now.”
The small smile Yuuto shows him while nodding makes him understand he has done al least something right, even if those beautiful eyes are still filled with sadness.
He knows he is not the one who can possibly do something about it.
They settle in Keito’s room and begin to talk about anything that comes to mind. The older boy is trying to take Yuuto’s mind off of whatever has been bugging him, even if he knows he will have to ask him what is wrong, to try and make it better.
Yuuto is sitting on the bed, and as soon as Keito comes back from the kitchen with a couple of drinks, the older boy settles down beside him.
“I know it’s none of my business,” Keito begins, and his heart beats a bit faster when Yuuto’s almost-not-there smile completely disappears. “But did something happen? Between you and Yamada-kun.”
The younger boy smile comes back, but this time it’s bitter. “Is it that obvious?” He sighs, picks up a pillow and hugs it tight to his chest. “To be honest, I don’t know myself.”
Another short sigh can be heard as Yuuto closes his eyes and lets his head fall against the wall he is leaning against. “We kissed, you know.”
At this Keito’s heart nearly stops, but he does his best not to let any emotion show. Yuuto turns to look at him, and the older boy can see again those hurt-filled eyes looking straight into his. “Yeah, we kissed. And everything seemed to be fine. Only, it was not.”
“He began to ignore me, the day after it happened.” Anger begins to rise in Keito when he notices a lone tear sliding down Yuuto’s cheek. “I don’t know why, we haven’t talked properly since then. He won’t let me near him anymore.”
The older boy tries to resist the urge to take Yuuto into his arms and hug him for his life, but he can’t. The younger complies when he’s pulled into the hug, and rests his head against Keito’s shoulder, letting a few more tears escape his eyes.
He is a bit surprised however, when he feels Keito lift his head to properly face him.
“I hate to see you like this.” The older boy begins, brushing strands of hair away from Yuuto’s eyes gently. “Yamada-kun is an idiot, for letting you go like he is doing. He doesn’t know what he’s losing.”
“Keito?” Yuuto whispers, a bit dazed. He doesn’t know why, but Keito looking at him like that -his gaze is so intense and a bit angry as well; and Keito, well, he never gets angry- is making him feel safe and protected.
“I like you.” The older boy blurts out eventually, blushing hard after realizing what he has done. But he thinks he can’t possibly take back his words now.
Yuuto is still confused, and he is not totally conscious of what he is doing when he places his arms around Keito’s neck. He doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing, but he is tired of suffering. He only wants to forget everything for a bit, and he knows Keito will be able to make him do it.
He leans in the slightest bit before stopping. He bites his lower lips, still unsure of what to do. Then, as if on cue, Keito places his hand on one of Yuuto’s cheeks and the younger boy closes his eyes for a second. He’s still feeling light-headed from Keito’s confession and he is afraid he is going to ruin their friendship as well. But he feels safe right now, like he never has. And maybe, this is really the right thing to do.
He grips the hand on his cheek with his own, and leans in the rest of the way.
Yamada arrives home that same day in a really foul mood. He’s glad the house is empty, because he is not sure his mother would have been very happy with him slamming doors and cabinets shut like he is doing.
He flops down on his bed in the end, not caring about the mess he left in the kitchen. He could get scolded later for all he cares right now.
He’s angry at himself -and at the world as well, while he’s at it- because he knows he’s being a total jerk, but he can’t help it. His mind is filled with thoughts about Yuuto and how he noticed the other boy lost all of his cheerfulness because of him. He can’t look at him anymore, because just the sight of his eyes that used to have so much brightness and cheerfulness in them breaks his heart.
He replays in his mind the events of that night that seems so far away now, even if it’s only been three weeks. He had asked Yuuto to come over because he had been wanting to spend some time with him, just the two of them. Ryosuke had cooked dinner, and then they had gone up to his bedroom and had settled on his bed watching TV, laughing and talking.
But they had soon grown tired of it, and he remembers as Yuuto had suddenly started to tickle him and they had ended up rolling on the bed playing like a couple of little kids. And when he had finally managed to pin Yuuto on the bed and make him stop, the younger boy had looked up at him panting a little, with hair covering his eyes while looking so beautiful.
And he had kissed him, just like that. Yuuto hadn’t pushed him away; instead, he had wrapped his arms around his waist and brought him even closer to himself. Yamada remembers clearly every second of it -how could he forget-, even as their hands had started roaming over their clothed bodies. He remembers being pinned down by Yuuto himself and how he couldn’t get enough of the younger boy’s taste and sweet scent.
He buries his blushing face into his pillow, ignoring the way his body starts to heat up at his thoughts.
They both had still been panting hard when Yuuto had lazily thrown an arm around him once again and had pulled him closer. They had stayed like that for a bit (Yamada’s head nestled in the crook of Yuuto’s neck gripping his shirt between his fingers and Yuuto’s arms around Yamada; one curled around his waist, the other pressed along his back and his hand buried in Ryosuke’s hair, bodies pressed together and it had felt so right) until Yuuto had looked up and said he should have gone because it was getting late.
They had gotten up and suddenly, he had burst into a fit of laughs upon seeing Yuuto’s messy hair. Ryosuke had tried to fix it as well as he could, while Yuuto himself was busy fixing his wrinkled clothes.
Then, the younger boy had given him one last soft kiss and he was gone, the smile never leaving his features.
Yamada growls frustrated into his pillow while kicking his legs against the mattress. He’s glad that they are leaving for the tour tomorrow, that would give him plenty of the distraction he needs.
Keito suddenly stops playing his guitar when he feels a weight on his shoulders and back. A pair of arms sneak around his waist from behind and he feels a kiss being pressed to his cheek, before finding himself face to face with Yuuto.
“I’m done. You can go and take your shower now.” He smiles at the younger boy and muffles a ‘thanks’ against his lips before standing up.
They had arrived not long before and they were lazing around their hotel room, waiting for dinner time. It had been a great day all along for Keito, because Yuuto seemed to have regained some of his cheerfulness and that couldn’t do anything but make him happy.
Getting out of the bathroom, he finds the younger boy asleep on his bed. He chuckles, puts on some comfy clothes and then lays himself next to the sleeping figure. He wraps an arm around his waist then, and Yuuto open his eyes slightly before heaving out a sigh and burying his face against Keito’s shoulder.
“I nearly fell asleep~” Whines the younger boy, making the other laugh slightly.
“I noticed. Are you that tired?” Keito asks while he takes the blanket and puts it on top of them.
“Mhm. I didn’t sleep that much last night.” Yuuto snuggles more against the other boy, who in return starts to gently rake a hand through his hair.
“Why? Something’s wrong?” The younger boy can hear a hint of worry in Keito’s voice, and looks up at him with a pout and slightly red cheeks.
“Did you really expect me to sleep after what happened yesterday?” Keito’s worry melts into amusement as he lets out a laugh and leans down. He takes the other boy again into his arms and press his lips against Yuuto’s forehead. They stay like that for some time while enjoying each other warmth, until Yuuto breaks the silence.
“Can’t we just stay here? I don’t really feel like getting up, and I’m not that hungry either.” Keito weighs the option, thinking that he might just want to stay like this for a while more, and he wouldn’t mind skipping dinner to stay in bed and cuddle with Yuuto.
“You are going to disappear if you keep skipping meals like this.” That earns a punch on his shoulder, and he laughs again. “But it’s alright with me. I can just text Chinen and tell him not to wait for us.”
The younger boy looks up again. “Are you sure? You can go and I’ll wait here, I don’t want you to skip dinner because of my whining.”
“It’s okay. If I got the real reason why you don’t want to go eat with the others, I’m not going to leave you here alone. You’re just going to make that brain of yours start working and get sad all over again. I can’t really have that, don’t you think?” Halfway through, Yuuto had buried his face against Keito’s neck once again.
“I just… I don’t want you to think you are only a replacement, okay?” The younger boy complies when he feels Keito nudging his head up. “Because you aren’t, but I feel so bad because you might just think that-“ He stops mid-sentence as he feels the older boy’s lips on his, shutting him up.
“Listen, Yuuto. I know you can’t get over him in just one day, it’s impossible. You don’t have to worry about these things, okay? I want to make you happy, the only thing you have to do is to go along with me.” Keito is pleased when he sees the other boy nod and smile slightly.
“You do make me happy.”
“Good. Now rest, you idiot. We can’t have you half-asleep in the middle of a concert tomorrow.”
“Where are Keito and Yuuto?” Daiki asks as he and Yamada arrive into the hotel’s lobby, at last. He knows they are late, and had figured everybody must have arrived already.
“Keito texted Chinen. He said that Yuuto’s tired and doesn’t feel like going for dinner. And that he was going to keep him company.” JUMP’s unofficial leader says, eyeing the both of them a bit annoyed. “Just like someone else should have done if they were going to be late. Next time you deal with Takaki and Hikaru’s whining.”
Chinen had noticed Yamada stiffing up as he heard the two weren’t coming for dinner. He had spaced out as well, so the smallest boy walks over to him.
“Yama-chan, what’s wrong?” Chinen asks, poking one of his cheeks and effectively startling him.
“Huh? Ah, nothing.” Ryosuke turns to face the short boy and smiles. “Let’s go, I’m starving.” And he just walks ahead to catch up with the rest of the group.
Chinen is left wondering when did Yamada become so good at faking smiles.
“Yuuto, hurry up! We’re late already!” Keito yells to the younger boy as he stuffs things in his bag randomly. He hears a knock on the door and calls out a distracted ‘It’s open!’, before he sees the bathroom door opening.
“I’m ready, I’m ready!” Yuuto stops where Keito is standing as he’s passing by, and hugs him around his waist. “Seriously, you’ll get premature wrinkles if you keep this up.”
“It’s your fault, sleepyhead. Next time, I’m kicking you out of that freaking bed.” The younger boy laughs and kisses the corner of Keito’s mouth, drifting away startled when a loud whistle is heard.
They both turn around and see Chinen leaning against the door with a smirk evident on his features, while Yamada is standing a few steps behind him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Well, I have to admit that your excuse yesterday was very well-thought.” Keito face-palms inwardly, cursing himself for having yelled out to whoever it was get in, while Yuuto swears he can see Chinen’s smirk widening, if that’s even possible.
“It wasn’t an excuse! Yuuto was really too tired.”
“I bet. You must have worn him out a lot.”
“Chii!”
Chinen chuckles at seeing Yuuto bury his very red face against Keito’s shoulder. He notices Yamada walking away without saying a word, and looks at him out of the corner of his eyes until he disappears around the corner. He then sets his gaze back on his two band-mates, and he can see how Yuuto’s expression has darkened.
“Okay, you two. Hurry up, or Yabu-kun is going to throw another fit. He’s still annoyed at Yama-chan and Dai-chan for being late last night.”
And with that he is gone, closing the door behind him.
“Wow, that was awkward.” Keito comments as Yuuto drifts away from him, receiving only a hum as a response. The older boy sighs and takes Yuuto’s hand, pulling him close again.
He wipes away the single tear that is sliding down the younger boy’s cheek and places his lips softly on Yuuto’s, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away.
He grips Yuuto’s hand and takes both of their bags, before pulling the other out of their room.
He’s afraid that Yuuto will let go of his hand; however, the only thing he feels is his grip tightening as the other boy laces their fingers together.
“Yama-chan, wait.” Said boy stops in his track but doesn’t turn around. Chinen walks up to him -he notices he’s been doing it a lot lately- and looks up only to find a pair of eyes glistening with tears looking at him.
“What do you want?” Ryosuke doesn’t want to be rude, but neither does he want to be bothered at the moment. Chinen is just in the wrong place at the wrong moment.
“I want to know what happened. And I don’t want you to shrug me off with one of your fake smiles, because to tell you the truth, you’re really bad at faking them.”
That’s Chinen for you. Yamada manages to chuckle a little and tears his gaze away.
“Okay. I’ll tell you, just not now.” He begins to walk once again towards the exit. “Let’s go, I don’t want to get scolded again.”
Yuuto takes it somebody must hate him or something up there, because since when Yamada found out about him and Keito he has become even more cold.
He hadn’t been spending a lot of time with him lately but they still talked, even if their conversations lasted for less than two minutes. But now, every time Yamada sees him he immediately looks somewhere else, and if he can he hurries to get away from the room if Yuuto is in there as well.
He’s tired of it, tired of feeling so horrible every time, tired of crying and making Keito worry for him. He’s grateful to the older boy, because he’s doing his best to make Yuuto happy. But Yuuto sometimes can’t take it anymore, and he just breaks down.
Sometimes, he thinks that forgetting everything wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
Everybody think he’s still a kid, but Chinen can safely say that he’s the only one who fully understands what happens around JUMP. Yabu is too busy mothering everyone and making sure everybody does what they are supposed to do. Takaki is often lost in his own world, and when he isn’t he is busy texting someone on his phone. Hikaru and Inoo try to help Yabu out, but they are most of the time found fooling around like a pair of kids and well, they are much more interested in each other than in anything else.
Daiki usually tells him not to stick his nose into other people’s business, but he always answers back that if it affects the group, then it is everyone’s business. And well, Ryutarou is always off playing with his DS, even if he does make a good lap to sit on.
After Yamada had told him what had happened, he had decided to take the matter in his own little hands. Shouting at him and telling him to go and apologize if he really is in love with Yuuto would be useless, since the other boy is still very much in denial about it. Or he is completely dense, that is.
But before anything else, he thinks he needs to sort things out with a totally different person, and that would be probably the hardest part.
He hopes to be able to do something before Yabu is sent to the hospital due to a nervous breakdown.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Keito asks as Chinen sits down next to him. The shorter boy smiles at him and settles cross-legged on the bed.
“I think you know, Katie.” The English boy snorts and whacks the other over the head, but Chinen only giggles.
“Yama-chan is in love with Yuuto, you know.” The younger of the two is looking out of the window while saying this and he laughs when he hears something along the lines of ‘yeah, right, and I’m the Queen of England’. “He just doesn’t want to admit it.”
“Yuuto loves him, too. I don’t know why, but he does.” The one who gets whacked is Keito this time, while Chinen just grins up at him.
“Don’t be a sore loser, Katie-chan. You should have taken advantage of your alone-time with him while we were on tour.”
Keito can’t help but chuckle. “You’re horrible.”
“Yes, but I’m really cute as well. And that makes up for it.” Chinen says while flashing one of his best smiles at Keito, earning a smack with a pillow from the older boy.
“So where do we go from here?” Keito asks after a moment of silence, turning to look at the shorter boy who is back at gazing out of the window with a serious look on his face.
“We wait. They’ll come around soon enough.”
Ryosuke is sure that somebody is trying to get back at him for all the bad things he has done in his still short life when he finds himself heading for a photo-shot he is going to have with Yuuto.
Just the two of them.
Luckily, it doesn’t last that much compared to their photo-shots with JUMP, and he’s glad for that. He finds himself wandering around the studio after they are finished, while trying to avoid staying in the same room as the younger boy.
He thinks that Yuuto must have already left when he comes back to their dressing room and finds it quiet. He closes the door behind him and heads to his bag, when he suddenly spots a figure laying on the couch; that someone is also very much asleep.
A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he looks at Yuuto. He walks up to him and crouches down next to the couch, taking the younger boy’s phone that is dangerously hanging half on the couch and half in mid-air and closes it, putting it back on the table.
He goes back to look at Yuuto and he’s not able to resist the urge to brush away the hair in his eyes. He rests his hand on Yuuto’s cheek and sighs, slightly stroking the soft skin with his thumb.
“I’m an idiot, right? I know you think so, too.” He whispers, not wanting the younger boy to wake up. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a bit too late to apologize now, and I know you wouldn’t want to forgive me but well, yeah. I’m sorry.”
Ryosuke startles a little when he feels Yuuto’s hand moving and going to slightly grip the one on his cheek. He’s afraid he might have woken him up, but in the end he didn’t. He smiles again, and he knows he’s going to regret it, but he leans forward anyway and brushes his lips against Yuuto’s softly, murmuring another ‘sorry’ against them.
He’s sure, however, that if he had been standing -instead of sitting on the floor- he would have jumped one meter up in the air when Yuuto had suddenly opened his eyes.
“Yama-chan?” Yuuto’s eyes are wide open and he’s touching his lips with the tip of his fingers, while looking to a panic-stricken Yamada. “What, how. Eh?” The younger boy quickly scrambles to his feet, only to be stopped by a firm grip on his wrist.
“Wait, Yuuto.” Ryosuke doesn’t even know why he stopped Yuuto from leaving, but he has screwed everything up once again, so it doesn’t really matters anymore. “I’m sorry. I mean, I… I don’t know what came over me, I just…Ugh!” He ruffles his own hair in frustration, not knowing what the heck he’s saying himself. “I think that well, I like… No. I…” He sighs and looks up at Yuuto, who is gazing at him as if he has suddenly grown a second head.
“I love you, Yuuto.” Oh great, Yamada just wanted to bang his head against the wall. What was he thinking, confessing like that after having been a total jerk for more than two months? He just hoped that Yuuto wasn’t going to slap him.
But actually, the sight of him taking his bag and running away with tears in his eyes hurt far more than a slap, in Yamada’s opinion.
Keito is startled when the door to his bedroom slams open and Yuuto comes in running, crashing into Keito’s chest while sobbing his heart out.
“Yuuto? Hey, what’s wrong?” The older boy tries to pull away a bit to be able to face Yuuto, but the other boy doesn’t let him. “Yuuto, tell me what happened, please.”
“Yama-chan. I. He.” Well, at least he understood that it had something to do with Yamada. “I’m sorry, Keito. I didn’t want to, I swear!”
“Wait, Yuuto. Calm down and tell me what’s wrong.” After a long ten minutes Yuuto manages to calm down, and he and Keito settle down on the latter’s bed. The younger boy doesn’t want to let go of Keito, so the older just lets him lean against his shoulder and hugs him tight.
“I kind of fell asleep on the couch in the dressing room after the photo-shot today, but I just wanted to take a short nap. I think that Yama-chan came back while I was asleep, so I don’t really know what happened,” Yuuto looks up at Keito, then. “But then I woke up, and he was… I think he kissed me.”
“You think?” Keito raises an eyebrow, and is left amused as Yuuto pouts.
“I was still half-asleep!”
“Okay, okay, calm down.” The older boy grins a little and pecks Yuuto on his lips. “There. Everything okay now?”
“Actually, it’s not.” Yuuto sighs and wraps his arms around Keito’s neck. “I wouldn’t have come here running and crying like that if it was just that.” Keito complies when the taller boy asks him to hug him tighter, even though he’s a bit confused about what could possibly have Yamada done to upset Yuuto this much.
“He said he loves me.” Oh, that. “But how can I believe him? And anyway, it doesn’t matter if he loves me now, right? It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Keito smiles a little, and nudges Yuuto’s face up before leaning his forehead against the younger’s one. He strokes his cheek with the back of his hand and leans in to capture Yuuto’s lips. When he feels him respond, he smiles and deepens the kiss. They stay like that for a while longer, until Keito pulls away and puts his forehead back against Yuuto’s.
“Don’t lie to yourself. It does matter, right?” The younger boy is looking at him confused, but he just cups his face with both his hands and continues. “Listen. I love you, Yuuto. I want you to be happy. And if Yamada-kun is the one that can make you really happy, then I’m okay with it. Don’t hold back because you don’t want to hurt me. It sounds so cliché, I know, but if you’re happy then I am, too.”
“But, Keito…” The older boy immediately shuts Yuuto up putting a finger on his lips. Then he leans in a little, and places a soft kiss at the corner of the younger’s mouth, before pulling away.
Keito then lets Yuuto go, “Shut up, I’m breaking up with you.” The taller boy is looking at him with big, confused eyes, and Keito has to bite his lower lip and force him to get off the bed and towards the door. “Come on now, go look for him.”
When he’s about to turn the door handle, Yuuto turns around biting his lower lip. “Thanks, Keito.”
The older boy only chuckles in return. “Just go.”
As soon as the taller boy is gone Keito sits back down on his bed and hugs a pillow to his chest, wondering if he has done the right thing.
“You suck, Katie. Did you really need to tell him that you love him?” Chinen asks, coming out from his hiding spot behind the curtain.
Keito sighs and sits up on the bed, before regarding the smaller boy with a serious expression.
“I really didn’t want to regret not having done it.”
Not even five minutes after he has left Keito’s house, Yuuto meets Yamada on the way to the station. They both are a little surprised and they don’t know what to say, so they just look at each other until they can’t take it anymore.
“What are you doing here?” Both ask at the same time, blushing slightly and tearing their gazes away from each other.
“Chinen told me he was at Keito’s and to meet him there.” Yamada answers after a bit.
“Eh? Chii?” Yuuto looks a little confused and Ryosuke raises an eyebrow at him. He’s about to ask what is wrong when the younger boy beats him at it. “But I was there just now, and I’m pretty sure there was no Chinen in si-“
He stops mid-sentence and rolls his eyes, before settling his gaze back on the shorter boy. “We’ve been fooled.”
Realization dawns upon Yamada as well. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Ryosuke walks a little closer and looks up at Yuuto, feeling even smaller than usual. “Can we talk? Please.”
He thinks he’s never been as happy to see a simple nod from the other boy.
“Hey, Chii. Is it really okay to give up like this?” Keito asks as he and the smaller boy lie back to back on his bed.
“Give up what?” The younger boy ask with a hint of boredom in his voice.
“Me, Yuuto. And you, Yamada-kun.”
“Katie, I’m not in love with Yama-chan. I’ve been with the both of them long enough to understand that nothing can break whatever bond there is between them.” He chuckles slightly then, looking back only to see the outline of Keito’s body. “They are made for each other anyway. They are both so dense it’s nearly scary.”
“I think I was wrong.” Keito says, and Chinen hears rustling sounds until he feels an arm being placed around his shoulders from behind, and Keito’s chest molding to his back. “You are the one who is lying to himself, not Yuuto.”
“Stop psychoanalyzing me.”
“You can fool yourself all you want. But I can safely say I understand you, for once?”
Chinen thinks that Keito at times is annoying; but now with that arm around him, he can’t seem to be able to find any witty retort to shut him up.
“Maybe I was wrong, for once. This regret thing sucks, big time.”
Keito only hugs him tighter.
Ryosuke is nervously stirring his coffee, while at the same time trying to avoid looking at Yuuto. They had gone to a nearby café to talk, and had settled at the far back where nobody would bother to pay attention to them. But neither one of them is speaking.
Yamada knows that Yuuto’s probably getting annoyed by his behaviour. He was the one to suggest they talked; and there he was, eyeing his coffee like it was the most fascinating thing in the entire world.
He takes a deep breath and prepares to say something (not even he knows what he’s going to say, but he figures anything will do to at least break the awkward silence), when suddenly Yuuto beats him to it.
“Why did you kiss me, earlier?” The younger boy’s tone is calm; not angry like Yamada expected it to be. Ryosuke bites his lower lips and raises his head, and his heart skips a beat upon seeing Yuuto’s serious expression.
“You know why, I told you.” When Yamada is sure Yuuto is not going to say anything in response, he continues. “I love you.” He whispers the last three words, just for Yuuto to hear.
“And you think you can say something like that after ignoring me for how long? Two months? Maybe even more.” Here comes the angry tone Yamada is not really used to hear, which makes him flinch. Not even when their fights were really bad, did Yuuto ever use that tone with him. “How am I supposed to believe you, now?”
Tears welling up in his eyes, Ryosuke turns his head to the side a little. “I guess you can’t.” He spokes in a soft, quivering voice that makes Yuuto’s heart clench a little.
“Why did you do that? Why, Ryosuke?” The use of his first name startles the older boy, and he’s not able to hold back a couple of tears anymore. He closes his eyes and bites harder on his lip to will himself to stop crying. But as soon as he feels Yuuto’s hand reaching out to wipe away the tears he already cried, he completely lets go.
“I was the happiest person on earth that night, you know.” Ryosuke starts between the tears, taking a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing. “When I kissed you and you didn’t push me away. You don’t know how many times I replayed those moments in my mind, during the last two months.” He smiles a bitter smile when he spots surprise showing in Yuuto’s eyes. “I don’t know why I didn’t understand immediately that I was in love with you, when being in your arms was the most beautiful feeling I ever felt.” He grimaces slightly when he notices how cheesy the last line came out, making Yuuto chuckle lightly.
“But when you left, I got scared. I thought about what had happened and everything came crashing down. I thought so much about what would have changed between us to the point that I didn’t get why I kissed you in the first place.” Old tears long gone, Ryosuke feels new ones forming and stops talking.
Gathering all the courage he has, the older boy places his hand on Yuuto’s own at the centre of the small table. He can still feel the wetness of his own tears, and tightens his grip immediately. He’s relieved when the younger boy doesn’t let go, and lifts his gaze to meet Yuuto’s.
“I know it wasn’t the wisest thing to do. Heck, it was probably the dumbest thing I could actually do and I regret every second of it. It struck me when I saw you, with Keito.”
Yuuto opens his mouth to say something, but Ryosuke stops him before he can say anything. “I know you are with him, and I don’t expect anything from you… I only wanted to apologize, to tell you the truth. I just hope you will forgive me.” He slowly lets Yuuto’s hand go, but without tearing his gaze away from him. For the first time he can’t read the look in Yuuto’s eyes, and the uneasiness is eating him away.
“Yes, we are together now. And I’m not going to break up with him just because you selfishly decided to understand your feelings only when you found out about us. I wanted to be with you, and you don’t know how much you- Well, actually, I think you know how much you hurt me.” Ryosuke had lowered his head while Yuuto was talking, because he could not stand looking at him in the eyes while he was saying those things.
The older boy knows every single thing Yuuto’s saying is true, and he’s fighting the urge to start crying again.
“Idiot. Lift your head.”
He does as he’s told, and his eyes widen in astonishment when he notices that Yuuto’s smiling at him. The younger boy takes his hand, just as he had done moments before, and leans in. Ryosuke has to close his eyes for a split second because Yuuto’s scent overwhelms him and brings him back to that night, to him tucked safely in Yuuto’s arms and clutching at his shirt, wishing to never let go.
Yuuto glances briefly around making sure nobody is looking their way, before cupping Ryosuke’s cheek with his free hand, lips a breath away from the older boy’s.
“You think I could forget so easily?” Yuuto whispers and Ryosuke bites his lip again, eyes never leaving the other boy’s. Yuuto brushes Yamada’s lower lip with his thumb, worried he might bruise it with his continuous biting. “Do you think I could stop loving you so easily?”
Ryosuke shyly laces their fingers together and softly shakes his head, hair falling in his eyes and obscuring his vision. But he doesn’t care.
Yuuto loves him, and that’s the only thing that matters.
“I hope not.”
The only thing he is able to focus on is Yuuto. Yuuto’s eyes covered by strands of silky hair, Yuuto’s soft features, Yuuto’s lips and the quirk of a smile and those same lips on his when the younger boy kisses him.
Soft, caring. Their lips brush, their tongues touch for the briefest of moments and Ryosuke finally tastes Yuuto again, mixed with the strong flavour of coffee. Breaths mingling, foreheads touching as they part. The younger boy continuously brushes their lips together, playful, sweet, until they are breathless and giddy and delirious with each other’s taste and their coffee is already cold and what a waste.
The ‘I don’t think so’ is spoken in the softest kiss against Ryosuke’s lips, in fingers laced together as the bell rings when the door closes and in cups of cold coffee on a small table, long forgotten.
“I never saw you smile like this when you were with me.”
Yuuto jumps slightly, startled at the sudden voice he hears. He looks up from his phone to see Keito grinning at him, before the older boy flops down beside him on the couch of their still empty dressing room.
“Keito, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Yuuto grins right back at him and puts his head on Keito’s shoulder. “And, you know. Thank you.” The younger boy adds in a softer voice, looking up at the other through his bangs.
“I take it everything is back to normal in paradise.” Keito has to admit that looking at Yuuto smiling like this -so bright like he never has- hurts him a little. Just a little bit, knowing it’s not him who’s making Yuuto this happy. But he can’t help but smile as well because the younger boy cheerfulness is contagious, and well, Yuuto never looks as beautiful as when he’s smiling.
The younger boy slaps him playfully over the head for his joke, and they both burst out laughing. But Keito suddenly stops, because Yuuto is so near, and beautiful, and sweet and the greatest things he has ever seen…
And he knows he has to let go.
“Yuuto?” The older boy turns serious in a moment, and Yuuto can’t help but let a small frown make its way across his features. “Can I have one last kiss?” His voice is soft like it never has been -Keito notices- as if he’s afraid.
But all of his fears disappear when Yuuto beams at him, and for a single moment Keito regrets the decision of letting him go, before Yuuto’s hands on his cheeks bring him back to reality.
“I was beginning to think you were never going to ask.” And suddenly Yuuto’s lips are on his, soft as ever. The kiss is not hurried, and for the first time he can actually feel that Yuuto’s mind is not drifting somewhere else, to someone else, and the only word Keito can think of is perfect.
They part, and Yuuto is still smiling. To his surprise, Keito feels a soft kiss pressed to his cheek as well and blushes a little, making the younger boy giggle.
Yuuto opens his mouth to say something when the door bursts open suddenly and in comes Chinen -a little ball of energy- and Keito has to get up from the couch and fetch a chair, because Chinen’s little bouncing self is a little too much for him so early in the morning.
“Good morning!” The younger of the three half-shouts and flops down on Yuuto’s lap, making the taller boy laugh and ruffle his hair.
“You little-! Where were you yesterday? Don’t say something like ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, because I met Yama-chan and he told me you were at Keito’s.” Yuuto had begun poking him as he was talking, and Chinen was trying to dodge the attacks.
“I hid behind the curtain! You were too preoccupied by your lovers’ quarrel to notice me.” The shortest boy begins to poke Yuuto back, and soon they are a giggling mess of arms and hands, while Keito watches them bemused and happy about his choice of sitting away from those two bubbles of energy.
They soon hear someone clearing their throat and look up, finding a pouting Yamada at the door. He makes his way to the couch as he dumps his bag somewhere along the way, and looks directly at Chinen.
“Hey, hands off. Mine.” He says pointing at Yuuto, and the latter blushes while Chinen and Keito burst out laughing. But Chinen complies anyway, getting up and settling on Keito’s lap instead, who completely gives up on his hopes for a peaceful morning.
Yamada settles beside Yuuto instead, draping his legs across the taller boy’s lap as soon as Chinen leaves it, a smug smile evident on his features.
“Possessive maniac.” Chinen whispers under his breath, but the other three hear him nonetheless. Yamada sends him a cold glare as effective as the one of a little bunny and the other two only chuckle.
“Chinen’s right, Ryo-chan. We should thank him, shouldn’t we?” Yuuto says, while wrapping his arms around Yamada’s waist and looking down at him with a soft smile. Chinen and Keito both watch the sweet exchange as Ryosuke smiles back at Yuuto and nods, snuggling closer to him. Something tugs at their hearts, but they choose to ignore it. Keito only decides to slide his arms around Chinen’s middle, and the younger boy turns to smile thankfully at him.
“I guess. Thanks, Chinen.” Yamada says playfully with boredom in his voice, but he is smiling brightly just a moment later. “Thanks to you too, Keito,” Ryosuke adds in a softer voice, feeling guilty now as he looks at the older boy. But Keito only grins and nods at him, but swiftly diverts his gaze as Yuuto draws Yamada closer and the latter leans his head against the other boy’s shoulder, closing his eyes.
They sit in silence for a few moments, before Chinen suddenly sits up and tugs on Keito’s arm, pulling him on his feet as well.
“We’re going to get something to drink!” The youngest boy tells Yuuto and Yamada, who look at them completely confused but nod in their direction anyway. They watch as Keito and Chinen walk out of the room chatting amongst themselves, before Yuuto nudges Ryosuke’s head up.
“Hey, where’s my good morning kiss?” He asks with a dorky smile, receiving a raised eyebrow as an answer.
“We never agreed on something like that.” The older boy says, trying to remain serious. But how can he stay serious when Yuuto is looking at him like that; he can see the love and adoration in those eyes, and he wonders how stupid he has been for not having noticed it before.
Yuuto leans down, his forehead touching Ryosuke’s and their lips mere centimetres away. “We didn’t. But you can’t deny something like that to your boyfriend after having left him hanging for so much time.” The younger boy whispers against Yamada’s lips, feeling his mouth curve into a smile.
“I guess not.”
Ryosuke presses his lips to Yuuto’s not even a second later and he wraps his arms around the other’s neck, pulling him even closer. The younger boy smiles into the kiss, revealing in the warmth of Ryosuke’s body between his arms and in the sweetness of their lips brushing against each other.
“Yuuri, are you okay?” Keito asks as soon as the door closes behind them, and Chinen turns around to look at him with a small smile and tears in his eyes.
“I’ll be soon enough,” He answers in a soft voice, not looking like he believes what he’s saying. “Right? We’ll be okay, Keito.”
The older boy’s expression softens when Chinen doesn’t use the cute nickname he gave him, and takes a few steps forward. He wraps his arms around the younger boy’s small form and holds him tight, letting Chinen bury his face against his shoulder.
Keito leans his head on Chinen’s as he strokes his hair. They stay like that for a few short moments, before the younger boy draws back, looking up with a grateful smile.
“Hey, Katie.”
Keito smiles, thinking that he won’t mind being called like that anymore, because he likes Chinen with his eyes full of that playful and sweet glint much better than his teary, sad gaze.
“Want to go for a walk?”
And maybe, it’s time for a new start.
Pairing: Yamajima, Okajima, (Okachii and Yamachii if you squint hard enough)
Author: springdrop
Rating: PG-15?
Warnings: Angst. Romance. And Chinen (Yes, it’s a warning).
Wordcount: 7589.
Disclaimer: I wish.
Summary: Something happens between Yuuto and Yamada that threatens their friendship. Ryosuke begins to avoid Yuuto. But Yuuto doesn’t want to be left hanging like that.
Notes: I don’t know, really. It suddenly came to mind. I wanted to make a multi-chap out of it, but I know I’m not good at keeping up with updates and such. And I like writing long one-shots better anyway. XD
I wrote most of it in two afternoons. It took me TWO MONTHS to get the last two paragraphs done. I fail so much.
English in NOT my first language and this is not beta-ed. Just to let you know.
Yuuto doesn’t understand. He thinks he must have lost something on the way -for example, when did Chinen begin to kiss Yamada (or everybody else, for that matter; but Chinen could rape Hikaru all he wants, for all Yuuto cares) randomly on his cheeks, or when did Daiki begin to monopolize Ryosuke’s already limited free-time?
The last thing Yuuto remembers is that they had kissed -and had not stopped only there- and then everything had come crushing down. Yamada had begun to avoid him, shrugging him off with a couple of well-thought words or a smile.
He can feel his heart shattering every time he sees Ryosuke smile at somebody else with that smile that had been only for him, when the older boy’s face would lit up and his eyes would shine. The smile that makes his heart beat faster than usual.
Yuuto follows his figure with his eyes, hoping to see Ryosuke turn to him and make his way to where Yuuto is sitting. And he would begin to chatter endlessly, not even bothering to check if Yuuto was really listening because he knew that he would, by any chance.
Yuuto is too busy looking at Ryosuke. Too busy to notice two eyes looking at him from only a couple of meters away, the eyes of a person that feels exactly as he’s feeling right now.
“Yuuto-kun. Let’s go home together?” The tall boy looks up surprised from his bag. He was already ready to go home alone, like he was starting to get used to do.
He tries is best to smile a bit at Keito’s questioning gaze -he’s tired to fake smiles all day long, after all- and nods his head. Keito’s words have made him feel just the slightest bit better, and he should be grateful to the older boy for that.
They walk in silence for a bit. Yuuto doesn’t strangely feel like talking, and Keito can see it in his eyes that the other boy is feeling worse than usual.
“Hey, want to come over?” Keito hopes he is doing the right thing. He knows that Yuuto wouldn’t say him anything if he was to ask what had happened right now. “I could use some company, my dad has been away for nearly a week now.”
The small smile Yuuto shows him while nodding makes him understand he has done al least something right, even if those beautiful eyes are still filled with sadness.
He knows he is not the one who can possibly do something about it.
They settle in Keito’s room and begin to talk about anything that comes to mind. The older boy is trying to take Yuuto’s mind off of whatever has been bugging him, even if he knows he will have to ask him what is wrong, to try and make it better.
Yuuto is sitting on the bed, and as soon as Keito comes back from the kitchen with a couple of drinks, the older boy settles down beside him.
“I know it’s none of my business,” Keito begins, and his heart beats a bit faster when Yuuto’s almost-not-there smile completely disappears. “But did something happen? Between you and Yamada-kun.”
The younger boy smile comes back, but this time it’s bitter. “Is it that obvious?” He sighs, picks up a pillow and hugs it tight to his chest. “To be honest, I don’t know myself.”
Another short sigh can be heard as Yuuto closes his eyes and lets his head fall against the wall he is leaning against. “We kissed, you know.”
At this Keito’s heart nearly stops, but he does his best not to let any emotion show. Yuuto turns to look at him, and the older boy can see again those hurt-filled eyes looking straight into his. “Yeah, we kissed. And everything seemed to be fine. Only, it was not.”
“He began to ignore me, the day after it happened.” Anger begins to rise in Keito when he notices a lone tear sliding down Yuuto’s cheek. “I don’t know why, we haven’t talked properly since then. He won’t let me near him anymore.”
The older boy tries to resist the urge to take Yuuto into his arms and hug him for his life, but he can’t. The younger complies when he’s pulled into the hug, and rests his head against Keito’s shoulder, letting a few more tears escape his eyes.
He is a bit surprised however, when he feels Keito lift his head to properly face him.
“I hate to see you like this.” The older boy begins, brushing strands of hair away from Yuuto’s eyes gently. “Yamada-kun is an idiot, for letting you go like he is doing. He doesn’t know what he’s losing.”
“Keito?” Yuuto whispers, a bit dazed. He doesn’t know why, but Keito looking at him like that -his gaze is so intense and a bit angry as well; and Keito, well, he never gets angry- is making him feel safe and protected.
“I like you.” The older boy blurts out eventually, blushing hard after realizing what he has done. But he thinks he can’t possibly take back his words now.
Yuuto is still confused, and he is not totally conscious of what he is doing when he places his arms around Keito’s neck. He doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing, but he is tired of suffering. He only wants to forget everything for a bit, and he knows Keito will be able to make him do it.
He leans in the slightest bit before stopping. He bites his lower lips, still unsure of what to do. Then, as if on cue, Keito places his hand on one of Yuuto’s cheeks and the younger boy closes his eyes for a second. He’s still feeling light-headed from Keito’s confession and he is afraid he is going to ruin their friendship as well. But he feels safe right now, like he never has. And maybe, this is really the right thing to do.
He grips the hand on his cheek with his own, and leans in the rest of the way.
Yamada arrives home that same day in a really foul mood. He’s glad the house is empty, because he is not sure his mother would have been very happy with him slamming doors and cabinets shut like he is doing.
He flops down on his bed in the end, not caring about the mess he left in the kitchen. He could get scolded later for all he cares right now.
He’s angry at himself -and at the world as well, while he’s at it- because he knows he’s being a total jerk, but he can’t help it. His mind is filled with thoughts about Yuuto and how he noticed the other boy lost all of his cheerfulness because of him. He can’t look at him anymore, because just the sight of his eyes that used to have so much brightness and cheerfulness in them breaks his heart.
He replays in his mind the events of that night that seems so far away now, even if it’s only been three weeks. He had asked Yuuto to come over because he had been wanting to spend some time with him, just the two of them. Ryosuke had cooked dinner, and then they had gone up to his bedroom and had settled on his bed watching TV, laughing and talking.
But they had soon grown tired of it, and he remembers as Yuuto had suddenly started to tickle him and they had ended up rolling on the bed playing like a couple of little kids. And when he had finally managed to pin Yuuto on the bed and make him stop, the younger boy had looked up at him panting a little, with hair covering his eyes while looking so beautiful.
And he had kissed him, just like that. Yuuto hadn’t pushed him away; instead, he had wrapped his arms around his waist and brought him even closer to himself. Yamada remembers clearly every second of it -how could he forget-, even as their hands had started roaming over their clothed bodies. He remembers being pinned down by Yuuto himself and how he couldn’t get enough of the younger boy’s taste and sweet scent.
He buries his blushing face into his pillow, ignoring the way his body starts to heat up at his thoughts.
They both had still been panting hard when Yuuto had lazily thrown an arm around him once again and had pulled him closer. They had stayed like that for a bit (Yamada’s head nestled in the crook of Yuuto’s neck gripping his shirt between his fingers and Yuuto’s arms around Yamada; one curled around his waist, the other pressed along his back and his hand buried in Ryosuke’s hair, bodies pressed together and it had felt so right) until Yuuto had looked up and said he should have gone because it was getting late.
They had gotten up and suddenly, he had burst into a fit of laughs upon seeing Yuuto’s messy hair. Ryosuke had tried to fix it as well as he could, while Yuuto himself was busy fixing his wrinkled clothes.
Then, the younger boy had given him one last soft kiss and he was gone, the smile never leaving his features.
Yamada growls frustrated into his pillow while kicking his legs against the mattress. He’s glad that they are leaving for the tour tomorrow, that would give him plenty of the distraction he needs.
Keito suddenly stops playing his guitar when he feels a weight on his shoulders and back. A pair of arms sneak around his waist from behind and he feels a kiss being pressed to his cheek, before finding himself face to face with Yuuto.
“I’m done. You can go and take your shower now.” He smiles at the younger boy and muffles a ‘thanks’ against his lips before standing up.
They had arrived not long before and they were lazing around their hotel room, waiting for dinner time. It had been a great day all along for Keito, because Yuuto seemed to have regained some of his cheerfulness and that couldn’t do anything but make him happy.
Getting out of the bathroom, he finds the younger boy asleep on his bed. He chuckles, puts on some comfy clothes and then lays himself next to the sleeping figure. He wraps an arm around his waist then, and Yuuto open his eyes slightly before heaving out a sigh and burying his face against Keito’s shoulder.
“I nearly fell asleep~” Whines the younger boy, making the other laugh slightly.
“I noticed. Are you that tired?” Keito asks while he takes the blanket and puts it on top of them.
“Mhm. I didn’t sleep that much last night.” Yuuto snuggles more against the other boy, who in return starts to gently rake a hand through his hair.
“Why? Something’s wrong?” The younger boy can hear a hint of worry in Keito’s voice, and looks up at him with a pout and slightly red cheeks.
“Did you really expect me to sleep after what happened yesterday?” Keito’s worry melts into amusement as he lets out a laugh and leans down. He takes the other boy again into his arms and press his lips against Yuuto’s forehead. They stay like that for some time while enjoying each other warmth, until Yuuto breaks the silence.
“Can’t we just stay here? I don’t really feel like getting up, and I’m not that hungry either.” Keito weighs the option, thinking that he might just want to stay like this for a while more, and he wouldn’t mind skipping dinner to stay in bed and cuddle with Yuuto.
“You are going to disappear if you keep skipping meals like this.” That earns a punch on his shoulder, and he laughs again. “But it’s alright with me. I can just text Chinen and tell him not to wait for us.”
The younger boy looks up again. “Are you sure? You can go and I’ll wait here, I don’t want you to skip dinner because of my whining.”
“It’s okay. If I got the real reason why you don’t want to go eat with the others, I’m not going to leave you here alone. You’re just going to make that brain of yours start working and get sad all over again. I can’t really have that, don’t you think?” Halfway through, Yuuto had buried his face against Keito’s neck once again.
“I just… I don’t want you to think you are only a replacement, okay?” The younger boy complies when he feels Keito nudging his head up. “Because you aren’t, but I feel so bad because you might just think that-“ He stops mid-sentence as he feels the older boy’s lips on his, shutting him up.
“Listen, Yuuto. I know you can’t get over him in just one day, it’s impossible. You don’t have to worry about these things, okay? I want to make you happy, the only thing you have to do is to go along with me.” Keito is pleased when he sees the other boy nod and smile slightly.
“You do make me happy.”
“Good. Now rest, you idiot. We can’t have you half-asleep in the middle of a concert tomorrow.”
“Where are Keito and Yuuto?” Daiki asks as he and Yamada arrive into the hotel’s lobby, at last. He knows they are late, and had figured everybody must have arrived already.
“Keito texted Chinen. He said that Yuuto’s tired and doesn’t feel like going for dinner. And that he was going to keep him company.” JUMP’s unofficial leader says, eyeing the both of them a bit annoyed. “Just like someone else should have done if they were going to be late. Next time you deal with Takaki and Hikaru’s whining.”
Chinen had noticed Yamada stiffing up as he heard the two weren’t coming for dinner. He had spaced out as well, so the smallest boy walks over to him.
“Yama-chan, what’s wrong?” Chinen asks, poking one of his cheeks and effectively startling him.
“Huh? Ah, nothing.” Ryosuke turns to face the short boy and smiles. “Let’s go, I’m starving.” And he just walks ahead to catch up with the rest of the group.
Chinen is left wondering when did Yamada become so good at faking smiles.
“Yuuto, hurry up! We’re late already!” Keito yells to the younger boy as he stuffs things in his bag randomly. He hears a knock on the door and calls out a distracted ‘It’s open!’, before he sees the bathroom door opening.
“I’m ready, I’m ready!” Yuuto stops where Keito is standing as he’s passing by, and hugs him around his waist. “Seriously, you’ll get premature wrinkles if you keep this up.”
“It’s your fault, sleepyhead. Next time, I’m kicking you out of that freaking bed.” The younger boy laughs and kisses the corner of Keito’s mouth, drifting away startled when a loud whistle is heard.
They both turn around and see Chinen leaning against the door with a smirk evident on his features, while Yamada is standing a few steps behind him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Well, I have to admit that your excuse yesterday was very well-thought.” Keito face-palms inwardly, cursing himself for having yelled out to whoever it was get in, while Yuuto swears he can see Chinen’s smirk widening, if that’s even possible.
“It wasn’t an excuse! Yuuto was really too tired.”
“I bet. You must have worn him out a lot.”
“Chii!”
Chinen chuckles at seeing Yuuto bury his very red face against Keito’s shoulder. He notices Yamada walking away without saying a word, and looks at him out of the corner of his eyes until he disappears around the corner. He then sets his gaze back on his two band-mates, and he can see how Yuuto’s expression has darkened.
“Okay, you two. Hurry up, or Yabu-kun is going to throw another fit. He’s still annoyed at Yama-chan and Dai-chan for being late last night.”
And with that he is gone, closing the door behind him.
“Wow, that was awkward.” Keito comments as Yuuto drifts away from him, receiving only a hum as a response. The older boy sighs and takes Yuuto’s hand, pulling him close again.
He wipes away the single tear that is sliding down the younger boy’s cheek and places his lips softly on Yuuto’s, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away.
He grips Yuuto’s hand and takes both of their bags, before pulling the other out of their room.
He’s afraid that Yuuto will let go of his hand; however, the only thing he feels is his grip tightening as the other boy laces their fingers together.
“Yama-chan, wait.” Said boy stops in his track but doesn’t turn around. Chinen walks up to him -he notices he’s been doing it a lot lately- and looks up only to find a pair of eyes glistening with tears looking at him.
“What do you want?” Ryosuke doesn’t want to be rude, but neither does he want to be bothered at the moment. Chinen is just in the wrong place at the wrong moment.
“I want to know what happened. And I don’t want you to shrug me off with one of your fake smiles, because to tell you the truth, you’re really bad at faking them.”
That’s Chinen for you. Yamada manages to chuckle a little and tears his gaze away.
“Okay. I’ll tell you, just not now.” He begins to walk once again towards the exit. “Let’s go, I don’t want to get scolded again.”
Yuuto takes it somebody must hate him or something up there, because since when Yamada found out about him and Keito he has become even more cold.
He hadn’t been spending a lot of time with him lately but they still talked, even if their conversations lasted for less than two minutes. But now, every time Yamada sees him he immediately looks somewhere else, and if he can he hurries to get away from the room if Yuuto is in there as well.
He’s tired of it, tired of feeling so horrible every time, tired of crying and making Keito worry for him. He’s grateful to the older boy, because he’s doing his best to make Yuuto happy. But Yuuto sometimes can’t take it anymore, and he just breaks down.
Sometimes, he thinks that forgetting everything wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
Everybody think he’s still a kid, but Chinen can safely say that he’s the only one who fully understands what happens around JUMP. Yabu is too busy mothering everyone and making sure everybody does what they are supposed to do. Takaki is often lost in his own world, and when he isn’t he is busy texting someone on his phone. Hikaru and Inoo try to help Yabu out, but they are most of the time found fooling around like a pair of kids and well, they are much more interested in each other than in anything else.
Daiki usually tells him not to stick his nose into other people’s business, but he always answers back that if it affects the group, then it is everyone’s business. And well, Ryutarou is always off playing with his DS, even if he does make a good lap to sit on.
After Yamada had told him what had happened, he had decided to take the matter in his own little hands. Shouting at him and telling him to go and apologize if he really is in love with Yuuto would be useless, since the other boy is still very much in denial about it. Or he is completely dense, that is.
But before anything else, he thinks he needs to sort things out with a totally different person, and that would be probably the hardest part.
He hopes to be able to do something before Yabu is sent to the hospital due to a nervous breakdown.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Keito asks as Chinen sits down next to him. The shorter boy smiles at him and settles cross-legged on the bed.
“I think you know, Katie.” The English boy snorts and whacks the other over the head, but Chinen only giggles.
“Yama-chan is in love with Yuuto, you know.” The younger of the two is looking out of the window while saying this and he laughs when he hears something along the lines of ‘yeah, right, and I’m the Queen of England’. “He just doesn’t want to admit it.”
“Yuuto loves him, too. I don’t know why, but he does.” The one who gets whacked is Keito this time, while Chinen just grins up at him.
“Don’t be a sore loser, Katie-chan. You should have taken advantage of your alone-time with him while we were on tour.”
Keito can’t help but chuckle. “You’re horrible.”
“Yes, but I’m really cute as well. And that makes up for it.” Chinen says while flashing one of his best smiles at Keito, earning a smack with a pillow from the older boy.
“So where do we go from here?” Keito asks after a moment of silence, turning to look at the shorter boy who is back at gazing out of the window with a serious look on his face.
“We wait. They’ll come around soon enough.”
Ryosuke is sure that somebody is trying to get back at him for all the bad things he has done in his still short life when he finds himself heading for a photo-shot he is going to have with Yuuto.
Just the two of them.
Luckily, it doesn’t last that much compared to their photo-shots with JUMP, and he’s glad for that. He finds himself wandering around the studio after they are finished, while trying to avoid staying in the same room as the younger boy.
He thinks that Yuuto must have already left when he comes back to their dressing room and finds it quiet. He closes the door behind him and heads to his bag, when he suddenly spots a figure laying on the couch; that someone is also very much asleep.
A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he looks at Yuuto. He walks up to him and crouches down next to the couch, taking the younger boy’s phone that is dangerously hanging half on the couch and half in mid-air and closes it, putting it back on the table.
He goes back to look at Yuuto and he’s not able to resist the urge to brush away the hair in his eyes. He rests his hand on Yuuto’s cheek and sighs, slightly stroking the soft skin with his thumb.
“I’m an idiot, right? I know you think so, too.” He whispers, not wanting the younger boy to wake up. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a bit too late to apologize now, and I know you wouldn’t want to forgive me but well, yeah. I’m sorry.”
Ryosuke startles a little when he feels Yuuto’s hand moving and going to slightly grip the one on his cheek. He’s afraid he might have woken him up, but in the end he didn’t. He smiles again, and he knows he’s going to regret it, but he leans forward anyway and brushes his lips against Yuuto’s softly, murmuring another ‘sorry’ against them.
He’s sure, however, that if he had been standing -instead of sitting on the floor- he would have jumped one meter up in the air when Yuuto had suddenly opened his eyes.
“Yama-chan?” Yuuto’s eyes are wide open and he’s touching his lips with the tip of his fingers, while looking to a panic-stricken Yamada. “What, how. Eh?” The younger boy quickly scrambles to his feet, only to be stopped by a firm grip on his wrist.
“Wait, Yuuto.” Ryosuke doesn’t even know why he stopped Yuuto from leaving, but he has screwed everything up once again, so it doesn’t really matters anymore. “I’m sorry. I mean, I… I don’t know what came over me, I just…Ugh!” He ruffles his own hair in frustration, not knowing what the heck he’s saying himself. “I think that well, I like… No. I…” He sighs and looks up at Yuuto, who is gazing at him as if he has suddenly grown a second head.
“I love you, Yuuto.” Oh great, Yamada just wanted to bang his head against the wall. What was he thinking, confessing like that after having been a total jerk for more than two months? He just hoped that Yuuto wasn’t going to slap him.
But actually, the sight of him taking his bag and running away with tears in his eyes hurt far more than a slap, in Yamada’s opinion.
Keito is startled when the door to his bedroom slams open and Yuuto comes in running, crashing into Keito’s chest while sobbing his heart out.
“Yuuto? Hey, what’s wrong?” The older boy tries to pull away a bit to be able to face Yuuto, but the other boy doesn’t let him. “Yuuto, tell me what happened, please.”
“Yama-chan. I. He.” Well, at least he understood that it had something to do with Yamada. “I’m sorry, Keito. I didn’t want to, I swear!”
“Wait, Yuuto. Calm down and tell me what’s wrong.” After a long ten minutes Yuuto manages to calm down, and he and Keito settle down on the latter’s bed. The younger boy doesn’t want to let go of Keito, so the older just lets him lean against his shoulder and hugs him tight.
“I kind of fell asleep on the couch in the dressing room after the photo-shot today, but I just wanted to take a short nap. I think that Yama-chan came back while I was asleep, so I don’t really know what happened,” Yuuto looks up at Keito, then. “But then I woke up, and he was… I think he kissed me.”
“You think?” Keito raises an eyebrow, and is left amused as Yuuto pouts.
“I was still half-asleep!”
“Okay, okay, calm down.” The older boy grins a little and pecks Yuuto on his lips. “There. Everything okay now?”
“Actually, it’s not.” Yuuto sighs and wraps his arms around Keito’s neck. “I wouldn’t have come here running and crying like that if it was just that.” Keito complies when the taller boy asks him to hug him tighter, even though he’s a bit confused about what could possibly have Yamada done to upset Yuuto this much.
“He said he loves me.” Oh, that. “But how can I believe him? And anyway, it doesn’t matter if he loves me now, right? It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Keito smiles a little, and nudges Yuuto’s face up before leaning his forehead against the younger’s one. He strokes his cheek with the back of his hand and leans in to capture Yuuto’s lips. When he feels him respond, he smiles and deepens the kiss. They stay like that for a while longer, until Keito pulls away and puts his forehead back against Yuuto’s.
“Don’t lie to yourself. It does matter, right?” The younger boy is looking at him confused, but he just cups his face with both his hands and continues. “Listen. I love you, Yuuto. I want you to be happy. And if Yamada-kun is the one that can make you really happy, then I’m okay with it. Don’t hold back because you don’t want to hurt me. It sounds so cliché, I know, but if you’re happy then I am, too.”
“But, Keito…” The older boy immediately shuts Yuuto up putting a finger on his lips. Then he leans in a little, and places a soft kiss at the corner of the younger’s mouth, before pulling away.
Keito then lets Yuuto go, “Shut up, I’m breaking up with you.” The taller boy is looking at him with big, confused eyes, and Keito has to bite his lower lip and force him to get off the bed and towards the door. “Come on now, go look for him.”
When he’s about to turn the door handle, Yuuto turns around biting his lower lip. “Thanks, Keito.”
The older boy only chuckles in return. “Just go.”
As soon as the taller boy is gone Keito sits back down on his bed and hugs a pillow to his chest, wondering if he has done the right thing.
“You suck, Katie. Did you really need to tell him that you love him?” Chinen asks, coming out from his hiding spot behind the curtain.
Keito sighs and sits up on the bed, before regarding the smaller boy with a serious expression.
“I really didn’t want to regret not having done it.”
Not even five minutes after he has left Keito’s house, Yuuto meets Yamada on the way to the station. They both are a little surprised and they don’t know what to say, so they just look at each other until they can’t take it anymore.
“What are you doing here?” Both ask at the same time, blushing slightly and tearing their gazes away from each other.
“Chinen told me he was at Keito’s and to meet him there.” Yamada answers after a bit.
“Eh? Chii?” Yuuto looks a little confused and Ryosuke raises an eyebrow at him. He’s about to ask what is wrong when the younger boy beats him at it. “But I was there just now, and I’m pretty sure there was no Chinen in si-“
He stops mid-sentence and rolls his eyes, before settling his gaze back on the shorter boy. “We’ve been fooled.”
Realization dawns upon Yamada as well. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Ryosuke walks a little closer and looks up at Yuuto, feeling even smaller than usual. “Can we talk? Please.”
He thinks he’s never been as happy to see a simple nod from the other boy.
“Hey, Chii. Is it really okay to give up like this?” Keito asks as he and the smaller boy lie back to back on his bed.
“Give up what?” The younger boy ask with a hint of boredom in his voice.
“Me, Yuuto. And you, Yamada-kun.”
“Katie, I’m not in love with Yama-chan. I’ve been with the both of them long enough to understand that nothing can break whatever bond there is between them.” He chuckles slightly then, looking back only to see the outline of Keito’s body. “They are made for each other anyway. They are both so dense it’s nearly scary.”
“I think I was wrong.” Keito says, and Chinen hears rustling sounds until he feels an arm being placed around his shoulders from behind, and Keito’s chest molding to his back. “You are the one who is lying to himself, not Yuuto.”
“Stop psychoanalyzing me.”
“You can fool yourself all you want. But I can safely say I understand you, for once?”
Chinen thinks that Keito at times is annoying; but now with that arm around him, he can’t seem to be able to find any witty retort to shut him up.
“Maybe I was wrong, for once. This regret thing sucks, big time.”
Keito only hugs him tighter.
Ryosuke is nervously stirring his coffee, while at the same time trying to avoid looking at Yuuto. They had gone to a nearby café to talk, and had settled at the far back where nobody would bother to pay attention to them. But neither one of them is speaking.
Yamada knows that Yuuto’s probably getting annoyed by his behaviour. He was the one to suggest they talked; and there he was, eyeing his coffee like it was the most fascinating thing in the entire world.
He takes a deep breath and prepares to say something (not even he knows what he’s going to say, but he figures anything will do to at least break the awkward silence), when suddenly Yuuto beats him to it.
“Why did you kiss me, earlier?” The younger boy’s tone is calm; not angry like Yamada expected it to be. Ryosuke bites his lower lips and raises his head, and his heart skips a beat upon seeing Yuuto’s serious expression.
“You know why, I told you.” When Yamada is sure Yuuto is not going to say anything in response, he continues. “I love you.” He whispers the last three words, just for Yuuto to hear.
“And you think you can say something like that after ignoring me for how long? Two months? Maybe even more.” Here comes the angry tone Yamada is not really used to hear, which makes him flinch. Not even when their fights were really bad, did Yuuto ever use that tone with him. “How am I supposed to believe you, now?”
Tears welling up in his eyes, Ryosuke turns his head to the side a little. “I guess you can’t.” He spokes in a soft, quivering voice that makes Yuuto’s heart clench a little.
“Why did you do that? Why, Ryosuke?” The use of his first name startles the older boy, and he’s not able to hold back a couple of tears anymore. He closes his eyes and bites harder on his lip to will himself to stop crying. But as soon as he feels Yuuto’s hand reaching out to wipe away the tears he already cried, he completely lets go.
“I was the happiest person on earth that night, you know.” Ryosuke starts between the tears, taking a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing. “When I kissed you and you didn’t push me away. You don’t know how many times I replayed those moments in my mind, during the last two months.” He smiles a bitter smile when he spots surprise showing in Yuuto’s eyes. “I don’t know why I didn’t understand immediately that I was in love with you, when being in your arms was the most beautiful feeling I ever felt.” He grimaces slightly when he notices how cheesy the last line came out, making Yuuto chuckle lightly.
“But when you left, I got scared. I thought about what had happened and everything came crashing down. I thought so much about what would have changed between us to the point that I didn’t get why I kissed you in the first place.” Old tears long gone, Ryosuke feels new ones forming and stops talking.
Gathering all the courage he has, the older boy places his hand on Yuuto’s own at the centre of the small table. He can still feel the wetness of his own tears, and tightens his grip immediately. He’s relieved when the younger boy doesn’t let go, and lifts his gaze to meet Yuuto’s.
“I know it wasn’t the wisest thing to do. Heck, it was probably the dumbest thing I could actually do and I regret every second of it. It struck me when I saw you, with Keito.”
Yuuto opens his mouth to say something, but Ryosuke stops him before he can say anything. “I know you are with him, and I don’t expect anything from you… I only wanted to apologize, to tell you the truth. I just hope you will forgive me.” He slowly lets Yuuto’s hand go, but without tearing his gaze away from him. For the first time he can’t read the look in Yuuto’s eyes, and the uneasiness is eating him away.
“Yes, we are together now. And I’m not going to break up with him just because you selfishly decided to understand your feelings only when you found out about us. I wanted to be with you, and you don’t know how much you- Well, actually, I think you know how much you hurt me.” Ryosuke had lowered his head while Yuuto was talking, because he could not stand looking at him in the eyes while he was saying those things.
The older boy knows every single thing Yuuto’s saying is true, and he’s fighting the urge to start crying again.
“Idiot. Lift your head.”
He does as he’s told, and his eyes widen in astonishment when he notices that Yuuto’s smiling at him. The younger boy takes his hand, just as he had done moments before, and leans in. Ryosuke has to close his eyes for a split second because Yuuto’s scent overwhelms him and brings him back to that night, to him tucked safely in Yuuto’s arms and clutching at his shirt, wishing to never let go.
Yuuto glances briefly around making sure nobody is looking their way, before cupping Ryosuke’s cheek with his free hand, lips a breath away from the older boy’s.
“You think I could forget so easily?” Yuuto whispers and Ryosuke bites his lip again, eyes never leaving the other boy’s. Yuuto brushes Yamada’s lower lip with his thumb, worried he might bruise it with his continuous biting. “Do you think I could stop loving you so easily?”
Ryosuke shyly laces their fingers together and softly shakes his head, hair falling in his eyes and obscuring his vision. But he doesn’t care.
Yuuto loves him, and that’s the only thing that matters.
“I hope not.”
The only thing he is able to focus on is Yuuto. Yuuto’s eyes covered by strands of silky hair, Yuuto’s soft features, Yuuto’s lips and the quirk of a smile and those same lips on his when the younger boy kisses him.
Soft, caring. Their lips brush, their tongues touch for the briefest of moments and Ryosuke finally tastes Yuuto again, mixed with the strong flavour of coffee. Breaths mingling, foreheads touching as they part. The younger boy continuously brushes their lips together, playful, sweet, until they are breathless and giddy and delirious with each other’s taste and their coffee is already cold and what a waste.
The ‘I don’t think so’ is spoken in the softest kiss against Ryosuke’s lips, in fingers laced together as the bell rings when the door closes and in cups of cold coffee on a small table, long forgotten.
“I never saw you smile like this when you were with me.”
Yuuto jumps slightly, startled at the sudden voice he hears. He looks up from his phone to see Keito grinning at him, before the older boy flops down beside him on the couch of their still empty dressing room.
“Keito, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Yuuto grins right back at him and puts his head on Keito’s shoulder. “And, you know. Thank you.” The younger boy adds in a softer voice, looking up at the other through his bangs.
“I take it everything is back to normal in paradise.” Keito has to admit that looking at Yuuto smiling like this -so bright like he never has- hurts him a little. Just a little bit, knowing it’s not him who’s making Yuuto this happy. But he can’t help but smile as well because the younger boy cheerfulness is contagious, and well, Yuuto never looks as beautiful as when he’s smiling.
The younger boy slaps him playfully over the head for his joke, and they both burst out laughing. But Keito suddenly stops, because Yuuto is so near, and beautiful, and sweet and the greatest things he has ever seen…
And he knows he has to let go.
“Yuuto?” The older boy turns serious in a moment, and Yuuto can’t help but let a small frown make its way across his features. “Can I have one last kiss?” His voice is soft like it never has been -Keito notices- as if he’s afraid.
But all of his fears disappear when Yuuto beams at him, and for a single moment Keito regrets the decision of letting him go, before Yuuto’s hands on his cheeks bring him back to reality.
“I was beginning to think you were never going to ask.” And suddenly Yuuto’s lips are on his, soft as ever. The kiss is not hurried, and for the first time he can actually feel that Yuuto’s mind is not drifting somewhere else, to someone else, and the only word Keito can think of is perfect.
They part, and Yuuto is still smiling. To his surprise, Keito feels a soft kiss pressed to his cheek as well and blushes a little, making the younger boy giggle.
Yuuto opens his mouth to say something when the door bursts open suddenly and in comes Chinen -a little ball of energy- and Keito has to get up from the couch and fetch a chair, because Chinen’s little bouncing self is a little too much for him so early in the morning.
“Good morning!” The younger of the three half-shouts and flops down on Yuuto’s lap, making the taller boy laugh and ruffle his hair.
“You little-! Where were you yesterday? Don’t say something like ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, because I met Yama-chan and he told me you were at Keito’s.” Yuuto had begun poking him as he was talking, and Chinen was trying to dodge the attacks.
“I hid behind the curtain! You were too preoccupied by your lovers’ quarrel to notice me.” The shortest boy begins to poke Yuuto back, and soon they are a giggling mess of arms and hands, while Keito watches them bemused and happy about his choice of sitting away from those two bubbles of energy.
They soon hear someone clearing their throat and look up, finding a pouting Yamada at the door. He makes his way to the couch as he dumps his bag somewhere along the way, and looks directly at Chinen.
“Hey, hands off. Mine.” He says pointing at Yuuto, and the latter blushes while Chinen and Keito burst out laughing. But Chinen complies anyway, getting up and settling on Keito’s lap instead, who completely gives up on his hopes for a peaceful morning.
Yamada settles beside Yuuto instead, draping his legs across the taller boy’s lap as soon as Chinen leaves it, a smug smile evident on his features.
“Possessive maniac.” Chinen whispers under his breath, but the other three hear him nonetheless. Yamada sends him a cold glare as effective as the one of a little bunny and the other two only chuckle.
“Chinen’s right, Ryo-chan. We should thank him, shouldn’t we?” Yuuto says, while wrapping his arms around Yamada’s waist and looking down at him with a soft smile. Chinen and Keito both watch the sweet exchange as Ryosuke smiles back at Yuuto and nods, snuggling closer to him. Something tugs at their hearts, but they choose to ignore it. Keito only decides to slide his arms around Chinen’s middle, and the younger boy turns to smile thankfully at him.
“I guess. Thanks, Chinen.” Yamada says playfully with boredom in his voice, but he is smiling brightly just a moment later. “Thanks to you too, Keito,” Ryosuke adds in a softer voice, feeling guilty now as he looks at the older boy. But Keito only grins and nods at him, but swiftly diverts his gaze as Yuuto draws Yamada closer and the latter leans his head against the other boy’s shoulder, closing his eyes.
They sit in silence for a few moments, before Chinen suddenly sits up and tugs on Keito’s arm, pulling him on his feet as well.
“We’re going to get something to drink!” The youngest boy tells Yuuto and Yamada, who look at them completely confused but nod in their direction anyway. They watch as Keito and Chinen walk out of the room chatting amongst themselves, before Yuuto nudges Ryosuke’s head up.
“Hey, where’s my good morning kiss?” He asks with a dorky smile, receiving a raised eyebrow as an answer.
“We never agreed on something like that.” The older boy says, trying to remain serious. But how can he stay serious when Yuuto is looking at him like that; he can see the love and adoration in those eyes, and he wonders how stupid he has been for not having noticed it before.
Yuuto leans down, his forehead touching Ryosuke’s and their lips mere centimetres away. “We didn’t. But you can’t deny something like that to your boyfriend after having left him hanging for so much time.” The younger boy whispers against Yamada’s lips, feeling his mouth curve into a smile.
“I guess not.”
Ryosuke presses his lips to Yuuto’s not even a second later and he wraps his arms around the other’s neck, pulling him even closer. The younger boy smiles into the kiss, revealing in the warmth of Ryosuke’s body between his arms and in the sweetness of their lips brushing against each other.
“Yuuri, are you okay?” Keito asks as soon as the door closes behind them, and Chinen turns around to look at him with a small smile and tears in his eyes.
“I’ll be soon enough,” He answers in a soft voice, not looking like he believes what he’s saying. “Right? We’ll be okay, Keito.”
The older boy’s expression softens when Chinen doesn’t use the cute nickname he gave him, and takes a few steps forward. He wraps his arms around the younger boy’s small form and holds him tight, letting Chinen bury his face against his shoulder.
Keito leans his head on Chinen’s as he strokes his hair. They stay like that for a few short moments, before the younger boy draws back, looking up with a grateful smile.
“Hey, Katie.”
Keito smiles, thinking that he won’t mind being called like that anymore, because he likes Chinen with his eyes full of that playful and sweet glint much better than his teary, sad gaze.
“Want to go for a walk?”
And maybe, it’s time for a new start.