(no subject)
yeah so i guess i havent updated in a really long time. i kind of havent been able to think straight since the incident. i spontaneously space out and totally lose my train of thought, its not a good thing but i really cant help it, i think its more or less a defense mechanism to keep me from losing my freakin sanity.
i am pretty sure that although my whole family has had time to realize that my mom is gone, we are all still greatly in denial. at least i think so. but now that my dad is back home i think it will be a little different, being just us kids.
hopefully we make it, its going to be quite the adventure, my oldest sister Tina is now my guardian and her and Shawn are presently looking at houses. i have the greatest respect for tina now, she is taking on such a great task, becoming our new "mother."
Christy and Tina should hang out together, they both have become the replacement mother and they both are around the same age. lol
but it was nice to see how many people showed up for the wake and the funeral and everything. i didnt ever know my family was so big. and to see all those other people show up, even if it was for us kids and not my mother, it was still very nice.
my plans for the future are still the same, only know i have a bit more motivation, i know my mother is watching us, she put us before anything else in her life, she lived for us kids, so i have to prove to her that i can use my brains and show her i can do something with myself just like i always told her.
it just sucks because i have such a terrible sense of humor, many of the things i say in my everyday life include the words 'kill' and 'die' and well, you get the point. every time i start one of those i start to feel bad all over again
i go back to school tomorrow, i really dont want to. i've been ok at home but that is because i am as stress free as possible, i dont know how well i am going to cope with the stresses of school and work, i mean, i am going to try my best and everything but i just dont know how well i will be.
i just spaced out again, it sucks, even if i read back on everything i write i still cant remember what i was talking about. its kinda like being a fish, you know how they have that short memory span? well its kinda like that, i space out every so often and forget what i was talkin about, i remember who i am, wher ei am and all that stuff but i have the hardest time remembering what i was thinking about or what the current conversation was about. its really annoying and i dont see how its helping me cope.
i never really thought my mom saved much of the stuff we give her but there is this briefcase in her room and it has like everything since when tina was in kindergarden. it was kinda fun looking through all that old stuff, i found all my old report cards and progress reports, they all pretty much said the same things. now i have proof that ive always been smart and unmotivated. my 1st grade report card said i was very smart but not motivated and chose to do easy work, i dunno
im really sick of being unmotivated and lazy, but what sucks is that im too unmotivated to get motivated, and well you get the picture.
if i didnt have Christy and Cory around i would have killed myself, i kid you not. Cory went back home in Ohio already but he may be coming back someday.
whoa, space out...
well, my brain has decided to space out completely, i cant think of anything at all to write about so im ending this post now.
im bound to post again someday
until then, wish me luck
see ya
-Geo-
i am pretty sure that although my whole family has had time to realize that my mom is gone, we are all still greatly in denial. at least i think so. but now that my dad is back home i think it will be a little different, being just us kids.
hopefully we make it, its going to be quite the adventure, my oldest sister Tina is now my guardian and her and Shawn are presently looking at houses. i have the greatest respect for tina now, she is taking on such a great task, becoming our new "mother."
Christy and Tina should hang out together, they both have become the replacement mother and they both are around the same age. lol
but it was nice to see how many people showed up for the wake and the funeral and everything. i didnt ever know my family was so big. and to see all those other people show up, even if it was for us kids and not my mother, it was still very nice.
my plans for the future are still the same, only know i have a bit more motivation, i know my mother is watching us, she put us before anything else in her life, she lived for us kids, so i have to prove to her that i can use my brains and show her i can do something with myself just like i always told her.
it just sucks because i have such a terrible sense of humor, many of the things i say in my everyday life include the words 'kill' and 'die' and well, you get the point. every time i start one of those i start to feel bad all over again
i go back to school tomorrow, i really dont want to. i've been ok at home but that is because i am as stress free as possible, i dont know how well i am going to cope with the stresses of school and work, i mean, i am going to try my best and everything but i just dont know how well i will be.
i just spaced out again, it sucks, even if i read back on everything i write i still cant remember what i was talking about. its kinda like being a fish, you know how they have that short memory span? well its kinda like that, i space out every so often and forget what i was talkin about, i remember who i am, wher ei am and all that stuff but i have the hardest time remembering what i was thinking about or what the current conversation was about. its really annoying and i dont see how its helping me cope.
i never really thought my mom saved much of the stuff we give her but there is this briefcase in her room and it has like everything since when tina was in kindergarden. it was kinda fun looking through all that old stuff, i found all my old report cards and progress reports, they all pretty much said the same things. now i have proof that ive always been smart and unmotivated. my 1st grade report card said i was very smart but not motivated and chose to do easy work, i dunno
im really sick of being unmotivated and lazy, but what sucks is that im too unmotivated to get motivated, and well you get the picture.
if i didnt have Christy and Cory around i would have killed myself, i kid you not. Cory went back home in Ohio already but he may be coming back someday.
whoa, space out...
well, my brain has decided to space out completely, i cant think of anything at all to write about so im ending this post now.
im bound to post again someday
until then, wish me luck
see ya
-Geo-