antiseptic and tiiired.
it's raining. rain is the flawless soundtrack. lyrical and purposeful. gaw. it reminds me of an entire macrocosm, a lifeforce we cannot fathom, chose to depreciate and ignore. what one could (or perhaps should) find as a fault of human nature, i somehow find humility.
perhaps i'm too modest. perhaps nothing at all. i'm fairly certain i'm altogether too modest. i don't speak as bravely as i used to, though i'm not sure what changed. it's possible i've gathered not many have the initiative to listen.
of course, i cannot categorize myself in anything other than a flawed individual. to declare anything else is bullocks. though i understand this is a simple application, it's the simple things that get away from us.
just saying, i know i don't listen 100% of the time.
with that in mind... it has to be possible to have a steady balance of listening and speaking. i'm not afraid of either outweighing the other, as i feel i'm always conscious of what i'm saying and hearing. but why one should outweigh the other is bothersome. but maybe this is my equilibrium. say enough to mislead establishing opinions so that no one may be allowed to see a shadow of my actualities. i don't mean to be deceptive or attempting to hide something that shouldn't be hid. i find comfort entitles accessibility and i'm not easily comforted.
gah. it's a wonder how i tick.
anyway. today's my 21st birthday. april and i were supposed to go out, but i overslept. i felt horrible, went to denny's and met up with tubs. becky was cut early, so us and dave went to walmart.
it was amazingly fun. becky and i threw cream cheese at each other and kept touching each other's faces. we embarrassed tubs in public, which i didn't think was possible.
it's remarkable how impulsive nights compensate for those once thought lost.
tomorrow night is going to be great.
perhaps i'm too modest. perhaps nothing at all. i'm fairly certain i'm altogether too modest. i don't speak as bravely as i used to, though i'm not sure what changed. it's possible i've gathered not many have the initiative to listen.
of course, i cannot categorize myself in anything other than a flawed individual. to declare anything else is bullocks. though i understand this is a simple application, it's the simple things that get away from us.
just saying, i know i don't listen 100% of the time.
with that in mind... it has to be possible to have a steady balance of listening and speaking. i'm not afraid of either outweighing the other, as i feel i'm always conscious of what i'm saying and hearing. but why one should outweigh the other is bothersome. but maybe this is my equilibrium. say enough to mislead establishing opinions so that no one may be allowed to see a shadow of my actualities. i don't mean to be deceptive or attempting to hide something that shouldn't be hid. i find comfort entitles accessibility and i'm not easily comforted.
gah. it's a wonder how i tick.
anyway. today's my 21st birthday. april and i were supposed to go out, but i overslept. i felt horrible, went to denny's and met up with tubs. becky was cut early, so us and dave went to walmart.
it was amazingly fun. becky and i threw cream cheese at each other and kept touching each other's faces. we embarrassed tubs in public, which i didn't think was possible.
it's remarkable how impulsive nights compensate for those once thought lost.
tomorrow night is going to be great.