I Want You To Be [5/7]
Title: I Want You To Be [5/7]
Rating: light R
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine (finally!), AU
Warning(s): mild language
Disclaimer: I do not own
April 2013
Kurt stepped out from the music building into the bright afternoon sunlight and perched his sunglasses more securely on his nose. Briefly hooking a thumb under the strap of his leather messenger bag, Kurt idly flicked through his phone while crossing the street back towards the main part of campus. He raised his eyebrow as he saw that his 11 message notifications and his two missed calls were all from the same person.
Blaine: Kurt!
Blaine: Pick up your phone!
Blaine: You’re not in class. Tell me you’re not in class.
Blaine: Kurt! My free period is almost over and I really need to talk to you!
Blaine: You have thirty seconds. I swear to God, Kurt, if you don’t pick up this phone right now I’m going to do something really terrible.
Blaine: Kurt. I’m warning you.
Blaine: I’m going to replace my entire wardrobe with clothes from the Gap. Did you hear that? I’m actually going to go INTO a Gap. That is how angry I am with you right now.
Blaine: I’m telling you, it won’t be pretty.
Blaine: Kurt?
Blaine: Fine.
Blaine: Call me tonight. I get out of glee at 5.
Kurt bit his lip as he scanned through the messages twice. There was no indication of whether what Blaine had to talk to him about was good or bad, but it was the time of year of college acceptance letters. Could it be? Kurt did a little skip step in the middle of the quad in anticipation. Grinning excitedly, he hurried back to his dorm. He needed to get a lot done before 5.
...
December 2013
Kurt threw his book across the room in frustration. They only had 6 days until finals and Kurt needed to finish reading this ridiculously long, ridiculously dry book, that some moronic publisher thought would be a good idea to pay some man to write about Baroque music. As a music style categorized by drama and ornamentation, it was astonishing to Kurt that the author managed to make it sound about as interesting as oatmeal. It wasn’t bad enough that Kurt believed that the author of the book, despite being published in the 50’s, sounded as if he may have in fact been alive during the baroque period, no, his wonderful roommate must also have decided that what Kurt needs most to help boost his studying capabilities is Katy Perry. Very loud, very annoying, Katy Perry.
Clenching his hands into fists, Kurt stormed into Blaine’s bedroom. The music was certainly blaring, but Blaine was nowhere to be seen. Feeling a headache beginning to spike in his temples, Kurt crossed to the ipod dock and silenced Katy. Hopefully for good.
“Why’d you turn it off?” Kurt deciphered from the faintness of Blaine’s call that it must have come from the kitchen. Grumbling under his breath about inconsiderate asshats, Kurt stalked down the hallway to have a little chat with his roommate.
“I turned it off because some people in this apartment might actually desire to listen to music that is somewhat melodic and soothing while others apparently actually like to have their brain dribble out of their ears when ...” Kurt stopped short at the sight of Blaine.
“Blaine. What are you doing.”
“What does it look like, silly? I’m making a gingerbread house.”
“A gingerbread house?” Blaine glanced up to find Kurt looking at him like he had grown a second head.
“Yes?” Kurt took a minute to survey the damage to his precious kitchen. Flour covered each available surface, molasses pooled by the stove, and colored bags of gumdrops spilled haphazardly onto the coffee pot.
“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice sounded strained.
“Yes, Kurt?”
“You have icing in your hair.” The tension melted out of Blaine’s shoulders as he noticed the smile lurking behind his roommate’s eyes. He shrugged happily.
“I know.” Kurt cocked his head at him. Blaine turned quickly back to his creation in an attempt to hide his grin. Kurt was at his most adorable when he was like this.
“Is there any point to my asking why it’s still there then?” Blaine glanced back at him over his shoulder.
“You can ask. But I’m guessing you don’t really want to know.”
“Clearly.” Kurt replied dryly. “Blaine, how do you have time to do this? Don’t you have finals?”
“Sure. But studies show that people who take time to relax and enjoy themselves have much lower levels of stress and perform significantly better in exams.”
“And this is how you relax? By destroying my kitchen?” Kurt struggled to sound angry, but he had just noticed that Blaine had flour on his ass and was distracted by trying to figure out how on earth it had gotten there. Not that he made a habit of checking out his friend’s ass or anything.
“Hey, Kurt?” Kurt flushed. Blaine had turned back around and was suddenly standing very close to him. Had he noticed where he was looking?
“Ye ... yeah, Blaine?” Blaine bestowed on Kurt the sweetest smile he had ever seen.
“I made us.” Blaine gestured at two large gingerbread men, one slightly taller than the other, that lay cooling on a cookie sheet. “Wanna help me decorate them? I promise I’ll help you study tomorrow.” Blaine tilted his head down and looked up at Kurt through those ridiculously long lashes. Kurt felt his heartbeat quicken and told it sternly to calm the hell down.
“Well, I suppose you might need my artistic expertise.” Blaine briefly reached out and brushed his fingers against the crook of Kurt’s elbow. All of a sudden there were racehorses in his chest.
“Always.” Blaine replied softly.
...
An hour and a half later Kurt surveyed the finished product with thinly veiled amusement. Despite his many attempts to control Blaine’s creative impulses, well, the house looked a little bit like Blaine had stood on the other end of the kitchen, blindfolded, wildly flinging candy in the general direction of the gingerbread and just leaving it where it happened to stick.
Blaine looked disturbingly pleased with himself.
“Want a gumdrop?” Blaine asked, the words garbled around a mouthful of candy.
“No thank you. I make it a practice to not eat anything that only has 12% actual food in it.” Kurt replied, still smiling. He turned to find Blaine sitting on the counter swinging his legs idly. Well, that explained the flour on the ass anyway. Mystery solved.
“Blaine!” Kurt choked out a laugh.
“What?”
“There was flour all over that counter.”
“So?”
“Well, now there’s flour all over certain parts of you.” Kurt gestured significantly. Blaine flashed him a cocky grin.
“Why, Kurt. Have you been checking out my ass this whole time?” Kurt felt the back of his neck getting hot.
“No, Blaine. I just consider it to be my job to take note of when perfectly acceptable pants are ruined in my presence for no good reason.” Blaine briefly looked down at his jean clad legs.
“Acceptable? That’s all you have to say about these pants? Acceptable?”
“Mmm.” Kurt murmured an affirmative, trying to portray a lofty air.
Blaine pushed off from the counter and widened his eyes suggestively.
“Kurt. I will have you know that these pants are far more than acceptable. These pants are capable of transforming anyone into a sex god. There should be movies about them.” Kurt smirked through his embarrassment.
“Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? Yeah, I think they already made that one.” Blaine gave him a dirty look and then deliberately turned his back on him.
“Look at this ass, Kurt. You can’t possibly tell me that my ass, in these pants, is anything less than stupendous.”
“Blaine? All I can tell you about your ass in those pants is you make an excellent flour butt-print.” Blaine twisted his head over his shoulder in an absurd attempt to look at his own butt.
“Oh.” Blaine quickly tried to brush off the forgotten flour. Kurt struggled to ignore the spike of heat that Blaine’s action caused in his stomach. Blaine looked up at him through his lashes in a way that was seriously not helping matters. Kurt pressed his back up against the cool counter top in an attempt to find a little stability.
“How about now?”
“Maybe acceptable was a little harsh.” Kurt inwardly cursed himself for how breathy his voice sounded. “Those pants might be considered responsible for making you look decent even.” Blaine showed off a satisfied smirk and quickly crossed the space separating them. Suddenly hazel eyes and blue were very very close.
“Well that’s more like it.” Blaine’s voice was quiet and just a little bit rough. “You can’t insult my wardrobe like that, you know. It could stage a revolt.” Kurt could barely hear Blaine over the pounding of his heart. Blaine carefully reached out and rested a hand on the counter on either side of Kurt’s waist. All of a sudden the smirking cockiness was gone, and Blaine was looking at him with an earnest and open expression, hopeful, leavened with a good dose of nerves. Kurt felt his breath hitch in his throat. He felt like he was drowning in pools of amber.
“Sorry.” He whispered. “I’ll apologize to them later. Maybe you should wear them on your next date with Sebastian.” Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Kurt instantly regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. Blaine quickly took back his hands and pulled away from him as if he had been burned. He self-consciously dropped his hands into his pockets.
“Oh.” There was a moment of awkward silence before words began spilling out of both boys’ mouths at once.
“Blaine, I’m sorry, I ...”
“I don’t think I want ...”
Two identical shaky laughs.
“You first.” Kurt said softly. Blaine looked at him seriously.
“Kurt. I want you to tell me something. I want you to tell me not to go back out with Sebastian.”
“What?” This was not what Kurt was expecting.
“Tell me not to go out with him. Tell me that there’s a reason that I shouldn’t be going out with him, or anyone else, and I promise you, things between me and Sebastian will be over the second you finish that sentence.” Kurt took a deep, shaky breath.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Blaine. Who you date is your decision.” Blaine’s eyes turned pleading.
“And I’m trying to make one here, Kurt. But I need you to meet me halfway. Tell me. Tell me that you don’t want me to date anyone else.”
“Blaine ...”
“Tell me that you want me, Kurt.” Both boys stood holding their breath. Kurt’s heart was racing and he felt his mind go to a complete blank. Was this really happening? Kurt couldn’t speak through an overwhelming barrage of emotion. He had wanted Blaine, truly, deeply, wanted only Blaine for years. Years of being shot down by him, always gently, always considerately, but always firmly shot down.
“Why?” Kurt had meant why now, why did Blaine suddenly want him now, but he could tell by the way that Blaine’s face fell that it wasn’t the way it had come across. Without a word Blaine turned and half ran out of the kitchen. By the time Kurt convinced his frozen limbs to move again Blaine had already locked himself in his bedroom and was again blasting Katy Perry. Kurt knocked, repeatedly and loudly, but he wasn’t sure that Blaine could even hear him. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tried calling him, but he could hear Blaine’s phone in the kitchen. Dropping his forehead against the smooth wood of Blaine’s door, Kurt decided that there was only one option left to him. Damned if he was going to let everything crash down around them from one stupid little misunderstanding, after years of wanting this, wanting him, desperately with all of his being. Kurt would just have to wait.
...
Blaine woke up and stretched stiff and uncooperative muscles. Falling asleep fully clothed at this angle was really not his best idea ever. Blaine paused in the middle of tugging his fingers through his curls as he remembered why he had just collapsed onto his bed like that. Waves of hurt and shame crashed over him in equal turns. This was it; this was the moment that the last three years had been leading up to.
And he, Blaine Anderson, had blown it. Sighing, he pushed himself into a sitting position and glanced at the clock. 4:55 a.m. And he had to pee. Damnit.
He had just waited too long. They had the chance to be Harry and Sally, but for some reason, Blaine Anderson had been born deficient of the gene that would allow him to realize that what he had always wanted was standing right freaking in front of him.
Instead, it took being with someone else and feeling ... incomplete. Blaine had though that Sebastian was everything he could have wanted in a boyfriend. He was handsome, charming, had ridiculously cultured stories of the time he had spent in Paris.
And Sebastian was obviously crazy about Blaine. He had said so, multiple times during their few dates.
But when he kissed him ... it just felt wrong. And at first Blaine thought that it was his fault, that it was due to him being so inexperienced and having no idea where to put his hands. But after lying on Sebastian’s bed and feeling Sebastian’s fingertips running down his spine, Blaine was hit with a realization.
He was bored. It was that simple. He was lying in bed, making out with this beautiful boy, possibly finally getting the chance to experience everything that being in a relationship entailed, and he was bored. Blaine had hurriedly said goodnight, and walked home feeling an icy grip of fear in his stomach.
What if he was deficient somehow? What if the reason he loved the idea of romance so much was to make up for the fact that he was incapable of sexual feeling for another person?
Blaine may be inexperienced, but he knew without a doubt that one thing he should not have been feeling, was boredom.
And sure he masturbated, and sure he felt sexual attraction to celebrities and the like. He knew he liked boys, at least in the theoretical sense. But what if that was all he could feel? Vague attraction to an unattainable fantasy. Blaine felt incredibly embarrassed and the first stirrings of self-hatred. Why couldn’t he be normal? Why couldn’t he just be happy and not screw everything up for once in his life?
But then tonight, in his kitchen, with Kurt, he had been happy. He had felt completely relaxed and at home. Kurt’s presence, as always, made him feel like he was being wrapped in warm blankets of contentment. That maybe someday everything would be ok, as long as he had a friend like Kurt by his side.
And then, when he felt those incredible blue eyes on him, he felt something else. A surge of feeling both so like and unlike what he felt during those formless fantasies. What he thought he would feel for Sebastian, and then never did.
And in that moment, Blaine knew. He knew with utter conviction that he wasn’t deficient, or at least not in the way he had feared.
He was just an oblivious moron.
It was Kurt. It had always been Kurt.
But I was too late, Blaine reminded himself. Sighing, he opened his bedroom door.
“Kurt.” His voice cracked with sleep and surprise. Why was Kurt sitting on the floor of the hallway at 4:55 in the morning? Kurt stood quickly, eyes bright and cheeks flushed.
“There is a reason.”
“What?” Blaine could hardly believe his ears. Kurt took a deep breath before continuing.
“I said there is a reason. There’s a reason why you shouldn’t be dating anyone else.” Blaine blinked, holding his breath, silently pleading with Kurt to go on. He needed to hear the next words.
“I want to be with you, Blaine. I’ve always wanted to be with you.” And then, words were no longer necessary. All of a sudden, Blaine was backed up against his doorframe, and Kurt’s warm lips were on his. Blaine felt himself drowning in sensation. He instinctively snaked a hand around to the small of Kurt’s back, pulling his warm body flush against his own.
Seconds, minutes, or perhaps hours later, Blaine felt Kurt’s lips gently fall from his own with a sigh. He opened his eyes to find Kurt’s looking back at his own, just as blurred with contentment and the first stirrings of lust.
“Uh, Kurt?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m so incredibly sorry to ruin yet another moment of ours, but ... I really have to pee.” Kurt’s laughter followed Blaine down the hallway and he felt his face breaking into a smile.
“Yup. Definitely not bored.”
...
Kurt sat neatly in his desk chair working idly on his music theory assignment. As much as he wanted to concentrate, he felt his gaze repeatedly slide to the time at the top of his computer screen.
5:05
5:09
5:13
Kurt moaned in frustration and forced his eyes back onto the paper in front of him. He needed to give Blaine time to get home.
5:27
Good enough. Unsure as to why his heart was beating as quickly as it was, Kurt dialed the familiar number with quick precision.
“Kurt?” Blaine’s voice was warm. That was a very good sign indeed.
“Skip the small talk, Anderson, just tell me. Did you get in?”
“Let me put it this way, Kurt.” The pause seemed to stretch on forever. “Feel like a new roommate next year?” Kurt was very grateful that his roommate was out, as that meant no one but Blaine got to hear the embarrassingly high squeal of excitement that burst from his lips.
AN: So this story is progressing slightly differently from the original outline, so instead of 7 full chapters it’s not looking like 6 and an epilogue.
Damn those boys. They’re just so damn fluffy that I couldn’t keep them apart any longer.