sleep inside my corpse.
i need so badly to get my shit together. i am so nervous about driving to philadelphia.
night sledding was fun despite bloody nose from evan's limbs smacking me in the face after going down on sick ramp. laying down on that sled i started thinking things that i feel like the only person would understand was kirtley. it felt like you were here babe, i liked that feeling.
i am so used to you understanding and being here, that even when you're not i feel like you are and that it's okay. because i know you would understand if you were. i do miss you, come back to me lover.
i'd like to go into more detail about exactly what it brought out in me, but i feel as if it would fall upon deaf ears. perhaps it is better left unsaid. those little moments no one knows i have. the thirty seconds is better than nothing. even if it's killed by nick jumping on your stomach and riding you like a sled.
i wonder often why it is that i feel things so intensely. why the smallest thing will make an impression on me forever. its not to say i'm different, because i don't think i am. i think i'm just more willing to accept that feeling. sometimes this is enough to make me want to rip my insides out. i want very badly to be a happy human and content, but i even see it in the lyrics or songs i write. it's next to impossible for me to convey on the positive. what eats me up as i know it's easy to appease the negative and the hostility. but i find that when i'm happy i don't write at all.
the only conclusion i can come to is that i understand the negative more than the positive. it is more concrete to me. the more i talk to my mother now that i don't live with her, the more i realize how negative she can be. it is nice to not be around a constant reminder of who i am in the world.
it is nice to dream about it.
night sledding was fun despite bloody nose from evan's limbs smacking me in the face after going down on sick ramp. laying down on that sled i started thinking things that i feel like the only person would understand was kirtley. it felt like you were here babe, i liked that feeling.
i am so used to you understanding and being here, that even when you're not i feel like you are and that it's okay. because i know you would understand if you were. i do miss you, come back to me lover.
i'd like to go into more detail about exactly what it brought out in me, but i feel as if it would fall upon deaf ears. perhaps it is better left unsaid. those little moments no one knows i have. the thirty seconds is better than nothing. even if it's killed by nick jumping on your stomach and riding you like a sled.
i wonder often why it is that i feel things so intensely. why the smallest thing will make an impression on me forever. its not to say i'm different, because i don't think i am. i think i'm just more willing to accept that feeling. sometimes this is enough to make me want to rip my insides out. i want very badly to be a happy human and content, but i even see it in the lyrics or songs i write. it's next to impossible for me to convey on the positive. what eats me up as i know it's easy to appease the negative and the hostility. but i find that when i'm happy i don't write at all.
the only conclusion i can come to is that i understand the negative more than the positive. it is more concrete to me. the more i talk to my mother now that i don't live with her, the more i realize how negative she can be. it is nice to not be around a constant reminder of who i am in the world.
it is nice to dream about it.