BrEaK AwAy..

[hahleybabe24]

WoW! So its been a long time since I last updated. Well I’m not really going to go through the long process of explaining what all has happened since I’ve been back since it’s been like over a month since I updated. But basically I’m home, and just getting used to the swing of things around here. Lately, I’ve been in a pretty good mood, but today I’m just in one of those indescribable ones. So I recently told someone I care a lot about something I’ve been hiding from him for a while. I told him, and the worst part was he didn’t get mad and like yell at me uncontrollably which I would have done given I was put in his situation. I think I felt the worst. I mean here I care about this person SO much, and have had so many opportunities to be honest, but instead I just decided to lie because that’s what was easier for me. I’m not that kind of person so I don’t understand why I’m making decisions to be that way. I’m so disgusted with myself that I don’t even want to think about it. I’ve been thinking a lot about high school lately, and have realized how much I miss it. I mean everyone takes it for granted, but the relationships you form in there are ones you keep in your heard for a long time. I mean I don’t miss the gossip or the backstabbing but I had some really good friends while I was in high school. I miss the way I acted when I was there. I miss that I just got to act like the kid I was. In college, despite the fact you can separate you social and academic life from each other, you cant act like a kid. You hafta pretend your someone your not. I hate that I took my relationships for granted. I had some GREAT friends in high school, and I just thought I was too cool to hang out with them. I shouldn’t have been so focused on being the most popular, hanging out with the “coolest or preppiest” people, because all I found in that group was backstabbing and heartbreak. My friends were never “friends” Maybe if I woulda taken the time to actually get to know people outside of my “group” then I would still be in high school and maybe not make some of the mistakes I did. I don’t know, I hate these kinds of moods that I get in because I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself, but I just feel so unhappy with my life and the person I’m becoming. I don’t think I know who I am anymore. I miss that feeling. Its so ironic how I hated being in Iowa so much, and thought it was the worst place, but now how id give anything to go back there. I was myself there, and for perhaps, the first time in a few years, I was truly happy with ME. Anyways, I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself. So Andrew and I have been dating for a little over a month. Its going alright, we have our troubles though. Ill keep you informed.. Not really much else to say..everyone heres doin okay..so im gonna go..comment if you have any questions..until the next time..
<33333 HahlEy