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Dec 31, 2012 00:22

Here I am again. Writing an end of the year entry. If ever I needed a reminder that life is full of ups and downs than 2012 was exactly that. Up and down. My goal for 13? Is to have a goal. I want to set a goal and then go out and get it. First things first I need to realign my priorities. I need to see my family more, and the bar less. I need to go to the grocery more, and the drive through less. I need to give my time to the people who deserve it. I'm so desperate to create my bubble of happiness that I forget about my family and my dearest friends. I can say hey that's where I'm at in life. I'm 29 and looking to settle down and do something with my life. But I don't like excuses. Ironic I know. I was thinking just a few moments ago...who/why do I keep writing in this journal? It has been many things for me. Mostly though it's been a place to indulge fantasies, and point out flaws that I know damn well i'm not going to fix because I am a coward. I keep thinking i'm going to grow out of it. It's clear that I'm not though and I've got to take matters into my own hands. Grab the wheel and drive. I swear it feels sometimes like i'm sleepwalking through life. I want nothing more in this world than to change my self and do better in life. But my biggest fear is that the part of me that wants that is rarely in control of the decisions that I make for myself. If 2013 isn't going to bring me change. If I want change I have got to strap on my big boy boots, conquer my demons and move forward every day. I don't want to feel like this any more.

Rydogg will be out of prison inside 2 months. So that's something to look forward to...I think. I think that we will be seeing less and less of Jeff, unless he get's a better job sometime real soon. Gary lee is...and will always be Gary lee. The "Great Uncombed". haha

Sammy D is probably not going to stick around. If she does...I'll be surprised. But if she doesn't I need to find a girl I can talk to. Or...I need to learn how to talk to girls. It might be a combination of the two. Don't get me wrong I really do love Sammy. But I ask myself far too often is she really what I need? I want to go in a different direction. I just don't think that she wants to go that way and if I stay with her she's going to hold me back. Plus I still don't know how much I can trust her. Time will tell.
Hello's and Goodbyes:

Hello April O'Neil! You are so precious to me and I will never let anything bad happen to you. I always knew I needed a dog in my life I just never knew how much.
Hello Mumford and Sons! My new favorite band :)
Hello Bess, and goodbye Bess :( ... mixed emotions here...I know it wasn't right, and I was selfish. But I honestly believe it was for the best.
Goodbye Aunt Loraine :(
Good bye Columbus Country Club. There are things I miss to this day. And now I've come to a peace with myself over it. The bad news is honestly...I deserved to be fired. But Kellan is still a jackass.

I'll never stop looking for the answers..and I'll never give up. This I swear on my soul.
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