What if... - Chapter eleven
Title: What if...
Chapter: Eleven
Author: Shiro
Rating: PG
Length: 3800 words
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Warnings: Jonghyun's dirty, dirty mouth *washes with soap*
A/N: Finally, here's chapter eleven (which was supposed to be the last one) to this series. It'll probably end in two chapters at most.
Anyways, I said I'd update this week, and I did. There's only one hour left of this week, but who cares. Shiro keeps her promises (most of the time *cough*)
So, this one's dedicated to 7nyy for being just <3, junjunki because she's awesome, and playingods because I promised her I'd update this week, and that's basically the reason I got off my lazy butt and wrote the end for this chapter. My new puppy can be very distracting >.>
“Come on, tick faster...”
Jonghyun watched the painfully slow ticking of the hands of the clock, feeling as if the device was consciously trying to torture him and drive him insane. These had to be the longest two minutes he had waited in his life. Or maybe not. Who knows who cares, just tick faster already, will you? He heaved a sigh, his foot tapping nervously on the floor of the classroom. He looked away from the clock, deciding that the more he stared at those cursed hands, the slower they’d move, somehow.
Most students were paying at least slight attention to the lecture. Some others seemed to be bored out of their minds, and a select few seemed to be glaring at the clock, just as he was a few seconds ago. When his eyes finally landed on Jinki, he took in the other boy. He was one of the only ones paying full attention to the end of the boring lecture. He had to admit though, the other looked kinda cute all focused and fumbling to take quick notes without peeling his eyes away from the blackboard.
Jonghyun couldn’t help a smile, just as the bell finally rang, signaling the end of classes and the start of their weekend. Soon, the clattering of chairs moving and the loud voices of students filled the classroom, and as Jinki was putting his books away, he caught a glimpse of Jonghyun through the corner of his eye. The younger’s smile was still there, and Jinki happily returned it, stretching his lips until his eyes turned into small crescents.
Jonghyun chuckled and stood up himself, having long ago put all of his stuff away, disregarding the nasty look the teacher had shot him. “Ready to go, hyung?”
Jinki finished packing all his books and nodded, both of them walking out of the classroom next to each other, and soon meeting up with Taemin, Minho and Kibum at the school’s gates.
“Four more weeks and we’re unofficially done with school, aren’t we?”
“Yep. After that, all we got are finals, and then sweet, sweet vacations. I can’t wait!”
“Hold your horses, Jjong. The main point of these weeks are those finals you just mentioned so freely.”
“Shut up Key. I’ll pass them somehow. I always do.”
“Because hyung forced you to study.”
“Minho’s right hyung, you always showed up at Jinki hyung or Key umma’s place, begging for them to study last minute with you!”
“Yah! Stop bringing that up!”
They all laughed except for Jonghyun, who was shouting at them that he wasn’t stupid. Key snorted at that. They reached Jinki’s house quickly, four of them storming in while the other chased them around yelling that he was going to show them stupid. It all ended quickly when Key got his hands on a pan though.
“Kibum! You dented it! I’ll have to get a new one now...!”
The diva shrugged off Jinki’s complaint saying he’d give the other a new pan. The threat of being able to freely dent the object that became really dangerous in Kibum’s hands was enough for Jonghyun to sit down quietly and admit repeatedly to his brain’s unusually small size. And its lack of neurons. Several times.
“Now that that’s over with, let’s get started with what we came here to do.”
Jinki patted Jonghyun on the shoulder a couple of times, shooting him a small smile that clearly said deal with it.There wasn’t much any of them could do about Kibum’s temper.
Soon, they were all scattered around in the house’s basement, dealing with their own things. Taemin was getting some dancing advice from Key, although they were both on a close level, if anything, the maknae was better. Key just couldn’t help his umma act. Minho was testing his rap with the new microphone he got, and Jonghyun was pouring himself over some papers, presumably writing or fixing some of his lyrics. Jinki sighed and walked over to his boyfriend, frowning a little at the bags under his eyes. He could still remember that first day they all came down here.
-------------------------------------
“Jjong, exactly WHERE did you get all of this stuff?!”
“Shut up and help me move it.”
Key sighed and rolled his eyes, but went over to helo Jonghyun move some of the equipment down to the basement of inki’s house. Since he lived there alone, they wouldn’t bother anyone if they went a little loud, so long as it didn’t reach the neighbours. They needed such a place if they wanted to be able to train seriously for those auditions next year. Twelve months was less time than it would seem at first glance.
“Hyung, where should I put these amplifiers for the microphones?”
“Leave those by that corner Minho, thanks. Key, come over and help me with this...”
Jinki watched Jonghyun quickly take control of the situation, almost as if he was a completely different person than... well, always. That just showed exactly how serious he was about all of this. He couldn’t suppress a small smile, before Taemin yanked him back into reality and dragged him over to help set everything up.
“Now, really, where did you get al of this stuff?”
“Well, I’ve been working part-time last year. Since I don’t have any significant expenses, I could save up a lot of money easily. There were also those times when I asked my parents for money ‘cause I was supposedly going out with you guys, but I went and hanged at the hospital instead, so...”
“Jonghyun!”
“Oh, come on, I spent it in a good way!”
Jinki huffed at him nonetheless, but his shoulders quickly deflated when his boyfriend shot him his infamous puppy dog look. He had to admit though, Jonghyun had done a really god job saving up to buy all these things. Now that they were set up and the five of them were down here, it all seemed so real...
“Come on, let’s get started!”
-------------------------------------
“Jinki?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, I spaced out a little there, didn’t I?”
Jonghyun smiled at him and gestured for the older one to come closer, patting the chair next to the one he was sitting on. “Did you need something?”
Jinki sighed, plopping down onto the chair and leaning his head onto Jonghyun’s shoulder at the same time as the younger one wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smiling and squeezing him reassuringly. “What’s wrong, babe?”
Key would’ve killed him if he heard him use that word again. Last time he called Jinki ‘baby’ in front of the diva, he made gagging noises and covered Taemin’s ears, who by the way, was giggling. As if they could taint him or something. Key had been honestly acting strange since he had started to date Jinki, but he would put up an excuse every time he asked. He was slowly, but steadily returning to the annoying Kim Kibum he knew since he had worn diapers though. Besides, now he had another problem he should be paying attention to. This problem was too cute to ignore.
“It’s nothing, really, I just... it’s nothing.”
“Sure? It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I...” Jinki closed his eyes for a second, feeling Jonghyun’s hand massaging his upper arm, “it’s just everyone seems to know what to do so... naturally. And they’re all doing whatever it is greatly, because I can’t even start to believe how fast they’re all improving... you too, of course.” He opened his eyes again as he spoke, honey gaze meeting with dark brown and a smile.
“And you feel like you’re useless or being left behind. Or-”
“Both.” Jonghyun couldn’t help but roll his eyes a little when they spoke up at the same time. Why wasn’t he surprised.
“Listen, Jinki, and listen properly. I don’t want this going into one of your ears then right out the other. Chicken.” Jinki frowned and raised his head from the younger’s shoulder, looking at him quite confused, wondering if he had heard wrong or something. That came completely out of nowhere. “Now that I have your full attention, y-- ow!!” Now it was Jonghyun’s turn to frown at Jinki, but for a different reason. He rubbed the sore spot on his arm where Jinki had punched him, shooting his best offended look at his boyfriend. “What? You know that’s a good way of gaining your full attention. Gosh, sometimes I even feel jealous of chicken. Maybe I wouldn’t be dating you right now if a person could date food, you really-- ow!!!! Okay, that one really did hurt!!”
Jinki had to laugh a little at Jonghyun’s onset of expressions, ranging from mockingly offended, to completely taken aback, to a child whose hand had been slapped when he reached out for a cookie, to a drama queen that was about to throw a fit. He knew for sure it was on purpose when Jonghyun started right out making funny faces at him, pulling his lips and cheeks in weird directions, sticking out his tongue, and going cross-eyed. “Stop that before you get stuck like that, Jjong,” He managed between small fits of laughter.
“He’d look better than he does now!!”
“Key! Don’t interrupt other people’s conversations!”
Jinki and Taemin both laughed a little, while Minho rolled his eyes. Kibum huffed at Jonghyun and went back to his baby before their usual bickering escalated into their usual fighting, although that didn’t stop them from insulting each other under their breath.
“Jjong. Stop it.”
“He was the one who started it...!” Jonghyun whined while pointing his finger at Key, and Jinki had to laugh again because if someone told him right there that Jonghyun was actually a five year old toddler, he would’ve believed them. “Oh well, at least I got you to smile.”
“Huh?”
“Before, you looked a little depressed. I’m glad you’re back to normal, really love seeing you smile.”
Jinki blushed a little, while Jonghyun just smiled. The five year old was gone in the blink of an eye, and he was left to wonder how the other could switch between his two sides so easily and fluently. It usually left Jinki breathless.
“By the way, you’re great.” Talk about being taken aback. “You’re brilliant at school and your singing voice is beautiful. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, and you’re so patient with everyone you can even handle Key and me. I could go on for a really long time, but I think you get the point.” Jonghyun looked right into Jinki’s eyes, showing the other just how serious he was about everything he was saying. “Sometimes, I can’t even believe you’re dating someone like me. So stop thinking low of yourself, okay?” Jonghyun cupped Jinki’s cheek his eyes never leaving the other pair of irises. They slowly inched together and kissed slowly, tenderly, warmth spreading all over Jinki’s heart.
A little down the room, Key was covering a very confused Taemin’s eyes while he rolled his own, and Minho just laughed at his overly protective umma antics. Being the observing person he was, Minho didn’t miss the glint of hurt than flashed through Key’s eyes, but he also noticed how it was much better than what it had initially been, so he just let it slide past.
“Thanks Jjong,” Jinki’s head was happily rested on the other’s head once again, but this time a smile was present on his plump lips. He had closed his eyes again, just enjoying the warmth of having Jonghyun close to him.
“Anytime.” Jonghyun smiled and kissed Jinki’s head, before going back to whatever he had been doing to his lyrics, humming a little as he did so. He was probably fixing the harmony around a little, by the way he was humming to himself.
“Although I feel a little hurt. You really think I’d leave you for chicken if I could?”
“Uh...”
“You actually do! You know, I’d still be dating you even if I could marry chicken right now. Although only if you’d still have made the first move. I would have never been able to muster up the courage to tell you anything if I didn’t know the feeling was mutual.”
“Okay, okay! I believe you!”
“I don’t know if I can date someone that doesn’t understand my relationship with chicken though.”
“H-hey. You’re not serious, are you?”
Jinki only stood up, walking over to the other three, leaving Jonghyun gaping at his retreating back. He took a few seconds to react, before he scrambled to his feet, knocking over the chair he had been sitting on in the process, and running over to his boyfriend. “Jinki! I’m sorry! I understand your relationship with chicken, really!! I swear!!!”
Soon, the basement was full of laughter and loud voices instead of voices and loud music as was usual. They didn’t mind missing a few hours of practice though. The whole point of this was to stick together, and the point of sticking together was having fun together. None of them would have it any other way.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Jinki, where are you?”
“Sorry, I’m still over at the school’s library. There are some things I wanted to research for that history essay, and...”
Jonghyun sighed, he stopped listening halfway through whatever Jinki was telling him. This was what, the tenth time he missed practice? He had stopped counting some time ago. “You’re not coming today either, are you.”
“Jonghyun, I’m really, really sorry.”
“Whatever.”
He hung up his cellphone, running a hand through his messy hair. The first time it had been okay. Even the second time he had just shrugged it off. They all knew how Jinki was a workaholic when it came to school. But then came the third, fourth, fifth time, and he just stopped counting, the same as Jinki basically stopped coming to practice. It was his own house, damnit! And it wasn’t as if he was the only one who had to work to be able to get the final assignments done. They all had things to do, and still they found time somehow, didn’t they?
“Jjong...”
He sighed and pushed Key’s hand off his shoulder. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept properly, and he was clearly not the only one. Even Taemin was yawning in a corner, trying to rub the sleep off his eyes. Key had bags under his. Key. It had never even occurred to him that the day when the other’s appearance wasn’t perfect would come. They were all struggling so hard, because it was supposed to be their fucking dream! Didn’t Jinki also want this?!
“Key, I just-- just leave me. I... I can’t do this right now.”
They all watched as Jonghyun made his way out of the basement, rubbing his temples as he walked up the stairs. Taemin shot a worried glance at Key, who was staring at the door Jonghyun had just slammed shut. Minho wrapped an arm around his shoulders reassuringly. He just wished he could say it would all be okay. Jonghyun was rarely angry, let alone at Jinki. He couldn’t even start to imagine how things would turn out. He could only hope it wouldn’t be a disaster. Key sighed, and let himself fall onto one of the chairs. This was bad...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jonghyun sat at a bench in some park, his face buried in his hands. He didn’t even know exactly where he was, his feet had just led him there after walking for who knows how long. He noticed the stray drops of water that made their way onto his hair and shoulders, leaving small, barely noticeable wet marks on his clothes and head. He didn’t care when the few drops quickly turned into a downpour.
He leaned back into the bench, letting his head fall backwards as the rain soaked him completely. A few drops fell near his eyes as he stared up at the gray sky, leaving trails on his cheeks before falling onto the ground. He quietly thanked whatever was up there for the weather that matched his mood. It would just be worse if the day was all bright and happy while he felt like his heart was shattering a little more with every second that passed.
Maybe that was why time seemed to flow by painfully slow, torturing him with every long second. He felt like he had been sitting in the rain for days when he caught some movement on the corner of his eye.
“Jonghyun...?”
Jinki looked worriedly at the other, trying to catch his breath as he leaned his hands on his knees. Jonghyun slowly sat up straight, looking at Jinki almost expressionlessly, but the older one didn’t miss the hurt buried deep within those dark eyes.
“You... you’ll catch a cold if you stand in this rain much longer...” Jinki slowly walked closer to the bench, almost as if he was scared Jonghyun would run off if he made any sudden movements. “Come on.” Jinki reached his hand out, but flinched when it was slapped back at him. Jonghyun was glaring at him, as if the action had brought him back to life, all traces of hurt now replaced by burning anger.
“J-Jjong...?”
“Why.” Jonghyun stood up from the bench as Jinki clutched his hand close to his chest. “Why are you here.”
“I was worried! Key told me you stormed away hours ago and you hadn’t come back yet...”
“Oh, so now you have time to waste on us.”
“What...?”
Jonghyun continued to glare at him, clenching and releasing his fists from sheer anger, resisting the urge to punch something. “Well, before you seemed really busy with whatever you were doing at school.”
“Jonghyun, that--”
“I don’t want to hear any excuses!!” His fist collided sideways with a tree that stood next to the bench he had been sitting on, making the leaves rattle, and water to fall down onto them from where it had been trapped on the dense mass of branches, leaves and flowers. “You clearly have your priorities decided already, so just stop fucking pretending you care!”
Jinki flinched again, but he didn’t back away. “I do care! It’s just--”
“You don’t! If you did, you’d see how much this means to me! Fuck, I’ve been dreaming with this ever since I could remember and you know it, damnit! Everyone is trying so hard, busting their asses and somehow managing to pass school and still practice for hours on end every single fucking day. Is getting good grades that important for you?! Would it really matter that much when you’ve gotten them for every fucking year so far?! Huh?!”
“You really think I don’t care about all of you?! I also wanted to form this band, if you don’t remember, precisely because we were all together in this!”
“We all are except for you! If you were really into it you wouldn’t miss practice! You think we’ll be able to make it without the effort?! The fucking point was to do it together, and you’re off doing fucking homework at school while we’re training like idiots, thinking you’ll get there any moment then, just you never do.”
“I have my reasons!! If you would just shut up for a second and listen--”
“I SAID I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING EXCUSES!!”
It all happened in the blink of an eye. It was too quick. When he realized what had happened, he was panting, and Jinki was on the wet cement of the park’s pavement, holding his slowly reddening cheek. Jonghyun looked down at his fist with wide eyes, then sifted his gaze back to Jinki, who was spitting some blood. It had been too quick for any of them to stop it.
Jinki got up slowly, his hand never leaving the now slightly swollen side of his face. When he looked up at Jonghyun, his long bangs of hair stopped covering his eyes, revealing tears streaming down his face, salty mixing with sweet as they merged with the rain still soaking them, to finally drop onto the ground. Jinki just looked at him for a second, looking so hurt. Jonghyun could only remember seeing him like that when his parents... when his accident had still been recent. It all felt wrong, so wrong. But it was too late to stop it.
Jinki turned and ran away into the rain, disappearing from Jonghyun’s sight before he even got the chance of trying to stop him, of calling out to him, of doing something. He was still angry, he knew if he saw Jinki again he would yell just as hard. But that hurt, that look that made it seem like it was Jinki’s world the one that was falling apart, made him feel so guilty, so equally hurt, that it almost overpowered his rage. He had never meant to hit Jinki.
“FUCK!”
He punched the tree again, letting out a string of curses under his breath, slowly dropping to the floor, to his knees, clenching his teeth and digging his nails into the skin of his hands. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to be furious at Jinki. Jinki wasn’t supposed to be hurt. They weren’t supposed to be fighting. Nothing was going like he wanted it to.
Jonghyun looked up again; all his expression showed now was weariness. As he saw peeks of the darkening sky through the small spaces between leaves and branches, all he felt was tiredness. He had had enough already. He didn’t want to take anymore of this. Fighting with Jinki felt as if someone was pulling his heart right out of his chest, and crushing it slowly, painfully, somehow never stopping its beat. He wished it would just be crushed completely so the pain would stop. It hurt too much, so much he didn’t even feel the cold rain soaking him to the bone. He felt everything he had fought for, everything he had obtained, slowly slipping through his fingers, while he could do nothing to try and catch them before they came crashing down, in front of his eyes. He just let himself fall backwards onto the pavement and closed his eyes, pretending he didn’t see ow everything was broken, wishing the rain would engulf him and take him away, take the feelings away. It was all too much.
Without Jinki, it felt as if whatever he did now would be meaningless. He laid there, wondering what was more important. Taemin’s, Minho’s, Kibum’s and his dreams and efforts, or his love. He couldn’t know. All he could do was bask in the warm sunlight of memories from better times, perfect times, pretending the cold rain wasn’t falling all over him, all over his world. The worst was he couldn’t see what had gone wrong.
Chapter: Eleven
Author: Shiro
Rating: PG
Length: 3800 words
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Warnings: Jonghyun's dirty, dirty mouth *washes with soap*
A/N: Finally, here's chapter eleven (which was supposed to be the last one) to this series. It'll probably end in two chapters at most.
Anyways, I said I'd update this week, and I did. There's only one hour left of this week, but who cares. Shiro keeps her promises (most of the time *cough*)
So, this one's dedicated to 7nyy for being just <3, junjunki because she's awesome, and playingods because I promised her I'd update this week, and that's basically the reason I got off my lazy butt and wrote the end for this chapter. My new puppy can be very distracting >.>
“Come on, tick faster...”
Jonghyun watched the painfully slow ticking of the hands of the clock, feeling as if the device was consciously trying to torture him and drive him insane. These had to be the longest two minutes he had waited in his life. Or maybe not. Who knows who cares, just tick faster already, will you? He heaved a sigh, his foot tapping nervously on the floor of the classroom. He looked away from the clock, deciding that the more he stared at those cursed hands, the slower they’d move, somehow.
Most students were paying at least slight attention to the lecture. Some others seemed to be bored out of their minds, and a select few seemed to be glaring at the clock, just as he was a few seconds ago. When his eyes finally landed on Jinki, he took in the other boy. He was one of the only ones paying full attention to the end of the boring lecture. He had to admit though, the other looked kinda cute all focused and fumbling to take quick notes without peeling his eyes away from the blackboard.
Jonghyun couldn’t help a smile, just as the bell finally rang, signaling the end of classes and the start of their weekend. Soon, the clattering of chairs moving and the loud voices of students filled the classroom, and as Jinki was putting his books away, he caught a glimpse of Jonghyun through the corner of his eye. The younger’s smile was still there, and Jinki happily returned it, stretching his lips until his eyes turned into small crescents.
Jonghyun chuckled and stood up himself, having long ago put all of his stuff away, disregarding the nasty look the teacher had shot him. “Ready to go, hyung?”
Jinki finished packing all his books and nodded, both of them walking out of the classroom next to each other, and soon meeting up with Taemin, Minho and Kibum at the school’s gates.
“Four more weeks and we’re unofficially done with school, aren’t we?”
“Yep. After that, all we got are finals, and then sweet, sweet vacations. I can’t wait!”
“Hold your horses, Jjong. The main point of these weeks are those finals you just mentioned so freely.”
“Shut up Key. I’ll pass them somehow. I always do.”
“Because hyung forced you to study.”
“Minho’s right hyung, you always showed up at Jinki hyung or Key umma’s place, begging for them to study last minute with you!”
“Yah! Stop bringing that up!”
They all laughed except for Jonghyun, who was shouting at them that he wasn’t stupid. Key snorted at that. They reached Jinki’s house quickly, four of them storming in while the other chased them around yelling that he was going to show them stupid. It all ended quickly when Key got his hands on a pan though.
“Kibum! You dented it! I’ll have to get a new one now...!”
The diva shrugged off Jinki’s complaint saying he’d give the other a new pan. The threat of being able to freely dent the object that became really dangerous in Kibum’s hands was enough for Jonghyun to sit down quietly and admit repeatedly to his brain’s unusually small size. And its lack of neurons. Several times.
“Now that that’s over with, let’s get started with what we came here to do.”
Jinki patted Jonghyun on the shoulder a couple of times, shooting him a small smile that clearly said deal with it.There wasn’t much any of them could do about Kibum’s temper.
Soon, they were all scattered around in the house’s basement, dealing with their own things. Taemin was getting some dancing advice from Key, although they were both on a close level, if anything, the maknae was better. Key just couldn’t help his umma act. Minho was testing his rap with the new microphone he got, and Jonghyun was pouring himself over some papers, presumably writing or fixing some of his lyrics. Jinki sighed and walked over to his boyfriend, frowning a little at the bags under his eyes. He could still remember that first day they all came down here.
-------------------------------------
“Jjong, exactly WHERE did you get all of this stuff?!”
“Shut up and help me move it.”
Key sighed and rolled his eyes, but went over to helo Jonghyun move some of the equipment down to the basement of inki’s house. Since he lived there alone, they wouldn’t bother anyone if they went a little loud, so long as it didn’t reach the neighbours. They needed such a place if they wanted to be able to train seriously for those auditions next year. Twelve months was less time than it would seem at first glance.
“Hyung, where should I put these amplifiers for the microphones?”
“Leave those by that corner Minho, thanks. Key, come over and help me with this...”
Jinki watched Jonghyun quickly take control of the situation, almost as if he was a completely different person than... well, always. That just showed exactly how serious he was about all of this. He couldn’t suppress a small smile, before Taemin yanked him back into reality and dragged him over to help set everything up.
“Now, really, where did you get al of this stuff?”
“Well, I’ve been working part-time last year. Since I don’t have any significant expenses, I could save up a lot of money easily. There were also those times when I asked my parents for money ‘cause I was supposedly going out with you guys, but I went and hanged at the hospital instead, so...”
“Jonghyun!”
“Oh, come on, I spent it in a good way!”
Jinki huffed at him nonetheless, but his shoulders quickly deflated when his boyfriend shot him his infamous puppy dog look. He had to admit though, Jonghyun had done a really god job saving up to buy all these things. Now that they were set up and the five of them were down here, it all seemed so real...
“Come on, let’s get started!”
-------------------------------------
“Jinki?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, I spaced out a little there, didn’t I?”
Jonghyun smiled at him and gestured for the older one to come closer, patting the chair next to the one he was sitting on. “Did you need something?”
Jinki sighed, plopping down onto the chair and leaning his head onto Jonghyun’s shoulder at the same time as the younger one wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smiling and squeezing him reassuringly. “What’s wrong, babe?”
Key would’ve killed him if he heard him use that word again. Last time he called Jinki ‘baby’ in front of the diva, he made gagging noises and covered Taemin’s ears, who by the way, was giggling. As if they could taint him or something. Key had been honestly acting strange since he had started to date Jinki, but he would put up an excuse every time he asked. He was slowly, but steadily returning to the annoying Kim Kibum he knew since he had worn diapers though. Besides, now he had another problem he should be paying attention to. This problem was too cute to ignore.
“It’s nothing, really, I just... it’s nothing.”
“Sure? It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I...” Jinki closed his eyes for a second, feeling Jonghyun’s hand massaging his upper arm, “it’s just everyone seems to know what to do so... naturally. And they’re all doing whatever it is greatly, because I can’t even start to believe how fast they’re all improving... you too, of course.” He opened his eyes again as he spoke, honey gaze meeting with dark brown and a smile.
“And you feel like you’re useless or being left behind. Or-”
“Both.” Jonghyun couldn’t help but roll his eyes a little when they spoke up at the same time. Why wasn’t he surprised.
“Listen, Jinki, and listen properly. I don’t want this going into one of your ears then right out the other. Chicken.” Jinki frowned and raised his head from the younger’s shoulder, looking at him quite confused, wondering if he had heard wrong or something. That came completely out of nowhere. “Now that I have your full attention, y-- ow!!” Now it was Jonghyun’s turn to frown at Jinki, but for a different reason. He rubbed the sore spot on his arm where Jinki had punched him, shooting his best offended look at his boyfriend. “What? You know that’s a good way of gaining your full attention. Gosh, sometimes I even feel jealous of chicken. Maybe I wouldn’t be dating you right now if a person could date food, you really-- ow!!!! Okay, that one really did hurt!!”
Jinki had to laugh a little at Jonghyun’s onset of expressions, ranging from mockingly offended, to completely taken aback, to a child whose hand had been slapped when he reached out for a cookie, to a drama queen that was about to throw a fit. He knew for sure it was on purpose when Jonghyun started right out making funny faces at him, pulling his lips and cheeks in weird directions, sticking out his tongue, and going cross-eyed. “Stop that before you get stuck like that, Jjong,” He managed between small fits of laughter.
“He’d look better than he does now!!”
“Key! Don’t interrupt other people’s conversations!”
Jinki and Taemin both laughed a little, while Minho rolled his eyes. Kibum huffed at Jonghyun and went back to his baby before their usual bickering escalated into their usual fighting, although that didn’t stop them from insulting each other under their breath.
“Jjong. Stop it.”
“He was the one who started it...!” Jonghyun whined while pointing his finger at Key, and Jinki had to laugh again because if someone told him right there that Jonghyun was actually a five year old toddler, he would’ve believed them. “Oh well, at least I got you to smile.”
“Huh?”
“Before, you looked a little depressed. I’m glad you’re back to normal, really love seeing you smile.”
Jinki blushed a little, while Jonghyun just smiled. The five year old was gone in the blink of an eye, and he was left to wonder how the other could switch between his two sides so easily and fluently. It usually left Jinki breathless.
“By the way, you’re great.” Talk about being taken aback. “You’re brilliant at school and your singing voice is beautiful. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, and you’re so patient with everyone you can even handle Key and me. I could go on for a really long time, but I think you get the point.” Jonghyun looked right into Jinki’s eyes, showing the other just how serious he was about everything he was saying. “Sometimes, I can’t even believe you’re dating someone like me. So stop thinking low of yourself, okay?” Jonghyun cupped Jinki’s cheek his eyes never leaving the other pair of irises. They slowly inched together and kissed slowly, tenderly, warmth spreading all over Jinki’s heart.
A little down the room, Key was covering a very confused Taemin’s eyes while he rolled his own, and Minho just laughed at his overly protective umma antics. Being the observing person he was, Minho didn’t miss the glint of hurt than flashed through Key’s eyes, but he also noticed how it was much better than what it had initially been, so he just let it slide past.
“Thanks Jjong,” Jinki’s head was happily rested on the other’s head once again, but this time a smile was present on his plump lips. He had closed his eyes again, just enjoying the warmth of having Jonghyun close to him.
“Anytime.” Jonghyun smiled and kissed Jinki’s head, before going back to whatever he had been doing to his lyrics, humming a little as he did so. He was probably fixing the harmony around a little, by the way he was humming to himself.
“Although I feel a little hurt. You really think I’d leave you for chicken if I could?”
“Uh...”
“You actually do! You know, I’d still be dating you even if I could marry chicken right now. Although only if you’d still have made the first move. I would have never been able to muster up the courage to tell you anything if I didn’t know the feeling was mutual.”
“Okay, okay! I believe you!”
“I don’t know if I can date someone that doesn’t understand my relationship with chicken though.”
“H-hey. You’re not serious, are you?”
Jinki only stood up, walking over to the other three, leaving Jonghyun gaping at his retreating back. He took a few seconds to react, before he scrambled to his feet, knocking over the chair he had been sitting on in the process, and running over to his boyfriend. “Jinki! I’m sorry! I understand your relationship with chicken, really!! I swear!!!”
Soon, the basement was full of laughter and loud voices instead of voices and loud music as was usual. They didn’t mind missing a few hours of practice though. The whole point of this was to stick together, and the point of sticking together was having fun together. None of them would have it any other way.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Jinki, where are you?”
“Sorry, I’m still over at the school’s library. There are some things I wanted to research for that history essay, and...”
Jonghyun sighed, he stopped listening halfway through whatever Jinki was telling him. This was what, the tenth time he missed practice? He had stopped counting some time ago. “You’re not coming today either, are you.”
“Jonghyun, I’m really, really sorry.”
“Whatever.”
He hung up his cellphone, running a hand through his messy hair. The first time it had been okay. Even the second time he had just shrugged it off. They all knew how Jinki was a workaholic when it came to school. But then came the third, fourth, fifth time, and he just stopped counting, the same as Jinki basically stopped coming to practice. It was his own house, damnit! And it wasn’t as if he was the only one who had to work to be able to get the final assignments done. They all had things to do, and still they found time somehow, didn’t they?
“Jjong...”
He sighed and pushed Key’s hand off his shoulder. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept properly, and he was clearly not the only one. Even Taemin was yawning in a corner, trying to rub the sleep off his eyes. Key had bags under his. Key. It had never even occurred to him that the day when the other’s appearance wasn’t perfect would come. They were all struggling so hard, because it was supposed to be their fucking dream! Didn’t Jinki also want this?!
“Key, I just-- just leave me. I... I can’t do this right now.”
They all watched as Jonghyun made his way out of the basement, rubbing his temples as he walked up the stairs. Taemin shot a worried glance at Key, who was staring at the door Jonghyun had just slammed shut. Minho wrapped an arm around his shoulders reassuringly. He just wished he could say it would all be okay. Jonghyun was rarely angry, let alone at Jinki. He couldn’t even start to imagine how things would turn out. He could only hope it wouldn’t be a disaster. Key sighed, and let himself fall onto one of the chairs. This was bad...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jonghyun sat at a bench in some park, his face buried in his hands. He didn’t even know exactly where he was, his feet had just led him there after walking for who knows how long. He noticed the stray drops of water that made their way onto his hair and shoulders, leaving small, barely noticeable wet marks on his clothes and head. He didn’t care when the few drops quickly turned into a downpour.
He leaned back into the bench, letting his head fall backwards as the rain soaked him completely. A few drops fell near his eyes as he stared up at the gray sky, leaving trails on his cheeks before falling onto the ground. He quietly thanked whatever was up there for the weather that matched his mood. It would just be worse if the day was all bright and happy while he felt like his heart was shattering a little more with every second that passed.
Maybe that was why time seemed to flow by painfully slow, torturing him with every long second. He felt like he had been sitting in the rain for days when he caught some movement on the corner of his eye.
“Jonghyun...?”
Jinki looked worriedly at the other, trying to catch his breath as he leaned his hands on his knees. Jonghyun slowly sat up straight, looking at Jinki almost expressionlessly, but the older one didn’t miss the hurt buried deep within those dark eyes.
“You... you’ll catch a cold if you stand in this rain much longer...” Jinki slowly walked closer to the bench, almost as if he was scared Jonghyun would run off if he made any sudden movements. “Come on.” Jinki reached his hand out, but flinched when it was slapped back at him. Jonghyun was glaring at him, as if the action had brought him back to life, all traces of hurt now replaced by burning anger.
“J-Jjong...?”
“Why.” Jonghyun stood up from the bench as Jinki clutched his hand close to his chest. “Why are you here.”
“I was worried! Key told me you stormed away hours ago and you hadn’t come back yet...”
“Oh, so now you have time to waste on us.”
“What...?”
Jonghyun continued to glare at him, clenching and releasing his fists from sheer anger, resisting the urge to punch something. “Well, before you seemed really busy with whatever you were doing at school.”
“Jonghyun, that--”
“I don’t want to hear any excuses!!” His fist collided sideways with a tree that stood next to the bench he had been sitting on, making the leaves rattle, and water to fall down onto them from where it had been trapped on the dense mass of branches, leaves and flowers. “You clearly have your priorities decided already, so just stop fucking pretending you care!”
Jinki flinched again, but he didn’t back away. “I do care! It’s just--”
“You don’t! If you did, you’d see how much this means to me! Fuck, I’ve been dreaming with this ever since I could remember and you know it, damnit! Everyone is trying so hard, busting their asses and somehow managing to pass school and still practice for hours on end every single fucking day. Is getting good grades that important for you?! Would it really matter that much when you’ve gotten them for every fucking year so far?! Huh?!”
“You really think I don’t care about all of you?! I also wanted to form this band, if you don’t remember, precisely because we were all together in this!”
“We all are except for you! If you were really into it you wouldn’t miss practice! You think we’ll be able to make it without the effort?! The fucking point was to do it together, and you’re off doing fucking homework at school while we’re training like idiots, thinking you’ll get there any moment then, just you never do.”
“I have my reasons!! If you would just shut up for a second and listen--”
“I SAID I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING EXCUSES!!”
It all happened in the blink of an eye. It was too quick. When he realized what had happened, he was panting, and Jinki was on the wet cement of the park’s pavement, holding his slowly reddening cheek. Jonghyun looked down at his fist with wide eyes, then sifted his gaze back to Jinki, who was spitting some blood. It had been too quick for any of them to stop it.
Jinki got up slowly, his hand never leaving the now slightly swollen side of his face. When he looked up at Jonghyun, his long bangs of hair stopped covering his eyes, revealing tears streaming down his face, salty mixing with sweet as they merged with the rain still soaking them, to finally drop onto the ground. Jinki just looked at him for a second, looking so hurt. Jonghyun could only remember seeing him like that when his parents... when his accident had still been recent. It all felt wrong, so wrong. But it was too late to stop it.
Jinki turned and ran away into the rain, disappearing from Jonghyun’s sight before he even got the chance of trying to stop him, of calling out to him, of doing something. He was still angry, he knew if he saw Jinki again he would yell just as hard. But that hurt, that look that made it seem like it was Jinki’s world the one that was falling apart, made him feel so guilty, so equally hurt, that it almost overpowered his rage. He had never meant to hit Jinki.
“FUCK!”
He punched the tree again, letting out a string of curses under his breath, slowly dropping to the floor, to his knees, clenching his teeth and digging his nails into the skin of his hands. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to be furious at Jinki. Jinki wasn’t supposed to be hurt. They weren’t supposed to be fighting. Nothing was going like he wanted it to.
Jonghyun looked up again; all his expression showed now was weariness. As he saw peeks of the darkening sky through the small spaces between leaves and branches, all he felt was tiredness. He had had enough already. He didn’t want to take anymore of this. Fighting with Jinki felt as if someone was pulling his heart right out of his chest, and crushing it slowly, painfully, somehow never stopping its beat. He wished it would just be crushed completely so the pain would stop. It hurt too much, so much he didn’t even feel the cold rain soaking him to the bone. He felt everything he had fought for, everything he had obtained, slowly slipping through his fingers, while he could do nothing to try and catch them before they came crashing down, in front of his eyes. He just let himself fall backwards onto the pavement and closed his eyes, pretending he didn’t see ow everything was broken, wishing the rain would engulf him and take him away, take the feelings away. It was all too much.
Without Jinki, it felt as if whatever he did now would be meaningless. He laid there, wondering what was more important. Taemin’s, Minho’s, Kibum’s and his dreams and efforts, or his love. He couldn’t know. All he could do was bask in the warm sunlight of memories from better times, perfect times, pretending the cold rain wasn’t falling all over him, all over his world. The worst was he couldn’t see what had gone wrong.