What if... - Chapter eight
Title: What if...
Chapter: Eight
Author: Shiro
Rating: PG
Length: 4400 words
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Warnings: Jonghyun having a dirty mouth? (crazy POV switching?)
“Everyone, this is Lee Jinki. I’m sure you all already know about his situation, so let’s try to accept him into the class and create a comfortable study atmosphere, okay?”
Jinki sighed mentally as every student sitting in that class said ‘yes’ at the same time, all of them sneaking glances at him from time to time. He had known coming to school would mean being asked a lot of uncomfortable questions such as ‘how does it feel to sleep for an entire year’ or something, but he never liked people staring at him. It made him feel nervous and fidgety. Nothing good ever came when he was feeling nervous and fidgety.
“Well, there’s an empty seat-”
“Mr. Kwon! There’s an empty seat here!!”
Both Jinki and the teacher turned to look at Jonghyun, who was patting the empty table besides his own. The teacher frowned, both at the younger’s loud voice and because he was pretty sure that table was already being used by someone. Jinki just shot his best glare in Jjong’s direction, not wanting to be embarrassed by him on his first [i]hour[/i] in that new class.
“Isn’t that Mr. Park’s seat?”
“But he isn’t here! Besides, he always said he didn’t like this seat!”
“Jonghyun, listen, you can’t just-”
“Aw, come on!! It’s a win win situation!! This school is supposed to be a democracy! The ones involved have a right to vote!!! I-”
“Mr. Kim, extra homework.”
“Whaaat? No way!!”
“Mr. Lee, please go sit beside him so he’ll shut up for a while.”
Jinki sighed and walked to the empty table, as he heard the rest of the class laugh at the teacher’s comment, and at Jonghyun’s weeping and begging for the extra homework to be removed. He figured it was probably like that every day. When the teacher got tired of the endless whining, he ended up hitting Jonghyun on the head with a ruler. That explained why sometimes, when he met Jonghyun at recess, he rubbed his forehead from time to time, saying an undercover demon had hit him whenever he asked about it.
“Okay class, quiet down! We’re starting the lesson!”
Jinki opened his bag, pulling out the books Leeteuk had bought for him. He probably still had his books from that year, but since they were written all over and some problems were already solved, and they looked kind of old and ragged, his cousin had insisted on buying him new ones.
He opened his notebook and looked up at the blackboard, watching the teacher write and explain something about derivation and integration. He could still recall having had that class, even though it was all slightly blurry. There were some things he could remember, and others he couldn’t even vaguely recognize. He had been in a coma for a little over a year, so he was surprised that they were still doing things he could somewhat remember. Then again, Jonghyun was in that class.
He was trying to focus on taking notes rather than on his slowly developing headache, when a small folded paper fell onto his book, rolling a little before it stopped. He frowned and looked at Jonghyun, who was pretending to pay attention to class and writing on his notebook. That just confirmed it had been him, since he would usually be trying to sleep behind his book, or doodling dinosaurs on his notebook. He sighed and opened the paper, skimming through the messy handwriting.
I’m bored~
How can you stand this?!
Yah, Jinki hyung, pass me your notes once class is over!
Jinki sighed and waited until Jonghyun sneaked a glance at him to throw the paper into the trashcan. He could [i]feel[/i] the other’s glare at his obvious attempt to ignore him and his message, but he didn’t really care at the moment. He was still slightly angry because of what happened that Saturday with Key, and Jonghyun hadn’t even talked about it wit him yet. Whenever they were together, he would talk about random things and change topics quickly so nothing would lead there. And it was starting to get on his nerves for some reason, that he was avoiding it as if it had been wrong.
...Exactly what it was, he wasn’t so sure about though. Jonghyun had been about to do something before Key barged in, making him jump, trip, and bring them both down... Okay, so maybe it had partly been his fault too, but it annoyed him that Jonghyun wouldn’t talk about it with him. He looked like he was about to say something important before Kibum, so why try to ignore it now?
Great, now he had definitely given himself a headache. And the small paper that bounced off his head didn’t help much either. What was [i]he[/i] expecting anyways? Why had he felt frustrated when he thought about it after he left Jonghyun in the balcony and locked him there? What had been that weird... feeling when Jonghyun had made him look at him?
'And WHY IN THE WORLD CAN’T I STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS FACE NOW THAT I REMEMBERED THAT NIGHT. DARN IT.'
He sighed and buried his head into his book, trying to concentrate on the class rather than on Jonghyun and his growing headache. He couldn’t take aspirins in the middle of the class after all, that would be really rude. He felt another paper bouncing off his head, but he just continued to ignore Jjong. He was having enough troubles all by himself to try and argue the other one into paying attention to mathematics.
'I’ll have to talk with Kibum later... He must’ve misunderstood what he saw at that time...'
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As soon as the school’s bell rang, all the students got up from their seats and started chatting amongst themselves. Jinki wasn’t even done putting his things away when his desk suddenly turned darker. He looked up to see a pissed-looking Jonghyun as the source of the shadow, looming over him like some kind of spirit.
“What?”
“Hyung, you ignored me.”
“You were being annoying. Pay attention to class.”
He continued putting his books into his bag, ignoring the pouts Jonghyun was shooting at him. He sneaked a glance at the rest of the class, not failing to notice how almost everyone was whispering while looking in their direction from time to time. He sighed, sinking lower into his chair, ignoring Jonghyun ranting beside him. He really didn’t like being the center of attention, even less since he was constantly reminded he wasn’t... normal. He had no parents. He lost a year of his life. What was so interesting abot it...? He just wanted to forget it all...
Jonghyun was getting tired of trying to get the other’s attention, so he flopped angrily onto his seat, crossing his arms and throwing a tantrum like a little child. He looked at Jinki again, and noticed how he seemed really troubled. One glance around the class, and he knew why. He couldn’t help but feel really angry, how could they gossip about something so horrible as if it was the latest news about some celebrity?! He stood up angrily and slammed his hand onto the desk, successfully turning all the eyes in the classroom towards him, even Jinki’s.
“You guys... How can you be like this?! Have you even wondered what it must feel like to be in that situation?! It isn’t something to gossip about, damn it!! Get on with your fucking own business and leave him alone!!!”
Jinki gaped at the younger one’s outburst, as the rest of the class fell eerily quiet. He heard a few quiet apologies, before everyone went back to chatting amongst themselves, but this time, probably talking about Jonghyun’s outburst, or maybe even listening to him and minding their own business. He didn’t know, and he really didn’t care. His chest felt strangely warm at the thought that Jjong hadn’t only noticed, but also defended him. Then again, the smile that was slowly making its way to his lips quickly turned into a scowl at the thought of being treated like some sort of damsel in distress.
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'Sometimes, hyung is such a damsel in distress...'
Jonghyun let out a puff of air after his yelling, and sat back down in his seat, rummaging through his backpack in search for something to eat. His hand finally collided with what he recognized as a bag of chips, so he opened it, and brought out his hand, now holding a few of the salty treats. He shoved them into his mouth and looked at the clock hanging from the back wall of the classroom, noticing there were only two minutes left until their next class started. If he recalled correctly, it was physics. Oh fun.
Really, whoever thought of putting double periods of mathematics and physics together either really hated kids, or was some sort of evil old man who wanted to brainwash the youth by using subliminal messages in formulas so he could later create an invincible army and rule the world.
He laughed a little at his own overactive imagination, deciding he should probably tell Kibum about that one. He usually enjoyed most of his silly plotting. Then again, Key had been acting kind of weird lately. The umma’s mood swings were even worse than they usually were, and that was saying a lot. Strangely, it always seemed to happen when he did something related to Jinki...
He turned to watch the older boy, who was getting his things ready for the next class. Jonghyun didn’t think the other was capable of doing anything to make Kibum angry, unless he had done it unintentionally. And if he had, then Key, as the umma he is, would have just scolded him, maybe hit him with something, but then forgive him right away... Not start acting strange.
So then, what was wrong with him...?
He sighed and started twirling his pen between his fingers, deciding he should really talk with Kibum when he had the chance. It wasn’t too serious, since really, all that had changed was the frequency of his mood-swings, but still. They were supposed to be best friends, and he didn’t like the idea that the other might be hiding something.
...Or maybe the umma was just having his period or something.
He almost laughed aloud at the thought, but he knew better than to voice it. Especially if there was any chance that Key might hear him. He quite appreciated his reputation at school, after all, and he got the feeling he wouldn’t get off the hook just with a new hairdo. Oh no, if the umma heard that, he would knock him unconscious, dress him in a pink tutu and put doggy ears and a tail on him. Then force him to attend school like that until he finished it.
He started to doodle absent-mindedly on his notebook, noticing that about three quarters of what he had written in his physics notebooks were actually doodles, random bits and pieces of songs, some bass chords, and there was even a lone failed attempt of an origami fox. Not like he cared anyway. He wouldn’t pass physics even if he tried to, so why bother, when his time would be much better employed on trying to master the drawing of a chibi dinosaur.
...Or writing songs. Yeah. That sounded more useful.
His first thought after yelling came back to him, and he scribbled he word [i]‘Juliette’[/i] on a new page of his notebook. He didn’t really know why, but it had a nice ring to it. Juliette. Juliette. He could probably make a great song out of this, with enough time given.
He turned to look at Jinki again, catching the older one stealing a glance at him. He almost laughed when the other’s cheeks turned a soft pink, and he immediately buried his face into the physics book, pretending to be reading it even though it was currently upside down. He had to laugh at that, even though he would probably get a book thrown to his head for that.
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‘Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he caught me looking at him...!’
Jinki raised his book in front of his face as fast as his reflexes could allow him, not noticing how the pictures and words were pointing down. He could only think about how he had been staring at Jonghyun’s face again, and the other had caught him...
And now he was laughing. He didn’t know if he should be angry or embarrassed, but in the end he was both. He still wasn’t sure what it was that he was starting to feel near the younger one, and yet he was acting like he had done something bad... He was done trying to understand his body.
When Jonghyun’s laughter didn’t stop after a while minute had passed by though, he was more angry than embarrassed. He fished a book he had been reading out of his backpack, nodding in approval of its hard cover and countless number of pages, before throwing it with a deadly aim directly towards the other’s head.
“Ow!!”
At least the laughing had stopped. He could tell Jonghyun was about to stand up and start yelling at him while ranting about throwing books to people, when the physics teacher walked into the class. He was glad for the punctuality, since he wasn’t really in the mood to deal with the younger’s ranting. He had totally deserved that, after all.
He just pushed his glasses a little higher on the bridge of his nose, standing up with the rest of the class to bow, and then sat down again, prepared to continue taking notes. That is, until another paper collided harmlessly onto the side of his head, bouncing onto his opened physics book. He sighed heavily and opened it, already knowing what was going to be written.
‘Yah!!!! Hyung, why did you throw a book at me?!?! That really hurt, you know!!’
He sighed yet again, ignoring the daggers Jonghyun was glaring at him from his left side. He knew the other wasn’t really that angry anyway. They always had this mock fights ever since they were little and they had met each other. Then again, they were supposed to be mature now...
Oh well. Acting like a five-year-old child was one of the things he loved about being with Jonghyun. It was so easy to relax and just have fun with him that... Wait. Did he just think LOVE?! He could feel heat rushing onto his face, even though thinking about it logically, he had only meant love as in he really liked being with Jonghyun... Really liked...
‘STOP. RIGHT. THERE.’
He could almost feel Jonghyun’s curious stare on the side of his head, as he hid himself behind his book, lowering his head to completely cover the soft pink color his cheeks were starting to acquire. How come all these weird thoughts and feelings were coming all of a sudden?! He was actually considering to ask permission to go to the nurses’ office, see if a little sleep and a few -a lot- pills could calm him down. The only reason he wasn’t really going was because he didn’t want to call attention by going that in his first day. They’d all think there was still something wrong with him. And if Leeteuk ever found out he had gone to the nurse, he’d ban him from school for another week, minimum.
‘I am so screwed up...’
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‘Was he blushing...?’
Jonghyun raised an eyebrow as he watched Jinki completely hide himself within his opened book. Had he imagined that...? ‘Cause if he had, then he was starting to really go nuts and hallucinate. And that wasn’t good. Especially since he was hallucinating about Jinki. Blushing. While looking at him. That meant his feelings were even more out of control than he thought. And that was really, really bad. Hell, he hadn’t even told Key about it!!
He looked at the older one again, trying to quiet down that little voice in his head that was telling him he hadn’t imagined it, but actually seen it. That was impossible, and he didn’t want to start getting his hopes up for nothing. How could Jinki have even the slightest feelings for him that weren’t those of friendship they had shared for years? It would be too good to be true, and he knew that, as much as he longed to hold onto that tiny thread of hope right now, the only thing it would do would be pull him up, pull him up so graciously, so that when the fall came, it would break him into tiny pieces that could no longer be put together to form the Kim Jonghyun he would have had once been.
He shuddered visibly at the thought of being rejected by Jinki. What scared him so much was not necessarily the rejecting of his confession, but the rejecting at all that he could be put under. As much of a sweet and kind person he knew the older one was, he couldn’t help but thinking, almost [i]seeing[/i] all of those possibilities if his feelings were found. And yet, he felt as if he held them locked up inside his chest for a single day longer, he would explode.
'...‘This isn’t fair...'
He sighed once again, sinking lower into his seat as he waited for the class to finish, not even hearing the constant noise of the teacher’s voice as he explained something about movement and mass. He honestly couldn’t care less.
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“Jonghyun. Jonghyun!!”
“Ow!”
He raised his head from his desk, looking up to see a really frustrated Kibum and a worried-looking Jinki. Oh great.
“Was it necessary to smack me?!”
“You wouldn’t answer, so yes.”
“Haven’t you ever heard of shaking someone awake?!”
“That wouldn’t be fun, now would it.”
“Kibum, stop teasing him. And Jonghyun, stop spacing out like that. What’s gotten into you?”
Jonghyun looked between the two of them, somewhat feeling as if he was in an interrogation.
“What are [i]you[/i] doing here anyways?”
“It’s lunch break already, you idiot. I came to pick you two up, and to check how was hyung’s first day of school.”
“...Oh.”
“And don’t think you can evade the question like that!”
Jonghyun let out a small sheepish laugh, scratching the back of his head as he stood up from his seat, dragging them both in the cafeteria’s direction.
“Oh, come on. Nothing’s wrong with me, my brain just sort of shut down halfway through the physics class. It was too boring. And I suspect they use it to brainwash students.”
“They what?”
The youngest ignored Jinki’s startled question as they laughed, walking towards the cafeteria, where Minho and Taemin were probably already waiting for them. Jinki couldn’t help but feel a little left behind, with everything the other two were talking about. He supposed it was normal for them to have come up with several of their conspiracy jokes over the last year, but it felt strange to not be able to keep up with them and scold them for making fun of teachers. And that was the bad kind of strange.
He couldn’t help but space out through the whole lunch, barely poking his food with the fork before he stood and left, not without feeling bad about wasting a perfectly fine meal. He vaguely registered Key asking if he was okay, or where was he going, he wasn’t sure, but only the mumbled word ‘bathroom’ left his lips before he pushed open the cafeteria doors.
He thanked the heavens he could still make his way around the school, since it hadn’t changed that much in the time he was gone. A few familiar yet strange faces, some new doors and old ones that weren’t there anymore. Not that much of a difference. If it had been different, he was sure he would be lost, and somehow end up in the worst of places.
He soon reached the school’s inner garden, which was currently deserted, since all of the students were still at the cafeteria. He walked through the rows of flowers planted at the sides of the road, noting how many of the plants had grown since the last time he came, while there were others that had been replaced. The benches were still the same soft white color, placed where the road ended into a large circle, with a beautiful fountain placed in the middle. He closed his eyes, replaying the memories of that hot spring day when Jonghyun threw Key into the water, ending up with all of them going to the principal’s office. It was as if a movie was going on and on behind his eyelids, filling him up with several emotions he couldn’t even identify before the next scene was playing itself before him. He could remember so, so many things, yet it still hurt when he thought of the equally large amount of memories he had missed.
He sat on one of the benches, watching idly as the water rose up high and fell down again on a never-ending cycle. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would be able to stand it. Rising to the point where your strength extinguishes, only to be brought back down. If it was him, he might have given up a long time ago.
“You never did get over your habit of coming here, did you, hyung?” He turned his head to see Jonghyun walking towards him, letting himself fall onto the bench, sitting down next to the older one as he shot him one of his famous crooked grins. “You’re still quite predictable.”
Jinki just looked at him for a moment before turning away, dropping his face a little so his sideways fringe would cover most of his face. He was still unsure as to what it was that made him feel so strange around Jonghyun, and the other seemed to have a constant presence in his life recently. How was he supposed to figure things out if he couldn’t even have some time to himself?
Jonghyun turned to look at the fountain, smiling a little at the memory of Key’s priceless expression when his perfectly styled hair was suddenly wet and sticking to the sides of his head, his perfectly chosen clothes were in the same state, and his perfectly applied makeup was starting to go off a little at the edges. He still didn’t know what the other’s obsession was with fashion anyways, and he still couldn’t understand why someone would put on makeup willingly. But then again, Kibum had always been quite unique. Not like he didn’t like it though.
He looked back at Jinki, noticing how the other looked like his mind had been swooped into some other magical dimension. He smiled and thought back to when he had left in the cafeteria, trying to put his finger onto what had made the older one leave like that. Thinking about it, he had been acting slightly off ever since they left the class, when he had started talking with Key about-
‘Oh.’
He almost punched himself for not noticing that earlier. But there was still a way to fix it.
“Hey, you know that English teacher you had last year? Well, he missed school for two weeks straight and no one knew anything, so we figured he was part of a secret organ-stealing mafia. Also because one day he came with a red stain on his shirt. He said it was ketchup though. And the fact that it was right after lunch break had absolutely nothing to do with anything.”
Jinki blinked a couple of times before slowly turning to look at Jonghyun, who was smiling like silly, he could tell whatever he was remembering had been a lot of fun. However, the other’s gaze was glued to the clouds, moving lazily across the sky, some of them imitating the shapes of random objects.
“So then when he left school at the end of the year and another teacher came, he go caught by the police. And the new teacher is a member from a secret organization trying to find out clues at the school about the organ-stealing mafia. Then there’s the headmaster, who is trying to ruin all of our lives by putting the hardest and more boring classes together so we can’t concentrate for too long and we fail. That way, he can tell the geniuses apart, and brainwash them so he can create a robot army. So stay away from him. Oh, and then there’s...”
Jinki could only stare wide-eyed at him, gaping slightly but without being albe to form any words. ‘It’s unfair.’ How come Jonghyun could read him so easily? Why couldn’t he even pretend to be okay near him...?
“...Stop.”
Jonghyun turned to look at the other, curiously blinking at him.
“...I’ve heard enough for one day.” Jinki smiled at him, a real smile, and Jonghyun could be reassured that he really meant it. “Besides, if you run out of things to tell me, you may start talking about stupid things.”
“Hey!”
Laughter soon filled the peaceful air, before one of them was interrupted by a sound of pain. Jinki turned to look at an angry looking Kibum who had just smacked Jonghyun across the head, with a smiling Taemin and a chuckling Minho right behind him. They all started laughing and playing in the otherwise empty garden, and for once, Jinki could let go of everything that was weighing down on his heart. Not because he wanted to or was forced to, it just happened. Because that moment’s happiness was too overwhelming.
“Geez hyungs, we always find you two somewhere by yourselves! Are you secretly dating or what?”
Taemin laughed at his own joke, while Jonghyun all but jumped from the bench and started yelling at him and chasing him around. Minho went to try and separate them, leaving Key to gape a little, before his gaze turned to Jinki, who was starting to turn red. Cat-like eyes narrowed for a second, before they were back to being half closed in laughter.
No one noticed the deep look of hurt that flashed through almond irises.
Chapter: Eight
Author: Shiro
Rating: PG
Length: 4400 words
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Warnings: Jonghyun having a dirty mouth? (crazy POV switching?)
“Everyone, this is Lee Jinki. I’m sure you all already know about his situation, so let’s try to accept him into the class and create a comfortable study atmosphere, okay?”
Jinki sighed mentally as every student sitting in that class said ‘yes’ at the same time, all of them sneaking glances at him from time to time. He had known coming to school would mean being asked a lot of uncomfortable questions such as ‘how does it feel to sleep for an entire year’ or something, but he never liked people staring at him. It made him feel nervous and fidgety. Nothing good ever came when he was feeling nervous and fidgety.
“Well, there’s an empty seat-”
“Mr. Kwon! There’s an empty seat here!!”
Both Jinki and the teacher turned to look at Jonghyun, who was patting the empty table besides his own. The teacher frowned, both at the younger’s loud voice and because he was pretty sure that table was already being used by someone. Jinki just shot his best glare in Jjong’s direction, not wanting to be embarrassed by him on his first [i]hour[/i] in that new class.
“Isn’t that Mr. Park’s seat?”
“But he isn’t here! Besides, he always said he didn’t like this seat!”
“Jonghyun, listen, you can’t just-”
“Aw, come on!! It’s a win win situation!! This school is supposed to be a democracy! The ones involved have a right to vote!!! I-”
“Mr. Kim, extra homework.”
“Whaaat? No way!!”
“Mr. Lee, please go sit beside him so he’ll shut up for a while.”
Jinki sighed and walked to the empty table, as he heard the rest of the class laugh at the teacher’s comment, and at Jonghyun’s weeping and begging for the extra homework to be removed. He figured it was probably like that every day. When the teacher got tired of the endless whining, he ended up hitting Jonghyun on the head with a ruler. That explained why sometimes, when he met Jonghyun at recess, he rubbed his forehead from time to time, saying an undercover demon had hit him whenever he asked about it.
“Okay class, quiet down! We’re starting the lesson!”
Jinki opened his bag, pulling out the books Leeteuk had bought for him. He probably still had his books from that year, but since they were written all over and some problems were already solved, and they looked kind of old and ragged, his cousin had insisted on buying him new ones.
He opened his notebook and looked up at the blackboard, watching the teacher write and explain something about derivation and integration. He could still recall having had that class, even though it was all slightly blurry. There were some things he could remember, and others he couldn’t even vaguely recognize. He had been in a coma for a little over a year, so he was surprised that they were still doing things he could somewhat remember. Then again, Jonghyun was in that class.
He was trying to focus on taking notes rather than on his slowly developing headache, when a small folded paper fell onto his book, rolling a little before it stopped. He frowned and looked at Jonghyun, who was pretending to pay attention to class and writing on his notebook. That just confirmed it had been him, since he would usually be trying to sleep behind his book, or doodling dinosaurs on his notebook. He sighed and opened the paper, skimming through the messy handwriting.
I’m bored~
How can you stand this?!
Yah, Jinki hyung, pass me your notes once class is over!
Jinki sighed and waited until Jonghyun sneaked a glance at him to throw the paper into the trashcan. He could [i]feel[/i] the other’s glare at his obvious attempt to ignore him and his message, but he didn’t really care at the moment. He was still slightly angry because of what happened that Saturday with Key, and Jonghyun hadn’t even talked about it wit him yet. Whenever they were together, he would talk about random things and change topics quickly so nothing would lead there. And it was starting to get on his nerves for some reason, that he was avoiding it as if it had been wrong.
...Exactly what it was, he wasn’t so sure about though. Jonghyun had been about to do something before Key barged in, making him jump, trip, and bring them both down... Okay, so maybe it had partly been his fault too, but it annoyed him that Jonghyun wouldn’t talk about it with him. He looked like he was about to say something important before Kibum, so why try to ignore it now?
Great, now he had definitely given himself a headache. And the small paper that bounced off his head didn’t help much either. What was [i]he[/i] expecting anyways? Why had he felt frustrated when he thought about it after he left Jonghyun in the balcony and locked him there? What had been that weird... feeling when Jonghyun had made him look at him?
'And WHY IN THE WORLD CAN’T I STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS FACE NOW THAT I REMEMBERED THAT NIGHT. DARN IT.'
He sighed and buried his head into his book, trying to concentrate on the class rather than on Jonghyun and his growing headache. He couldn’t take aspirins in the middle of the class after all, that would be really rude. He felt another paper bouncing off his head, but he just continued to ignore Jjong. He was having enough troubles all by himself to try and argue the other one into paying attention to mathematics.
'I’ll have to talk with Kibum later... He must’ve misunderstood what he saw at that time...'
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As soon as the school’s bell rang, all the students got up from their seats and started chatting amongst themselves. Jinki wasn’t even done putting his things away when his desk suddenly turned darker. He looked up to see a pissed-looking Jonghyun as the source of the shadow, looming over him like some kind of spirit.
“What?”
“Hyung, you ignored me.”
“You were being annoying. Pay attention to class.”
He continued putting his books into his bag, ignoring the pouts Jonghyun was shooting at him. He sneaked a glance at the rest of the class, not failing to notice how almost everyone was whispering while looking in their direction from time to time. He sighed, sinking lower into his chair, ignoring Jonghyun ranting beside him. He really didn’t like being the center of attention, even less since he was constantly reminded he wasn’t... normal. He had no parents. He lost a year of his life. What was so interesting abot it...? He just wanted to forget it all...
Jonghyun was getting tired of trying to get the other’s attention, so he flopped angrily onto his seat, crossing his arms and throwing a tantrum like a little child. He looked at Jinki again, and noticed how he seemed really troubled. One glance around the class, and he knew why. He couldn’t help but feel really angry, how could they gossip about something so horrible as if it was the latest news about some celebrity?! He stood up angrily and slammed his hand onto the desk, successfully turning all the eyes in the classroom towards him, even Jinki’s.
“You guys... How can you be like this?! Have you even wondered what it must feel like to be in that situation?! It isn’t something to gossip about, damn it!! Get on with your fucking own business and leave him alone!!!”
Jinki gaped at the younger one’s outburst, as the rest of the class fell eerily quiet. He heard a few quiet apologies, before everyone went back to chatting amongst themselves, but this time, probably talking about Jonghyun’s outburst, or maybe even listening to him and minding their own business. He didn’t know, and he really didn’t care. His chest felt strangely warm at the thought that Jjong hadn’t only noticed, but also defended him. Then again, the smile that was slowly making its way to his lips quickly turned into a scowl at the thought of being treated like some sort of damsel in distress.
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'Sometimes, hyung is such a damsel in distress...'
Jonghyun let out a puff of air after his yelling, and sat back down in his seat, rummaging through his backpack in search for something to eat. His hand finally collided with what he recognized as a bag of chips, so he opened it, and brought out his hand, now holding a few of the salty treats. He shoved them into his mouth and looked at the clock hanging from the back wall of the classroom, noticing there were only two minutes left until their next class started. If he recalled correctly, it was physics. Oh fun.
Really, whoever thought of putting double periods of mathematics and physics together either really hated kids, or was some sort of evil old man who wanted to brainwash the youth by using subliminal messages in formulas so he could later create an invincible army and rule the world.
He laughed a little at his own overactive imagination, deciding he should probably tell Kibum about that one. He usually enjoyed most of his silly plotting. Then again, Key had been acting kind of weird lately. The umma’s mood swings were even worse than they usually were, and that was saying a lot. Strangely, it always seemed to happen when he did something related to Jinki...
He turned to watch the older boy, who was getting his things ready for the next class. Jonghyun didn’t think the other was capable of doing anything to make Kibum angry, unless he had done it unintentionally. And if he had, then Key, as the umma he is, would have just scolded him, maybe hit him with something, but then forgive him right away... Not start acting strange.
So then, what was wrong with him...?
He sighed and started twirling his pen between his fingers, deciding he should really talk with Kibum when he had the chance. It wasn’t too serious, since really, all that had changed was the frequency of his mood-swings, but still. They were supposed to be best friends, and he didn’t like the idea that the other might be hiding something.
...Or maybe the umma was just having his period or something.
He almost laughed aloud at the thought, but he knew better than to voice it. Especially if there was any chance that Key might hear him. He quite appreciated his reputation at school, after all, and he got the feeling he wouldn’t get off the hook just with a new hairdo. Oh no, if the umma heard that, he would knock him unconscious, dress him in a pink tutu and put doggy ears and a tail on him. Then force him to attend school like that until he finished it.
He started to doodle absent-mindedly on his notebook, noticing that about three quarters of what he had written in his physics notebooks were actually doodles, random bits and pieces of songs, some bass chords, and there was even a lone failed attempt of an origami fox. Not like he cared anyway. He wouldn’t pass physics even if he tried to, so why bother, when his time would be much better employed on trying to master the drawing of a chibi dinosaur.
...Or writing songs. Yeah. That sounded more useful.
His first thought after yelling came back to him, and he scribbled he word [i]‘Juliette’[/i] on a new page of his notebook. He didn’t really know why, but it had a nice ring to it. Juliette. Juliette. He could probably make a great song out of this, with enough time given.
He turned to look at Jinki again, catching the older one stealing a glance at him. He almost laughed when the other’s cheeks turned a soft pink, and he immediately buried his face into the physics book, pretending to be reading it even though it was currently upside down. He had to laugh at that, even though he would probably get a book thrown to his head for that.
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‘Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he caught me looking at him...!’
Jinki raised his book in front of his face as fast as his reflexes could allow him, not noticing how the pictures and words were pointing down. He could only think about how he had been staring at Jonghyun’s face again, and the other had caught him...
And now he was laughing. He didn’t know if he should be angry or embarrassed, but in the end he was both. He still wasn’t sure what it was that he was starting to feel near the younger one, and yet he was acting like he had done something bad... He was done trying to understand his body.
When Jonghyun’s laughter didn’t stop after a while minute had passed by though, he was more angry than embarrassed. He fished a book he had been reading out of his backpack, nodding in approval of its hard cover and countless number of pages, before throwing it with a deadly aim directly towards the other’s head.
“Ow!!”
At least the laughing had stopped. He could tell Jonghyun was about to stand up and start yelling at him while ranting about throwing books to people, when the physics teacher walked into the class. He was glad for the punctuality, since he wasn’t really in the mood to deal with the younger’s ranting. He had totally deserved that, after all.
He just pushed his glasses a little higher on the bridge of his nose, standing up with the rest of the class to bow, and then sat down again, prepared to continue taking notes. That is, until another paper collided harmlessly onto the side of his head, bouncing onto his opened physics book. He sighed heavily and opened it, already knowing what was going to be written.
‘Yah!!!! Hyung, why did you throw a book at me?!?! That really hurt, you know!!’
He sighed yet again, ignoring the daggers Jonghyun was glaring at him from his left side. He knew the other wasn’t really that angry anyway. They always had this mock fights ever since they were little and they had met each other. Then again, they were supposed to be mature now...
Oh well. Acting like a five-year-old child was one of the things he loved about being with Jonghyun. It was so easy to relax and just have fun with him that... Wait. Did he just think LOVE?! He could feel heat rushing onto his face, even though thinking about it logically, he had only meant love as in he really liked being with Jonghyun... Really liked...
‘STOP. RIGHT. THERE.’
He could almost feel Jonghyun’s curious stare on the side of his head, as he hid himself behind his book, lowering his head to completely cover the soft pink color his cheeks were starting to acquire. How come all these weird thoughts and feelings were coming all of a sudden?! He was actually considering to ask permission to go to the nurses’ office, see if a little sleep and a few -a lot- pills could calm him down. The only reason he wasn’t really going was because he didn’t want to call attention by going that in his first day. They’d all think there was still something wrong with him. And if Leeteuk ever found out he had gone to the nurse, he’d ban him from school for another week, minimum.
‘I am so screwed up...’
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‘Was he blushing...?’
Jonghyun raised an eyebrow as he watched Jinki completely hide himself within his opened book. Had he imagined that...? ‘Cause if he had, then he was starting to really go nuts and hallucinate. And that wasn’t good. Especially since he was hallucinating about Jinki. Blushing. While looking at him. That meant his feelings were even more out of control than he thought. And that was really, really bad. Hell, he hadn’t even told Key about it!!
He looked at the older one again, trying to quiet down that little voice in his head that was telling him he hadn’t imagined it, but actually seen it. That was impossible, and he didn’t want to start getting his hopes up for nothing. How could Jinki have even the slightest feelings for him that weren’t those of friendship they had shared for years? It would be too good to be true, and he knew that, as much as he longed to hold onto that tiny thread of hope right now, the only thing it would do would be pull him up, pull him up so graciously, so that when the fall came, it would break him into tiny pieces that could no longer be put together to form the Kim Jonghyun he would have had once been.
He shuddered visibly at the thought of being rejected by Jinki. What scared him so much was not necessarily the rejecting of his confession, but the rejecting at all that he could be put under. As much of a sweet and kind person he knew the older one was, he couldn’t help but thinking, almost [i]seeing[/i] all of those possibilities if his feelings were found. And yet, he felt as if he held them locked up inside his chest for a single day longer, he would explode.
'...‘This isn’t fair...'
He sighed once again, sinking lower into his seat as he waited for the class to finish, not even hearing the constant noise of the teacher’s voice as he explained something about movement and mass. He honestly couldn’t care less.
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“Jonghyun. Jonghyun!!”
“Ow!”
He raised his head from his desk, looking up to see a really frustrated Kibum and a worried-looking Jinki. Oh great.
“Was it necessary to smack me?!”
“You wouldn’t answer, so yes.”
“Haven’t you ever heard of shaking someone awake?!”
“That wouldn’t be fun, now would it.”
“Kibum, stop teasing him. And Jonghyun, stop spacing out like that. What’s gotten into you?”
Jonghyun looked between the two of them, somewhat feeling as if he was in an interrogation.
“What are [i]you[/i] doing here anyways?”
“It’s lunch break already, you idiot. I came to pick you two up, and to check how was hyung’s first day of school.”
“...Oh.”
“And don’t think you can evade the question like that!”
Jonghyun let out a small sheepish laugh, scratching the back of his head as he stood up from his seat, dragging them both in the cafeteria’s direction.
“Oh, come on. Nothing’s wrong with me, my brain just sort of shut down halfway through the physics class. It was too boring. And I suspect they use it to brainwash students.”
“They what?”
The youngest ignored Jinki’s startled question as they laughed, walking towards the cafeteria, where Minho and Taemin were probably already waiting for them. Jinki couldn’t help but feel a little left behind, with everything the other two were talking about. He supposed it was normal for them to have come up with several of their conspiracy jokes over the last year, but it felt strange to not be able to keep up with them and scold them for making fun of teachers. And that was the bad kind of strange.
He couldn’t help but space out through the whole lunch, barely poking his food with the fork before he stood and left, not without feeling bad about wasting a perfectly fine meal. He vaguely registered Key asking if he was okay, or where was he going, he wasn’t sure, but only the mumbled word ‘bathroom’ left his lips before he pushed open the cafeteria doors.
He thanked the heavens he could still make his way around the school, since it hadn’t changed that much in the time he was gone. A few familiar yet strange faces, some new doors and old ones that weren’t there anymore. Not that much of a difference. If it had been different, he was sure he would be lost, and somehow end up in the worst of places.
He soon reached the school’s inner garden, which was currently deserted, since all of the students were still at the cafeteria. He walked through the rows of flowers planted at the sides of the road, noting how many of the plants had grown since the last time he came, while there were others that had been replaced. The benches were still the same soft white color, placed where the road ended into a large circle, with a beautiful fountain placed in the middle. He closed his eyes, replaying the memories of that hot spring day when Jonghyun threw Key into the water, ending up with all of them going to the principal’s office. It was as if a movie was going on and on behind his eyelids, filling him up with several emotions he couldn’t even identify before the next scene was playing itself before him. He could remember so, so many things, yet it still hurt when he thought of the equally large amount of memories he had missed.
He sat on one of the benches, watching idly as the water rose up high and fell down again on a never-ending cycle. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would be able to stand it. Rising to the point where your strength extinguishes, only to be brought back down. If it was him, he might have given up a long time ago.
“You never did get over your habit of coming here, did you, hyung?” He turned his head to see Jonghyun walking towards him, letting himself fall onto the bench, sitting down next to the older one as he shot him one of his famous crooked grins. “You’re still quite predictable.”
Jinki just looked at him for a moment before turning away, dropping his face a little so his sideways fringe would cover most of his face. He was still unsure as to what it was that made him feel so strange around Jonghyun, and the other seemed to have a constant presence in his life recently. How was he supposed to figure things out if he couldn’t even have some time to himself?
Jonghyun turned to look at the fountain, smiling a little at the memory of Key’s priceless expression when his perfectly styled hair was suddenly wet and sticking to the sides of his head, his perfectly chosen clothes were in the same state, and his perfectly applied makeup was starting to go off a little at the edges. He still didn’t know what the other’s obsession was with fashion anyways, and he still couldn’t understand why someone would put on makeup willingly. But then again, Kibum had always been quite unique. Not like he didn’t like it though.
He looked back at Jinki, noticing how the other looked like his mind had been swooped into some other magical dimension. He smiled and thought back to when he had left in the cafeteria, trying to put his finger onto what had made the older one leave like that. Thinking about it, he had been acting slightly off ever since they left the class, when he had started talking with Key about-
‘Oh.’
He almost punched himself for not noticing that earlier. But there was still a way to fix it.
“Hey, you know that English teacher you had last year? Well, he missed school for two weeks straight and no one knew anything, so we figured he was part of a secret organ-stealing mafia. Also because one day he came with a red stain on his shirt. He said it was ketchup though. And the fact that it was right after lunch break had absolutely nothing to do with anything.”
Jinki blinked a couple of times before slowly turning to look at Jonghyun, who was smiling like silly, he could tell whatever he was remembering had been a lot of fun. However, the other’s gaze was glued to the clouds, moving lazily across the sky, some of them imitating the shapes of random objects.
“So then when he left school at the end of the year and another teacher came, he go caught by the police. And the new teacher is a member from a secret organization trying to find out clues at the school about the organ-stealing mafia. Then there’s the headmaster, who is trying to ruin all of our lives by putting the hardest and more boring classes together so we can’t concentrate for too long and we fail. That way, he can tell the geniuses apart, and brainwash them so he can create a robot army. So stay away from him. Oh, and then there’s...”
Jinki could only stare wide-eyed at him, gaping slightly but without being albe to form any words. ‘It’s unfair.’ How come Jonghyun could read him so easily? Why couldn’t he even pretend to be okay near him...?
“...Stop.”
Jonghyun turned to look at the other, curiously blinking at him.
“...I’ve heard enough for one day.” Jinki smiled at him, a real smile, and Jonghyun could be reassured that he really meant it. “Besides, if you run out of things to tell me, you may start talking about stupid things.”
“Hey!”
Laughter soon filled the peaceful air, before one of them was interrupted by a sound of pain. Jinki turned to look at an angry looking Kibum who had just smacked Jonghyun across the head, with a smiling Taemin and a chuckling Minho right behind him. They all started laughing and playing in the otherwise empty garden, and for once, Jinki could let go of everything that was weighing down on his heart. Not because he wanted to or was forced to, it just happened. Because that moment’s happiness was too overwhelming.
“Geez hyungs, we always find you two somewhere by yourselves! Are you secretly dating or what?”
Taemin laughed at his own joke, while Jonghyun all but jumped from the bench and started yelling at him and chasing him around. Minho went to try and separate them, leaving Key to gape a little, before his gaze turned to Jinki, who was starting to turn red. Cat-like eyes narrowed for a second, before they were back to being half closed in laughter.
No one noticed the deep look of hurt that flashed through almond irises.