(no subject)
I saw the third Blade movie on Saturday night. I'm sorry, I meant to say I saw Blade:Trinity the other night. What a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, movie.
A vampire movie should never be a thinly veiled advert for the Apple iPod. They had multiple scenes where they showed one of the main characters creating and uploading a playlist onto her iPod. One of the other characters even blatantly comes out and says, "Abby likes to create special playlists on her iPod because she likes to listen to MP3's while she hunts". Arghhh. It's a vampire movie. The only product placements that should be allowed are for garlic, wood, and sun screen. That's it. "Abby, likes to drink a Starbuck's Vanilla-Creme Frappichino while she hunts because the Stabucky goodness will ensure that she has enough energy and pep to kill vampires".
This next section is for Parker Posey only. So, if you are not Parker Posey, please advert your eyes.
Dear, Parker Posey.
Are you in some sort of financial despair? Do you need some money? Because, if you do, just come out and ask us for it. I'm sure we could set up a Paypal account for you and collect some donations. I'm only asking this because I can think of no other reason why the hell you are in this waste of a movie. I know you can act. I've seen you in The House of Yes and Party Girl and you were pretty damn good. Hell, I'll even let you slide for You've Got Mail because even I would have been persuaded to act in that shitty flick if Tom Hanks was going to as well. But, this Blade: Trinity thing just doesn't make any sense. The only other explanation I can come up with is that you are in real life, an actual vampire, and not actually acting in this movie at all. If so, I guess I'll be seeing you next on the big screen in the Count Chocula biopic.
A concerned citizen,
Steve
Ok, all non-Parker Posey's may begin to read again.
Oh yea, the other dumb as thing about this movie. Why the fuck do all the vampires have weird and fucked up names? Danica Talos,Asher Talos, Virago, Jarko Grimwood. Jarko Grimwood?!? What kind of name is that? Jarko Grimwood sounds like the name some moronic frat guy gives to his cock. "Betty, you better stand back because I'm about to unleash Jarko Grimwood from his denim prison".
The only good thing about this movie. Vampire dogs. Yea, now we are talking. Hell, the whole fucking movie should have been about vampire dogs. When I become a famous director I'm going to create a touching-story about the relationship between a little homeless boy and his vampire dog. The boy will be a tough no-nonsense kid and the vampire dog will be a scrappy little pup with a heart of gold and razor sharp teeth. In the end, the boy will have leared a little about the vampire dog. The vampire dog will have learned a little about the boy. But they both will have learned a lot about life. This movie will be called, Air Blood and it will make wme rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Screw Blade:Trinity. All hail Air Blood.
A vampire movie should never be a thinly veiled advert for the Apple iPod. They had multiple scenes where they showed one of the main characters creating and uploading a playlist onto her iPod. One of the other characters even blatantly comes out and says, "Abby likes to create special playlists on her iPod because she likes to listen to MP3's while she hunts". Arghhh. It's a vampire movie. The only product placements that should be allowed are for garlic, wood, and sun screen. That's it. "Abby, likes to drink a Starbuck's Vanilla-Creme Frappichino while she hunts because the Stabucky goodness will ensure that she has enough energy and pep to kill vampires".
This next section is for Parker Posey only. So, if you are not Parker Posey, please advert your eyes.
Dear, Parker Posey.
Are you in some sort of financial despair? Do you need some money? Because, if you do, just come out and ask us for it. I'm sure we could set up a Paypal account for you and collect some donations. I'm only asking this because I can think of no other reason why the hell you are in this waste of a movie. I know you can act. I've seen you in The House of Yes and Party Girl and you were pretty damn good. Hell, I'll even let you slide for You've Got Mail because even I would have been persuaded to act in that shitty flick if Tom Hanks was going to as well. But, this Blade: Trinity thing just doesn't make any sense. The only other explanation I can come up with is that you are in real life, an actual vampire, and not actually acting in this movie at all. If so, I guess I'll be seeing you next on the big screen in the Count Chocula biopic.
A concerned citizen,
Steve
Ok, all non-Parker Posey's may begin to read again.
Oh yea, the other dumb as thing about this movie. Why the fuck do all the vampires have weird and fucked up names? Danica Talos,Asher Talos, Virago, Jarko Grimwood. Jarko Grimwood?!? What kind of name is that? Jarko Grimwood sounds like the name some moronic frat guy gives to his cock. "Betty, you better stand back because I'm about to unleash Jarko Grimwood from his denim prison".
The only good thing about this movie. Vampire dogs. Yea, now we are talking. Hell, the whole fucking movie should have been about vampire dogs. When I become a famous director I'm going to create a touching-story about the relationship between a little homeless boy and his vampire dog. The boy will be a tough no-nonsense kid and the vampire dog will be a scrappy little pup with a heart of gold and razor sharp teeth. In the end, the boy will have leared a little about the vampire dog. The vampire dog will have learned a little about the boy. But they both will have learned a lot about life. This movie will be called, Air Blood and it will make wme rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Screw Blade:Trinity. All hail Air Blood.