rp for changehistory: life swings like a pendulum back and forth between pain and boredom

[hadtobeahero]

If you got right down to it, Peter was getting a little stir-crazy. Understandable, given that he and Adam hadn't left the house when they could avoid it, both of them too afraid of being grabbed by Nathan and his men, but it didn't change facts. The walls felt like they were closing in, and in the off minutes where he didn't quite feel like

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[changehistory]

Adam listened to him rant with a vaguely amused look, patient, but amused. Having lived it, he had a skewed sort of perspective, he knew. Until he'd had himself called a demon, part of him had bought it--and even after, he supposed part of that stayed with you, twisting in your head, the things you were taught.

"They believed they were purifying them, by fire, by death, or just saving others. Certainly some was politically motivated, and I'm not justifying it--there isn't any--but it was a different time. People like us, or other things science can explain now but couldn't then--they had no way of comprehending it. All they had were signs and their Bibles telling them to be in the world, but not of it, and warning them of temptations of Satan and the war for their souls. Revelations is a fucking scary book if you take it literally, and they did. Men like my father did. It doesn't make sense to you now, because you've absolutely no frame of reference for it. It's easy to look back and say 'how could they be so ignorant?' but..." He frowned and shook his head. "They weren't evil. Madness was often seen as a sign of possession--there was no knowledge of mental illness. No DSM-IV to categorize someone as a schizophrenic who was talking to the voices in their head, and no way to treat them, and if the crazy person who comes up to people on the streets of New York makes people nervous now when we've a name for it, and drugs for it...what do you think it did to them, when all they had was religion and superstition? Medicine and science were in their infancy. I was like them, once, Peter. I learned differently, I watched the world changed and as humanity gained new knowledge, and my very ability forced me to question some of the suppositions I was raised with, but..." He shook his head. "It was different, then, and you cannot know how different. Your mind with your modern assumptions and understanding is not capable of grasping it."

[hadtobeahero]

Truthfully, the mentally ill didn't really bother Peter. During his training to become a nurse, he'd been taught how to deal with them, that things like dementia and Alzheimer's happened, and that it wasn't really something to be afraid of. Not that he planned on running off to head a psych ward somewhere, but between his training and all the crazy things he'd seen, he figured a few guys with something wrong upstairs was the least of his worries, and so he tried to treat them like he would anyone else. Without fear or hesitation, even if they were on the streets rather than someone he was treating.

Adam was right, however -- for most people, when someone who had something wrong with them approached you, there was an air of discomfort. How can I get out of this and get away? And, like the other man had said, that was with knowing that mental illness existed and that it could be dealt with; he could only imagine what it must have been like back then, when people understood next to nothing about that sort of thing. Living in constant fear of a God and a Devil the Church had beefed up probably didn't help, either.

He made a face. "I get the general idea?" he shot back. "But you're right. I guess I'm a little spoiled living in an age where we know about mental illness, and know it isn't tied to witchcraft or sin or whatever."

[changehistory]

Adam sighed a bit at the slight tone he perceived and shook his head, reaching to touch Peter's cheek lightly.

"I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, unsure what he'd even done, and glanced down and away. "It was different, and it is hard to think of it, even now. Looking back and thinking how it was and how it is now and what I've seen and how things have changed in between...sometimes the grasp of it is so enormous I wonder how the span of time can contain it and where we'll be and what we'll think barbaric four hundred years from now."

He glanced out, a frown between his eyes, feeling very old all of a sudden, and out of place in some ways. Adapting wasn't always easy; being constantly in flux took its toll and at the moment he felt it.

[hadtobeahero]

Immediately he tilted his head into Adam's fingers, shaking his head every so slightly when he apologized. "It's fine," he assured him. "I wasn't trying to start an argument, I just -- you're right. It's different, and in a hundred more years, I bet it'll be just as different. It happens. Times change -- people move forward. We're not stagnant."

Even if Adam was right about things like war and famine and disease being constants.

[changehistory]

Adam brushed his fingers through Peter's hair lightly, just a touch, before he let his hand drop away. "Sometimes it's hard to think of, to remember that it will keep doing so," he admitted.

[hadtobeahero]

He nuzzled at his hand a little, lightly, sighing. "I guess it is, yeah. I guess it's kinda hard to see, though, living through it. I mean, being able to look at a history book and see how far we've come in a few hours is one thing, but having to wait around while it actually happens? It must feel like it's just -- just crawling along."

[changehistory]

"Sometimes," Adam admitted. "Other times it's more like it's flying. More in the span of others' lives, I suppose. When you realize how..."

He broke off, not wanting to upset Peter, to push that on him or bring the downside of immortality up. The people you loved and how quickly the years flew by when you knew each one was one closer to when you had to say goodbye. And how they stretched in an agonizing slowness when you had no one.

[hadtobeahero]

"Yeah." Even though Adam hadn't finished, Peter had more than a good idea of where he'd been going with that statement.

He made a face, resisting the urge to look away, and watched Adam quietly. He didn't know how to respond to that one without opening a can of worms for the both of them, so he said nothing.

[changehistory]

Adam reached for him after a moment, sliding his arms around him to hold him close. His head rested down on against his as he sighed slightly. There wasn't much else to say to that, really, but it made him want to hold on, to cling to him a little tighter, to know for once, at least, it wasn't something he'd have to go through alone. Neither of them would.

[hadtobeahero]

Echoing the sigh, he sunk into him slowly, arms going around his waist in turn. His head fell to his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him, and then he was turning his head up to watch his face, still not sure what to say. What could be said, without sounding trite.

[changehistory]

Adam gave him a slightly twisted smile and shrugged. "Well, now that I've gone and completely depressed us both...maybe we should do something to cheer ourselves back up?"

[hadtobeahero]

He shifted a bit in Adam's arms, raising his head from his shoulders so that he could arch his eyebrow. A small, crooked smile turned his lips, a few things they could be doing springing to mind, and then he was looking away, flustered. Adam, clearly, was a corruptive influence.

"You, uh, have anything in mind?" he managed after a moment of staring at his chest.

[changehistory]

Adam watched the smile and the eyebrow and then the flustered look that chased across Peter's face. His mind hadn't actually been going anywhere beyond maybe watching a movie or going out for dinner, but now that he had that look in his eyes, Adam found his lips curving in a smirk.

"I'm sure I could come up with something."

[hadtobeahero]

He nudged at Adam's shoulder with one of his, the smile still on his mouth. "You're a bad influence, you know that?"

Not that he hadn't done his fair share of sleeping around or flirting awkwardly with people even before Adam, but still. It worked better for him to blame the immortal.

[changehistory]

"I have been accused of it more than once," Adam allowed, with a wry smile, nudging him back, before lowering his head to steal a kiss.

[hadtobeahero]

He sighed, tilting his head to return the kiss, arms around him tightening just a bit to keep him close. He couldn't have Adam getting away so easily after stealing for him, after all.