(no subject)
I changed my template. *rubs hands in glee* Oh goody.
And yes, I have a penchant for green, is that a problem? *glowers* Didn't think so.
I cannot find my English test paper (I scored a 86 for that one, bwahahaha!) so I'll have to redo the entire essay which I was so proud of. I'll have a pity-party later.
Soon, actually.
It was, really, because of my sister that I was left with no other choice but this, one which I would've never imagined I'd opt for in my entire life. Then again, it wasn't really her fault she was born with the gift of absolute perfection, or that she was better than me in everything, so I guess it would be unfair to say it was all because of her.
That was my sister in a nutshell - pretty, atheletic, and top in her classes. Mum likes to wave her report card in my face as though it's the Holy Book of the world, or something of that sort. And I'd grudgingly admit that if I were her, I'd like to gloat in my sister's face about it too. Especially if my sister was miserably below average and I were the apple of my parents' eye.
Somewhere behind her, in her shadow, was where I stood and still stand. Dowdy, grumpy, fat, the list would go on, and would always come back to some adjective that left little to be desired. My substandard - no, even lower than that - grades were not one of my family's favourite topics, whereas they could just go on and on about my sister's marks. I played no sports due to extremely unsupportive parents, as dad had once told me not to bother signing up for volleyball, as I was "too fat", in his exact words. That, and I suffered from cramps very easily.
Apart from that enormous obstacle in my life which I strived to overcome (but never succeeded) that was known as Heather, my sister, there were my parents. Both of them had little - or no - faith in me, and I suppose that's where the whole lack of self-esteem came from. I know for a fact that when I was 2 months old, mum couldn't stop crying every night and wailing shrilly, "Why is my second baby so ugly? What did I do to deserve this?" with her eyes rolled heavenwards.
Big confidence-booster there.
Put those 2 huge factors that I face everyday of my sad life away, and there's my teachers from school. All of them, of course, know Heather. So guess who's exam grades that I get is compared to in font of the class?
"Michelle, why can't you ever get good grades? Heather was almost a prodigy!"
"Michelle, why can't you score better? Heather always had outstanding results."
"Michelle, why can't you be just like your sister?"
It wasn't like the kids didn't tease me already for being "fat" and "ugly", but the teachers' words usually added insult to injury.
In fact, the only time I could be me, not Heather's little sister, the fat and ugly Michelle, was when I was sleeping. That was a kindle of bliss which I hope could've lasted forever, and that is how I gotten my answer as to what to do next.
I looked down at the fake, plastic rocks that the manager of the apartment had forced the gardeners to make, and felt sorry, for a split second, that I was about to ruin them. Then I had this entirely euphoric feeling, almost as though I could fly - fly far away to where a world without my sister Heather, my parents, and my teachers did not exist, and I guess it was because I was about to enter that dimension. With a grin that was maniacal on my face, I decided to take flight, to feel free, and, for that eternal bliss, leapt out of the open window.
I was thinking of some horror/tragedy sort of story for this when I saw the title. A girl commiting suicide? Sure, what harm is there in writing that??? So I thought.
Eeesh, anyway I pulled it off. I hope.
Ciao.
And yes, I have a penchant for green, is that a problem? *glowers* Didn't think so.
I cannot find my English test paper (I scored a 86 for that one, bwahahaha!) so I'll have to redo the entire essay which I was so proud of. I'll have a pity-party later.
Soon, actually.
It was, really, because of my sister that I was left with no other choice but this, one which I would've never imagined I'd opt for in my entire life. Then again, it wasn't really her fault she was born with the gift of absolute perfection, or that she was better than me in everything, so I guess it would be unfair to say it was all because of her.
That was my sister in a nutshell - pretty, atheletic, and top in her classes. Mum likes to wave her report card in my face as though it's the Holy Book of the world, or something of that sort. And I'd grudgingly admit that if I were her, I'd like to gloat in my sister's face about it too. Especially if my sister was miserably below average and I were the apple of my parents' eye.
Somewhere behind her, in her shadow, was where I stood and still stand. Dowdy, grumpy, fat, the list would go on, and would always come back to some adjective that left little to be desired. My substandard - no, even lower than that - grades were not one of my family's favourite topics, whereas they could just go on and on about my sister's marks. I played no sports due to extremely unsupportive parents, as dad had once told me not to bother signing up for volleyball, as I was "too fat", in his exact words. That, and I suffered from cramps very easily.
Apart from that enormous obstacle in my life which I strived to overcome (but never succeeded) that was known as Heather, my sister, there were my parents. Both of them had little - or no - faith in me, and I suppose that's where the whole lack of self-esteem came from. I know for a fact that when I was 2 months old, mum couldn't stop crying every night and wailing shrilly, "Why is my second baby so ugly? What did I do to deserve this?" with her eyes rolled heavenwards.
Big confidence-booster there.
Put those 2 huge factors that I face everyday of my sad life away, and there's my teachers from school. All of them, of course, know Heather. So guess who's exam grades that I get is compared to in font of the class?
"Michelle, why can't you ever get good grades? Heather was almost a prodigy!"
"Michelle, why can't you score better? Heather always had outstanding results."
"Michelle, why can't you be just like your sister?"
It wasn't like the kids didn't tease me already for being "fat" and "ugly", but the teachers' words usually added insult to injury.
In fact, the only time I could be me, not Heather's little sister, the fat and ugly Michelle, was when I was sleeping. That was a kindle of bliss which I hope could've lasted forever, and that is how I gotten my answer as to what to do next.
I looked down at the fake, plastic rocks that the manager of the apartment had forced the gardeners to make, and felt sorry, for a split second, that I was about to ruin them. Then I had this entirely euphoric feeling, almost as though I could fly - fly far away to where a world without my sister Heather, my parents, and my teachers did not exist, and I guess it was because I was about to enter that dimension. With a grin that was maniacal on my face, I decided to take flight, to feel free, and, for that eternal bliss, leapt out of the open window.
I was thinking of some horror/tragedy sort of story for this when I saw the title. A girl commiting suicide? Sure, what harm is there in writing that??? So I thought.
Eeesh, anyway I pulled it off. I hope.
Ciao.