Depression.
It hit me so hard.
Everyone sees me as a happy face. Always nice and smart.
I know that no one cares. That no one will realize that all of this is true. That I hate myself and can't stand the thought of living another day. That I rather die than face East Carteret tomorrow.
I know that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends but I do. It is just instinct. I never will meet up to them. It would be so nice to just be yourself and not care what else is going on. That is my dream. My goal.
I can't bare to look in the mirror and see that failure looking back at me. That I will never be in the Top Twenty or get a subject award or live up to everyone else's achievements. I can't face that. I know it happens. I try to face it but I can't. And when I start to realize it, it hits me hard. Like I am drowning and I won't be able to come back. The tears hit me like nothing else.
I relaize that it takes confidence to not compare yourself to your friends. To these brilliant people around you. I strive for confidence. To look pretty one day. To have a person look at me and see that I have a sad story and even if I am not beautiful, I want to be noticed.
No one will love me for this.
No one will believe this or care.
It is the truth.
The truth that makes me want to die.
Everyone sees me as a happy face. Always nice and smart.
I know that no one cares. That no one will realize that all of this is true. That I hate myself and can't stand the thought of living another day. That I rather die than face East Carteret tomorrow.
I know that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends but I do. It is just instinct. I never will meet up to them. It would be so nice to just be yourself and not care what else is going on. That is my dream. My goal.
I can't bare to look in the mirror and see that failure looking back at me. That I will never be in the Top Twenty or get a subject award or live up to everyone else's achievements. I can't face that. I know it happens. I try to face it but I can't. And when I start to realize it, it hits me hard. Like I am drowning and I won't be able to come back. The tears hit me like nothing else.
I relaize that it takes confidence to not compare yourself to your friends. To these brilliant people around you. I strive for confidence. To look pretty one day. To have a person look at me and see that I have a sad story and even if I am not beautiful, I want to be noticed.
No one will love me for this.
No one will believe this or care.
It is the truth.
The truth that makes me want to die.