wow!!!! where the fuck have i been....
"to kill oneself is to be selfish beyond repair...
nothing immaculate in the summer time, has brought about an
endless variety of anger and disdain; harboured in the belly of a sliced fetus....
rotting......fermenting forth a foul and putrid array of anexiety....
something like a prayer....but nothing like a scare....touch the key on a board
and latter on it'll it'll be more....
i dnt kno ppl anymore...i dnt know myself....
i dnt know what it is to touch the sky as i used to in my dreams....
but it all spelled out something surreal....and when ur gone....
the life will shine on this land...
colours no one knows....." (OP)
I wrapped myself back into immediate separation of anexiety....death....love of life and hedonism.....what does one do after a long hard shade of green through and there after the winters disgrace re-defining the lines/patterns of new days and happiness.....what if the son of seasonal bliss lost its own path and spiraled downward....
I got out of inventory of my store to only find myself on this webpage in a heat of rage and confusion......i lost sight of some friends and family.....i lost sight of my own self for a sec....."how wouldve Horatio Alger handled this situation??".....i can only view my self into a desolate void within the last several weeks....ive worked many jobs....lived in NYC..........living in long island in a shitty ass apartment...live on boat houses in PT washington NY.....separated myself from the fake underbelly of the east coast, west indies, east india and southern culture to only find myself in a such a search for a peace of mind that hasnt come religously, or spiritually.....or mentally for that matter......"the world just went and got itself in a big damn hurry...." (old guy brooks from 'the shawshank redemption')...ok yea...ive had a steady job.....more than most ppl....ya i have a family that for some odd reason can still wanna talk to me \....after the facts of fighting and my mother and i getting into fist fights....am i evil...am i ugly...not physically...but inside...heart wise.,..what do i have left of a heart.....can i be able to wake up and go to work 2mrw????? 2mrw...??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????........AM I JUST BAD LIAR OUT LIFE!!!!!!!!!....whats wrong with me?....and everyone ask themselves that even if its not out loud......i find that the person who has crept towards mine eye has grapsed the concept of being lost in translation....i hurt myself today....i threw myself in the boiler room of my job bashing my head into a steel post yelling punching a carboard box of reality and decision of insanity.......kill me now god.....my problems arent as real prolly as what half the world may go through.....lets seee.........im a burn out with some college background...i work for a big retail store as an assistant manager with more of a managerial position comming along soon....my work place is a family to me now...i love them....my love is also to be only in the bounds of my family as well....THEY STILL FUCKING LOVE ME??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW, I MUST ASK!!!!!...after all i put them through????...maybe i need to go though more of a scare of death,........bring myself in on such a disaterous manner...ill wake up from a coma that ive been wishing to have to finally realize that i need to respect myself....my life....my dreams....my decisions and my humanity..... "THE FACE IN THE MIRROR WONT STOP!!!!" (jM).....
will anyone ever love me more in a sense that friends and family jsut cant.........im sry to such a girl of my infatuation taht i cannot take my time as ive been harbouring and leaning to do b4 i met her......I CANT FUCKING LEARN A GODDAMN THING!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG ME!!!!....but once again!!...."what would Horation Alger think of this situation??".....Im an addict...im a son of a long lost soul still searching for freedom...the resent taken out on his unbron son b4 leaving to a different country........My friend died the other night....and i cant help but feel im number two....lost in translation......but cured by excess....."the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom"......
She is the most immaculate creature in mine eye...but why do i feel that way?....why am i rejected at first but to no avail of pertruding patience...???????Where is jerry garcia when u need him....all in vain and all in the summer moons light after its sun and breeze leaves the mirros still clear and when no one is around....other reflections and images haunt them for it is forver their way of life and mutual pardoning....
nothing immaculate in the summer time, has brought about an
endless variety of anger and disdain; harboured in the belly of a sliced fetus....
rotting......fermenting forth a foul and putrid array of anexiety....
something like a prayer....but nothing like a scare....touch the key on a board
and latter on it'll it'll be more....
i dnt kno ppl anymore...i dnt know myself....
i dnt know what it is to touch the sky as i used to in my dreams....
but it all spelled out something surreal....and when ur gone....
the life will shine on this land...
colours no one knows....." (OP)
I wrapped myself back into immediate separation of anexiety....death....love of life and hedonism.....what does one do after a long hard shade of green through and there after the winters disgrace re-defining the lines/patterns of new days and happiness.....what if the son of seasonal bliss lost its own path and spiraled downward....
I got out of inventory of my store to only find myself on this webpage in a heat of rage and confusion......i lost sight of some friends and family.....i lost sight of my own self for a sec....."how wouldve Horatio Alger handled this situation??".....i can only view my self into a desolate void within the last several weeks....ive worked many jobs....lived in NYC..........living in long island in a shitty ass apartment...live on boat houses in PT washington NY.....separated myself from the fake underbelly of the east coast, west indies, east india and southern culture to only find myself in a such a search for a peace of mind that hasnt come religously, or spiritually.....or mentally for that matter......"the world just went and got itself in a big damn hurry...." (old guy brooks from 'the shawshank redemption')...ok yea...ive had a steady job.....more than most ppl....ya i have a family that for some odd reason can still wanna talk to me \....after the facts of fighting and my mother and i getting into fist fights....am i evil...am i ugly...not physically...but inside...heart wise.,..what do i have left of a heart.....can i be able to wake up and go to work 2mrw????? 2mrw...??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????........AM I JUST BAD LIAR OUT LIFE!!!!!!!!!....whats wrong with me?....and everyone ask themselves that even if its not out loud......i find that the person who has crept towards mine eye has grapsed the concept of being lost in translation....i hurt myself today....i threw myself in the boiler room of my job bashing my head into a steel post yelling punching a carboard box of reality and decision of insanity.......kill me now god.....my problems arent as real prolly as what half the world may go through.....lets seee.........im a burn out with some college background...i work for a big retail store as an assistant manager with more of a managerial position comming along soon....my work place is a family to me now...i love them....my love is also to be only in the bounds of my family as well....THEY STILL FUCKING LOVE ME??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW, I MUST ASK!!!!!...after all i put them through????...maybe i need to go though more of a scare of death,........bring myself in on such a disaterous manner...ill wake up from a coma that ive been wishing to have to finally realize that i need to respect myself....my life....my dreams....my decisions and my humanity..... "THE FACE IN THE MIRROR WONT STOP!!!!" (jM).....
will anyone ever love me more in a sense that friends and family jsut cant.........im sry to such a girl of my infatuation taht i cannot take my time as ive been harbouring and leaning to do b4 i met her......I CANT FUCKING LEARN A GODDAMN THING!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG ME!!!!....but once again!!...."what would Horation Alger think of this situation??".....Im an addict...im a son of a long lost soul still searching for freedom...the resent taken out on his unbron son b4 leaving to a different country........My friend died the other night....and i cant help but feel im number two....lost in translation......but cured by excess....."the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom"......
She is the most immaculate creature in mine eye...but why do i feel that way?....why am i rejected at first but to no avail of pertruding patience...???????Where is jerry garcia when u need him....all in vain and all in the summer moons light after its sun and breeze leaves the mirros still clear and when no one is around....other reflections and images haunt them for it is forver their way of life and mutual pardoning....