Parents of very young kids: it is going to get easier!
I just had an IM chat with a friend who has two very young children, and I told him how much easier his life is going to get. And then I realized I've had a slightly different version of this conversation repeatedly.
So now I shall blog it!
Parents of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, this is what my evening was like. Here is what your life could look like in a few short years:
1. Came home from work to hear the kids chattering excitedly about some boring video game. Feigned interest while sipping tea that I was able to make myself, with no interruptions.
2. We ate dinner together and talked about stuff. The children FED THEMSELVES. One of them got up and got himself a second helping. That's right. Their father and I spent an entire dinner with our asses on the seat of our chairs.
3. After dinner, the kids put their own plates and glasses on the kitchen counter. No one had to hose down their chairs or placemats. They asked if they could watch a video. I said yes. They put their own goddamned DVD into the machine, turned on the TV, and started watching, while I:
4. Peed. With the door shut. No one demanded to know what I was doing in there, if I had my period, or for me to move right now right now I gotta make it oh no I'm too late.
5. They asked me if I wanted to watch with them. I sat and watched a monkey with a British accent beat the crap out of a gorilla with a Tough Guy accent. (American Italian, in case this is confusing). Batman was there.
6. I told the boys it was time for bed. They argued about this for roughly three minutes in a desultory fashion, and then headed upstairs, where they, with their father's supervision:
7. Undressed themselves
8. Put on their own pajamas
9. Sat down to listen to Daddy read a story (Éiden), or read to themselves (Arie).
10. Later, we'll head upstairs to tell Arie to stop reading, at which time he will climb up into his bed and we will turn off the light.
11. The boys, absent nightmares or coughing (the family has a cold), will sleep all night.
Perhaps this weekend, I will go to a friend's house, or have some people over. I will sit down and put my feet up. I will allow my children to go into the backyard and pretend to shoot each other or make a catapult or dig holes or boss around the other kids unpleasantly. I will drink a beer and chat with the other adults. I will allow the children out of my sight for tens of minutes at a time, utterly relaxed and comfortable. If I have to go pee, I will do it. If they have to, they will go do it (maybe with one reminder, in code, but maybe on their own.) If things get out of hand, I will holler: stop fighting I mean it at vague intervals, but still be able to carry on a conversation without fear that someone is going to lose an eye.
Sure, there are bad days with fighting and outrage, and scary letters to write to teachers, and :shudder: T-ball season. But they wipe their own butts. I can leave them alone for half an hour at a time and no one even comes CLOSE to death. A night that the kids wake us is rare.
There is nagging and fighting and stupidly teaching my children self defense skills that they then use on me when I try to make them clean up or stop being assholes.
But the endless, constant vigilance and tantrums? That's in my past, and it will be in your past, soon, too. I promise.
So now I shall blog it!
Parents of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, this is what my evening was like. Here is what your life could look like in a few short years:
1. Came home from work to hear the kids chattering excitedly about some boring video game. Feigned interest while sipping tea that I was able to make myself, with no interruptions.
2. We ate dinner together and talked about stuff. The children FED THEMSELVES. One of them got up and got himself a second helping. That's right. Their father and I spent an entire dinner with our asses on the seat of our chairs.
3. After dinner, the kids put their own plates and glasses on the kitchen counter. No one had to hose down their chairs or placemats. They asked if they could watch a video. I said yes. They put their own goddamned DVD into the machine, turned on the TV, and started watching, while I:
4. Peed. With the door shut. No one demanded to know what I was doing in there, if I had my period, or for me to move right now right now I gotta make it oh no I'm too late.
5. They asked me if I wanted to watch with them. I sat and watched a monkey with a British accent beat the crap out of a gorilla with a Tough Guy accent. (American Italian, in case this is confusing). Batman was there.
6. I told the boys it was time for bed. They argued about this for roughly three minutes in a desultory fashion, and then headed upstairs, where they, with their father's supervision:
7. Undressed themselves
8. Put on their own pajamas
9. Sat down to listen to Daddy read a story (Éiden), or read to themselves (Arie).
10. Later, we'll head upstairs to tell Arie to stop reading, at which time he will climb up into his bed and we will turn off the light.
11. The boys, absent nightmares or coughing (the family has a cold), will sleep all night.
Perhaps this weekend, I will go to a friend's house, or have some people over. I will sit down and put my feet up. I will allow my children to go into the backyard and pretend to shoot each other or make a catapult or dig holes or boss around the other kids unpleasantly. I will drink a beer and chat with the other adults. I will allow the children out of my sight for tens of minutes at a time, utterly relaxed and comfortable. If I have to go pee, I will do it. If they have to, they will go do it (maybe with one reminder, in code, but maybe on their own.) If things get out of hand, I will holler: stop fighting I mean it at vague intervals, but still be able to carry on a conversation without fear that someone is going to lose an eye.
Sure, there are bad days with fighting and outrage, and scary letters to write to teachers, and :shudder: T-ball season. But they wipe their own butts. I can leave them alone for half an hour at a time and no one even comes CLOSE to death. A night that the kids wake us is rare.
There is nagging and fighting and stupidly teaching my children self defense skills that they then use on me when I try to make them clean up or stop being assholes.
But the endless, constant vigilance and tantrums? That's in my past, and it will be in your past, soon, too. I promise.