Psych - The Magic Pineapple of Truth (Shawn/Gus, PG)
Attention pollsters: I posted your Bruce/Harvey pron on Friday. Yeah, I told you I'd do it: Dark Knight, NC-17, Now the Old King is Dead, Long Live the King.
Last week, I also posted my first (of what's looking to be a few) Generation Kill story I Donated Myself to the Mexican Army. Seriously. There aren't words to describe my love of this series, but I will tell you that I took mental notes last night! Notes, motherfuckers! I haven't done that since Heroes! And the little character vignettes! Have you lot watched them? It's like learning a whole other language! Ray! Brad! Nate! (thanks naanima) FYI, last night's episode, 'A Burning Dog,' was my favorite so far, seriously. I was that far gone.
I seem to be Olympics crazy. Dear Michael Phelps with your size 17 feet. Plz to continue with the hotass talent. Thx.
Psych
Shawn/Gus
Rated PG
The Magic Pineapple of Truth
"This is the Magic Pineapple of Truth," Shawn announces from somewhere to Gus' right. Gus just makes the noncommittal noise of 'If I ignore him, maybe he will go find someone else to annoy.' Not that this has ever worked before, but there's always a first time, especially with Shawn.
It's Friday evening at the Psych office, and Gus is in the middle of this cut-throat game of Texas Hold'em at poker4eva.com. He's totally going to make enough to buy Bermuda. And move there.
Or, better yet, move Shawn there.
He's not interested in a magic -"GAH!" Gus hollers when Shawn slams a massive stuffed pineapple down on his laptop.
Well, he doesn't slam it, because then Gus would be required to kill him, but he puts it down and it totally disorients Gus, who then maybe clicks the mouse for 'fold' when he meant to 'check'.
"Shawn, what the hell are you doing? You just lost me Bermuda!" Gus can only watch in horror as user ramoneseatbabies48 takes his millions in cyber winnings.
Shawn blinks. "You had Bermuda? When did you have Bermuda? Are you a royal in exile? I didn't know Bermuda had royals. Are you the Prince of Bermuda and you didn't tell me? Talk about being a hold out. I thought you were supposed to represent your peeps. Oh, wait, that's being a sellout."
"Shawn!" Gus barks. "I was playing a very important game, and you ruined it."
Shawn waves the stuffed toy in Gus' face. "I've told you that your addiction to Scrabblicious is bad for your eyesight, Gus. It's going to make you go blind. No, sorry, that's masturbation."
"Shawn!" Gus doesn’t even try to hide his glowering.
"Dude, I'm sorry." Shawn sticks out his lower lip just that little bit. "Here, hold the Magic Pineapple of Truth and you will feel my sorriness."
Gus looks from Shawn to the stuffed plushy toy he's offering. It's a big stuffed pineapple, with green felt arms and legs. It's got big anime eyes. "It's freaky looking," Gus protests. "Look at those eyes. They follow me when I move."
Shawn raises an eyebrow. "Dude, you're sitting down. You're not moving."
"Well, I could be," Gus protests. "And what are you doing here with this Dole reject? Aren't you supposed to be having dinner with your dad tonight?"
Shawn smiles broadly. "Exactly! That's why I'm here -- to pick you up."
"Uh, Shawn, where in the plans for dinner with your dad was my name brought up?"
"You're implied," Shawn says as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "You're like the 18% tip for parties of 6 or more; it's just assumed that you're included."
"I'm like a tip you have to pay, Shawn? Wow, thanks," Gus says sullenly.
"Oh, c'mon," Shawn protests. "You're practically my common law wife. You and me. We're like peanut butter and jelly. Chocolate and peanut butter. Peanuts and beer."
"What's your obsession with peanut flavoring?" Gus interrupts.
"Salt-n-Pepa! Paul and John! Hall & Oates!" Shawn carries on, gesturing wildly with the stuffed pineapple toy. "We're George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley."
"Nobody remembers Andrew Ridgeley!"
"Behind the Music did!"
Gus crosses his arms. "I'm not coming to dinner to deflect attention again."
"You totally don't deflect, dude," Shawn protests. "Your head is way too shiny for that."
"Two words, Shawn, mashed potatoes."
"That was one time!"
"That you used me as a food fight deflector shield."
"Deflector shield. Really? Have you been watching Dungeons and Dragons again?"
"It was a highly underrated 80s cartoon," Gus says irritably. "Now go away before you're late."
"My dad wants you to come," Shawn pleads.
"No, you want me to come, so your dad won't yell at you for sneaking in his house and stealing the last of his beer," Gus corrects.
"That was never proven," Shawn says. "Besides, I am holding the Magic Pineapple of Truth; I can tell no lies. I want you to come, so, c'mon, dude, please?"
"You can tell no lies?" Gus asks. "What happened to that Butterfinger I had in my drawer last week. The super-sized one that was hidden in my pencil box."
Shawn shoves the pineapple at Gus, who fumbles it before grabbing it by a green felt hand.
"I don't know," Shawn lies. "But if you won't come, then you have to baby-sit the pineapple."
Gus wrinkles his nose. "No way, Shawn."
"Please, dude, c'mon. She'll get lonely if I leave her here on her own."
"She?"
"Look at those eyelashes, of course she's a she!"
Gus has had enough. "No, Shawn."
"Yes."
"No, Shawn."
"For me? Please?"
"No, Shawn!"
Gus is dreaming about the perfect life. He's rich and famous and loved by the entire world. He has women swooning at his feet and he drives around Santa Barbara in his Enzo Ferrari with his favorite stuffed pineapple strapped in to the racing seat beside him.
Wait.
What?
"You are the most adorable couple." Shawn's voice permeates Gus' dream, and when he cracks open one eye, Shawn is bending over him with a huge smile on his face. "I might be jealous," Shawn coos.
Shawn's practically close enough to kiss, or smell. Henry made Italian food.
Gus blinks rapidly, looking up at Shawn and then down at the stuffed toy he's clutching to his chest.
"This is not what it looks like," Gus says, scrambling to sit up on the sofa with Shawn standing over him.
"It looks like you're cheating on me with my magic pineapple, is what it looks like," Shawn says in a sing-song voice.
Gus scoffs loudly. "I'm not cheating - and here," he says, shoving the pineapple at Shawn's stomach. "Take it."
Shawn grabs the stuffed toy and holds it up to his ear. "What's that you say, Magic Pineapple? Gus made you watch porn and eat junk food. Gus, I'm shocked that you were such a bad influence."
Gus's jaw drops open. "I don't watch pornography, Shawn!" he protests.
Shawn blinks. "But the junk food part was right?"
"Whatever," Gus says, standing up. "I babysat your stuffed toy while you were out eating Italian food; I'm not sensing any justice here at all. I'm going home, where I can eat junk food in peace and watch Meerkat Manor!"
"I love Meerkat Manor," Shawn says gleefully. "Can we stop at the store and get some ice cream too? I think we need ice cream for Discovery Channel. Oooh, you know what we should watch? Dirty Jobs. I love Mike Rowe, he's hot. I'd do him. Not that I do guys, well, maybe, it depends."
Gus has had enough. "You're not invited, Shawn," he says. "This is a Meerkat party of one."
"But my dad gave me leftovers for you," Shawn protests. "He wanted to know why you weren't at dinner. I told him you were otherwise engaged with your duties as the Exiled Royal Prince of Bermuda."
"Shawn," Gus warns.
"Wait, what's that, Magic Pineapple?" Shawn says, holding up the toy to his ear. "You said that Gus has a huge crush on me and that it must be love because nobody else would baby-sit a stuffed toy?
Gus blinks. "That is SO not what-"
"Oh, sorry, no," Shawn corrects, "you said that I would sleep with Mike Rowe or Gus. Yes, you're right there. Sorry, there must've been some interference on the truthiness line."
Gus blinks again. "Interference on the truthiness line?" he says after several moments of Shawn watching him curiously.
Shawn shrugs. "It's a magic pineapple of truth, not communication skills, dude."
Gus opens and closes his mouth and then opens it again, but nothing else comes out.
"You're stirring up a small wind tunnel with all your blinking," Shawn points out. "Is this where you freak out on me and declare you fight for the armies of Not Having Sex with Shawn?"
Gus looks left, right, and then left again. No, no video cameras. No Lassiter. Or Juliet. Or Chief. Or Mr. Spencer. Or his mom. Huh.
Stepping forward, Gus punches Shawn in the arm.
"Ow!" Shawn hollers as though he were being stabbed. "You can't punch the gay out of me!"
Gus' mouth twitches at the corners. "I was just checking to make sure I wasn't still asleep."
"So you hit me? Dude, you're supposed to pinch yourself!"
"Yeah, but that was way more fun."
Shawn pouts for a moment and then it disappears in what can only be described as the 'Dear God, Shawn's Having a Thought' Look.
"So, does this mean you're okay with me wanting to eat ice cream with you and watch Mike Rowe get dirty?" Shawn asks, pushing Gus slightly with the stuffed pineapple still clutched in his hand.
Gus wobbles back and forth easily, standing very still when Shawn takes another step closer. "It's okay," he says magnanimously, "I understand, no one can resist the Burton Guster charm. You were bound to succumb eventually."
"I was bound to succumb eventually?" Shawn scoffs. "Please, you have a nice ass; I didn't succumb to anything."
"So, this is about my ass, huh?" Gus says, with Shawn watching him intently.
"It's a nice ass, even the magic pineapple agrees."
"You could've just told me you liked me, Shawn. The pineapple wasn't necessary."
"Yes," Shawn admits, "but it was worth it to see you hugging it like it was your favorite toy. You know, I thought I was your favorite toy. Oh my god, you were transferring your feelings for me onto the pineapple, weren't you?"
Gus rolls his eyes. "Shawn, shut up."
Shawn opens his mouth and then shuts it. And then he opens it again. "You could just kiss me; that would probably make me shut up a lot faster."
Gus thinks this over. "I suppose I could do that."
Shawn grins and shuts his eyes expectantly, which is exactly when Gus dodges around him, grabs the leftovers and breaks for the door.
"I could kiss you," Gus calls from the doorway. "But you'll have to catch me first."
Shawn whirls around wildly. "I have to catch you first?" he says incredulously. "Are you serious, dude? What are we, ten?"
Gus smiles broadly. "Tag, you're it."
"I'm going to beat you with this pineapple when I catch you," Shawn threatens, waving the stuffed toy in Gus' direction.
Gus ponders this. "That's kinky, Shawn," he says before dashing out the door.
"Just wait until I catch you," Shawn calls after him.
-end-
Behold the Magical Pineapple of Truth!
Last week, I also posted my first (of what's looking to be a few) Generation Kill story I Donated Myself to the Mexican Army. Seriously. There aren't words to describe my love of this series, but I will tell you that I took mental notes last night! Notes, motherfuckers! I haven't done that since Heroes! And the little character vignettes! Have you lot watched them? It's like learning a whole other language! Ray! Brad! Nate! (thanks naanima) FYI, last night's episode, 'A Burning Dog,' was my favorite so far, seriously. I was that far gone.
I seem to be Olympics crazy. Dear Michael Phelps with your size 17 feet. Plz to continue with the hotass talent. Thx.
Psych
Shawn/Gus
Rated PG
The Magic Pineapple of Truth
"This is the Magic Pineapple of Truth," Shawn announces from somewhere to Gus' right. Gus just makes the noncommittal noise of 'If I ignore him, maybe he will go find someone else to annoy.' Not that this has ever worked before, but there's always a first time, especially with Shawn.
It's Friday evening at the Psych office, and Gus is in the middle of this cut-throat game of Texas Hold'em at poker4eva.com. He's totally going to make enough to buy Bermuda. And move there.
Or, better yet, move Shawn there.
He's not interested in a magic -"GAH!" Gus hollers when Shawn slams a massive stuffed pineapple down on his laptop.
Well, he doesn't slam it, because then Gus would be required to kill him, but he puts it down and it totally disorients Gus, who then maybe clicks the mouse for 'fold' when he meant to 'check'.
"Shawn, what the hell are you doing? You just lost me Bermuda!" Gus can only watch in horror as user ramoneseatbabies48 takes his millions in cyber winnings.
Shawn blinks. "You had Bermuda? When did you have Bermuda? Are you a royal in exile? I didn't know Bermuda had royals. Are you the Prince of Bermuda and you didn't tell me? Talk about being a hold out. I thought you were supposed to represent your peeps. Oh, wait, that's being a sellout."
"Shawn!" Gus barks. "I was playing a very important game, and you ruined it."
Shawn waves the stuffed toy in Gus' face. "I've told you that your addiction to Scrabblicious is bad for your eyesight, Gus. It's going to make you go blind. No, sorry, that's masturbation."
"Shawn!" Gus doesn’t even try to hide his glowering.
"Dude, I'm sorry." Shawn sticks out his lower lip just that little bit. "Here, hold the Magic Pineapple of Truth and you will feel my sorriness."
Gus looks from Shawn to the stuffed plushy toy he's offering. It's a big stuffed pineapple, with green felt arms and legs. It's got big anime eyes. "It's freaky looking," Gus protests. "Look at those eyes. They follow me when I move."
Shawn raises an eyebrow. "Dude, you're sitting down. You're not moving."
"Well, I could be," Gus protests. "And what are you doing here with this Dole reject? Aren't you supposed to be having dinner with your dad tonight?"
Shawn smiles broadly. "Exactly! That's why I'm here -- to pick you up."
"Uh, Shawn, where in the plans for dinner with your dad was my name brought up?"
"You're implied," Shawn says as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "You're like the 18% tip for parties of 6 or more; it's just assumed that you're included."
"I'm like a tip you have to pay, Shawn? Wow, thanks," Gus says sullenly.
"Oh, c'mon," Shawn protests. "You're practically my common law wife. You and me. We're like peanut butter and jelly. Chocolate and peanut butter. Peanuts and beer."
"What's your obsession with peanut flavoring?" Gus interrupts.
"Salt-n-Pepa! Paul and John! Hall & Oates!" Shawn carries on, gesturing wildly with the stuffed pineapple toy. "We're George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley."
"Nobody remembers Andrew Ridgeley!"
"Behind the Music did!"
Gus crosses his arms. "I'm not coming to dinner to deflect attention again."
"You totally don't deflect, dude," Shawn protests. "Your head is way too shiny for that."
"Two words, Shawn, mashed potatoes."
"That was one time!"
"That you used me as a food fight deflector shield."
"Deflector shield. Really? Have you been watching Dungeons and Dragons again?"
"It was a highly underrated 80s cartoon," Gus says irritably. "Now go away before you're late."
"My dad wants you to come," Shawn pleads.
"No, you want me to come, so your dad won't yell at you for sneaking in his house and stealing the last of his beer," Gus corrects.
"That was never proven," Shawn says. "Besides, I am holding the Magic Pineapple of Truth; I can tell no lies. I want you to come, so, c'mon, dude, please?"
"You can tell no lies?" Gus asks. "What happened to that Butterfinger I had in my drawer last week. The super-sized one that was hidden in my pencil box."
Shawn shoves the pineapple at Gus, who fumbles it before grabbing it by a green felt hand.
"I don't know," Shawn lies. "But if you won't come, then you have to baby-sit the pineapple."
Gus wrinkles his nose. "No way, Shawn."
"Please, dude, c'mon. She'll get lonely if I leave her here on her own."
"She?"
"Look at those eyelashes, of course she's a she!"
Gus has had enough. "No, Shawn."
"Yes."
"No, Shawn."
"For me? Please?"
"No, Shawn!"
Gus is dreaming about the perfect life. He's rich and famous and loved by the entire world. He has women swooning at his feet and he drives around Santa Barbara in his Enzo Ferrari with his favorite stuffed pineapple strapped in to the racing seat beside him.
Wait.
What?
"You are the most adorable couple." Shawn's voice permeates Gus' dream, and when he cracks open one eye, Shawn is bending over him with a huge smile on his face. "I might be jealous," Shawn coos.
Shawn's practically close enough to kiss, or smell. Henry made Italian food.
Gus blinks rapidly, looking up at Shawn and then down at the stuffed toy he's clutching to his chest.
"This is not what it looks like," Gus says, scrambling to sit up on the sofa with Shawn standing over him.
"It looks like you're cheating on me with my magic pineapple, is what it looks like," Shawn says in a sing-song voice.
Gus scoffs loudly. "I'm not cheating - and here," he says, shoving the pineapple at Shawn's stomach. "Take it."
Shawn grabs the stuffed toy and holds it up to his ear. "What's that you say, Magic Pineapple? Gus made you watch porn and eat junk food. Gus, I'm shocked that you were such a bad influence."
Gus's jaw drops open. "I don't watch pornography, Shawn!" he protests.
Shawn blinks. "But the junk food part was right?"
"Whatever," Gus says, standing up. "I babysat your stuffed toy while you were out eating Italian food; I'm not sensing any justice here at all. I'm going home, where I can eat junk food in peace and watch Meerkat Manor!"
"I love Meerkat Manor," Shawn says gleefully. "Can we stop at the store and get some ice cream too? I think we need ice cream for Discovery Channel. Oooh, you know what we should watch? Dirty Jobs. I love Mike Rowe, he's hot. I'd do him. Not that I do guys, well, maybe, it depends."
Gus has had enough. "You're not invited, Shawn," he says. "This is a Meerkat party of one."
"But my dad gave me leftovers for you," Shawn protests. "He wanted to know why you weren't at dinner. I told him you were otherwise engaged with your duties as the Exiled Royal Prince of Bermuda."
"Shawn," Gus warns.
"Wait, what's that, Magic Pineapple?" Shawn says, holding up the toy to his ear. "You said that Gus has a huge crush on me and that it must be love because nobody else would baby-sit a stuffed toy?
Gus blinks. "That is SO not what-"
"Oh, sorry, no," Shawn corrects, "you said that I would sleep with Mike Rowe or Gus. Yes, you're right there. Sorry, there must've been some interference on the truthiness line."
Gus blinks again. "Interference on the truthiness line?" he says after several moments of Shawn watching him curiously.
Shawn shrugs. "It's a magic pineapple of truth, not communication skills, dude."
Gus opens and closes his mouth and then opens it again, but nothing else comes out.
"You're stirring up a small wind tunnel with all your blinking," Shawn points out. "Is this where you freak out on me and declare you fight for the armies of Not Having Sex with Shawn?"
Gus looks left, right, and then left again. No, no video cameras. No Lassiter. Or Juliet. Or Chief. Or Mr. Spencer. Or his mom. Huh.
Stepping forward, Gus punches Shawn in the arm.
"Ow!" Shawn hollers as though he were being stabbed. "You can't punch the gay out of me!"
Gus' mouth twitches at the corners. "I was just checking to make sure I wasn't still asleep."
"So you hit me? Dude, you're supposed to pinch yourself!"
"Yeah, but that was way more fun."
Shawn pouts for a moment and then it disappears in what can only be described as the 'Dear God, Shawn's Having a Thought' Look.
"So, does this mean you're okay with me wanting to eat ice cream with you and watch Mike Rowe get dirty?" Shawn asks, pushing Gus slightly with the stuffed pineapple still clutched in his hand.
Gus wobbles back and forth easily, standing very still when Shawn takes another step closer. "It's okay," he says magnanimously, "I understand, no one can resist the Burton Guster charm. You were bound to succumb eventually."
"I was bound to succumb eventually?" Shawn scoffs. "Please, you have a nice ass; I didn't succumb to anything."
"So, this is about my ass, huh?" Gus says, with Shawn watching him intently.
"It's a nice ass, even the magic pineapple agrees."
"You could've just told me you liked me, Shawn. The pineapple wasn't necessary."
"Yes," Shawn admits, "but it was worth it to see you hugging it like it was your favorite toy. You know, I thought I was your favorite toy. Oh my god, you were transferring your feelings for me onto the pineapple, weren't you?"
Gus rolls his eyes. "Shawn, shut up."
Shawn opens his mouth and then shuts it. And then he opens it again. "You could just kiss me; that would probably make me shut up a lot faster."
Gus thinks this over. "I suppose I could do that."
Shawn grins and shuts his eyes expectantly, which is exactly when Gus dodges around him, grabs the leftovers and breaks for the door.
"I could kiss you," Gus calls from the doorway. "But you'll have to catch me first."
Shawn whirls around wildly. "I have to catch you first?" he says incredulously. "Are you serious, dude? What are we, ten?"
Gus smiles broadly. "Tag, you're it."
"I'm going to beat you with this pineapple when I catch you," Shawn threatens, waving the stuffed toy in Gus' direction.
Gus ponders this. "That's kinky, Shawn," he says before dashing out the door.
"Just wait until I catch you," Shawn calls after him.
-end-
Behold the Magical Pineapple of Truth!