Heroes -- Jealousy, Man, it's a Bitch (Peter, Peter/Nathan)
I had some real thoughts about last night's Friday Night Lights, but they mostly boiled down to: that may be my favorite episode ever. It could have gone wrong so many times, they could have totally copped out, but they didn't. They're totally running the course, and that's pretty damn amazing on network TV. Hell, that's pretty damn amazing on ANY TV.
Also, this wasn't what I set out to write, but it's what happened, so.
Peter Petrelli, Nathan Petrelli (vague Peter/Nathan)
Spoilers for 1.14 'Distractions'
Rated PG
Jealousy, Man, it's a Bitch
It's probably cold on the roof of Peter's apartment. At least, Peter thinks he should be cold judging by the frost on the ledge and the cooing of the pigeons. His breath is coming in white puffs too, but the adrenaline in his veins is making him sweat, and he can feel the hairs along the nape of his neck sticking damply to his skin. He could pull up the hood of his sweatshirt, but in about five seconds he's going to have bigger issues than the weather, because if at first you don't succeed, you should at least be the one flinging your own body off of the top of a seven story building.
*
In Peter's defense, being thrown off a roof would make anyone irritable and prone to acts of utter stupidity.
Being thrown off a roof, getting impaled on a taxi cab frame, not dying, receiving a smackdown from your chosen guru, and still being expected to be in good spirits? Peter tries very hard not to get angry -- but even he has his limits. Even he needs to get away sometimes.
*
He supposes he should be happy that Claude even bothered to take him home after he knocked him out, but that doesn't make up for the bruise plastered across his jaw. That doesn't make up for Claude's bitterness or the clothes Peter had to shove to the bottom of a trash bag or the dried blood that flaked off in the shower and the red water that sluiced down his skin and into the drain. Nathan would never have done that. Nathan never would've thrown him off the roof -- of course Nathan can fly.
*
SON. OF. A. BITCH.
So, he can fly too.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
*
The wind is whipping his hair into his eyes, and high above the clouds and smog, New York is the most beautiful thing Peter's seen in a long time. He would never do anything to destroy the city. He's not stupid, and he's not a puppy, and his hair isn't stupid either -- it's just long. It's like Nathan's hair. Peter's just not as slick. Peter's just himself. Claude wouldn't understand. Nobody ever understands. At least Nathan tries. Sometimes. Peter thought Simone -- he's not going to think about Simone. He's not going to think about Simone.
He's not going to -- at least he still has his family.
*
Peter doesn't think of himself as an overly emotional person. Nathan says differently, but Peter doesn't consider himself prone to histrionics. He feels. It's not his fault that he was born into the most repressed family in Greater Manhattan. It's not his fault that he loves his brother more than he loves anyone else he's ever met. He knows Claude wants to make it a problem -- but some things aren't negotiable. With anyone.
*
Peter can be invisible. He can fly. He can't die. He can probably even go back in time -- Jesus Christ, is he supposed to be able to do more than one of these things at a time? What made him think he could fly to Westchester in the middle of the night? He was supposed to go to the desert! Of course, Claude wasn't supposed to be a fucking nut job who liked to slap him around either, and oh, fuck, how the hell he is supposed to land?
*
Crash-landing is a lot like being knocked out. Except for the whole thing where after you crash-land there's nobody to drag your staggering, scraped-up, screwed-up body -- wait, his knees don't normally go that way -- and Jesus, does that hurt. And, of course, he would set off the motion detectors in Nathan's backyard. Of course. Just because you can't see him moving, doesn't mean --
It takes him a minute to realize he's just made himself invisible on demand. Oh, this is cool. This is -- Nathan.
*
It's on the tip of Peter's tongue to call Nathan's name when the doors to the garden open, and Nathan steps out onto the very veranda where he sold Peter for an interview and three percentage points in the polls. Except Nathan is looking right at him, and he's not seeing him, because Peter can't see himself, and what's the point in doing things if he can't get a reaction out of Nathan when he does them? Why did he come to Nathan in the first place if he didn't want to be seen? Except that Peter's always come to Nathan when he's hurt -- even when Nathan's the one who's hurt him.
Especially when Nathan's the one who's hurt him.
*
He watches Nathan for several long seconds, because this is Nathan unplugged, when no one is around -- his hair mussed, cuffs unbuttoned. He looks tired. He looks like he's worried -- Peter doesn't want him to worry. He just --
"Peter?"
Peter doesn't even realize he's solidifying until he looks down and then he's invisible again, because shit, whoops.
"PETER?!"
Sometimes Peter forgets how fast Nathan can be, one minute he's at top of the veranda and the next he's down the stairs, staring at where Peter was sitting in the begonias ten seconds ago. There's rustling coming from the flowers and -- "Shit," Nathan says, glowering after the tabby that's just dashed out of the flowers. "I hate cats."
Peter keeps his hands over his own mouth and thinks very hard about focusing on hovering twenty feet off of the ground. He can obsess over making Nathan think he's hallucinating later.
*
Nathan has always been above Peter. Nathan has always been the highest bar, the paramount that Peter could never meet, but tonight, if he looks up -- and please don't let him look up -- Peter wonders what he'll say. If he'll smile. If he'll laugh. If he'll finally believe that Peter can take care of himself -- there's something incredibly amusing about Peter floating right above his brother's head. Maybe if Nathan sees Peter now, he'll stop worrying so much. Maybe if he sees Peter right now it will just make things worse.
Peter doesn't want to be locked away for his own good; he doesn't want talk about it anymore; he's going to help in his own way. Peter doesn't even realize he's invisible again until Nathan's head tips back, and he looks past Peter, to the stars.
*
"This wasn't supposed to happen now." Nathan's voice is soft and raspy as though he's afraid of waking people even though Peter has no doubt the entire house is asleep. This is Nathan unguarded, the collar of his purple Oxford unbuttoned and dark smudges under his eyes. Peter blinks and watches as Nathan rubs his face and scratches the back of his neck. Peter doesn't even realize he's reaching out until he sees his own hand hovering inches away from Nathan's shoulder. He's flickering in and out like a light switch; he has to get this under control. Except there's something soothing about watching Nathan and not being the one on display for a change.
*
A part of Peter wishes it could be like this all the time. Quiet, peaceful, a chance to see Nathan without all the bells and whistles and sharpness. A chance for Peter to be around his brother without all the noise and the anger and the sadness about being cheated out of something that could have been great.
*
Nathan stands there for a long time, and Peter doesn't even realize he's descending until the tops of his sneakers brush the grass. When Nathan says, "she's not supposed to be alive," Peter has no idea who she is, and it throws him off. He lands a bit louder than he intended, and when Nathan whirls around there's a fraction of a second that Peter wants to be seen, but he's starting to see why Claude prefers invisibility.
*
If Peter were a hopeless romantic, he would have completely inappropriate thoughts about how Nathan looks under a full moon and stars, instead he holds incredibly still and watches all sorts of emotions run naked across his brother's face. Something inside of Peter cracks when Nathan says, "Jesus, Peter, you better fucking come home," and Peter's just starting to materialize when Nathan takes off.
Peter's never seen his brother fly before, and for a moment he's jealous of the sky because it's just another thing between them.
-end-
Beta by antheia who is awesome like baby ducks.
For those who may have missed it -- slodwick and I posted our very first collaboration: a Peter/Nathan mix called Under the Influence of You. It, too, is awesome like baby ducks. Slashy baby ducks. What?
Also, this wasn't what I set out to write, but it's what happened, so.
Peter Petrelli, Nathan Petrelli (vague Peter/Nathan)
Spoilers for 1.14 'Distractions'
Rated PG
Jealousy, Man, it's a Bitch
It's probably cold on the roof of Peter's apartment. At least, Peter thinks he should be cold judging by the frost on the ledge and the cooing of the pigeons. His breath is coming in white puffs too, but the adrenaline in his veins is making him sweat, and he can feel the hairs along the nape of his neck sticking damply to his skin. He could pull up the hood of his sweatshirt, but in about five seconds he's going to have bigger issues than the weather, because if at first you don't succeed, you should at least be the one flinging your own body off of the top of a seven story building.
*
In Peter's defense, being thrown off a roof would make anyone irritable and prone to acts of utter stupidity.
Being thrown off a roof, getting impaled on a taxi cab frame, not dying, receiving a smackdown from your chosen guru, and still being expected to be in good spirits? Peter tries very hard not to get angry -- but even he has his limits. Even he needs to get away sometimes.
*
He supposes he should be happy that Claude even bothered to take him home after he knocked him out, but that doesn't make up for the bruise plastered across his jaw. That doesn't make up for Claude's bitterness or the clothes Peter had to shove to the bottom of a trash bag or the dried blood that flaked off in the shower and the red water that sluiced down his skin and into the drain. Nathan would never have done that. Nathan never would've thrown him off the roof -- of course Nathan can fly.
*
SON. OF. A. BITCH.
So, he can fly too.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
*
The wind is whipping his hair into his eyes, and high above the clouds and smog, New York is the most beautiful thing Peter's seen in a long time. He would never do anything to destroy the city. He's not stupid, and he's not a puppy, and his hair isn't stupid either -- it's just long. It's like Nathan's hair. Peter's just not as slick. Peter's just himself. Claude wouldn't understand. Nobody ever understands. At least Nathan tries. Sometimes. Peter thought Simone -- he's not going to think about Simone. He's not going to think about Simone.
He's not going to -- at least he still has his family.
*
Peter doesn't think of himself as an overly emotional person. Nathan says differently, but Peter doesn't consider himself prone to histrionics. He feels. It's not his fault that he was born into the most repressed family in Greater Manhattan. It's not his fault that he loves his brother more than he loves anyone else he's ever met. He knows Claude wants to make it a problem -- but some things aren't negotiable. With anyone.
*
Peter can be invisible. He can fly. He can't die. He can probably even go back in time -- Jesus Christ, is he supposed to be able to do more than one of these things at a time? What made him think he could fly to Westchester in the middle of the night? He was supposed to go to the desert! Of course, Claude wasn't supposed to be a fucking nut job who liked to slap him around either, and oh, fuck, how the hell he is supposed to land?
*
Crash-landing is a lot like being knocked out. Except for the whole thing where after you crash-land there's nobody to drag your staggering, scraped-up, screwed-up body -- wait, his knees don't normally go that way -- and Jesus, does that hurt. And, of course, he would set off the motion detectors in Nathan's backyard. Of course. Just because you can't see him moving, doesn't mean --
It takes him a minute to realize he's just made himself invisible on demand. Oh, this is cool. This is -- Nathan.
*
It's on the tip of Peter's tongue to call Nathan's name when the doors to the garden open, and Nathan steps out onto the very veranda where he sold Peter for an interview and three percentage points in the polls. Except Nathan is looking right at him, and he's not seeing him, because Peter can't see himself, and what's the point in doing things if he can't get a reaction out of Nathan when he does them? Why did he come to Nathan in the first place if he didn't want to be seen? Except that Peter's always come to Nathan when he's hurt -- even when Nathan's the one who's hurt him.
Especially when Nathan's the one who's hurt him.
*
He watches Nathan for several long seconds, because this is Nathan unplugged, when no one is around -- his hair mussed, cuffs unbuttoned. He looks tired. He looks like he's worried -- Peter doesn't want him to worry. He just --
"Peter?"
Peter doesn't even realize he's solidifying until he looks down and then he's invisible again, because shit, whoops.
"PETER?!"
Sometimes Peter forgets how fast Nathan can be, one minute he's at top of the veranda and the next he's down the stairs, staring at where Peter was sitting in the begonias ten seconds ago. There's rustling coming from the flowers and -- "Shit," Nathan says, glowering after the tabby that's just dashed out of the flowers. "I hate cats."
Peter keeps his hands over his own mouth and thinks very hard about focusing on hovering twenty feet off of the ground. He can obsess over making Nathan think he's hallucinating later.
*
Nathan has always been above Peter. Nathan has always been the highest bar, the paramount that Peter could never meet, but tonight, if he looks up -- and please don't let him look up -- Peter wonders what he'll say. If he'll smile. If he'll laugh. If he'll finally believe that Peter can take care of himself -- there's something incredibly amusing about Peter floating right above his brother's head. Maybe if Nathan sees Peter now, he'll stop worrying so much. Maybe if he sees Peter right now it will just make things worse.
Peter doesn't want to be locked away for his own good; he doesn't want talk about it anymore; he's going to help in his own way. Peter doesn't even realize he's invisible again until Nathan's head tips back, and he looks past Peter, to the stars.
*
"This wasn't supposed to happen now." Nathan's voice is soft and raspy as though he's afraid of waking people even though Peter has no doubt the entire house is asleep. This is Nathan unguarded, the collar of his purple Oxford unbuttoned and dark smudges under his eyes. Peter blinks and watches as Nathan rubs his face and scratches the back of his neck. Peter doesn't even realize he's reaching out until he sees his own hand hovering inches away from Nathan's shoulder. He's flickering in and out like a light switch; he has to get this under control. Except there's something soothing about watching Nathan and not being the one on display for a change.
*
A part of Peter wishes it could be like this all the time. Quiet, peaceful, a chance to see Nathan without all the bells and whistles and sharpness. A chance for Peter to be around his brother without all the noise and the anger and the sadness about being cheated out of something that could have been great.
*
Nathan stands there for a long time, and Peter doesn't even realize he's descending until the tops of his sneakers brush the grass. When Nathan says, "she's not supposed to be alive," Peter has no idea who she is, and it throws him off. He lands a bit louder than he intended, and when Nathan whirls around there's a fraction of a second that Peter wants to be seen, but he's starting to see why Claude prefers invisibility.
*
If Peter were a hopeless romantic, he would have completely inappropriate thoughts about how Nathan looks under a full moon and stars, instead he holds incredibly still and watches all sorts of emotions run naked across his brother's face. Something inside of Peter cracks when Nathan says, "Jesus, Peter, you better fucking come home," and Peter's just starting to materialize when Nathan takes off.
Peter's never seen his brother fly before, and for a moment he's jealous of the sky because it's just another thing between them.
-end-
Beta by antheia who is awesome like baby ducks.
For those who may have missed it -- slodwick and I posted our very first collaboration: a Peter/Nathan mix called Under the Influence of You. It, too, is awesome like baby ducks. Slashy baby ducks. What?