Missing my best friend
It's been almost a year now since that tragic breakup. Almost a year since I could sit on the couch with my best friend and watch 'Venture Bros.', or share a beer and laugh at ghetto FUBU happenings on 'I Love New York'. Almost a year since we could spend long drives making up summer blockbuster movies between us. And almost a year since I could lay down next to my best friend and fall asleep, cuddling her.
Something about me that I've come to terms with is that I don't hold long term grudges. I don't hate. I love, above all else and despite what transpired, the good feelings and the closeness that we shared rises to the top like a water, oil mixture.
So yes, I will admit with no reserve that I miss the person who was my best friend. That beautiful, passionate, angry, creative, funny, challenging, and overall wonderful person. I miss her.
I know, that might make me weak, and that might make me stupid. Might lead to more hurt. But the miss is still there. And I don't think I'll ever be so hurt that I'll lose the ability to forgive.
But certainly things are different with me now, I've made commitments that I feel strongly about, but that I feel still allow me the freedom I want. The kind of freedom I wasn't looking for before, but that still stems from a mutual respect that I felt was necessary before, but absent.
I felt I was open before, open about the people I still loved, people who still held some emotional sway over me, admitted that I would never stop loving those people. I didn't try to hide it. But I also tried to drive home the point that she was now my focus and that there was a laundry list of signs and acts and words that backed up that statement, but none of that mattered compared to the fact that emotionally I was deeper and as far as love goes I might have an over developed sense of it. But she was my best friend, and that couldn't have been said for any of the other people I loved. And maybe that was the difference. As much as I may have loved other people, there was only one girl close to my heart that I considered my companion, and my best friend. And for one stupid argument or another, things came to an end.
For future reference and for all you out there. Don't let a heated argument over a Netflix queue spill over into an argument about honesty and respect, and CERTAINLY don't let it spill over into telling someone that if they're so unhappy that they should leave....cause they just might.
So yeah, she'll probably hate me for years to come, but I'll miss her all the same. Specially during those times when I'm sitting here alone on the couch, laughing to myself over something I'm watching, that I know she'd laugh with me about. But sometimes thems the breaks.
Something about me that I've come to terms with is that I don't hold long term grudges. I don't hate. I love, above all else and despite what transpired, the good feelings and the closeness that we shared rises to the top like a water, oil mixture.
So yes, I will admit with no reserve that I miss the person who was my best friend. That beautiful, passionate, angry, creative, funny, challenging, and overall wonderful person. I miss her.
I know, that might make me weak, and that might make me stupid. Might lead to more hurt. But the miss is still there. And I don't think I'll ever be so hurt that I'll lose the ability to forgive.
But certainly things are different with me now, I've made commitments that I feel strongly about, but that I feel still allow me the freedom I want. The kind of freedom I wasn't looking for before, but that still stems from a mutual respect that I felt was necessary before, but absent.
I felt I was open before, open about the people I still loved, people who still held some emotional sway over me, admitted that I would never stop loving those people. I didn't try to hide it. But I also tried to drive home the point that she was now my focus and that there was a laundry list of signs and acts and words that backed up that statement, but none of that mattered compared to the fact that emotionally I was deeper and as far as love goes I might have an over developed sense of it. But she was my best friend, and that couldn't have been said for any of the other people I loved. And maybe that was the difference. As much as I may have loved other people, there was only one girl close to my heart that I considered my companion, and my best friend. And for one stupid argument or another, things came to an end.
For future reference and for all you out there. Don't let a heated argument over a Netflix queue spill over into an argument about honesty and respect, and CERTAINLY don't let it spill over into telling someone that if they're so unhappy that they should leave....cause they just might.
So yeah, she'll probably hate me for years to come, but I'll miss her all the same. Specially during those times when I'm sitting here alone on the couch, laughing to myself over something I'm watching, that I know she'd laugh with me about. But sometimes thems the breaks.