BLAH BLAH BLAH
Today is just one of those days. I am bored and aggravated because of it and I just can't get in a good mood today. I am tired of not sleeping well and I am tired of being broke. I just got my income taxes back and I have almost nothing left (barely over $100). Billy just got his first paycheck on the 13th from his new job and he has less than $300 left. He only gets paid every 2 weeks. His car needs new tires and we need to go food shopping - which I didn't want to do because I know it's going to be gone so freaking fast because we're not the only ones here to eat it. I wanted to put away some money but we've had so much to "catch up" on that it just didn't work.
I can't sleep at night anymore. I fall asleep FINALLY sometime arouns 2 or 3 am, then I end up waking up at 5 or 6 am, feeding the cats, sitting up for another few hours and falling back to sleep sometime around 8 or 9. Then I sleep until about noon or 1pm. So I end up getting somewhere between 4-6 hours of crappy sleep. Then I sit home all day while Billy works, bored out of my mind. Then, when he gets a day off, there's still nothing to do. Why? Because I don't want to spend money so we can "put it away" and there's nothing to do without spending money. So, again, we sit here like we're doing today...bored. I am going CRAZY sitting home all the time. And I should have just gotten a job a long time ago so I'd have something to do. But it would just make things more hectic because I don't drive and I would have to work around Billy's full-time work schedule. And no one is going to give me a job now - at 6 months pregnant.
I don't know what to do. I can't take this anymore. I want to eat right, but I haven't had the food to do it. Before we were too broke and now it's like we never have the time to go food shopping or if we do, I second guess doing it because our fridge sucks and doesn't keep things fresh along with the fact that I don't want to spend all that money on food for everyone else to end up eating. I want to go for walks, but the weather has been terrible lately (cold and raining and horrible winds). Now it's nice out today but it's still cold and windy and I hate walking by myself because I've been getting so dizzy and weird things like that lately that I don't feel good about walking alone. But Billy doesn't ever want to go for a walk so now I'm sitting here being bored and lazy.
I'm tired of not knowing where we're going to be living when the baby gets here. There's no way we're going to save up enough money to put a down payment on an apartment AND buy the remaining things we'll need for the baby. Plus, even if we somehow magically came up with that money, we wouldn't be making enough to pay rent here. I'm looking at "low income housing" here but I don't know the area well and the place I contacted about it hasn't gotten back to me. And I'm worried we're going to get stuck in some horrible shitty neighborhood.
UGGGGHHHHHHHH
I don't know what to do about all of this. And I talk to Billy and he has no idea what we're going to do but seems to think everything is just going to be fine. I even talked to my dad about moving back in with him. But his conditions for that are that we have to pay him $100 a week and get rid of our cats because he has too many animals already. I can understand both those conditions, but I don't know that it'd be worth moving back to Florida where Billy will probably end up making less money and with a paycheck of $600 every 2 weeks, $200 of that would go to my dad and then we have bills that total up to almost $400 a month. So half our money would be going to bills - that's not including money he would need for gas, money for food, money for things for the baby, etc. And he wants us to limit ourselves to 6 months there. I don't know how we'd save anything to move out or where we'd move tht we could afford any better than we can here.
I need to get my license. I'm terrible at driving and don't get enough time to practice. Plus even once I start driving, we won't have enough money for us to get ANOTHER car and pay for more car insurance. And even if we somehow managed that and I started working, then I'd have to pay for the baby to go to daycare so I could work, which would take up most of the money I'd be making. I want to go to college but I am having a hard time with the government aid (FAFSA) form and Billy's stepmom said she would help but there hasn't been a time for us to do it. I would have to take all my classes online since I don't have any transportation anyways.
Blah blah blah. I could go on and on. I don't know...
I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction last night. Initially it scared me because it was an odd feeling and I wasn't thinking about it. But then I knew what it was and it went away pretty fast anyway. When I woke up around 5am, I had the most terrible pins and needles in my right hand...which I've read is most likely from the swelling. I'm starting to swell pretty badly in my hands to the point where my engagement ring leaves an impression on my finger. Sometimes I can feel it in my feet when I get up to walk and they feel kinda numb-ish. My back is continuously hurting and that's part of my sleeping problem. I constantly end up rolling over and lying on my back instead of my side. And I've noticed I get dizzier when I do that.
Anyways...I'm off to run some more errands. Better than sitting home I suppose.
Excuse the long rant...
24w2d
I can't sleep at night anymore. I fall asleep FINALLY sometime arouns 2 or 3 am, then I end up waking up at 5 or 6 am, feeding the cats, sitting up for another few hours and falling back to sleep sometime around 8 or 9. Then I sleep until about noon or 1pm. So I end up getting somewhere between 4-6 hours of crappy sleep. Then I sit home all day while Billy works, bored out of my mind. Then, when he gets a day off, there's still nothing to do. Why? Because I don't want to spend money so we can "put it away" and there's nothing to do without spending money. So, again, we sit here like we're doing today...bored. I am going CRAZY sitting home all the time. And I should have just gotten a job a long time ago so I'd have something to do. But it would just make things more hectic because I don't drive and I would have to work around Billy's full-time work schedule. And no one is going to give me a job now - at 6 months pregnant.
I don't know what to do. I can't take this anymore. I want to eat right, but I haven't had the food to do it. Before we were too broke and now it's like we never have the time to go food shopping or if we do, I second guess doing it because our fridge sucks and doesn't keep things fresh along with the fact that I don't want to spend all that money on food for everyone else to end up eating. I want to go for walks, but the weather has been terrible lately (cold and raining and horrible winds). Now it's nice out today but it's still cold and windy and I hate walking by myself because I've been getting so dizzy and weird things like that lately that I don't feel good about walking alone. But Billy doesn't ever want to go for a walk so now I'm sitting here being bored and lazy.
I'm tired of not knowing where we're going to be living when the baby gets here. There's no way we're going to save up enough money to put a down payment on an apartment AND buy the remaining things we'll need for the baby. Plus, even if we somehow magically came up with that money, we wouldn't be making enough to pay rent here. I'm looking at "low income housing" here but I don't know the area well and the place I contacted about it hasn't gotten back to me. And I'm worried we're going to get stuck in some horrible shitty neighborhood.
UGGGGHHHHHHHH
I don't know what to do about all of this. And I talk to Billy and he has no idea what we're going to do but seems to think everything is just going to be fine. I even talked to my dad about moving back in with him. But his conditions for that are that we have to pay him $100 a week and get rid of our cats because he has too many animals already. I can understand both those conditions, but I don't know that it'd be worth moving back to Florida where Billy will probably end up making less money and with a paycheck of $600 every 2 weeks, $200 of that would go to my dad and then we have bills that total up to almost $400 a month. So half our money would be going to bills - that's not including money he would need for gas, money for food, money for things for the baby, etc. And he wants us to limit ourselves to 6 months there. I don't know how we'd save anything to move out or where we'd move tht we could afford any better than we can here.
I need to get my license. I'm terrible at driving and don't get enough time to practice. Plus even once I start driving, we won't have enough money for us to get ANOTHER car and pay for more car insurance. And even if we somehow managed that and I started working, then I'd have to pay for the baby to go to daycare so I could work, which would take up most of the money I'd be making. I want to go to college but I am having a hard time with the government aid (FAFSA) form and Billy's stepmom said she would help but there hasn't been a time for us to do it. I would have to take all my classes online since I don't have any transportation anyways.
Blah blah blah. I could go on and on. I don't know...
I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction last night. Initially it scared me because it was an odd feeling and I wasn't thinking about it. But then I knew what it was and it went away pretty fast anyway. When I woke up around 5am, I had the most terrible pins and needles in my right hand...which I've read is most likely from the swelling. I'm starting to swell pretty badly in my hands to the point where my engagement ring leaves an impression on my finger. Sometimes I can feel it in my feet when I get up to walk and they feel kinda numb-ish. My back is continuously hurting and that's part of my sleeping problem. I constantly end up rolling over and lying on my back instead of my side. And I've noticed I get dizzier when I do that.
Anyways...I'm off to run some more errands. Better than sitting home I suppose.
Excuse the long rant...
24w2d