Churchland - Chapter 2 - Guardian
The managers stared at the thirteen boys who had suddenly rampaged into their quarters looking like they were about to be eaten alive. Each of them had identicle looks of shock, nervousness, nausea and sleeplessness; or in Heechul's case, anger; and in Yesung's, obliviousness.
The only thing the managers could seem to register besides the thirteen fully grown males was the small child being held by their leader.
The only thing the managers could remember at this point was that the thirteen fully grown males in front of them were childless.
"Why the hell is Eeteuk-ssi holding a baby?"
"Kangin, I am holding you personally responsible!"
"Which one of you is female?"
"What kind of sick joke is this!?"
"That is what WE want to know!" Heechul shreiked. Everyone immediately fell silent. The baby began to stir in Eeteuk's arms.
Yesung deicded to be to the rescue, and quickly soothed the squirming infant.
The managers' jaws dropped at this strange display of Yesung actually being able to succeed at something, but were hushed from saying a word by Yesung's finger-on-lips motion. Or was it Heechul's "I-will-kill-anyone-who-says-anything-at-this-point-in-time" glare. One of the managers was mute, so it really didn't matter.
"Yes, well, we just acquired a baby and now we need to do something with it..." Eeteuk began. A female manager stepped forward.
"How dare you just write being given this bundle of joy off as 'acquiring'! You must love her, and treasure her, and feed her, and nurse her, and change her and... oh... Who is the mother? And... for the record... which one of you is the father?"
Eeteuk facepalmed.
"Listen, we really did just acquire this baby! Siwon found it at the church and-"
"Siwon found a baby at the church!? Are you sure it isn't that son of christ thing...?"
"Yes, I am sure. Besides, the son of God is usually a BOY..." Siwon deadpanned. And then there was silence.
"So..." Yesung began to whole cycle again.
"What are we going to do?"
"I think she is hungry!"
"Aigoo!"
"Omona!"
"Cute~"
"Manager!"
"Do we take this up with the police?"
"Should we publically appeal for her mother to come forward!?"
"Can we go back to bed now?"
"I was having the best dream..."
"EVERYONE!" Kibum practically screamed.
People turned to stare at him.
"The prodigal has returned!" the managers squealed. Kibum had about had it with the religious analogies.
"Guys, are we going to the police or not? Are we going to the hospital or not? Are we going to the press or not?" Kibum's ominous dial tone was blaring from the loudspeaker on his ominous phone. He ominously began to punch in ominous keys and then he ominously-
"STOP NARRATING EVERYTHING I DO DONGHAE!"
"... sorry..."
"... and I am not ominously doing anything"
"That's because you aren't here and this is a bad dream..." mumbled Leeteuk.
"Because Kibum actually being here is a bad thing?" Ryeowook asked naiively. Kangin sighed.
"Back to the task at hand men!"
"Which hand?" muttered the half awake Eunhyuk. Shindong slapped him on behalf of everybody.
"We are not going to the press..." the head manager said firmly. Everyone turned to stare at him. When the hell had been promoted to the head manager?
"Why not?"
"Because then the netizens would have a field day and I am sure none of you wants to be rumoured to be a woman pretending to be a man or therefore have to become a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man for the sake of this child..."
"Why would we have to do that? Even if they though it was our kid, couldn't we say some random lady that no one has ever heard was the mother and we are looking for her so she can take the child?" Eeteuk said in his leader like logic.
"But then the netizens would think you were bad fathers..."
"Fathers? Hell no, I am not getting into this!" Heechul shreiked again, because he obviously cannot talk normally at any unreasonable hour. Or any reasonable hour according to Eeteuk.
"You guys will have to take care of her until the morning... it's too late... early... whatever! To be dealing with this... therefore, us managers vote you guys get in some parenting experience, watch the baby tonight and we'll do something about it tomorrow... today... whatever!"
"But manager~" came the chorus whine.
"No buts, too bed. And no PDA's while the baby is in your arms, Kangin, Eeteuk!"
The members glared half heartedly, as they were too tired to glare wholeheartedly, at their lazy managers. No wonder they had such tight schedules.
Slowly they meandered their way back into one of the two dorms.
"Are we all staying here tonight?"
"Can you really be bothered going back to our floor and trying to unlock that door?"
"...touche'"
"..."
"What is it Teuk-ah?" muttered Kangin from his odd position on the couch of the other dorm. Eeteuk was currently lying across his stomach holding the baby.
"... We need baby supplies..."
"...What?"
"We. Need. Baby. Supplies. NOW!" Eeteuk shouted/whispered in his leader voice (he can shout and whisper at the same time in that special leader timbre cause being the leader kicks ass)
"...Do I dare ask why?"
"My shirt is completely saturated Youngwoon!"
"... Forget I asked..."
"..."
"...Listen, get off me so I can go and get supplies for the thing and while I'm gone, give the baby to Sungmin or Yesung or something and take a shower!" Kangin suggested, slightly prying Eeteuk off of him as to get the point across.
"Hmmm... maybe you're right... Sungmin is the best with kids... leaving Yesung with a baby is like leaving Donghae with a vat of candy... or worse... explosive candy..." Eeteuk shuddered as Kangin tried to think of the things that babies needed... and how on earth candy could explode...
"And then it imploded!" Donghae was telling the policemen a nice little tale as they waited for Kangin to arrive back the dorm with baby supplies. Kibum had called at about seven a.m. and Kangin had left at 6.30... and no one knew where he was.
"Should we report him missing?" Eeteuk asked worriedly. The policemen shook his head.
"I believe he will arrive in 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2..."
"I AM ALIVE!" Kangin screamed, falling through the door. The policeman cleared his throat.
"You are going to actually have to fix that, hyung..." Kyuhyun mumbled from inside his snuggie(C).
"Like hell I care Kyuhyunnie!" Kangin poked out his tongue before holding up a bag of diapers in triumph. The policeman cleared his throat.
"It took you and hour and a half to walk downstairs, down the street, into a deli, buy a packet of diapers and come home? What are you? A retard? Donghae?"
"Hey! I resent that!"
"I resent you so fair is fair!" Heechul retorted. The policeman cleared his throat.
"But that is-"
"THE POLICEMAN IS TRYING TO TALK!" Kibum screamed, causing the entire dorm to jolt upright. Kibum looked to the policeman to give him a sign to continue.
"Actually son, that time I just really needed to cough..." he mumbled sheepishly. Kibum's eyes glowered.
"What were you going to say the first two times then?"
"Oh... I was going to tell you that since this baby is a foreigner, it may take some time in finding her mama... if ever"
"I never would've guessed she was a foreigner, not with the blue eyes and blonde curls..." Heechul's dry sarcasm returned with a hint of lemon that gives it tang.
"Yes well... seems we are going to have to find somewhere to keep her..."
"What, like a foster home?" Sungmin blinked. He knew all about those places, but in the past hour and a half he hadn't let go of the baby and he decided she was too precious to go there.
"Actually I was thinking you guys could keep her..." the policeman mumbled.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that..." Heechul said stubbornly.
"I said, 'Actually I was thinking you guys could keep her...;" the policeman repeated. Heechul glared.
"I simply meant that as a "no way in hell bucko", so take the thing elsewhere!"
"Heechul!" cried Eeteuk.
"What now oh most fearless leader Teukie?"
"How can you be so cruel to a defenceless baby?"
"It's actually pretty easy, want me to teach you?"
"...NO!"
"He had to think about it!" Heechul smirked.
"If that managers say it's okay to keep her, then we shall..." Eeteuk proposed finally. Half the members were okay with this ruling. The other half...
"But what will we do with her hyung?"
"Where will she sleep?"
"Are we all gonna be daddies?"
"Who's gonna feed her?"
"What if manager says no?"
"Whose gonna look after her?"
"..."
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA NAME HER?"
The only thing the managers could seem to register besides the thirteen fully grown males was the small child being held by their leader.
The only thing the managers could remember at this point was that the thirteen fully grown males in front of them were childless.
"Why the hell is Eeteuk-ssi holding a baby?"
"Kangin, I am holding you personally responsible!"
"Which one of you is female?"
"What kind of sick joke is this!?"
"That is what WE want to know!" Heechul shreiked. Everyone immediately fell silent. The baby began to stir in Eeteuk's arms.
Yesung deicded to be to the rescue, and quickly soothed the squirming infant.
The managers' jaws dropped at this strange display of Yesung actually being able to succeed at something, but were hushed from saying a word by Yesung's finger-on-lips motion. Or was it Heechul's "I-will-kill-anyone-who-says-anything-at-this-point-in-time" glare. One of the managers was mute, so it really didn't matter.
"Yes, well, we just acquired a baby and now we need to do something with it..." Eeteuk began. A female manager stepped forward.
"How dare you just write being given this bundle of joy off as 'acquiring'! You must love her, and treasure her, and feed her, and nurse her, and change her and... oh... Who is the mother? And... for the record... which one of you is the father?"
Eeteuk facepalmed.
"Listen, we really did just acquire this baby! Siwon found it at the church and-"
"Siwon found a baby at the church!? Are you sure it isn't that son of christ thing...?"
"Yes, I am sure. Besides, the son of God is usually a BOY..." Siwon deadpanned. And then there was silence.
"So..." Yesung began to whole cycle again.
"What are we going to do?"
"I think she is hungry!"
"Aigoo!"
"Omona!"
"Cute~"
"Manager!"
"Do we take this up with the police?"
"Should we publically appeal for her mother to come forward!?"
"Can we go back to bed now?"
"I was having the best dream..."
"EVERYONE!" Kibum practically screamed.
People turned to stare at him.
"The prodigal has returned!" the managers squealed. Kibum had about had it with the religious analogies.
"Guys, are we going to the police or not? Are we going to the hospital or not? Are we going to the press or not?" Kibum's ominous dial tone was blaring from the loudspeaker on his ominous phone. He ominously began to punch in ominous keys and then he ominously-
"STOP NARRATING EVERYTHING I DO DONGHAE!"
"... sorry..."
"... and I am not ominously doing anything"
"That's because you aren't here and this is a bad dream..." mumbled Leeteuk.
"Because Kibum actually being here is a bad thing?" Ryeowook asked naiively. Kangin sighed.
"Back to the task at hand men!"
"Which hand?" muttered the half awake Eunhyuk. Shindong slapped him on behalf of everybody.
"We are not going to the press..." the head manager said firmly. Everyone turned to stare at him. When the hell had been promoted to the head manager?
"Why not?"
"Because then the netizens would have a field day and I am sure none of you wants to be rumoured to be a woman pretending to be a man or therefore have to become a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man for the sake of this child..."
"Why would we have to do that? Even if they though it was our kid, couldn't we say some random lady that no one has ever heard was the mother and we are looking for her so she can take the child?" Eeteuk said in his leader like logic.
"But then the netizens would think you were bad fathers..."
"Fathers? Hell no, I am not getting into this!" Heechul shreiked again, because he obviously cannot talk normally at any unreasonable hour. Or any reasonable hour according to Eeteuk.
"You guys will have to take care of her until the morning... it's too late... early... whatever! To be dealing with this... therefore, us managers vote you guys get in some parenting experience, watch the baby tonight and we'll do something about it tomorrow... today... whatever!"
"But manager~" came the chorus whine.
"No buts, too bed. And no PDA's while the baby is in your arms, Kangin, Eeteuk!"
The members glared half heartedly, as they were too tired to glare wholeheartedly, at their lazy managers. No wonder they had such tight schedules.
Slowly they meandered their way back into one of the two dorms.
"Are we all staying here tonight?"
"Can you really be bothered going back to our floor and trying to unlock that door?"
"...touche'"
"..."
"What is it Teuk-ah?" muttered Kangin from his odd position on the couch of the other dorm. Eeteuk was currently lying across his stomach holding the baby.
"... We need baby supplies..."
"...What?"
"We. Need. Baby. Supplies. NOW!" Eeteuk shouted/whispered in his leader voice (he can shout and whisper at the same time in that special leader timbre cause being the leader kicks ass)
"...Do I dare ask why?"
"My shirt is completely saturated Youngwoon!"
"... Forget I asked..."
"..."
"...Listen, get off me so I can go and get supplies for the thing and while I'm gone, give the baby to Sungmin or Yesung or something and take a shower!" Kangin suggested, slightly prying Eeteuk off of him as to get the point across.
"Hmmm... maybe you're right... Sungmin is the best with kids... leaving Yesung with a baby is like leaving Donghae with a vat of candy... or worse... explosive candy..." Eeteuk shuddered as Kangin tried to think of the things that babies needed... and how on earth candy could explode...
"And then it imploded!" Donghae was telling the policemen a nice little tale as they waited for Kangin to arrive back the dorm with baby supplies. Kibum had called at about seven a.m. and Kangin had left at 6.30... and no one knew where he was.
"Should we report him missing?" Eeteuk asked worriedly. The policemen shook his head.
"I believe he will arrive in 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2..."
"I AM ALIVE!" Kangin screamed, falling through the door. The policeman cleared his throat.
"You are going to actually have to fix that, hyung..." Kyuhyun mumbled from inside his snuggie(C).
"Like hell I care Kyuhyunnie!" Kangin poked out his tongue before holding up a bag of diapers in triumph. The policeman cleared his throat.
"It took you and hour and a half to walk downstairs, down the street, into a deli, buy a packet of diapers and come home? What are you? A retard? Donghae?"
"Hey! I resent that!"
"I resent you so fair is fair!" Heechul retorted. The policeman cleared his throat.
"But that is-"
"THE POLICEMAN IS TRYING TO TALK!" Kibum screamed, causing the entire dorm to jolt upright. Kibum looked to the policeman to give him a sign to continue.
"Actually son, that time I just really needed to cough..." he mumbled sheepishly. Kibum's eyes glowered.
"What were you going to say the first two times then?"
"Oh... I was going to tell you that since this baby is a foreigner, it may take some time in finding her mama... if ever"
"I never would've guessed she was a foreigner, not with the blue eyes and blonde curls..." Heechul's dry sarcasm returned with a hint of lemon that gives it tang.
"Yes well... seems we are going to have to find somewhere to keep her..."
"What, like a foster home?" Sungmin blinked. He knew all about those places, but in the past hour and a half he hadn't let go of the baby and he decided she was too precious to go there.
"Actually I was thinking you guys could keep her..." the policeman mumbled.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that..." Heechul said stubbornly.
"I said, 'Actually I was thinking you guys could keep her...;" the policeman repeated. Heechul glared.
"I simply meant that as a "no way in hell bucko", so take the thing elsewhere!"
"Heechul!" cried Eeteuk.
"What now oh most fearless leader Teukie?"
"How can you be so cruel to a defenceless baby?"
"It's actually pretty easy, want me to teach you?"
"...NO!"
"He had to think about it!" Heechul smirked.
"If that managers say it's okay to keep her, then we shall..." Eeteuk proposed finally. Half the members were okay with this ruling. The other half...
"But what will we do with her hyung?"
"Where will she sleep?"
"Are we all gonna be daddies?"
"Who's gonna feed her?"
"What if manager says no?"
"Whose gonna look after her?"
"..."
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA NAME HER?"