underrated
Title: underrated
Pairing: KyuMin
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 (for allusions to anorexia)
Summary: I observe you all the time, but you don’t notice how interesting you are to watch. You always let us shine, while you isolate yourself into a corner. I’m worried about you hyung - Kyuhyun laments on a certain members recent behavior.
* * *
I watched you enter the bathroom and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, you could let the tension in your shoulders, neck, back and legs ease down the drain with the warm water that would surely course over your body.
Don’t think I never noticed the way your smile was more subdued; the way you sat back and watched rather than participated; the way you died a little inside every day.
It started with Hong Gil Dong, where you worried about acting against Yesung-hyung. You constantly compared your singing ability with his, you even weren’t confident with your athletic ability when everyone knows that Yesung has the coordination of an elephant on a tightrope. You wouldn’t eat or sleep properly for days; you practice your part over and over again - trying to get on par with Yesung, trying to not let him down. I saw the way your body swayed from exhaustion; by the end I knew your lines off by heart too.
You’d sing until you could barely rasp a ‘goodnight’ to me as you slept for a few hours and then started again.
I could say this was the beginning of the self destruction.
I thought Shindong was kidding me when he told me your twitter account was called “myblacksmile”.
I didn’t see you much in the following months, due to Super Junior M activities, but I know that the others kept an eye on you. Even Yesung, the one who you tried so much to catch up with, thought that you were working yourself to death.
Finally we got to work on “Miinah” and I saw how insecure you’d become.
You underestimated yourself and you underrated yourself in your own eyes.
Your dancing wasn’t what it used to be; in front of the teachers you just seemed to shut down. You danced so awkwardly that even I was deemed better than you and I filled Hankyung’s spot. Yet, when the others left and it was you and me alone, you were the one teaching me the steps - showing how to slow down my body in order to give purpose to every tiny movement.
You looked tired even at those times, hyung.
On stage, or with fans, you built this mask. It was cool, unceasing and perfectly flawless. You’d smile for them, but it never reaches your eyes. You'd try too hard to be so quiet and so calm, when inside I can see everything breaking apart.
I observe you all the time, but you don’t notice how interesting you are to watch. You always let us shine, while you isolate yourself into a corner.
I’m worried about you hyung.
When it comes to costumes or make-up or hair, you always agree to go last; to get the last outfit off of the rack, to get the quick hair and make-up job before we go on. You always let yourself be second best to us. You say it’s less hassle this way, like you’re doing for the efficiency of the group.
Efficiency you now let run your life.
Even when it’s just the group going out to eat, you never ask for something for yourself, you just go along with what everyone else wants.
It’s not fair to you, hyung.
Yesung and Ryeowook and I sing; Eunhyuk, Shindong and Donghae dance; Heechul is a princess; Leeteuk has unparalleled charisma; Siwon has the body of Eros.
I wonder if you are thinking about where you fit into this.
Ryeowook is also cute, Eunhyuk is better than you at dancing, Heechul is more sarcastic, Hankyung could do martial arts…
I watched that episode of Strong Heart where you called yourself average. I wanted to call you out and hit you, but you were sleeping.
I’ve seen every photo, you always lurking in the background, almost hoping that no one will notice you there.
I’ve seen you bite your tongue and stay silent during recordings so people don’t ask you questions.
I’ve seen you put yourself down and let the others speak and dance and sing rather than yourself so that they can stand in the spotlight.
I’ve seen you compromise yourself and let everyone step on you, because you think it’s the right thing.
I’ve heard you try to explain to your parents why you weren’t shown on this broadcast or that radio show or in this magazine.
I’ve seen you cry.
You’ve never been this silent. And I’m worried.
This would be okay if you were usually so solemn and withdrawn; but you aren’t and this scares me. It would be okay if this was the album image you are giving off and it only came out during promotions; but it’s not and this is not okay.
“Kyuhyun,” I hear you mumble and you re-enter the room. I look at you.
Usually after a shower your shoulders and relaxed and you are smiling happily.
Tonight all I can see is tension.
“Yes?” I mutter back.
You sit on the side of my bed and look at me.
“It was a good day today,” you stare at me, before getting up and going over to your own bed. Your back arches in unnatural ways and your biceps flex and you wander quietly.
This act has taken over your life; this act is killing the you I know and trust.
And if only you understand how hard it is to watch you, then you would know how bad today really was.
* * *
A/n: Written because I am disliking how unlively Sungmin appears lately... and I took it out on onetruemei
Pairing: KyuMin
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 (for allusions to anorexia)
Summary: I observe you all the time, but you don’t notice how interesting you are to watch. You always let us shine, while you isolate yourself into a corner. I’m worried about you hyung - Kyuhyun laments on a certain members recent behavior.
* * *
I watched you enter the bathroom and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, you could let the tension in your shoulders, neck, back and legs ease down the drain with the warm water that would surely course over your body.
Don’t think I never noticed the way your smile was more subdued; the way you sat back and watched rather than participated; the way you died a little inside every day.
It started with Hong Gil Dong, where you worried about acting against Yesung-hyung. You constantly compared your singing ability with his, you even weren’t confident with your athletic ability when everyone knows that Yesung has the coordination of an elephant on a tightrope. You wouldn’t eat or sleep properly for days; you practice your part over and over again - trying to get on par with Yesung, trying to not let him down. I saw the way your body swayed from exhaustion; by the end I knew your lines off by heart too.
You’d sing until you could barely rasp a ‘goodnight’ to me as you slept for a few hours and then started again.
I could say this was the beginning of the self destruction.
I thought Shindong was kidding me when he told me your twitter account was called “myblacksmile”.
I didn’t see you much in the following months, due to Super Junior M activities, but I know that the others kept an eye on you. Even Yesung, the one who you tried so much to catch up with, thought that you were working yourself to death.
Finally we got to work on “Miinah” and I saw how insecure you’d become.
You underestimated yourself and you underrated yourself in your own eyes.
Your dancing wasn’t what it used to be; in front of the teachers you just seemed to shut down. You danced so awkwardly that even I was deemed better than you and I filled Hankyung’s spot. Yet, when the others left and it was you and me alone, you were the one teaching me the steps - showing how to slow down my body in order to give purpose to every tiny movement.
You looked tired even at those times, hyung.
On stage, or with fans, you built this mask. It was cool, unceasing and perfectly flawless. You’d smile for them, but it never reaches your eyes. You'd try too hard to be so quiet and so calm, when inside I can see everything breaking apart.
I observe you all the time, but you don’t notice how interesting you are to watch. You always let us shine, while you isolate yourself into a corner.
I’m worried about you hyung.
When it comes to costumes or make-up or hair, you always agree to go last; to get the last outfit off of the rack, to get the quick hair and make-up job before we go on. You always let yourself be second best to us. You say it’s less hassle this way, like you’re doing for the efficiency of the group.
Efficiency you now let run your life.
Even when it’s just the group going out to eat, you never ask for something for yourself, you just go along with what everyone else wants.
It’s not fair to you, hyung.
Yesung and Ryeowook and I sing; Eunhyuk, Shindong and Donghae dance; Heechul is a princess; Leeteuk has unparalleled charisma; Siwon has the body of Eros.
I wonder if you are thinking about where you fit into this.
Ryeowook is also cute, Eunhyuk is better than you at dancing, Heechul is more sarcastic, Hankyung could do martial arts…
I watched that episode of Strong Heart where you called yourself average. I wanted to call you out and hit you, but you were sleeping.
I’ve seen every photo, you always lurking in the background, almost hoping that no one will notice you there.
I’ve seen you bite your tongue and stay silent during recordings so people don’t ask you questions.
I’ve seen you put yourself down and let the others speak and dance and sing rather than yourself so that they can stand in the spotlight.
I’ve seen you compromise yourself and let everyone step on you, because you think it’s the right thing.
I’ve heard you try to explain to your parents why you weren’t shown on this broadcast or that radio show or in this magazine.
I’ve seen you cry.
You’ve never been this silent. And I’m worried.
This would be okay if you were usually so solemn and withdrawn; but you aren’t and this scares me. It would be okay if this was the album image you are giving off and it only came out during promotions; but it’s not and this is not okay.
“Kyuhyun,” I hear you mumble and you re-enter the room. I look at you.
Usually after a shower your shoulders and relaxed and you are smiling happily.
Tonight all I can see is tension.
“Yes?” I mutter back.
You sit on the side of my bed and look at me.
“It was a good day today,” you stare at me, before getting up and going over to your own bed. Your back arches in unnatural ways and your biceps flex and you wander quietly.
This act has taken over your life; this act is killing the you I know and trust.
And if only you understand how hard it is to watch you, then you would know how bad today really was.
* * *
A/n: Written because I am disliking how unlively Sungmin appears lately... and I took it out on onetruemei