Curse Of The Lumpy Butt
I wasn't going to make this post, mostly because I don't want your pity. But someone put the idea in my head and I need to be doing something while I smoke so here it is. So heres the story of the past week and a half.
Some time within the last few weeks I developed a cyst at the base of my tail bone, at first it wasn't much of a deal, just a little discomfort, but after making some pickups/deliveries for work last Tuesday, I had gotten it so aggravated from bouncing around in the work van that it was painful to sit. Hell it was painful to do just about anything other than stand up and lay on my stomach. Now I have had this problem a few other times, I just pop the motherfucker, drain out the badness and go on with my life. Unfortunately this time, the little bastard wasn't going out with out a fight. So after leaving work early on Tuesday, I went straight home and bitched and moaned about the pain till the next morning, when i called sick into work again. I finally gave up on the prospect of the fucker popping itself and enlisted the help of nurse Jaide to get down and dirty with an armament of sewing needles, rubbing alcohol, and the prerequisite rubber gloves. It put up a good fight, but Jaide conquered all and I thought things might be on the up and up. Thursday, I made the dive to work, but things weren't much better. I kept trying to convince myself that I could make it though it the entire drive there. I just had to make it though one day because I had taken Friday off because A) my license expired on the 20th and I had to go to the DMV to get a new one, and B) it was my birthday and I was going to party like a rockstar. Well upon getting to work, my boss made the comment that I looked like shit, and I agreed that I felt that way, he suggested I take the day off and that I should go see a doctor. Well I left work, enlisted Jaide's help again and then finally gave into the idea of 'Professional' help. I had Little Jimmy Bruce take me over to the UMC Quick Care and after waiting for about an hour, and paying my twenty dollar deductible, I was told that the little bitch was infected and there was nothing they could really do for me, so I got a shot of antibiotics in one cheek and a slap on the other telling me I would have to go to an ER to get it cut out. I got a script for some antibiotics and one for a painkiller, both of which I quickly before heading back home. I spent the fist half of my birthday waiting in line at the DMV, which actually took me far less time than I thought. The rest of the day was spent waiting in the ER, where about an hour into it, the cyst finally decided to pop, drenching my ass in a lovely combination of blood and puss. After a few hours of stewing in my own juices, I was finally admitted. This time I got some local anesthetic in the ass and the doc cut the bitch open and shoved it full of gaze and gave me the good news that I would need to go see ANOTHER doctor to have surgery to cut it all the way out. He gave me the name of a doc and told me to follow up with him on Monday. The rest of the weekend was spend on my stomach or side watching our newly installed cable that was installed on Thursday, what a godsend. On Monday I nearly worked myself into a panic attack as the surgeon never called me and I went through about ten others trying to find someone who could see me that day. I finally found one, although at the time I didn't know her name or really where they were located, after showing up I swear it was a womens health center because I was the only guy in the waiting room. After the doc finally saw me, I was told I didn't need more surgery and that i just had to wait for the wound to heal up and then I could go back to work. So I get to spend this week, on my stomach or side, waiting for the open wound heal up and changing my man-pon when needed. Not exactly the vacation I had in mind, but whatcha gonna do huh? Anyways thats the legend of the lumpy butt, even though its not on my butt. I know, thanks for sharing huh.
Peace out bitches.
PS. All hail hydrocodone, with out you, none of this would have been possible.
Some time within the last few weeks I developed a cyst at the base of my tail bone, at first it wasn't much of a deal, just a little discomfort, but after making some pickups/deliveries for work last Tuesday, I had gotten it so aggravated from bouncing around in the work van that it was painful to sit. Hell it was painful to do just about anything other than stand up and lay on my stomach. Now I have had this problem a few other times, I just pop the motherfucker, drain out the badness and go on with my life. Unfortunately this time, the little bastard wasn't going out with out a fight. So after leaving work early on Tuesday, I went straight home and bitched and moaned about the pain till the next morning, when i called sick into work again. I finally gave up on the prospect of the fucker popping itself and enlisted the help of nurse Jaide to get down and dirty with an armament of sewing needles, rubbing alcohol, and the prerequisite rubber gloves. It put up a good fight, but Jaide conquered all and I thought things might be on the up and up. Thursday, I made the dive to work, but things weren't much better. I kept trying to convince myself that I could make it though it the entire drive there. I just had to make it though one day because I had taken Friday off because A) my license expired on the 20th and I had to go to the DMV to get a new one, and B) it was my birthday and I was going to party like a rockstar. Well upon getting to work, my boss made the comment that I looked like shit, and I agreed that I felt that way, he suggested I take the day off and that I should go see a doctor. Well I left work, enlisted Jaide's help again and then finally gave into the idea of 'Professional' help. I had Little Jimmy Bruce take me over to the UMC Quick Care and after waiting for about an hour, and paying my twenty dollar deductible, I was told that the little bitch was infected and there was nothing they could really do for me, so I got a shot of antibiotics in one cheek and a slap on the other telling me I would have to go to an ER to get it cut out. I got a script for some antibiotics and one for a painkiller, both of which I quickly before heading back home. I spent the fist half of my birthday waiting in line at the DMV, which actually took me far less time than I thought. The rest of the day was spent waiting in the ER, where about an hour into it, the cyst finally decided to pop, drenching my ass in a lovely combination of blood and puss. After a few hours of stewing in my own juices, I was finally admitted. This time I got some local anesthetic in the ass and the doc cut the bitch open and shoved it full of gaze and gave me the good news that I would need to go see ANOTHER doctor to have surgery to cut it all the way out. He gave me the name of a doc and told me to follow up with him on Monday. The rest of the weekend was spend on my stomach or side watching our newly installed cable that was installed on Thursday, what a godsend. On Monday I nearly worked myself into a panic attack as the surgeon never called me and I went through about ten others trying to find someone who could see me that day. I finally found one, although at the time I didn't know her name or really where they were located, after showing up I swear it was a womens health center because I was the only guy in the waiting room. After the doc finally saw me, I was told I didn't need more surgery and that i just had to wait for the wound to heal up and then I could go back to work. So I get to spend this week, on my stomach or side, waiting for the open wound heal up and changing my man-pon when needed. Not exactly the vacation I had in mind, but whatcha gonna do huh? Anyways thats the legend of the lumpy butt, even though its not on my butt. I know, thanks for sharing huh.
Peace out bitches.
PS. All hail hydrocodone, with out you, none of this would have been possible.