its not over till its over...
i thought i stoped this thing forsure... but i belive i have to always come back to the place where ican vent and nobdy give a fuck what i say.... int he past year.. i have seen alot of shit... met alot of people... but there is one that stands out of the rest....like a fool.... like an asshole... like a jerk... like a pennyless zitar player.. like a man with half a face, like a beast, like icerus... i fell in love again.... she is gorguos... and with great respect... its the person i fell inlove with.... if it was not for past expiriances i would tell her.. but somthing always holds me back.... im always giving advises... and telling peopel what to say and what not to say.... but when it comes to me.... i am at a short for words.....
it was alot easyer when i just liked... but now that i got to know her.... its difficult to even talk.... baffled by the incogdicidents of her eyes i cannot speak nor talk nor hear... i fell in love... i fell in love... i forgot how this felt... i have been away for soo long i forgot how it even tasted.... falling to piese i sit here.... should i call? or should i wiat?
its not lust, niether physical attraction... its a fond for a person.... in so many ways i would belive that we are compatable... but what her side says i am uncertianed .... i hate falling......
i always doubt myself and i never go forward.... but always 10 steps back.....my life latly has been good...... i got into nursing school with a schoolarship... i have the firends that anybody cann't ask for.... my fam is healthy... but what i want more than anything~~~i am neglected... i just want to be able to tell this person i love you.... hold them and hug them as if the nite where never to end.... i want to belong in sombodys life... i want to belong.....
many times... i find myself thinking of what could be... and not what is..... having nitemares where she passes away in my arms.... having nitemares that she is with someone else.... to having dreams where we are runing in the sand smelling the ocean breeze and holding her tight to keep her warm..... i awake cluching my pillow so tight instead..... and then realizing it was all a dream.... thats all it is...... a dream....
wishing that there is somthing... and wanting the best... dream said the dreamer to the fool, but between love and war..... there are no rules.....
this game sucks.....
but one day.... one bitter sweet day when i have to risk firendship over love...
aside from my madness... i have grown a greater foundness for life... from my past expiriances coming face first with death, to coming face first with life.... working in a long term care center will surly open ur eyes to everything.... loving what i do... and loving who i am... i do not think i can chose another field....somtimes i have to stop and be gratefull of what i have become, and what i will become...
i belive that we should never look back to the past problems that haunt our very exsistence and move foward to the effervesence, spices and lemons that life throughs at us..... only a sweet sacrifice
....... i for one.... need to apply this... getting stuck on past expiriances have affected me greatly in my growing.... a fondness for a person i greatly appriciate, and respect higly....
a man not to long ago told me somthing that i though was simple, but effective.... he said... keep walking, but walk tall, even if ur all beat up inside and outside.... there is a time and place for everything.... and nobdy needs to know why ur down.... smile soo that the world knows that even tho u have been through hell and back... ur still here..... just a small price... smile b/c u never know what another person is going through.. and ur smile can make ther day .....
it happends to me at times.... that all i realy need is a hug and a smile.... and it makes you feel like wow.... the day is not over... the battle has just begun.....
a sweet sacrifice....
im sorry i had to pour my heart open..... there is norwhere else i can write this.... blood, sweat, and tears will not bring me down, but will break me...... into this person in which you see before you
I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!
I AM IN LOVE!!!
I AM MYSELF
I AM JON.....
WHO ARE YOU ???
it was alot easyer when i just liked... but now that i got to know her.... its difficult to even talk.... baffled by the incogdicidents of her eyes i cannot speak nor talk nor hear... i fell in love... i fell in love... i forgot how this felt... i have been away for soo long i forgot how it even tasted.... falling to piese i sit here.... should i call? or should i wiat?
its not lust, niether physical attraction... its a fond for a person.... in so many ways i would belive that we are compatable... but what her side says i am uncertianed .... i hate falling......
i always doubt myself and i never go forward.... but always 10 steps back.....my life latly has been good...... i got into nursing school with a schoolarship... i have the firends that anybody cann't ask for.... my fam is healthy... but what i want more than anything~~~i am neglected... i just want to be able to tell this person i love you.... hold them and hug them as if the nite where never to end.... i want to belong in sombodys life... i want to belong.....
many times... i find myself thinking of what could be... and not what is..... having nitemares where she passes away in my arms.... having nitemares that she is with someone else.... to having dreams where we are runing in the sand smelling the ocean breeze and holding her tight to keep her warm..... i awake cluching my pillow so tight instead..... and then realizing it was all a dream.... thats all it is...... a dream....
wishing that there is somthing... and wanting the best... dream said the dreamer to the fool, but between love and war..... there are no rules.....
this game sucks.....
but one day.... one bitter sweet day when i have to risk firendship over love...
aside from my madness... i have grown a greater foundness for life... from my past expiriances coming face first with death, to coming face first with life.... working in a long term care center will surly open ur eyes to everything.... loving what i do... and loving who i am... i do not think i can chose another field....somtimes i have to stop and be gratefull of what i have become, and what i will become...
i belive that we should never look back to the past problems that haunt our very exsistence and move foward to the effervesence, spices and lemons that life throughs at us..... only a sweet sacrifice
....... i for one.... need to apply this... getting stuck on past expiriances have affected me greatly in my growing.... a fondness for a person i greatly appriciate, and respect higly....
a man not to long ago told me somthing that i though was simple, but effective.... he said... keep walking, but walk tall, even if ur all beat up inside and outside.... there is a time and place for everything.... and nobdy needs to know why ur down.... smile soo that the world knows that even tho u have been through hell and back... ur still here..... just a small price... smile b/c u never know what another person is going through.. and ur smile can make ther day .....
it happends to me at times.... that all i realy need is a hug and a smile.... and it makes you feel like wow.... the day is not over... the battle has just begun.....
a sweet sacrifice....
im sorry i had to pour my heart open..... there is norwhere else i can write this.... blood, sweat, and tears will not bring me down, but will break me...... into this person in which you see before you
I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!
I AM IN LOVE!!!
I AM MYSELF
I AM JON.....
WHO ARE YOU ???