(no subject)
Payday often results in me getting lots of new stuff and this was no different. Except this one involved two Ivor Cutler CDs bought off the back of a BBC4 documentary, so far they are splendid. I shall be lending these out to people who I feel will appreciate them.
Speaking of Ivor Cutler, the following three links are compulsory reading. PDF files abound.
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Preface
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Chapter One - Kenny Everett Is Our Very Pal
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Chapter Two - Radio Bonzo's Wonderful
12. I am not a whore.
When paying for an items, please do not throw your money at me. The till is not my bedroom and as a result I do not want to be made to feel dirty there.
13. Leave the receipt alone.
Anything behind or on the desk at the tills is my property until I hand it over to you. I don't mind it so much when you take your bag without my offering, I can understand that. But do not tear the receipt from the till before I do. You are reaching into my personal space and this is rude no matter where you are.
14. Phones.
Say, for instance, I am serving you at the tills or helping you look for a book which you're after. For the sake of argument, let us imagine that your phone starts ringing. A dilemma to be sure. What to do? Do you answer the phone and ignore me completely or to you ignore the phone and pay attention to the person who is getting you what you asked for? I will deal with you in two ways.
Tills - It used to be the case that I would stop talking to you completely because I was annoyed at you for being so rude. Now I talk to you incessantly, asking you everything. Two bags or one? Would you like your receipt in this bag? Or the other? All the books in one with CDs in another? A large bag or a small one? Small bag and a large one or both the same size? I am going to derail your conversation.
Anywhere else and I am helping you - It's difficult this one. My sense of responsibility means I cannot walk away from you but there is very little to talk about so I can't derail you. So far I am sticking with the 'pretend I can't find the book until you finish the phonecall' method. If I find the book and you're still on the phone then the book stays unfound.
15. Keep your guffaws to yourself.
At the till point we have lots of 'novelty' items for sale which you can see and immediately buy. Such books involve fake cheque books such as 'sex cheques' or 'sex cheques 2nd edition'. There are also books which list how Americans say things and how the British say things. And how the Australians say things and how the British say things. And how the Irish say things and how the British say things. And how those in Yorkshire say things and how the British say things. The way language changes from region to region is an area of comedy I admit I have left unexplored, but how I wish I had judging by the looks of utter delight on your faces when you learn that Americans say 'faucet' instead of 'tap'. It's not just your laughing, it's the way your grab your friends to show them and the way they laugh which makes you laugh more.
There is more. There are also 'little books of...' which include topics such as 'wanking', 'farting', 'abuse' or 'wisdom'. The latter by the Dalai Llama no less. There is a version of 'The Little Book Of Farting' which has a sound effect when you open it. This is not funny, do not look at me while opening and closing the books expecting me to break down in hysterics. You are wrong on this one.
Speaking of Ivor Cutler, the following three links are compulsory reading. PDF files abound.
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Preface
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Chapter One - Kenny Everett Is Our Very Pal
The History Of Comedy On Radio One Chapter Two - Radio Bonzo's Wonderful
12. I am not a whore.
When paying for an items, please do not throw your money at me. The till is not my bedroom and as a result I do not want to be made to feel dirty there.
13. Leave the receipt alone.
Anything behind or on the desk at the tills is my property until I hand it over to you. I don't mind it so much when you take your bag without my offering, I can understand that. But do not tear the receipt from the till before I do. You are reaching into my personal space and this is rude no matter where you are.
14. Phones.
Say, for instance, I am serving you at the tills or helping you look for a book which you're after. For the sake of argument, let us imagine that your phone starts ringing. A dilemma to be sure. What to do? Do you answer the phone and ignore me completely or to you ignore the phone and pay attention to the person who is getting you what you asked for? I will deal with you in two ways.
Tills - It used to be the case that I would stop talking to you completely because I was annoyed at you for being so rude. Now I talk to you incessantly, asking you everything. Two bags or one? Would you like your receipt in this bag? Or the other? All the books in one with CDs in another? A large bag or a small one? Small bag and a large one or both the same size? I am going to derail your conversation.
Anywhere else and I am helping you - It's difficult this one. My sense of responsibility means I cannot walk away from you but there is very little to talk about so I can't derail you. So far I am sticking with the 'pretend I can't find the book until you finish the phonecall' method. If I find the book and you're still on the phone then the book stays unfound.
15. Keep your guffaws to yourself.
At the till point we have lots of 'novelty' items for sale which you can see and immediately buy. Such books involve fake cheque books such as 'sex cheques' or 'sex cheques 2nd edition'. There are also books which list how Americans say things and how the British say things. And how the Australians say things and how the British say things. And how the Irish say things and how the British say things. And how those in Yorkshire say things and how the British say things. The way language changes from region to region is an area of comedy I admit I have left unexplored, but how I wish I had judging by the looks of utter delight on your faces when you learn that Americans say 'faucet' instead of 'tap'. It's not just your laughing, it's the way your grab your friends to show them and the way they laugh which makes you laugh more.
There is more. There are also 'little books of...' which include topics such as 'wanking', 'farting', 'abuse' or 'wisdom'. The latter by the Dalai Llama no less. There is a version of 'The Little Book Of Farting' which has a sound effect when you open it. This is not funny, do not look at me while opening and closing the books expecting me to break down in hysterics. You are wrong on this one.