who even knows anymore?
Lately, I've been feeling..cut off? No, That's not what I'm looking for. Hmm.
Well, first of all, I'm so..paranoid. I feel like I have to suck up to people and pretend to be something I'm not just to get them to like me. And that makes me a hypocrite and a poser. I hate this feeling. It feels like no matter what I do, no one will like me and I'll be stuck feeling this way for the rest of my life, with no friends to speak of. It's pretty dumb. I'm nothing but a major suck-up who tries so hard to be liked. I'm that annoying puppy who jumps in your lap and slobbers all over your face to get you to notice me. I'm Justin's cat, Tinker, who climbs in your lap, no matter what you're doing, and tries to get you to pet her. (not that I don't love Tinker or anything..)
Second of all, I'm so lonely. Despite all my friends, my family, and my boyfriend, I just feel like no one's there. I have maybe two people I can talk to without being afraid that they'll judge me and think less of me or something. Every time I try and talk to someone, they tell someone else, they shy away from me, or they just say "that sucks." Well I know it fucking sucks asshole. I don't need you to tell me it sucks. Wow..random outburst. Okay anyway. I feel like, even though I have a lot of people who say they're there for me and stuff, I can count those that are actually there for me on one hand. And out of those people, I can name at least two who are most likely starting to get tired of me. All of my other friends, I'm afraid to tell them anything because they'll judge me and stop being friends with me. There's the good old paranoia kicking in!
Third of all, I feel like I can help no one. Every time a friend comes to me with a problem (believe it or not, there are still people who trust me enough to come to me for help and advice or just to vent..and this is me, afraid to talk because I'm afraid I'll be judged! Hm.) I feel like there's nothing I can do to help. I feel like no matter what I say, I will never be able to help anyone ever again. I hate this feeling. I like knowing I'm there for my friends. And I feel like I never am. AHH!!!!!!
Sorry for this extremely random blog. If you read all the useless nonsense babble, I commend you. If you didn't..that's okay. I barely read what I was typing anyway.
Happy Birthday Justin!
Child Protective Services are coming on Thursday. All I have to do is make sure my room's clean, there's a cycle of laundry going, make sure there's no new slash marks on my arms (or any other part of my body for that matter), and make sure I hide my notebook (my journal, my soul confidante, and my life) because they supposedly have the right to read them. Sounds easy enough.
Well, first of all, I'm so..paranoid. I feel like I have to suck up to people and pretend to be something I'm not just to get them to like me. And that makes me a hypocrite and a poser. I hate this feeling. It feels like no matter what I do, no one will like me and I'll be stuck feeling this way for the rest of my life, with no friends to speak of. It's pretty dumb. I'm nothing but a major suck-up who tries so hard to be liked. I'm that annoying puppy who jumps in your lap and slobbers all over your face to get you to notice me. I'm Justin's cat, Tinker, who climbs in your lap, no matter what you're doing, and tries to get you to pet her. (not that I don't love Tinker or anything..)
Second of all, I'm so lonely. Despite all my friends, my family, and my boyfriend, I just feel like no one's there. I have maybe two people I can talk to without being afraid that they'll judge me and think less of me or something. Every time I try and talk to someone, they tell someone else, they shy away from me, or they just say "that sucks." Well I know it fucking sucks asshole. I don't need you to tell me it sucks. Wow..random outburst. Okay anyway. I feel like, even though I have a lot of people who say they're there for me and stuff, I can count those that are actually there for me on one hand. And out of those people, I can name at least two who are most likely starting to get tired of me. All of my other friends, I'm afraid to tell them anything because they'll judge me and stop being friends with me. There's the good old paranoia kicking in!
Third of all, I feel like I can help no one. Every time a friend comes to me with a problem (believe it or not, there are still people who trust me enough to come to me for help and advice or just to vent..and this is me, afraid to talk because I'm afraid I'll be judged! Hm.) I feel like there's nothing I can do to help. I feel like no matter what I say, I will never be able to help anyone ever again. I hate this feeling. I like knowing I'm there for my friends. And I feel like I never am. AHH!!!!!!
Sorry for this extremely random blog. If you read all the useless nonsense babble, I commend you. If you didn't..that's okay. I barely read what I was typing anyway.
Happy Birthday Justin!
Child Protective Services are coming on Thursday. All I have to do is make sure my room's clean, there's a cycle of laundry going, make sure there's no new slash marks on my arms (or any other part of my body for that matter), and make sure I hide my notebook (my journal, my soul confidante, and my life) because they supposedly have the right to read them. Sounds easy enough.