"when i am with you the world disappears...."
nikki e:
hey... ohisashiburi ne? lol...i'm still trying to hold on to that japanese that should've died by now XD well, it has been a long time for me to really update anything of merit.
i guess the occasion is that as i was in the shower, i realized how my silence was being drowned out by my thoughts, so no matter what i attempted, i could only focus on one thought...and i realized how -obsessive?- that is,,, ^^;
so i've come to realize that i'm really glad i'm in the position i'm in. for the most part, i've kept all the dearest friends i've had close to me, and i've managed to add new friends who mean as much to me now as the friends i've kept. but what's strange is that they've all been of the same oddly similar methods of encounters as the people dearest to me. besides friends from high school and college, the people who would've been my "online friends" ended up being people i literally met first (i.e. as in person) and then came to be close to both online and in person, an equal and healthy growth. like flyaway and definitely like kimbolina, without nikita's (or maeko's as most know her) help, i would've never met these people who have come to be some of the most important people in my life. and though the friendship with nikita ended on a weirdly uneventful and unsatisfying note, i've managed to develop closer friendships to people she had met first online.
which brings me to my point. it seems that regardless of where a person lives, it almost feels like once an online friend, always an online friend. the only exception to this sad rule is of kimbo's and kujo's relationship with one another, that though they met online first, his moving down here and having a healthy personal and in person friendship has made their relationship stronger and more enduring. maybe there are more cases of this than i know, but i know for a fact i have personally kept online friends at an arm's length, if not literally keeping our friendships a world apart.
and that's why i am happy with my circumstance. all the greatest people in my life, i've met in person first before i got to really know them online. i can't say that had we grown closer online first the relationship would be the same or different, i'm just glad it is the way that it is. some of the people i thought and had hoped to get closer with online have only planted casual friendships if not mutually awkward relationships. like dracocentaur who i adored when nikita and i were still close. though i had imagined that because we now have kimbo as a mutual friend we'd be something like best friends, it ended up quite the opposite...well, not too opposite... just sometimes... awkward. honesty compels me to say that, because as i believe he once told me, "you're not one of my favorite people right now..." *laughs* though that was quite an interesting conversation. but like him, many other friends i've developed online i've either lost or am just loosely still clinging to in hopes of furthering my network of worldwide friends.
but whether a person is across the world, the continent, 2,600 miles away or in the room next door...we're all human. i don't mean to keep people away just because of the conditions that i meet them, i think that sometimes it just happens that way. we all get caught up in the moment, sweep away friends who aren't quite as convenient as we'd like them to be, regardless of how much we love them. i think we forget that the person on the other end lives in a home, gets around in a car or whatever, has a computer, and responds on the other end just as we are responding to them. maybe we forget that, maybe we also forget that the person on the other end also bleeds when they are cut, or feels pain when they are hurt, or is sad when someone forgets them.
but this rant is for me and the people who care enough to read this. *laughs* unfortunately, the people who probably need to read this won't ever see it, but that's ok, it isn't important since we all learn and listen on our own terms. it is my sincere hope that i change and that the people who need to change hear this too, that no one person deserves to be treated less based on how you know them. isn't it more important what that person tries to be for you? if we all wanted to be best friends, i think we should be. maybe we all need to put a lil more effort into our friendships than we try to now. maybe...
maybe we just all need to recognize we exist.
~hitomi
p.s. - because i won the bet, all i want from you is a moment to lie next to me (it doesn't have to be anytime soon) and think only of me for 5 minutes straight. no interruptions, no challenges...and i will believe you on your honor when you feel those unadultered 5 minutes have passed. does that sound feasible? *laughs* it should, cause i do it for you for almost every silent moment of the day ^_~ to your future you, does this make you love me more, or less? XD
hey... ohisashiburi ne? lol...i'm still trying to hold on to that japanese that should've died by now XD well, it has been a long time for me to really update anything of merit.
i guess the occasion is that as i was in the shower, i realized how my silence was being drowned out by my thoughts, so no matter what i attempted, i could only focus on one thought...and i realized how -obsessive?- that is,,, ^^;
so i've come to realize that i'm really glad i'm in the position i'm in. for the most part, i've kept all the dearest friends i've had close to me, and i've managed to add new friends who mean as much to me now as the friends i've kept. but what's strange is that they've all been of the same oddly similar methods of encounters as the people dearest to me. besides friends from high school and college, the people who would've been my "online friends" ended up being people i literally met first (i.e. as in person) and then came to be close to both online and in person, an equal and healthy growth. like flyaway and definitely like kimbolina, without nikita's (or maeko's as most know her) help, i would've never met these people who have come to be some of the most important people in my life. and though the friendship with nikita ended on a weirdly uneventful and unsatisfying note, i've managed to develop closer friendships to people she had met first online.
which brings me to my point. it seems that regardless of where a person lives, it almost feels like once an online friend, always an online friend. the only exception to this sad rule is of kimbo's and kujo's relationship with one another, that though they met online first, his moving down here and having a healthy personal and in person friendship has made their relationship stronger and more enduring. maybe there are more cases of this than i know, but i know for a fact i have personally kept online friends at an arm's length, if not literally keeping our friendships a world apart.
and that's why i am happy with my circumstance. all the greatest people in my life, i've met in person first before i got to really know them online. i can't say that had we grown closer online first the relationship would be the same or different, i'm just glad it is the way that it is. some of the people i thought and had hoped to get closer with online have only planted casual friendships if not mutually awkward relationships. like dracocentaur who i adored when nikita and i were still close. though i had imagined that because we now have kimbo as a mutual friend we'd be something like best friends, it ended up quite the opposite...well, not too opposite... just sometimes... awkward. honesty compels me to say that, because as i believe he once told me, "you're not one of my favorite people right now..." *laughs* though that was quite an interesting conversation. but like him, many other friends i've developed online i've either lost or am just loosely still clinging to in hopes of furthering my network of worldwide friends.
but whether a person is across the world, the continent, 2,600 miles away or in the room next door...we're all human. i don't mean to keep people away just because of the conditions that i meet them, i think that sometimes it just happens that way. we all get caught up in the moment, sweep away friends who aren't quite as convenient as we'd like them to be, regardless of how much we love them. i think we forget that the person on the other end lives in a home, gets around in a car or whatever, has a computer, and responds on the other end just as we are responding to them. maybe we forget that, maybe we also forget that the person on the other end also bleeds when they are cut, or feels pain when they are hurt, or is sad when someone forgets them.
but this rant is for me and the people who care enough to read this. *laughs* unfortunately, the people who probably need to read this won't ever see it, but that's ok, it isn't important since we all learn and listen on our own terms. it is my sincere hope that i change and that the people who need to change hear this too, that no one person deserves to be treated less based on how you know them. isn't it more important what that person tries to be for you? if we all wanted to be best friends, i think we should be. maybe we all need to put a lil more effort into our friendships than we try to now. maybe...
maybe we just all need to recognize we exist.
~hitomi
p.s. - because i won the bet, all i want from you is a moment to lie next to me (it doesn't have to be anytime soon) and think only of me for 5 minutes straight. no interruptions, no challenges...and i will believe you on your honor when you feel those unadultered 5 minutes have passed. does that sound feasible? *laughs* it should, cause i do it for you for almost every silent moment of the day ^_~ to your future you, does this make you love me more, or less? XD