Fic: Reassurances, Part 1
A/N: Here it is, my slightly delayed contribution to redjohnlovesyou. This took way longer than I was expecting it to. I thought it was going to be a oneshot. But this is part one, and it’s over 5K, so, NO DICE. Obviously I am ridiculous, and am completely unable to predict word counts. Perhaps I will finish the second half for the 31st.
Anyways, this is my fourth fic in what I like to call my Restraints-verse. It features: Restraints, Reminiscing in the Rhododendrons, Rearrangements, and now this fic, Reassurances. (All four other fic are available on my FFN profile, which is linked from my LJ. I know two of them are on my LJ, but I’m not sure about Restraints. The commentary is there...) Anyway, mostly what you need to know is that Lisbon and Jane are in an established relationship and are living together, post-RJ. But they haven’t been in said relationship particularly long. I hope you enjoy.
Title: Reassurances
Rating: T
Spoilers: None, as far as I know
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon, romance
Summary: It shouldn’t have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob. Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face. She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. It wasn’t like they were fighting.
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Part 1
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Lisbon was gardening furiously.
Well, as furiously as one could garden, anyway.
The weeds were certainly suffering because of it. At least she hoped they were weeds. She was pretty sure. She’d been getting better. And she hadn’t ripped out anything important yet, not according to Jane at least.
Lisbon winced, blinking suddenly, before throwing herself back into her war against the weeds.
He loved their garden, they both did.
Their garden. She still couldn’t quite believe it, even though it’d been over a month since she’d moved in. Well, over a month since the last box had been emptied and she’d moved the last of the furniture in her condo into a storage unit across town. “Moving in” to the bungalow had probably taken about a month, all told. It hadn’t been something she’d wanted to rush, and there hadn’t really been a reason to move faster.
Besides, it had given both her and Jane a little more time to get used to the idea, to work out the kinks.
Of which there had been remarkably few, actually, Lisbon admitted now. Sure, there’d been the usual things, reorganizing the bathroom and parts of the kitchen to make room for another person’s things (Jane had remarkably few clothes, so the closets hadn’t been a problem). Figuring out cooking schedules and who was going to do which chores. And of course, identifying places to hide when they both needed their space. Jane tended to leave the bungalow entirely when the need struck him; Lisbon suspected he sometimes ended up back in the attic of the CBI, if he didn’t end up in their home-office. She sometimes ended up in their office herself, if Jane wasn’t already using it. But if she stayed in the house, Lisbon mostly tended to retreat to the giant chair in the corner of the living room. When she was curled up in it, she could shut out the rest of the world.
Most frequently of all though, and if the weather was cooperating, she ended up in their back garden. Sometimes she just sat in one of the chairs and stared at the flowers. Sometimes she ended up on her hands and knees doing battle with the dandelions.
Which was exactly what she was doing now, on a lovely Saturday afternoon. It should have felt domestic (and Lisbon had secretly admitted to herself how much she loved that aspect of her life with Jane, how much she loved the little things, usually when they were doing some completely mundane chore, like making the bed, because it was so much faster with two people).
The weeding should have felt domestic, like it had so many times before. She couldn’t help remembering the first time Jane had caught her at it... Her face heated. Because domestic wasn’t exactly how she’d have described his reaction that day.
Not that she had to worry about him walking outside and catching her at it today.
Today she couldn’t tell herself that the weeding was part of the price she paid for being able to curl up in a lovely garden when she was stressed out.
Today she was just in the mood to rip things, and the weeds were a handy target.
Lisbon pulled off the leafy top of a particularly stubborn weed, growling in frustration when she realized she’d left the root behind. She grabbed a nearby trowel and started hacking at the dirt. If she didn’t get the root, then the thing would just be back in about three days, and then where would she be?
After thirty seconds of violent hacking with her trowel, and one ferocious yank, she had the root in her hand.
Her victory was short-lived though. Even she knew that the smile on her face would look more than a little manic to anyone who might have happened to see it. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob.
Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face.
She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
It wasn’t like they were fighting.
Closing her eyes tightly, Lisbon stifled a second sob.
No, fighting was far too active a word for what they were doing. They weren’t even sniping at each other. That she could have dealt with, could have recognized it for what it was.
Instead, they were almost tiptoeing around each other, both desperate to prove that everything was fine.
And it wasn’t fine.
It was wrong. She wasn’t sure exactly how, or in what way, but it was.
For a start, Jane was being positively polite to her. He was being sweet and kind and considerate. But he wasn’t being Jane. He wasn’t teasing her. He wasn’t driving her crazy with his antics. He wasn’t looking at her in that way that made her want to throw him up against a wall and have her way with him.
She’d always known they’d have their issues just like everyone else. She just wished she had the first idea what to do about it.
It wasn’t like she’d had a real relationship in over a decade. In fact, with the exception of one impulsive engagement when she was younger, her relationship with Jane was easily the most serious of her life.
If only she had any idea what she was doing.
She didn’t have any friends she could talk about this with. Half of them didn’t know Jane very well and wouldn’t understand the situation, so wouldn’t be able to help while the other half were cops and would probably tell her something that she really didn’t want to hear.
What was she going to do?
She wasn’t going to think about it. Not for a little while longer. There were hours worth of weeds left still. She could focus on that.
Then she heard a voice behind her.
“Teresa? I thought I saw you there. Do you have a minute?”
Lisbon tried to quickly wipe her eyes. It was Barb, their elderly next door neighbour. She was a lovely woman, but Lisbon wasn’t sure she would pass scrutiny right now, and Barb never missed a thing.
She stood up slowly, trying to get a hold of herself. “Sure, Barb. What do you need? I’m just doing some yard work, but I can...”
Barb’s eyes widened in concern, as Lisbon turned around and Lisbon knew her attempt at sounding light and breezy hadn’t been anywhere near convincing enough. “Teresa, dear! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Lisbon sniffed stubbornly, blinking quickly to dispel fresh tears. She sent Barb what she hoped was a convincing smile. “I’m fine.”
The other woman was already making her way over to her determinedly. “Like hell you are,” she muttered. “Where’s Patrick?”
Lisbon shrugged, hoping for nonchalance. “Oh, he went for a walk. He’ll probably be back soon.”
Barb frowned, her last few steps toward Lisbon tentative. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked gently.
“Talk about what?” Lisbon wondered, hoping evasion would work.
It didn’t. “Whatever it is you’re upset about of course!” Barb replied.
Lisbon shook her head quickly, horrified when she realized that fresh tears were trying to overflow from her eyelids. “It’s nothing... I don’t know...”
Barb had obviously decided to ignore her babbling, because Lisbon felt herself being guided towards a welcoming shoulder.
She tried to pull back. “I’ll get you all dirty,” she protested weakly.
Barb chuckled lightly. “Please,” she scoffed. “The last time I wore this shirt I was staining a coffee table. There’s a big brown stripe up the back now. Still not sure how I managed that particular feat, but either way, I think I can handle a little dirt.”
“But...” Lisbon whimpered, trying to think of another objection.
“Hush,” Barb said soothingly. “Humour me, if you must.”
And then Lisbon gave up and dropped her head against Barb’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she gasped between her tears.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Barb assured her, her voice soothing. “Sometimes we all just need to have a good cry.”
Yeah, Lisbon thought, wrapping her arms around Barb’s shoulders tentatively. Except that in the past she’d done it on her couch with a pint of ice cream. Not in her own garden with the world’s most stubborn neighbour. But, stubborn as she was, Barb was also one of the kindest women Lisbon had ever met. They’d become fast friends quickly, in spite of the age difference. And at least once or twice a week, Lisbon found herself chatting to Barb, either in the garden or in Barb’s kitchen. She was something of a confidante, which Lisbon was still getting used to.
And while Barb always assured Lisbon that she could tell her to leave if she was wearing out her welcome, the thought had never once crossed her mind. Barb’s advice was usually world-class, she didn’t flinch from Lisbon’s job, and there was something about her that was just comforting. Lisbon guessed the relationship was just something that came with this new life of hers and Jane’s. Because, like the built-in shelving in the back hall closet, Barb had come with the bungalow. Lisbon sniffled once more and lifted her head.
Barb’s needle-like gaze was fixed on her. Lisbon was suddenly sure that she wouldn’t get away with evasions of any kind. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, trying to straighten out her brain.
It seemed to be enough for Barb who nodded once. “That’s better,” she said briskly. “Now tell me, what did he do?”
Lisbon frowned. What had who done? Then the light dawned. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “No! Jane didn’t do anything. In fact, he’s been...” she paused, searching for the right word. “Really... understanding.” He had been. He hadn’t pushed her at all. Part of her couldn’t help wondering if she’d wanted him to. Just get it over with. Instead, he’d barely said anything about it.
Maybe this was just a subject that both of them were too terrified to deal with.
Still, he had asked her if she was okay, and she’d assured him she was fine. Repeatedly. So...
“Jane hasn’t done anything wrong,” she said again.
Barb was frowning, looking like she wanted to question that. She shook her head lightly.
“He hasn’t!” Lisbon insisted.
Barb watched her for another minute, seeming to accept that. Then another idea seemed to strike her. “Okay,” she said firmly. “Why don’t you and I go and have a nice cup of tea. I have cookies. Chocolate chip. Store-bought of course; I never was much of a baker. But they’re not bad.”
Lisbon didn’t have the strength to argue, and a small part of her admitted that she didn’t want to. Cookies and tea sounded really good all of a sudden. And Barb was offering, so...
“I should clean up the weeds,” she muttered half-heartedly.
“Those can wait until tomorrow,” Barb said with a wave of her hand. “They’re not going anywhere. Come on. I could use a cup of Earl Grey.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Lisbon murmured.
Barb glared at her. “Since when are you an imposition?” she demanded. “I drop in here unannounced all the time and you’ve yet to tell me that I’m an imposition. Now here I am, a lonely woman who lives alone, asking her neighbour in for a cup of tea, and suddenly you’re an imposition?”
Lisbon found a smile then. Barb may have been older, and she probably was a bit lonely sometimes, but she was hardly a fading flower. Lisbon recognized a good guilt-trip when she heard one. “Sorry,” she muttered.
“Damn right, you’re sorry,” Barb grumbled. “As if you’d be an imposition. Unlike Mrs. Lawrence on my other side, who I swear threatened to sue me for trespassing when I accidentally stepped into her yard one day.”
“You were teasing her dog,” Lisbon pointed out.
“I was trying to get the little beast to shut up and stop its shrill little growling. I’m surprised she even let the pampered princess outside,” Barb retorted. “Stupid thing could use a little fear put into its heart. Toughen it up.”
Lisbon chuckled.
“There now,” Barb murmured. “That’s better. Come on, let’s go have that tea. You look like you could use a sympathetic ear.”
And so, Lisbon let herself be led across the garden, through the back door of the bungalow next door. After excusing herself to wash her hands and clean up a bit, Lisbon walked into Barb`s cheerful kitchen, where she could already hear her neighbour bustling around making tea.
Lisbon felt herself relaxing immediately. Barb and her husband Charlie had lived in the house their entire marriage. And though Charlie had passed away a few years ago, and Barb lived in the house alone now, the house still felt comfortable, lived-in. Lisbon especially liked the kitchen, which was painted pale yellow with white trim. It always made her feel cheerful, and it had a calming effect now.
She sat down at the table, knowing it would be futile to offer to help the woman currently busying herself with teabags.
Instead, she snuck a hand into the bag of cookies Barb unceremoniously dumped on the table in front of her.
Taking a bite (and a moment to enjoy the chocolate), Lisbon glanced up at Barb who had her back to her as she searched her cupboards for something (sugar probably), Lisbon found that she wanted to talk. She really wanted to. Maybe she just needed to say it out loud. “I almost got shot last week,” she said casually, as one would if they were making an observation about the weather.
Barb stilled in her search. She turned slowly. “Did you?”
Lisbon nodded, reminding herself of Jane’s theory that the woman was ex-military, though neither of them had ever quite been able to figure out what branch. For some reason it never seemed to come up when they were actually with Barb. Still, it explained the calmness she was projecting in light of Lisbon’s rather extraordinary declaration. Extraordinary for most people at least.
She nodded. “Suspect came up behind me with a gun. We thought he was in the office in the back of the warehouse we were searching. We were wrong.”
“What happened?”
Lisbon shrugged. “Cho took the shot first,” she said, her voice deceptively calm. “I mean, I was wearing a vest, but our guy was ex-law-enforcement and pretty much batshit crazy, so there was a pretty good chance he’d go for a headshot. That certainly looked like his plan based on how he was holding the gun.” She shivered. It was why she’d insisted on taking the lead. She couldn’t send anyone else in there knowing what she’d known. And there hadn’t been time for backup. They’d figured their suspect probably had about ten contingency plans for getting out of the country without too much trouble.
“I see.” Barb set the teapot down on the table in front of her. Lisbon noticed her hands were shaking slightly.
She jumped out of her chair. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have... With my job it’s so... I should go.”
But Barb stopped her with a surprisingly firm hand on her elbow. “Don’t you even think about it. I’m tougher than you think, Teresa Lisbon. You just took me by surprise is all. And I find that I don’t really like the image of you with a gun pointed at your head.”
Lisbon dropped her head into her hands. “I probably should have led up to it somehow.”
But Barb was smirking now. “And how, pray tell, were you planning on delicately leading up to that particular subject?”
“I don’t know,” Lisbon muttered.
“Exactly. Because however you start the story, it still ends with you almost getting shot,” Barb replied. “Which I can only assume you didn’t, since you’re sitting here in what looks like perfect health.”
“No,” Lisbon said. “But it was a close one. Closer than it’s been in... a while.”
“And for whatever reason,” Barb guessed, pouring two cups of tea. “This time, it’s getting to you.”
“Yeah,” Lisbon murmured, staring at the steaming cup in front of her. “When Jane asked me that night, I told him I was fine. And I thought I was. I was fine. All’s well that ends well. Besides, it’s not like it’s the first time.”
“We both know that’s not how these types of things work,” Barb murmured.
“I guess not,” Lisbon muttered. “I don’t know how to...” She shook her head
“How’s your other half taking it?” Barb asked when Lisbon didn’t continue.
Lisbon bit her lip, ignoring the sudden pain in her chest in the vicinity of her heart. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “He says he’s fine, he’s been concerned obviously, supportive, but he’s been... quiet.”
Barb winced. They both knew that wasn’t a good sign with Patrick Jane. “Quiet?”
“Too quiet,” Lisbon whispered. “Like he’s trying to be a good boyfriend, but inside he’s...”
“Going a little bit crazy?” Barb suggested.
“It’s tough, y’know, being with a cop,” Lisbon replied, gripping her mug tightly. “Particularly one who works murders. A lot of marriages don’t survive. Most of the people I know on the job have been divorced at least once. The CBI is full of stories of relationships gone wrong.”
Barb nodded. “The navy was like that too,” she replied. “I was in the navy, by the way.”
“Well, that answers that question,” Lisbon murmured. “Jane’s been wondering what branch of the military you were in,” she explained when she caught Barb’s expression. “He figured you must have been in one of the branches, but couldn’t fix on one.”
Barb laughed. “I’m oddly flattered that he hasn’t guessed yet. Maybe you shouldn’t tell him.”
“Maybe I won’t,” Lisbon replied, with a smile.
Barb turned serious. “Anyway, some of jobs are like that, Teresa. They come with their own issues. Do you really think Patrick’s having trouble with it?”
“I don’t know,” Lisbon whispered. “He hasn’t mentioned it.” But then, he hadn’t mentioned much of anything at all about the shooting. And he had to have noticed she’d been quieter than usual.
“Have you asked?” Barb pressed.
Lisbon shook her head.
“I see,” Barb muttered. “How long have the two of you known each other again? Remind me.”
“About ten years,” Lisbon replied. And she couldn’t believe it had been that long.
Barb smiled. “And you’ve been a CBI Agent the entire time?”
“Yeah,” Lisbon whispered.
Barb took a sip of her tea. “I’m guessing you’ve been in threatening situations during the ten years?”
Lisbon almost laughed. “One or two,” she replied dryly.
Barb smirked, acknowledging the obvious understatement. “And has Jane had trouble dealing with it before?”
Lisbon bit her lip, shaking her head. Jane certainly worried. And he tended not to like blood, but mostly he was surprisingly good under pressure. At least most of the time. Hell, he’d been the one to help her out of a jam more than once.
“So why do you think he is this time?” Barb asked.
“We weren’t...” she fumbled for the words. Saying that she and Jane hadn’t been in a relationship seemed somehow wrong. “We weren’t living together,” she said finally.
“And that changes things?” Barb asked. “I mean, obviously it does, but does it change them that much? You were partners at work before you got together, right?”
“Did Jane ever tell you about his life before he started at the CBI?” Lisbon asked.
“I know what happened,” Barb said. “He didn’t tell me, but I realized where I’d heard the name before a few months after meeting him.”
Lisbon nodded. “You know about his wife and daughter?” she pressed.
Barb frowned, reaching a hand across the table. “Teresa...”
Lisbon pulled her hand back. “He didn’t take it well,” she whispered. “I mean, obviously he didn’t. Who would? But I don’t know what he’d do if he lost someone else.”
“Who says he’s going to lose you?” Barb asked sharply.
“He could,” Lisbon said, looking stricken. With her job, that was always a possibility.
“And you could walk out onto the street and get hit by a bus tomorrow,” Barb reminded her.
“Yeah, but it might also be easier for him if his girlfriend didn’t have a job where she had guns pointed at her head,” Lisbon muttered, burying her head in her hands again. That was what Jane deserved after all. After all that he’d been through. He deserved a stable relationship, a nice one. With a woman whose job wasn’t quite so life-threatening.
“Has he ever said that?” Barb demanded.
Lisbon bit her lip. “He’d never say that.”
“Teresa...”
“He wouldn’t,” she insisted. “And maybe it’s fine this time, but I don’t think that I can... I mean... I can’t watch this relationship slowly crack apart if this keeps happening.”
Barb winced in sympathy. She could certainly understand that concern. “And yet you haven’t talked to him about it?”
Lisbon shook her head. She hadn’t wanted to poke the beast. It’d been bad enough knowing it was probably down there, reading to wake up and destroy everything.
“Lord help me,” Barb muttered under her breath. “What have you done in your past relationships when this issue came up?”
Lisbon glanced away. None of her other ‘relationships’ had gotten anywhere near this far.
Barb took another sip of her tea, trying to hide her smile behind the cup. “I see.”
“I’m not very good at...” Lisbon tried to explain. “With my job...”
“Hush,” Barb said gently. “First of all, I’d like you to keep a few things in mind. Yes, Patrick’s been quiet on the subject, but so have you. Has it ever occurred to you that he’s afraid to poke you on this one, for somewhat similar reasons?”
Lisbon glanced up, eyeing Barb warily over her tea.
The older woman almost laughed at Lisbon’s expression. She kept her composure, knowing what her friend needed. “Second of all, I’m guessing Jane’s probably almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last decade.”
“He’s almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last six months,” Lisbon grumbled.
“And yet neither of you were willing to call it quits when that happened,” Barb reminded her.
Lisbon frowned. But that was Jane. He wasn’t the cop. And she couldn’t imagine being anything else.
“And Jane still works for the CBI, even after helping catch his family’s killer,” Barb added. “So he must at least like it a little. We both know he analyzes everything, so he must have decided it’s worth it.”
Lisbon was still frowning. “Because he knows I’ll always do my best to save him,” she said, pausing when she remembered hearing similar words from Jane once.
Barb smiled, seeing the realization on Lisbon’s face. “He does. And he knows your team will try and save you, and that you’re responsible and you know what you’re doing. It’s not a guarantee. Of course it isn’t. But it’s something. And it’s a world he’s used to now. He’s been in it for ten years.”
“I guess,” Lisbon said slowly, not quite willing to let the hope take over.
“Did it ever occur to you that he’s reacting to your reaction?” Barb asked.
Lisbon shut her eyes. Maybe he was. Maybe Jane was freaked out because she was. But she doubted it. And she was freaked out. “If I died before, I mean, I knew people would be upset. But I’ve never...”
“There’s never been anyone whose world it would destroy,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon opened her eyes, which were again full of unshed tears. “I can’t do that to him.”
Barb shrugged. “So don’t die.”
Lisbon almost laughed at that answer. “I can’t guarantee that.”
“Exactly,” Barb said with an emphatic nod. “And he’s not asking you to. This isn’t a thing that’s in your control. If you’re going to be in a relationship with him, you have to acknowledge that you could hurt him.”
Lisbon clenched her hands into fists. “I don’t want to.”
Barb rolled her eyes. Lord give her strength. “So what’s your solution then? To break up with him? Because I doubt that would hurt him less.”
Lisbon’s expression shifted from upset to horrified. “Of course not!”
“To quit your job?” Barb pushed.
Lisbon shook her head. She couldn’t do that either. For about eighteen different reasons. She loved it; she wouldn’t abandon her team; she’d worked hard to be where she was, and if she quit, Jane would have to as well, because then she couldn’t be sure that whoever else took over would watch out for him appropriately.
“I know it’s tough, but relationships are. Being a cop is just another layer on top of that. Other jobs have other issues,” Barb reminded her.
Lisbon fidgeted with a napkin. “How did you and Charlie deal with it? Or was he in the military too?”
Barb laughed. “No, not him. Not my easy-going Charlie. He was a computer programmer. Consulted for the navy a couple of times. It’s how we met. Mostly he worked from home. I’m not going to say it was always easy, especially when I was away from home. But mostly we talked. He was pretty amazing. But I guess he thought I was worth it.”
Lisbon smiled wistfully. “I wish I could have met him.”
“Oh, he’d have liked you,” Barb said. “Had a thing for tough women who were good at giving orders. Not that he always obeyed them.”
Lisbon laughed.
“I’m not going to insult you by asking if Patrick is worth it, Teresa,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon nodded. He was. He definitely was. Just... She’d never had to do this before, never been in this situation.
“You need to talk to him,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon took a breath. “I’m not sure that he wants to; he’s been awfully quiet lately.”
Barb shook her head, not accepting the excuse. “Make him. I’m sure you know how.”
Lisbon chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Alright then,” Barb said. “Enough tea. I’m going to walk you back to your garden, and you are going to find that wayward man of yours, sit him down, and talk.”
“Yes ma’am,” Lisbon said with a mock salute.
“Well, that brings back memories,” Barb said dryly as she grabbed their cups and set them in the sink.
The two women walked in silence to the garden. When they got there, Lisbon paused, turning awkwardly to Barb. “Hey, y’know, thanks for...”
Barb smiled. “Don’t mention it, dear. I could hardly leave my favourite neighbour sniffling over an ever-growing mountain of weeds.”
Lisbon chuckled. “Still...”
“You’re welcome in my kitchen anytime, Teresa,” Barb told her, squeezing her elbow. “And I know you have trouble with that sometimes, but it’s true. I’ve gotten quite fond of you. So, anytime you need, you know where to find me. And don’t worry about Patrick. I know you two will figure it out.”
Lisbon felt the tears pricking in the corners of her eyes again.
Barb just squeezed her hand with a sympathetic smile.
Then she glanced up. “And speak of the devil!”
Lisbon turned to see Jane walking towards them. Her heart lurched. When he’d gone for the walk he’d been wearing a dress shirt and slacks, but somewhere along the way he’d untucked the shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Plus his hair was a little disheveled. It was a good look for him. She smiled hopefully at him, but he didn’t seem to notice that as he practically ran across the yard.
“Lisbon! What’s the matter?” he asked in concern, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her to him.
She gasped in surprise and pleasure to find herself so suddenly against his chest. “I’m fine,” she murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and ducking her head against his shoulder.
She felt Jane’s arm tighten around her as she ran a hand up and down his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt.
He glanced down at the woman in his arms before turning back to his neighbour.
“She’s fine,” Barb seconded. “We were just having a little chat.”
“And some tea,” Lisbon chimed in.
“And some tea,” Barb confirmed. “But I’ll leave you in good hands, Teresa. And I’ll talk to you later. Patrick,” she nodded.
“Bye Barb!” Lisbon called. “And thank you for the cookies.”
A wave was her only answer.
“You got cookies too?” Jane asked lightly from above her head.
Lisbon tipped her face up to meet his eyes, searching hers in concern.
She felt her heart thump a little, and reached up to tuck a stray curl behind his ear. “They were chocolate,” she murmured.
Jane didn’t take his eyes off hers. “Well then.”
Lisbon bit her lip.
“You’ve been crying,” he whispered.
She knew there was no point in denying it. Not to him. She ran her fingers through his hair lightly. It was so soft. “Just a little,” she assured him.
“Teresa...” he whispered desperately, the hand around her waist tightening.
It was the obvious emotion in his voice that did it. Without even thinking, Lisbon slid her hand further around his neck, stretching up on her toes to kiss him.
Jane responded eagerly. Lisbon felt his other hand reach around her; it was as if he was trying to drag her as close to him as he possibly could. She wrapped both arms around his shoulders to try and facilitate the process. She needed this. So much. She just needed him.
Her tongue brushed his and she felt more than heard his moan. Her heart soaredr. And his kiss turned almost bruising. This was her Jane. Demanding, passionatel, real.
Then his hand was tugging at her shirt, and Lisbon remembered where they were. She pulled back, sliding her hands up to cup his face. “We need to go inside,” she whispered.
Jane nodded enthusiastically, his eyes wide and dark, his fingers still playing around her waist.
Lisbon swallowed. “And we need to talk.”
Jane froze, and Lisbon swore she saw a shadow of something (wariness? disappointment?) flicker across his eyes.
Then his expression turned determined and he nodded.
With a little smile, Lisbon grabbed his hand lightly to lead him towards the house.
To her surprise, Jane didn’t follow right away, lifting her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.
Lisbon gasped, and her knees went a little wobbly. Still, she walked determinedly towards the bungalow, Jane trailing along behind her.
Even with all the anxiety fluttering around inside of her, she couldn’t help smiling when she felt him thread his fingers through hers and grip her hand tightly.
Maybe they really would be able to get through this.
xxx
TBC
Click here for Part 2
Anyways, this is my fourth fic in what I like to call my Restraints-verse. It features: Restraints, Reminiscing in the Rhododendrons, Rearrangements, and now this fic, Reassurances. (All four other fic are available on my FFN profile, which is linked from my LJ. I know two of them are on my LJ, but I’m not sure about Restraints. The commentary is there...) Anyway, mostly what you need to know is that Lisbon and Jane are in an established relationship and are living together, post-RJ. But they haven’t been in said relationship particularly long. I hope you enjoy.
Title: Reassurances
Rating: T
Spoilers: None, as far as I know
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon, romance
Summary: It shouldn’t have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob. Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face. She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. It wasn’t like they were fighting.
xxx
Part 1
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Lisbon was gardening furiously.
Well, as furiously as one could garden, anyway.
The weeds were certainly suffering because of it. At least she hoped they were weeds. She was pretty sure. She’d been getting better. And she hadn’t ripped out anything important yet, not according to Jane at least.
Lisbon winced, blinking suddenly, before throwing herself back into her war against the weeds.
He loved their garden, they both did.
Their garden. She still couldn’t quite believe it, even though it’d been over a month since she’d moved in. Well, over a month since the last box had been emptied and she’d moved the last of the furniture in her condo into a storage unit across town. “Moving in” to the bungalow had probably taken about a month, all told. It hadn’t been something she’d wanted to rush, and there hadn’t really been a reason to move faster.
Besides, it had given both her and Jane a little more time to get used to the idea, to work out the kinks.
Of which there had been remarkably few, actually, Lisbon admitted now. Sure, there’d been the usual things, reorganizing the bathroom and parts of the kitchen to make room for another person’s things (Jane had remarkably few clothes, so the closets hadn’t been a problem). Figuring out cooking schedules and who was going to do which chores. And of course, identifying places to hide when they both needed their space. Jane tended to leave the bungalow entirely when the need struck him; Lisbon suspected he sometimes ended up back in the attic of the CBI, if he didn’t end up in their home-office. She sometimes ended up in their office herself, if Jane wasn’t already using it. But if she stayed in the house, Lisbon mostly tended to retreat to the giant chair in the corner of the living room. When she was curled up in it, she could shut out the rest of the world.
Most frequently of all though, and if the weather was cooperating, she ended up in their back garden. Sometimes she just sat in one of the chairs and stared at the flowers. Sometimes she ended up on her hands and knees doing battle with the dandelions.
Which was exactly what she was doing now, on a lovely Saturday afternoon. It should have felt domestic (and Lisbon had secretly admitted to herself how much she loved that aspect of her life with Jane, how much she loved the little things, usually when they were doing some completely mundane chore, like making the bed, because it was so much faster with two people).
The weeding should have felt domestic, like it had so many times before. She couldn’t help remembering the first time Jane had caught her at it... Her face heated. Because domestic wasn’t exactly how she’d have described his reaction that day.
Not that she had to worry about him walking outside and catching her at it today.
Today she couldn’t tell herself that the weeding was part of the price she paid for being able to curl up in a lovely garden when she was stressed out.
Today she was just in the mood to rip things, and the weeds were a handy target.
Lisbon pulled off the leafy top of a particularly stubborn weed, growling in frustration when she realized she’d left the root behind. She grabbed a nearby trowel and started hacking at the dirt. If she didn’t get the root, then the thing would just be back in about three days, and then where would she be?
After thirty seconds of violent hacking with her trowel, and one ferocious yank, she had the root in her hand.
Her victory was short-lived though. Even she knew that the smile on her face would look more than a little manic to anyone who might have happened to see it. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob.
Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face.
She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
It wasn’t like they were fighting.
Closing her eyes tightly, Lisbon stifled a second sob.
No, fighting was far too active a word for what they were doing. They weren’t even sniping at each other. That she could have dealt with, could have recognized it for what it was.
Instead, they were almost tiptoeing around each other, both desperate to prove that everything was fine.
And it wasn’t fine.
It was wrong. She wasn’t sure exactly how, or in what way, but it was.
For a start, Jane was being positively polite to her. He was being sweet and kind and considerate. But he wasn’t being Jane. He wasn’t teasing her. He wasn’t driving her crazy with his antics. He wasn’t looking at her in that way that made her want to throw him up against a wall and have her way with him.
She’d always known they’d have their issues just like everyone else. She just wished she had the first idea what to do about it.
It wasn’t like she’d had a real relationship in over a decade. In fact, with the exception of one impulsive engagement when she was younger, her relationship with Jane was easily the most serious of her life.
If only she had any idea what she was doing.
She didn’t have any friends she could talk about this with. Half of them didn’t know Jane very well and wouldn’t understand the situation, so wouldn’t be able to help while the other half were cops and would probably tell her something that she really didn’t want to hear.
What was she going to do?
She wasn’t going to think about it. Not for a little while longer. There were hours worth of weeds left still. She could focus on that.
Then she heard a voice behind her.
“Teresa? I thought I saw you there. Do you have a minute?”
Lisbon tried to quickly wipe her eyes. It was Barb, their elderly next door neighbour. She was a lovely woman, but Lisbon wasn’t sure she would pass scrutiny right now, and Barb never missed a thing.
She stood up slowly, trying to get a hold of herself. “Sure, Barb. What do you need? I’m just doing some yard work, but I can...”
Barb’s eyes widened in concern, as Lisbon turned around and Lisbon knew her attempt at sounding light and breezy hadn’t been anywhere near convincing enough. “Teresa, dear! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Lisbon sniffed stubbornly, blinking quickly to dispel fresh tears. She sent Barb what she hoped was a convincing smile. “I’m fine.”
The other woman was already making her way over to her determinedly. “Like hell you are,” she muttered. “Where’s Patrick?”
Lisbon shrugged, hoping for nonchalance. “Oh, he went for a walk. He’ll probably be back soon.”
Barb frowned, her last few steps toward Lisbon tentative. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked gently.
“Talk about what?” Lisbon wondered, hoping evasion would work.
It didn’t. “Whatever it is you’re upset about of course!” Barb replied.
Lisbon shook her head quickly, horrified when she realized that fresh tears were trying to overflow from her eyelids. “It’s nothing... I don’t know...”
Barb had obviously decided to ignore her babbling, because Lisbon felt herself being guided towards a welcoming shoulder.
She tried to pull back. “I’ll get you all dirty,” she protested weakly.
Barb chuckled lightly. “Please,” she scoffed. “The last time I wore this shirt I was staining a coffee table. There’s a big brown stripe up the back now. Still not sure how I managed that particular feat, but either way, I think I can handle a little dirt.”
“But...” Lisbon whimpered, trying to think of another objection.
“Hush,” Barb said soothingly. “Humour me, if you must.”
And then Lisbon gave up and dropped her head against Barb’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she gasped between her tears.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Barb assured her, her voice soothing. “Sometimes we all just need to have a good cry.”
Yeah, Lisbon thought, wrapping her arms around Barb’s shoulders tentatively. Except that in the past she’d done it on her couch with a pint of ice cream. Not in her own garden with the world’s most stubborn neighbour. But, stubborn as she was, Barb was also one of the kindest women Lisbon had ever met. They’d become fast friends quickly, in spite of the age difference. And at least once or twice a week, Lisbon found herself chatting to Barb, either in the garden or in Barb’s kitchen. She was something of a confidante, which Lisbon was still getting used to.
And while Barb always assured Lisbon that she could tell her to leave if she was wearing out her welcome, the thought had never once crossed her mind. Barb’s advice was usually world-class, she didn’t flinch from Lisbon’s job, and there was something about her that was just comforting. Lisbon guessed the relationship was just something that came with this new life of hers and Jane’s. Because, like the built-in shelving in the back hall closet, Barb had come with the bungalow. Lisbon sniffled once more and lifted her head.
Barb’s needle-like gaze was fixed on her. Lisbon was suddenly sure that she wouldn’t get away with evasions of any kind. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, trying to straighten out her brain.
It seemed to be enough for Barb who nodded once. “That’s better,” she said briskly. “Now tell me, what did he do?”
Lisbon frowned. What had who done? Then the light dawned. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “No! Jane didn’t do anything. In fact, he’s been...” she paused, searching for the right word. “Really... understanding.” He had been. He hadn’t pushed her at all. Part of her couldn’t help wondering if she’d wanted him to. Just get it over with. Instead, he’d barely said anything about it.
Maybe this was just a subject that both of them were too terrified to deal with.
Still, he had asked her if she was okay, and she’d assured him she was fine. Repeatedly. So...
“Jane hasn’t done anything wrong,” she said again.
Barb was frowning, looking like she wanted to question that. She shook her head lightly.
“He hasn’t!” Lisbon insisted.
Barb watched her for another minute, seeming to accept that. Then another idea seemed to strike her. “Okay,” she said firmly. “Why don’t you and I go and have a nice cup of tea. I have cookies. Chocolate chip. Store-bought of course; I never was much of a baker. But they’re not bad.”
Lisbon didn’t have the strength to argue, and a small part of her admitted that she didn’t want to. Cookies and tea sounded really good all of a sudden. And Barb was offering, so...
“I should clean up the weeds,” she muttered half-heartedly.
“Those can wait until tomorrow,” Barb said with a wave of her hand. “They’re not going anywhere. Come on. I could use a cup of Earl Grey.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Lisbon murmured.
Barb glared at her. “Since when are you an imposition?” she demanded. “I drop in here unannounced all the time and you’ve yet to tell me that I’m an imposition. Now here I am, a lonely woman who lives alone, asking her neighbour in for a cup of tea, and suddenly you’re an imposition?”
Lisbon found a smile then. Barb may have been older, and she probably was a bit lonely sometimes, but she was hardly a fading flower. Lisbon recognized a good guilt-trip when she heard one. “Sorry,” she muttered.
“Damn right, you’re sorry,” Barb grumbled. “As if you’d be an imposition. Unlike Mrs. Lawrence on my other side, who I swear threatened to sue me for trespassing when I accidentally stepped into her yard one day.”
“You were teasing her dog,” Lisbon pointed out.
“I was trying to get the little beast to shut up and stop its shrill little growling. I’m surprised she even let the pampered princess outside,” Barb retorted. “Stupid thing could use a little fear put into its heart. Toughen it up.”
Lisbon chuckled.
“There now,” Barb murmured. “That’s better. Come on, let’s go have that tea. You look like you could use a sympathetic ear.”
And so, Lisbon let herself be led across the garden, through the back door of the bungalow next door. After excusing herself to wash her hands and clean up a bit, Lisbon walked into Barb`s cheerful kitchen, where she could already hear her neighbour bustling around making tea.
Lisbon felt herself relaxing immediately. Barb and her husband Charlie had lived in the house their entire marriage. And though Charlie had passed away a few years ago, and Barb lived in the house alone now, the house still felt comfortable, lived-in. Lisbon especially liked the kitchen, which was painted pale yellow with white trim. It always made her feel cheerful, and it had a calming effect now.
She sat down at the table, knowing it would be futile to offer to help the woman currently busying herself with teabags.
Instead, she snuck a hand into the bag of cookies Barb unceremoniously dumped on the table in front of her.
Taking a bite (and a moment to enjoy the chocolate), Lisbon glanced up at Barb who had her back to her as she searched her cupboards for something (sugar probably), Lisbon found that she wanted to talk. She really wanted to. Maybe she just needed to say it out loud. “I almost got shot last week,” she said casually, as one would if they were making an observation about the weather.
Barb stilled in her search. She turned slowly. “Did you?”
Lisbon nodded, reminding herself of Jane’s theory that the woman was ex-military, though neither of them had ever quite been able to figure out what branch. For some reason it never seemed to come up when they were actually with Barb. Still, it explained the calmness she was projecting in light of Lisbon’s rather extraordinary declaration. Extraordinary for most people at least.
She nodded. “Suspect came up behind me with a gun. We thought he was in the office in the back of the warehouse we were searching. We were wrong.”
“What happened?”
Lisbon shrugged. “Cho took the shot first,” she said, her voice deceptively calm. “I mean, I was wearing a vest, but our guy was ex-law-enforcement and pretty much batshit crazy, so there was a pretty good chance he’d go for a headshot. That certainly looked like his plan based on how he was holding the gun.” She shivered. It was why she’d insisted on taking the lead. She couldn’t send anyone else in there knowing what she’d known. And there hadn’t been time for backup. They’d figured their suspect probably had about ten contingency plans for getting out of the country without too much trouble.
“I see.” Barb set the teapot down on the table in front of her. Lisbon noticed her hands were shaking slightly.
She jumped out of her chair. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have... With my job it’s so... I should go.”
But Barb stopped her with a surprisingly firm hand on her elbow. “Don’t you even think about it. I’m tougher than you think, Teresa Lisbon. You just took me by surprise is all. And I find that I don’t really like the image of you with a gun pointed at your head.”
Lisbon dropped her head into her hands. “I probably should have led up to it somehow.”
But Barb was smirking now. “And how, pray tell, were you planning on delicately leading up to that particular subject?”
“I don’t know,” Lisbon muttered.
“Exactly. Because however you start the story, it still ends with you almost getting shot,” Barb replied. “Which I can only assume you didn’t, since you’re sitting here in what looks like perfect health.”
“No,” Lisbon said. “But it was a close one. Closer than it’s been in... a while.”
“And for whatever reason,” Barb guessed, pouring two cups of tea. “This time, it’s getting to you.”
“Yeah,” Lisbon murmured, staring at the steaming cup in front of her. “When Jane asked me that night, I told him I was fine. And I thought I was. I was fine. All’s well that ends well. Besides, it’s not like it’s the first time.”
“We both know that’s not how these types of things work,” Barb murmured.
“I guess not,” Lisbon muttered. “I don’t know how to...” She shook her head
“How’s your other half taking it?” Barb asked when Lisbon didn’t continue.
Lisbon bit her lip, ignoring the sudden pain in her chest in the vicinity of her heart. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “He says he’s fine, he’s been concerned obviously, supportive, but he’s been... quiet.”
Barb winced. They both knew that wasn’t a good sign with Patrick Jane. “Quiet?”
“Too quiet,” Lisbon whispered. “Like he’s trying to be a good boyfriend, but inside he’s...”
“Going a little bit crazy?” Barb suggested.
“It’s tough, y’know, being with a cop,” Lisbon replied, gripping her mug tightly. “Particularly one who works murders. A lot of marriages don’t survive. Most of the people I know on the job have been divorced at least once. The CBI is full of stories of relationships gone wrong.”
Barb nodded. “The navy was like that too,” she replied. “I was in the navy, by the way.”
“Well, that answers that question,” Lisbon murmured. “Jane’s been wondering what branch of the military you were in,” she explained when she caught Barb’s expression. “He figured you must have been in one of the branches, but couldn’t fix on one.”
Barb laughed. “I’m oddly flattered that he hasn’t guessed yet. Maybe you shouldn’t tell him.”
“Maybe I won’t,” Lisbon replied, with a smile.
Barb turned serious. “Anyway, some of jobs are like that, Teresa. They come with their own issues. Do you really think Patrick’s having trouble with it?”
“I don’t know,” Lisbon whispered. “He hasn’t mentioned it.” But then, he hadn’t mentioned much of anything at all about the shooting. And he had to have noticed she’d been quieter than usual.
“Have you asked?” Barb pressed.
Lisbon shook her head.
“I see,” Barb muttered. “How long have the two of you known each other again? Remind me.”
“About ten years,” Lisbon replied. And she couldn’t believe it had been that long.
Barb smiled. “And you’ve been a CBI Agent the entire time?”
“Yeah,” Lisbon whispered.
Barb took a sip of her tea. “I’m guessing you’ve been in threatening situations during the ten years?”
Lisbon almost laughed. “One or two,” she replied dryly.
Barb smirked, acknowledging the obvious understatement. “And has Jane had trouble dealing with it before?”
Lisbon bit her lip, shaking her head. Jane certainly worried. And he tended not to like blood, but mostly he was surprisingly good under pressure. At least most of the time. Hell, he’d been the one to help her out of a jam more than once.
“So why do you think he is this time?” Barb asked.
“We weren’t...” she fumbled for the words. Saying that she and Jane hadn’t been in a relationship seemed somehow wrong. “We weren’t living together,” she said finally.
“And that changes things?” Barb asked. “I mean, obviously it does, but does it change them that much? You were partners at work before you got together, right?”
“Did Jane ever tell you about his life before he started at the CBI?” Lisbon asked.
“I know what happened,” Barb said. “He didn’t tell me, but I realized where I’d heard the name before a few months after meeting him.”
Lisbon nodded. “You know about his wife and daughter?” she pressed.
Barb frowned, reaching a hand across the table. “Teresa...”
Lisbon pulled her hand back. “He didn’t take it well,” she whispered. “I mean, obviously he didn’t. Who would? But I don’t know what he’d do if he lost someone else.”
“Who says he’s going to lose you?” Barb asked sharply.
“He could,” Lisbon said, looking stricken. With her job, that was always a possibility.
“And you could walk out onto the street and get hit by a bus tomorrow,” Barb reminded her.
“Yeah, but it might also be easier for him if his girlfriend didn’t have a job where she had guns pointed at her head,” Lisbon muttered, burying her head in her hands again. That was what Jane deserved after all. After all that he’d been through. He deserved a stable relationship, a nice one. With a woman whose job wasn’t quite so life-threatening.
“Has he ever said that?” Barb demanded.
Lisbon bit her lip. “He’d never say that.”
“Teresa...”
“He wouldn’t,” she insisted. “And maybe it’s fine this time, but I don’t think that I can... I mean... I can’t watch this relationship slowly crack apart if this keeps happening.”
Barb winced in sympathy. She could certainly understand that concern. “And yet you haven’t talked to him about it?”
Lisbon shook her head. She hadn’t wanted to poke the beast. It’d been bad enough knowing it was probably down there, reading to wake up and destroy everything.
“Lord help me,” Barb muttered under her breath. “What have you done in your past relationships when this issue came up?”
Lisbon glanced away. None of her other ‘relationships’ had gotten anywhere near this far.
Barb took another sip of her tea, trying to hide her smile behind the cup. “I see.”
“I’m not very good at...” Lisbon tried to explain. “With my job...”
“Hush,” Barb said gently. “First of all, I’d like you to keep a few things in mind. Yes, Patrick’s been quiet on the subject, but so have you. Has it ever occurred to you that he’s afraid to poke you on this one, for somewhat similar reasons?”
Lisbon glanced up, eyeing Barb warily over her tea.
The older woman almost laughed at Lisbon’s expression. She kept her composure, knowing what her friend needed. “Second of all, I’m guessing Jane’s probably almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last decade.”
“He’s almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last six months,” Lisbon grumbled.
“And yet neither of you were willing to call it quits when that happened,” Barb reminded her.
Lisbon frowned. But that was Jane. He wasn’t the cop. And she couldn’t imagine being anything else.
“And Jane still works for the CBI, even after helping catch his family’s killer,” Barb added. “So he must at least like it a little. We both know he analyzes everything, so he must have decided it’s worth it.”
Lisbon was still frowning. “Because he knows I’ll always do my best to save him,” she said, pausing when she remembered hearing similar words from Jane once.
Barb smiled, seeing the realization on Lisbon’s face. “He does. And he knows your team will try and save you, and that you’re responsible and you know what you’re doing. It’s not a guarantee. Of course it isn’t. But it’s something. And it’s a world he’s used to now. He’s been in it for ten years.”
“I guess,” Lisbon said slowly, not quite willing to let the hope take over.
“Did it ever occur to you that he’s reacting to your reaction?” Barb asked.
Lisbon shut her eyes. Maybe he was. Maybe Jane was freaked out because she was. But she doubted it. And she was freaked out. “If I died before, I mean, I knew people would be upset. But I’ve never...”
“There’s never been anyone whose world it would destroy,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon opened her eyes, which were again full of unshed tears. “I can’t do that to him.”
Barb shrugged. “So don’t die.”
Lisbon almost laughed at that answer. “I can’t guarantee that.”
“Exactly,” Barb said with an emphatic nod. “And he’s not asking you to. This isn’t a thing that’s in your control. If you’re going to be in a relationship with him, you have to acknowledge that you could hurt him.”
Lisbon clenched her hands into fists. “I don’t want to.”
Barb rolled her eyes. Lord give her strength. “So what’s your solution then? To break up with him? Because I doubt that would hurt him less.”
Lisbon’s expression shifted from upset to horrified. “Of course not!”
“To quit your job?” Barb pushed.
Lisbon shook her head. She couldn’t do that either. For about eighteen different reasons. She loved it; she wouldn’t abandon her team; she’d worked hard to be where she was, and if she quit, Jane would have to as well, because then she couldn’t be sure that whoever else took over would watch out for him appropriately.
“I know it’s tough, but relationships are. Being a cop is just another layer on top of that. Other jobs have other issues,” Barb reminded her.
Lisbon fidgeted with a napkin. “How did you and Charlie deal with it? Or was he in the military too?”
Barb laughed. “No, not him. Not my easy-going Charlie. He was a computer programmer. Consulted for the navy a couple of times. It’s how we met. Mostly he worked from home. I’m not going to say it was always easy, especially when I was away from home. But mostly we talked. He was pretty amazing. But I guess he thought I was worth it.”
Lisbon smiled wistfully. “I wish I could have met him.”
“Oh, he’d have liked you,” Barb said. “Had a thing for tough women who were good at giving orders. Not that he always obeyed them.”
Lisbon laughed.
“I’m not going to insult you by asking if Patrick is worth it, Teresa,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon nodded. He was. He definitely was. Just... She’d never had to do this before, never been in this situation.
“You need to talk to him,” Barb said gently.
Lisbon took a breath. “I’m not sure that he wants to; he’s been awfully quiet lately.”
Barb shook her head, not accepting the excuse. “Make him. I’m sure you know how.”
Lisbon chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Alright then,” Barb said. “Enough tea. I’m going to walk you back to your garden, and you are going to find that wayward man of yours, sit him down, and talk.”
“Yes ma’am,” Lisbon said with a mock salute.
“Well, that brings back memories,” Barb said dryly as she grabbed their cups and set them in the sink.
The two women walked in silence to the garden. When they got there, Lisbon paused, turning awkwardly to Barb. “Hey, y’know, thanks for...”
Barb smiled. “Don’t mention it, dear. I could hardly leave my favourite neighbour sniffling over an ever-growing mountain of weeds.”
Lisbon chuckled. “Still...”
“You’re welcome in my kitchen anytime, Teresa,” Barb told her, squeezing her elbow. “And I know you have trouble with that sometimes, but it’s true. I’ve gotten quite fond of you. So, anytime you need, you know where to find me. And don’t worry about Patrick. I know you two will figure it out.”
Lisbon felt the tears pricking in the corners of her eyes again.
Barb just squeezed her hand with a sympathetic smile.
Then she glanced up. “And speak of the devil!”
Lisbon turned to see Jane walking towards them. Her heart lurched. When he’d gone for the walk he’d been wearing a dress shirt and slacks, but somewhere along the way he’d untucked the shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Plus his hair was a little disheveled. It was a good look for him. She smiled hopefully at him, but he didn’t seem to notice that as he practically ran across the yard.
“Lisbon! What’s the matter?” he asked in concern, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her to him.
She gasped in surprise and pleasure to find herself so suddenly against his chest. “I’m fine,” she murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and ducking her head against his shoulder.
She felt Jane’s arm tighten around her as she ran a hand up and down his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt.
He glanced down at the woman in his arms before turning back to his neighbour.
“She’s fine,” Barb seconded. “We were just having a little chat.”
“And some tea,” Lisbon chimed in.
“And some tea,” Barb confirmed. “But I’ll leave you in good hands, Teresa. And I’ll talk to you later. Patrick,” she nodded.
“Bye Barb!” Lisbon called. “And thank you for the cookies.”
A wave was her only answer.
“You got cookies too?” Jane asked lightly from above her head.
Lisbon tipped her face up to meet his eyes, searching hers in concern.
She felt her heart thump a little, and reached up to tuck a stray curl behind his ear. “They were chocolate,” she murmured.
Jane didn’t take his eyes off hers. “Well then.”
Lisbon bit her lip.
“You’ve been crying,” he whispered.
She knew there was no point in denying it. Not to him. She ran her fingers through his hair lightly. It was so soft. “Just a little,” she assured him.
“Teresa...” he whispered desperately, the hand around her waist tightening.
It was the obvious emotion in his voice that did it. Without even thinking, Lisbon slid her hand further around his neck, stretching up on her toes to kiss him.
Jane responded eagerly. Lisbon felt his other hand reach around her; it was as if he was trying to drag her as close to him as he possibly could. She wrapped both arms around his shoulders to try and facilitate the process. She needed this. So much. She just needed him.
Her tongue brushed his and she felt more than heard his moan. Her heart soaredr. And his kiss turned almost bruising. This was her Jane. Demanding, passionatel, real.
Then his hand was tugging at her shirt, and Lisbon remembered where they were. She pulled back, sliding her hands up to cup his face. “We need to go inside,” she whispered.
Jane nodded enthusiastically, his eyes wide and dark, his fingers still playing around her waist.
Lisbon swallowed. “And we need to talk.”
Jane froze, and Lisbon swore she saw a shadow of something (wariness? disappointment?) flicker across his eyes.
Then his expression turned determined and he nodded.
With a little smile, Lisbon grabbed his hand lightly to lead him towards the house.
To her surprise, Jane didn’t follow right away, lifting her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.
Lisbon gasped, and her knees went a little wobbly. Still, she walked determinedly towards the bungalow, Jane trailing along behind her.
Even with all the anxiety fluttering around inside of her, she couldn’t help smiling when she felt him thread his fingers through hers and grip her hand tightly.
Maybe they really would be able to get through this.
xxx
TBC
Click here for Part 2