Comments | h_loquacious: Fic: Long Lost (Long Last)

h_loquacious

Fic: Long Lost (Long Last) - Chapter 12

Apr 15, 2012 22:55

A/N: Here we go, the next one. Sorry for the delay, I’ve been planning out the rest of this, not the easiest thing in the world, given that there is now a geographical component of this thing. But I think I have it all mostly straight now. The one drawback is that I’m not writing strictly chronologically, which isn’t always great for posting ( Read more... )

jane/lisbon, long lost (long last), mentalist!fic

Comments 7

justlook3 April 16 2012, 03:23:33 UTC

Well given that there's a fic out there where the author apparently didn't realize that San Francisco is not in California (and seemed to act as if California was a city not a huge state), I think you're doing just fine!
This one was such fun. Lisbon wanting to punch Jane just made me laugh out loud, ditto that line in her letter about imagining his car falling apart like a cartoon.
I have to admit, part of me would love to see some of this from Jane's POV. I know that it would make the story even more unwieldy. But Jane's travels through California just seem so interesting. And there's something to be said for seeing the emotions when he reads one of her letters, writes to her. A selected scene sequel perhaps?

h_loquacious April 16 2012, 04:13:49 UTC

Wait, San Francisco isn't in California? I'm confused. I thought it was. Actually, I'm pretty sure it is. I think the double negative has tripped you up there. I am trying with the geography. Seriously, googlemaps ( ... )

justlook3 April 16 2012, 04:33:47 UTC

Blah, made a typo. The author of the story seemed to be convinced that San Francisco wasn't in California. She was talking about Lisbon moving to California and the loooonng trip she had to make, etc. When I said in the review that San Fran was in Ca, the author replied, well I've never been to California!
Hehe, yes, well he is the teacher's pet after all.
I understand why you aren't doing it, but sometimes when Lisbon writes a letter, I long to know how he's actually feeling when he reads it. The travels, yes, too long, but sometimes just a hint would be nice.

spyglass_ April 16 2012, 05:39:03 UTC

Lisbon and Annie funtimes, and also good Lisbon and Tommy bonding! I enjoyed that. PLUS, Lisbon family Christmas. JANE IS GOING TO MISS HER. He just doesn't know it yet.

I love Jane just wandering through California with no specific destination in mind. It fits so well for his mindset.

h_loquacious April 21 2012, 03:07:52 UTC

Yes, this story has taken on a whole Lisbon/Annie/Tommy bonding subplot. Because that is fun.

JANE ALREADY MISSES HER. He is just a moron. He will at some point stop being quite so stupid.

Until he smartens up, he will continue to wander.

lzod April 17 2012, 01:30:38 UTC

nicely done! I love this story, its going along great :) Keep it up!

h_loquacious April 21 2012, 03:08:04 UTC

Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it.