I Remember December

[h_burg_liar]

i really miss xylon. you know you've really found something when you feel it when it's taken away.
i wish my dad and i talked.
i'm disappointed with myself.
i need to start taking my medicine.

i'm not big on regrets, but for some reason lately i've just become almost sick to my stomache when thinking about things that i did or didn't do within these last couple of years. within these last couple of months.
i have this picture frame on my desk of my greatgrandmother, my grandfather, and my two grandmothers in it. one of the pictures has my dad's mom when she was in a university right before she got married. it's funny looking at that freeze of her in her youth. she had her whole life ahead of her. she's been dead for about two years, and i wonder if when she was young if she had any idea of all the things that she would see or experience in her lifetime. did she think about flying in an airplane, television, or even me for that matter before all of it came to pass.

i know it sounds pathetic and all, but sometimes i wish i believed in god just so i could feel better about things.