The past...the pain...the problem...and newfound resolve....
Most of you know that I have a problem. It wasn't until today that I fully grasped WHAT my probem was.. I have no self worth.
Ever since I was a child I would always see kids that were stronger than me, or smarter than me, or more popular and to make matters worse my parents would always set high goals and have high expectations for me, and my grandparents would constatnly remind me how many awards and medals they won and whatnot... I would always compare myself to others, and feel completely worthless..
For almost two years I would have the same reccurring dream in which I would die..but nobody would notice, let alone care, and life would go on for them as if nothing had happened, and they would be happy and whatnot...
I tried to find worth in myself by helping anyone and everyone with their problems, all the while keeping my emotions (for the most part) to myself, not letting anyone truly get close to me.. That only worsened my situation though, I sank further into my condition... I always put their needs before my own... always trying to help them, make them happy... ...Yeah.
And now I'm a broken person, but I'm rebuilding myself: I'm trying to accept myself and who I am...and to not bottle everything up as I have been for so many years...
Thank you Melissa...for showing me what I should've noticed years ago..something that's been in front of my eyes for most of my life..
I'm going to try and fix this.
<3
Ever since I was a child I would always see kids that were stronger than me, or smarter than me, or more popular and to make matters worse my parents would always set high goals and have high expectations for me, and my grandparents would constatnly remind me how many awards and medals they won and whatnot... I would always compare myself to others, and feel completely worthless..
For almost two years I would have the same reccurring dream in which I would die..but nobody would notice, let alone care, and life would go on for them as if nothing had happened, and they would be happy and whatnot...
I tried to find worth in myself by helping anyone and everyone with their problems, all the while keeping my emotions (for the most part) to myself, not letting anyone truly get close to me.. That only worsened my situation though, I sank further into my condition... I always put their needs before my own... always trying to help them, make them happy... ...Yeah.
And now I'm a broken person, but I'm rebuilding myself: I'm trying to accept myself and who I am...and to not bottle everything up as I have been for so many years...
Thank you Melissa...for showing me what I should've noticed years ago..something that's been in front of my eyes for most of my life..
I'm going to try and fix this.
<3