Yup
I have been writing in my journal a lot recently, and vaguely remembered having this, so I guess I'll just write here for awhile while avoiding my homework. I don't really know what to say, now that I think about it. Trying to get this up to date since my last entry would be futile. So much has happened. It's ridiculous. I guess my life is still in the same confused state it was in back when I actually wrote here, but it's for completely different reasons.
I messed up quite a lot of what I used to value, and then realized my values were the things that were messed up. I am currently at a point where I have no idea what I should think about anything. The people I used to know have disappeared, and the people I know now I have no interest in knowing. Maybe I have reverted to an older version of myself. I used to be very solitary, and when that changed I thought it was for the better. As indicated previously, I'm not so sure about that, or anything, now.
I am obviously in college, something else that has changed from my last post. I play ultimate frisbee at a level I never knew existed, and have a great time traveling all over the country for tournaments. I have not spent a weekend in Ames in what seems like forever, and the highways have come to hold new meanings. Competition is intense, and I love it. I play for multiple teams, and whenever one stops to rest, I switch to the one that's heading out for another tournament.
School is almost tolerable, and I find myself in one of three states. I am either frantically scrambling to write a paper, freaking out about a test, or incredibly overconfident in my ability and just chillin' while a test bears down on me. My GPA has slipped a little as a result, but since I have no idea what I want to do after college, I suppose it's harder to tell myself it matters.
Things are decent overall. I miss having someone to count on above all else, but I know I am capable of making it through whatever hell I have gotten myself into. I miss actually talking to people about things that matter to me, but I am filling that void with meaningless conversation and banter, and the distraction is enough for now. I miss being oblivious to the world because I am secure in who I am and what I feel, but I have replaced it with being oblivious because I exist on a superficial level and don't acknowledge people as meaningful entities. I miss a lot, but I am recovering.
-Ryan
I messed up quite a lot of what I used to value, and then realized my values were the things that were messed up. I am currently at a point where I have no idea what I should think about anything. The people I used to know have disappeared, and the people I know now I have no interest in knowing. Maybe I have reverted to an older version of myself. I used to be very solitary, and when that changed I thought it was for the better. As indicated previously, I'm not so sure about that, or anything, now.
I am obviously in college, something else that has changed from my last post. I play ultimate frisbee at a level I never knew existed, and have a great time traveling all over the country for tournaments. I have not spent a weekend in Ames in what seems like forever, and the highways have come to hold new meanings. Competition is intense, and I love it. I play for multiple teams, and whenever one stops to rest, I switch to the one that's heading out for another tournament.
School is almost tolerable, and I find myself in one of three states. I am either frantically scrambling to write a paper, freaking out about a test, or incredibly overconfident in my ability and just chillin' while a test bears down on me. My GPA has slipped a little as a result, but since I have no idea what I want to do after college, I suppose it's harder to tell myself it matters.
Things are decent overall. I miss having someone to count on above all else, but I know I am capable of making it through whatever hell I have gotten myself into. I miss actually talking to people about things that matter to me, but I am filling that void with meaningless conversation and banter, and the distraction is enough for now. I miss being oblivious to the world because I am secure in who I am and what I feel, but I have replaced it with being oblivious because I exist on a superficial level and don't acknowledge people as meaningful entities. I miss a lot, but I am recovering.
-Ryan