Fearless Once More - NC-17 - Steve/Danny Part 2/2
Part I
Chapter 6
Danny hated being right. Not normally, but in that instant, he had wished with everything he had that he had been wrong.
It had taken two more days before Steve had been able to come home. Danny had picked him up this morning, with Chin and Kono promising to come by in the evening for some team bonding.
It had been okay in the beginning. Danny had aired the house in advance so it smelled like always, no trace of chemicals left. He had settled Steve on the couch, had gotten him something to drink, something to eat, offered a massage, a foot rub… okay, so he had fussed. But Steve had let him. And it had been okay. Till that stupid oaf had insisted on sitting outside.
Danny hadn’t been happy. After his first panic attack, he had avoided going outside, staying inside instead. So the prospect of heading out with Steve, who would see that something was wrong, hadn’t been very tempting.
But the man had insisted, and no way would Danny let him go outside on his own. So he had clenched his fists to still the trembling, took a deep breath and followed Steve.
"I just want to wet my legs, Danno. The cast won't get wet, I promise. But it's hot and I’m sick of being inside."
And it had been fine at first. The sight of the sand and the water didn't seem to face Steve, which in return had helped to keep Danny calm. It wasn't so bad after all.
But then they had gone to the water's edge, and again he hadn't been able to move. But that was nothing to what had happened to Steve.
Steve had been a step ahead of him, walking quickly with big steps, as always, and with one step he had moved from wet sand to calf deep water.
And he had frozen.
At first Danny hadn't realized what was happening, as he had been focused on keeping his own breathing calm. But then he had seen how Steve started swaying and panting, and all his focus had shifted to his partner.
When it had looked as if Steve would topple over, Danny had shoved all his own fears aside, had entered the water, grabbing Steve's arms and pulling the man back to the dry sand.
His own heart had been pounding like crazy, but it was nothing compared to Steve's.
They had fallen down backwards and Danny had used all his strength to pull Steve back against in chest, wrapping himself around the man and whispering stupid nothings to him, using his calmest voice although he felt like freaking out.
He pressed his mouth to Steve's neck, feeling his pulse against his lips, fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird.
Steve had rubbed his chest while hyperventilating, and suddenly he had leaned to the side and retched.
There was nothing Danny could do, but he had kept talking and moved his hands in circles over the broad back.
Several minutes had passed before Steve had calmed down enough to at least make it back into the house.
Now Danny was lying on the couch, Steve curled around him with his head under Danny's chin, breathing evenly but still trembling a bit.
After some time, he grip around Danny eased slightly and he whispered, "Fuck, Danno. I'm a SEAL. I can’t be afraid of the fucking water. I just can’t."
And what the hell do you say to that?
Danny settled on pressing more kisses into soft hair, more petting and continuously murmuring, "It's going to be alright, babe."
Chapter 7
It took nearly two months for the cast to come off, but Steve was already back to work a week after his stay at the hospital. It had been fortunate that it had been his left arm that had been attacked. Danny hated to think what being unable to use his right would have added to the whole disaster they were in.
In the last two months Steve had stubbornly tried several more time to enter the water, always with the same result. It hadn't gotten better.
What had worsened though was his mood.
Alternating between halfway pleasant during work hours, he switched between grumpy and bitchy at home.
He snapped at Danny, apologized, grew pensive and downright depressed, which led to more snapping at Danny.
After another fight, which led to Steve storming out of the house and Danny ready to give up, that Danny pulled out the card that had burned a hole in his pocket for the last two months.
He had talked about it once with Steve which had led to an epic fight, after which he had let it drop.
But things had to change. Danny didn't have much fight left in him, and Steve was doing worse than ever. Both of them were clearly unhappy and losing sleep.
So Danny took out his mobile and called Doctor Coleman.
**************************
When Steve came home two hours later, he looked apologetic and immediately went to Danny to press kisses to his face, all the while saying, "I'm sorry, Danno."
And normally Danny would have given in. But not this time. Things had to change, or this would break them. And Danny was not willing to let that happen.
"Babe, we need to talk."
Steve froze, pulling back and searching his face, before sitting down heavily next to Danny.
"What about?"
The blonde took a sip from his beer and handed Steve the one he had kept on the table waiting for him. By now it probably was lukewarm, but oh well. Better than nothing.
"I called Doctor Coleman. You have an appointment, tomorrow at nine."
Jumping up, Steve started shouting "What? I told you…"
"Steve, please. Please!"
Standing up as well, Danny put down his bottle and made a grab for Steve's hand.
"This… this fear is fucking breaking you. It's breaking us. And we tried for two months now and it's not getting better. So please, just try talking to him, okay? Just…try it. If not for yourself, then for me. But…I can't keep doing this anymore."
And fuck if his voice wasn't trembling.
But he didn't know what else to do anymore. Nothing he tried helped Steve, and this was the last thing Danny could think of. Because while he could live with being afraid of the ocean and the goddamn animals that lived in it, it killed him to see Steve so afraid. Steve wasn't supposed to fear anything.
And fuck, now he was in Steve's arms, trembling like a freaking regency heroine, and how did this happen to his quiet, perfect life in just two months?
But all these thoughts were pushed aside when he heard Steve whisper in his ear, "Okay, I'll meet with him. I'm going to make it alright, I promise, Danno."
**************************
The next month wasn't much easier though.
While Steve continued to meet with Coleman - Noah, as Steve took to calling him - it wasn't helping as fast as Steve clearly wished. Danny still had nightmares, which were not helped by seeing the half-circle scar on Steve's arm every day. In the meantime, Steve slept like the dead when he hit the mattress, exhausted by the mental strain he put on himself, along with the physical exhaustion that came with the start of the physical therapy. Danny was thankful that he at least didn't seem to have nightmares.
They knew for sure now that he would regain full use of his fingers, but it would be a long way.
The PT had told them it might take another three months, if not longer. Steve, as usual, pushed himself to the point where he had to take a break from PT, which lead to a set back all around. That caused another week of fighting, apologizing, and making up.
Some days, Danny wished he could go to sleep and not wake up for a hundred years.
**************************
Then came the big fight with Rachel.
"No, goddamn it, my daughter will not take surfing lessons. I don't want her near the ocean, and I sure as hell don't want her in the ocean. And no, I am not fucking unreasonable. You take her to a pool, or a fucking lake, but I won't let her in the ocean!"
It ended in a screaming match, with both of them frustrated, and he hoped to god Rachel would agree with him, if not forever than at least for the time being. He didn't want his baby girl anywhere near the water where anything could happen.
He had to see what the shark did to Steve's arm all the time. And that was a grown man's, heavily muscled arm. He had nightmares at times where Gracie's small, thin arm was bitten off cleanly.
He didn't tell Steve about it, was thankful that he didn't wake the man up with it, but he feared if the circles under his eyes became any darker, he could enter the Goth scene.
He wished they all would just back off and give him some time.
**************************
A few weeks after Steve had started talking to him, Noah added a 10-step kind of therapy.
As far as Danny understood, it was about getting Steve in the water gradually, always with Noah there to help keep Steve calm.
They started out on a different beach to prevent the added pressure from the scene of the attack, but Steve couldn't leave well enough alone and tried to talk Danny into being his focus point at home.
At first, Danny tried to refuse, but Steve was enthusiastic for the first time in weeks after a success with Noah on another beach.
"I was able to go in to my knees, Danno. It wasn't perfect, and I couldn't go in deeper, but there wasn't a panic attack, and Noah thinks I'm doing really well."
Glancing at him from where he was drying the dishes, Danny snorted.
"And I bet he told you to take it easy. Taking it easy does not mean to keep trying where it has happened, babe. Stop pushing yourself," he said dryly.
"Danny, please."
But Danny stayed firm for at least for another week. Steve continued to nag him, clearly afraid to try it on his own, and not willing to ask Chin or Kono, keeping at it till Danny threw up his arms and admitted defeat.
If this was what Steve really wanted, he could swallow his own fear. He was pretty sure Steve hadn't noticed that Danny hadn't been near the ocean since Steve has started working with Noah.
**************************
It was a complete disaster.
Danny couldn't keep Steve calm because he couldn't keep himself totally calm when he was supposed to enter the water with Steve.
Steve was already up to his knees, trembling, gripping Danny's hand as if he wanted to break his fingers, while the water reached Danny's mid thigh. He could stand it for only a few seconds. Than he suddenly imagined he could see dark shapes in the water, his vision tunneled and next thing he knew, he was retching in the water.
They dragged themselves out of the water, both sick and trembling.
Steve didn't ask him again. And Danny felt like a bastard, because secretly? Secretly, in a small, dark, ugly place inside himself, he was glad that Steve was obviously not ready yet.
Chapter 8
Standing at the spot from where he had seen the attack happen, Danny pushed his hands into the pockets of his trousers and stared at the horizon.
Six months had passed since the attack, and while the arm injury was healed and the physical therapy nearly finished, Steve had not entered the ocean fully yet. He kept trying with Noah, but so far, chest deep was all he had managed, and even that was still accompanied by sweat, trembling and scared glances over the surface of the water, looking for a tell-tale triangle. Danny was not doing much better, but contrary to Steve, he had no problem with that. He just plain out refused to enter the water.
Danny and Noah, as well as Chin and Kono frequently told Steve to give it more time, but as always patience was not one of his virtues.
That morning, they had chased after a criminal who had nearly escaped by jumping onto a moving boat.
Steve had gotten there first, had gained speed, clearly ready to leap after the guy, but he had suddenly slowed down and stopped without taking the jump, leaving it to Chin, who had effortlessly breached the distance and apprehended the criminal. No one had said anything but Steve had brooded for the rest of the day, clearly upset with himself and snappy with the rest of the team.
Danny didn't know what to tell him anymore; all the words had already been said, swallowed up by Steve's want to be as he had been before.
Movement to his right brought him out of his musings and he glanced at Steve, who came to a stop beside him.
"I'm sorry about today."
Turning to look at his partner, Danny cocked an eyebrow.
"Whatever for, babe? For being a regular ray of sunshine? For snapping at me whenever possible? I thought that was behind us."
"Danny, I…"
Shaking his head, the blonde man sat down in the sand.
"I don't know what to tell you anymore, Steven. I tell you to be patient, but it's as if I'm talking to a wall. You are so eager to get back into that goddamned ocean that you are blind to everything else. It's been only six months, babe. Most of that time, you wouldn't have been able to swim anyway because of your injuries. Why are you so eager to get back in? Give yourself some goddamn time to heal."
Steve's answer was what he had heard on and off over the last few months.
"I'm a Navy SEAL, Danno. What good am I if I can't go into the ocean without breaking a sweat because I'm so scared to focus on anything besides looking for fucking shadows and dorsal fins!"
The last was shouted, and while Danny normally would have risen to the bait, would have given as good as he got, he was just too tired today. Hell, practically all the time. He still couldn't sleep without nightmares. At times he felt like going crazy. There was no more fight left.
"You are on reserve babe. First and foremost, you are the leader of 5-0. You are my partner. Why can't you give yourself more time? Why can't you give me more time?"
And then his throat closed up and with horror Danny noticed that his fucking eyes were getting wet and a goddamn sob was threatening to escape. In an attempt to hide, he buried his face in the crook of his elbows, hugging his head protectively. But Steve was nothing if not perceptive.
Suddenly Danny was surrounded by a strong body and unceremoniously pulled into the taller man's lap. Normally he would have bristled and ranted, even if he secretly loved it, but now he was too busy keeping his wet face hidden from inquisitive eyes.
"Sweetheart?"
And that did it. Damn, manipulative man that he was, Steve knew what buttons to press. They rarely used endearments, Danny's 'babe' for Steve aside. And Steve knew what it did to Danny. Knew that it robbed him of all his prickly defenses.
Choking on his sobs, Danny turned as well as he could and buried his face in the crook of Steve's neck. Instantly, strong arms wrapped around him and Steve bent himself around his body as if that was enough to protect Danny from all harm. And then it was as if all the stress, the fear of the last six months when he had tried to be strong for Steve, to keep things together, was pushing out. He bawled like a baby, loud sobs, spit and snot.
"I was so scared that day, Steve. I could see you and suddenly I couldn't and that were the worst few seconds of my live. For a moment I was too scared to go after you, hell, I was scared to whole time I was in the water. Scared for you, scared of the blood and scared that the damn animal would come back."
Squeezing the arms that surrounded him, he whispered hoarsely, "I'm not ready to let you go back into the water, Steven. I'm not ready yet to watch you swim."
"Oh, Danno."
Kisses were pressed into his hair, and Steve rocked slowly him to the sounds of the waves, letting the lull calm Danny down. It was a long time before the trembling of the blonde's body subsided.
**************************
That night, when they were lying in bed, surrounded by the dark and each other, pressing slow kisses onto each other's lips, Danny whispered sleepily, "You will be back in the water before you know it, Steve. Because you love the ocean. Because you are brave and strong. And I promise I will watch when you go in, like I did before. But till that day comes, be patient with the both of us and let us heal. Please."
He could feel himself nod off, but not before he felt gentle fingers stroking his cheek, and a soft voice murmur, "Go to sleep Danny. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but it's going to be alright. I'm going to give you all the time you need. I'm going to take care of you."
Epilogue
After Danny's breakdown on the beach, Steve had dragged him along to his next appointment with Noah and afterwards Danny had started to meet with the Doctor on his own. Also, he had a feeling Steve had had a talk with Rachel, because talks about surfing lessons had stopped for the time being.
It had helped to talk but it still had been a few more weeks before Danny had felt ready to let his partner walk into the deep blue. Truth be told, Steve had been ready before he was, but had refused to do it without Danny. And Danny never loved him more than the moment Steve told him so.
Steve had given him time and had been understanding and now they were here, both in their trunks and standing at the edge of the water.
Danny trembled a bit and had a death grip on Steve's hand. Steve squeezed back and checked once more that the knives he had strapped to his upper leg and arm were secure. They wouldn't do much really, but if the worst of the worst ever happened again, at least Steve would be able to defend himself which made both of them feel better. It was that symbolism really, that helped keep Danny calm. That, and the binoculars which hung around his neck and would help him keep his eyes on Steve all the time.
It was a bit compulsive, but Steve had assured him it was all right and had handed him a pair that was SEAL quality and would help him see clearly. He had also promised to stay in range.
Noah had told them both it would get better.
Leaning down, Steve pressed a quick kiss to Danny lips.
"It will be fine, Daniel. I promise."
Tugging slightly at Danny's hand, he led the blonde into the waist deep water where he embraced and gave him another kiss.
"I'll be back before you know it, sweetheart."
And then, with his big dorky, little boy grin, he let go of Danny and dove into the water with hardly a splash.
And Danny, although fear still had a tight hold of his heart, couldn't take his eyes of him. Because he was beautiful. Because, while careful where he hadn't been before, he was fearless once more. And Steve…Steve was supposed to be fearless.
~The End~
Chapter 6
Danny hated being right. Not normally, but in that instant, he had wished with everything he had that he had been wrong.
It had taken two more days before Steve had been able to come home. Danny had picked him up this morning, with Chin and Kono promising to come by in the evening for some team bonding.
It had been okay in the beginning. Danny had aired the house in advance so it smelled like always, no trace of chemicals left. He had settled Steve on the couch, had gotten him something to drink, something to eat, offered a massage, a foot rub… okay, so he had fussed. But Steve had let him. And it had been okay. Till that stupid oaf had insisted on sitting outside.
Danny hadn’t been happy. After his first panic attack, he had avoided going outside, staying inside instead. So the prospect of heading out with Steve, who would see that something was wrong, hadn’t been very tempting.
But the man had insisted, and no way would Danny let him go outside on his own. So he had clenched his fists to still the trembling, took a deep breath and followed Steve.
"I just want to wet my legs, Danno. The cast won't get wet, I promise. But it's hot and I’m sick of being inside."
And it had been fine at first. The sight of the sand and the water didn't seem to face Steve, which in return had helped to keep Danny calm. It wasn't so bad after all.
But then they had gone to the water's edge, and again he hadn't been able to move. But that was nothing to what had happened to Steve.
Steve had been a step ahead of him, walking quickly with big steps, as always, and with one step he had moved from wet sand to calf deep water.
And he had frozen.
At first Danny hadn't realized what was happening, as he had been focused on keeping his own breathing calm. But then he had seen how Steve started swaying and panting, and all his focus had shifted to his partner.
When it had looked as if Steve would topple over, Danny had shoved all his own fears aside, had entered the water, grabbing Steve's arms and pulling the man back to the dry sand.
His own heart had been pounding like crazy, but it was nothing compared to Steve's.
They had fallen down backwards and Danny had used all his strength to pull Steve back against in chest, wrapping himself around the man and whispering stupid nothings to him, using his calmest voice although he felt like freaking out.
He pressed his mouth to Steve's neck, feeling his pulse against his lips, fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird.
Steve had rubbed his chest while hyperventilating, and suddenly he had leaned to the side and retched.
There was nothing Danny could do, but he had kept talking and moved his hands in circles over the broad back.
Several minutes had passed before Steve had calmed down enough to at least make it back into the house.
Now Danny was lying on the couch, Steve curled around him with his head under Danny's chin, breathing evenly but still trembling a bit.
After some time, he grip around Danny eased slightly and he whispered, "Fuck, Danno. I'm a SEAL. I can’t be afraid of the fucking water. I just can’t."
And what the hell do you say to that?
Danny settled on pressing more kisses into soft hair, more petting and continuously murmuring, "It's going to be alright, babe."
Chapter 7
It took nearly two months for the cast to come off, but Steve was already back to work a week after his stay at the hospital. It had been fortunate that it had been his left arm that had been attacked. Danny hated to think what being unable to use his right would have added to the whole disaster they were in.
In the last two months Steve had stubbornly tried several more time to enter the water, always with the same result. It hadn't gotten better.
What had worsened though was his mood.
Alternating between halfway pleasant during work hours, he switched between grumpy and bitchy at home.
He snapped at Danny, apologized, grew pensive and downright depressed, which led to more snapping at Danny.
After another fight, which led to Steve storming out of the house and Danny ready to give up, that Danny pulled out the card that had burned a hole in his pocket for the last two months.
He had talked about it once with Steve which had led to an epic fight, after which he had let it drop.
But things had to change. Danny didn't have much fight left in him, and Steve was doing worse than ever. Both of them were clearly unhappy and losing sleep.
So Danny took out his mobile and called Doctor Coleman.
**************************
When Steve came home two hours later, he looked apologetic and immediately went to Danny to press kisses to his face, all the while saying, "I'm sorry, Danno."
And normally Danny would have given in. But not this time. Things had to change, or this would break them. And Danny was not willing to let that happen.
"Babe, we need to talk."
Steve froze, pulling back and searching his face, before sitting down heavily next to Danny.
"What about?"
The blonde took a sip from his beer and handed Steve the one he had kept on the table waiting for him. By now it probably was lukewarm, but oh well. Better than nothing.
"I called Doctor Coleman. You have an appointment, tomorrow at nine."
Jumping up, Steve started shouting "What? I told you…"
"Steve, please. Please!"
Standing up as well, Danny put down his bottle and made a grab for Steve's hand.
"This… this fear is fucking breaking you. It's breaking us. And we tried for two months now and it's not getting better. So please, just try talking to him, okay? Just…try it. If not for yourself, then for me. But…I can't keep doing this anymore."
And fuck if his voice wasn't trembling.
But he didn't know what else to do anymore. Nothing he tried helped Steve, and this was the last thing Danny could think of. Because while he could live with being afraid of the ocean and the goddamn animals that lived in it, it killed him to see Steve so afraid. Steve wasn't supposed to fear anything.
And fuck, now he was in Steve's arms, trembling like a freaking regency heroine, and how did this happen to his quiet, perfect life in just two months?
But all these thoughts were pushed aside when he heard Steve whisper in his ear, "Okay, I'll meet with him. I'm going to make it alright, I promise, Danno."
**************************
The next month wasn't much easier though.
While Steve continued to meet with Coleman - Noah, as Steve took to calling him - it wasn't helping as fast as Steve clearly wished. Danny still had nightmares, which were not helped by seeing the half-circle scar on Steve's arm every day. In the meantime, Steve slept like the dead when he hit the mattress, exhausted by the mental strain he put on himself, along with the physical exhaustion that came with the start of the physical therapy. Danny was thankful that he at least didn't seem to have nightmares.
They knew for sure now that he would regain full use of his fingers, but it would be a long way.
The PT had told them it might take another three months, if not longer. Steve, as usual, pushed himself to the point where he had to take a break from PT, which lead to a set back all around. That caused another week of fighting, apologizing, and making up.
Some days, Danny wished he could go to sleep and not wake up for a hundred years.
**************************
Then came the big fight with Rachel.
"No, goddamn it, my daughter will not take surfing lessons. I don't want her near the ocean, and I sure as hell don't want her in the ocean. And no, I am not fucking unreasonable. You take her to a pool, or a fucking lake, but I won't let her in the ocean!"
It ended in a screaming match, with both of them frustrated, and he hoped to god Rachel would agree with him, if not forever than at least for the time being. He didn't want his baby girl anywhere near the water where anything could happen.
He had to see what the shark did to Steve's arm all the time. And that was a grown man's, heavily muscled arm. He had nightmares at times where Gracie's small, thin arm was bitten off cleanly.
He didn't tell Steve about it, was thankful that he didn't wake the man up with it, but he feared if the circles under his eyes became any darker, he could enter the Goth scene.
He wished they all would just back off and give him some time.
**************************
A few weeks after Steve had started talking to him, Noah added a 10-step kind of therapy.
As far as Danny understood, it was about getting Steve in the water gradually, always with Noah there to help keep Steve calm.
They started out on a different beach to prevent the added pressure from the scene of the attack, but Steve couldn't leave well enough alone and tried to talk Danny into being his focus point at home.
At first, Danny tried to refuse, but Steve was enthusiastic for the first time in weeks after a success with Noah on another beach.
"I was able to go in to my knees, Danno. It wasn't perfect, and I couldn't go in deeper, but there wasn't a panic attack, and Noah thinks I'm doing really well."
Glancing at him from where he was drying the dishes, Danny snorted.
"And I bet he told you to take it easy. Taking it easy does not mean to keep trying where it has happened, babe. Stop pushing yourself," he said dryly.
"Danny, please."
But Danny stayed firm for at least for another week. Steve continued to nag him, clearly afraid to try it on his own, and not willing to ask Chin or Kono, keeping at it till Danny threw up his arms and admitted defeat.
If this was what Steve really wanted, he could swallow his own fear. He was pretty sure Steve hadn't noticed that Danny hadn't been near the ocean since Steve has started working with Noah.
**************************
It was a complete disaster.
Danny couldn't keep Steve calm because he couldn't keep himself totally calm when he was supposed to enter the water with Steve.
Steve was already up to his knees, trembling, gripping Danny's hand as if he wanted to break his fingers, while the water reached Danny's mid thigh. He could stand it for only a few seconds. Than he suddenly imagined he could see dark shapes in the water, his vision tunneled and next thing he knew, he was retching in the water.
They dragged themselves out of the water, both sick and trembling.
Steve didn't ask him again. And Danny felt like a bastard, because secretly? Secretly, in a small, dark, ugly place inside himself, he was glad that Steve was obviously not ready yet.
Chapter 8
Standing at the spot from where he had seen the attack happen, Danny pushed his hands into the pockets of his trousers and stared at the horizon.
Six months had passed since the attack, and while the arm injury was healed and the physical therapy nearly finished, Steve had not entered the ocean fully yet. He kept trying with Noah, but so far, chest deep was all he had managed, and even that was still accompanied by sweat, trembling and scared glances over the surface of the water, looking for a tell-tale triangle. Danny was not doing much better, but contrary to Steve, he had no problem with that. He just plain out refused to enter the water.
Danny and Noah, as well as Chin and Kono frequently told Steve to give it more time, but as always patience was not one of his virtues.
That morning, they had chased after a criminal who had nearly escaped by jumping onto a moving boat.
Steve had gotten there first, had gained speed, clearly ready to leap after the guy, but he had suddenly slowed down and stopped without taking the jump, leaving it to Chin, who had effortlessly breached the distance and apprehended the criminal. No one had said anything but Steve had brooded for the rest of the day, clearly upset with himself and snappy with the rest of the team.
Danny didn't know what to tell him anymore; all the words had already been said, swallowed up by Steve's want to be as he had been before.
Movement to his right brought him out of his musings and he glanced at Steve, who came to a stop beside him.
"I'm sorry about today."
Turning to look at his partner, Danny cocked an eyebrow.
"Whatever for, babe? For being a regular ray of sunshine? For snapping at me whenever possible? I thought that was behind us."
"Danny, I…"
Shaking his head, the blonde man sat down in the sand.
"I don't know what to tell you anymore, Steven. I tell you to be patient, but it's as if I'm talking to a wall. You are so eager to get back into that goddamned ocean that you are blind to everything else. It's been only six months, babe. Most of that time, you wouldn't have been able to swim anyway because of your injuries. Why are you so eager to get back in? Give yourself some goddamn time to heal."
Steve's answer was what he had heard on and off over the last few months.
"I'm a Navy SEAL, Danno. What good am I if I can't go into the ocean without breaking a sweat because I'm so scared to focus on anything besides looking for fucking shadows and dorsal fins!"
The last was shouted, and while Danny normally would have risen to the bait, would have given as good as he got, he was just too tired today. Hell, practically all the time. He still couldn't sleep without nightmares. At times he felt like going crazy. There was no more fight left.
"You are on reserve babe. First and foremost, you are the leader of 5-0. You are my partner. Why can't you give yourself more time? Why can't you give me more time?"
And then his throat closed up and with horror Danny noticed that his fucking eyes were getting wet and a goddamn sob was threatening to escape. In an attempt to hide, he buried his face in the crook of his elbows, hugging his head protectively. But Steve was nothing if not perceptive.
Suddenly Danny was surrounded by a strong body and unceremoniously pulled into the taller man's lap. Normally he would have bristled and ranted, even if he secretly loved it, but now he was too busy keeping his wet face hidden from inquisitive eyes.
"Sweetheart?"
And that did it. Damn, manipulative man that he was, Steve knew what buttons to press. They rarely used endearments, Danny's 'babe' for Steve aside. And Steve knew what it did to Danny. Knew that it robbed him of all his prickly defenses.
Choking on his sobs, Danny turned as well as he could and buried his face in the crook of Steve's neck. Instantly, strong arms wrapped around him and Steve bent himself around his body as if that was enough to protect Danny from all harm. And then it was as if all the stress, the fear of the last six months when he had tried to be strong for Steve, to keep things together, was pushing out. He bawled like a baby, loud sobs, spit and snot.
"I was so scared that day, Steve. I could see you and suddenly I couldn't and that were the worst few seconds of my live. For a moment I was too scared to go after you, hell, I was scared to whole time I was in the water. Scared for you, scared of the blood and scared that the damn animal would come back."
Squeezing the arms that surrounded him, he whispered hoarsely, "I'm not ready to let you go back into the water, Steven. I'm not ready yet to watch you swim."
"Oh, Danno."
Kisses were pressed into his hair, and Steve rocked slowly him to the sounds of the waves, letting the lull calm Danny down. It was a long time before the trembling of the blonde's body subsided.
**************************
That night, when they were lying in bed, surrounded by the dark and each other, pressing slow kisses onto each other's lips, Danny whispered sleepily, "You will be back in the water before you know it, Steve. Because you love the ocean. Because you are brave and strong. And I promise I will watch when you go in, like I did before. But till that day comes, be patient with the both of us and let us heal. Please."
He could feel himself nod off, but not before he felt gentle fingers stroking his cheek, and a soft voice murmur, "Go to sleep Danny. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but it's going to be alright. I'm going to give you all the time you need. I'm going to take care of you."
Epilogue
After Danny's breakdown on the beach, Steve had dragged him along to his next appointment with Noah and afterwards Danny had started to meet with the Doctor on his own. Also, he had a feeling Steve had had a talk with Rachel, because talks about surfing lessons had stopped for the time being.
It had helped to talk but it still had been a few more weeks before Danny had felt ready to let his partner walk into the deep blue. Truth be told, Steve had been ready before he was, but had refused to do it without Danny. And Danny never loved him more than the moment Steve told him so.
Steve had given him time and had been understanding and now they were here, both in their trunks and standing at the edge of the water.
Danny trembled a bit and had a death grip on Steve's hand. Steve squeezed back and checked once more that the knives he had strapped to his upper leg and arm were secure. They wouldn't do much really, but if the worst of the worst ever happened again, at least Steve would be able to defend himself which made both of them feel better. It was that symbolism really, that helped keep Danny calm. That, and the binoculars which hung around his neck and would help him keep his eyes on Steve all the time.
It was a bit compulsive, but Steve had assured him it was all right and had handed him a pair that was SEAL quality and would help him see clearly. He had also promised to stay in range.
Noah had told them both it would get better.
Leaning down, Steve pressed a quick kiss to Danny lips.
"It will be fine, Daniel. I promise."
Tugging slightly at Danny's hand, he led the blonde into the waist deep water where he embraced and gave him another kiss.
"I'll be back before you know it, sweetheart."
And then, with his big dorky, little boy grin, he let go of Danny and dove into the water with hardly a splash.
And Danny, although fear still had a tight hold of his heart, couldn't take his eyes of him. Because he was beautiful. Because, while careful where he hadn't been before, he was fearless once more. And Steve…Steve was supposed to be fearless.
~The End~