How to Keep Your Partner From Stroking Out (S**t Not to Do) - Steve/Danny - PG-13
Author: [to be announced]
Recipient: siehn
Title: How to Keep Your Partner From Stroking Out (S**t Not to Do)
Rating: PG-13, for language
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Steve, Danny (pre-slash)
Summary: So, as it turns out, Steve’s very good at obliviation. And making Danny’s life hell.
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 1.349
Disclaimer: All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Author's Notes: This is an H50/Harry Potter fusion. Huge thanks to O for the beta, and both her and W for story ideas. Also, see some potion definitions at the end.
"Steve? Steve!" Danny walked into Steve's kitchen. "Steven! Where the hell are you?" He usually came over on Saturday afternoons when he didn't have Grace. Plus, Steve's car was in the driveway. The man was here, it’s just a matter of where.
Wandering around the house, poking his head into every room, he finally found Steve. In his childhood room. Standing over a cauldron.
"What? Steve? What are you d--"
At that moment Steve whipped around, wand raised high. Not one second later his wand went flying towards Danny.
"Danny you can't be in here," Steve said urgently, and then seemed to register that his wand was no longer in his hand.
"Expelliarimus, Steven. Surely you've heard of it."
"But you didn’t say...oh."
"Yeah."
"I didn't...."
"You didn't what, Steve?” Danny put his hands on his hips expectantly.
“I didn’t know you,” he gestured, something that could mean ‘look at the beautiful wallpaper’ just as easily as ‘were a wizard.’ “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have--.” Steve paused, and then paused some more.
“I swear it’s like pulling teeth. Wouldn’t have what?”
“Uh,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck and looked away guiltily.
“Did you obliviate me?!”
“No?”
“How many times?” Danny demanded.
Steve stayed silent, staring at the floor.
“How. Many. Times, Steven?” He stepped right up into Steve’s face.
“I don’t…”
Danny glowered and Steve finally answered.
“Four or five.” When he saw Danny’s expression he tried to defend himself. “You kept sneaking up on me!”
“You’d think it’d be harder to do.”
Steve pouted. Danny sighed.
“Okay. So. We’re both wizards.”
He got a shrug in response.
“And I am awesome at sneaking up on you, SuperSEAL wizard that you claim to be,” Danny preened. Steve scowled back.
“Whatcha making?”
He shrugged again. And looked a little guilty.
“Look, I know I do most of the talking, but usually you try to butt in every-so-often. What gives?”
“Nothing gives. I’m just brewing a potion, which you interrupted. No need for the third degree.”
“The third-no, okay, see, this, this is, this is not okay.” Danny poked Steve in the chest. “This is beyond not okay. I’m not giving you the third degree, I am fearing for my safety here. This is me, fearing for my safety. Whenever you get all cagey like this something blows up, and I’m usually left trying to both clean it up and explain it to the governor, because you are suddenly overcome with a life-threatening something that necessitates you running off and blowing something else up. Something else that I, again, then have to clean up and explain to the governor.”
Steve finally chimed in, “I do not! When have I ever done that?”
“When have you-no. No, I will not be distracted. That list is very, very long and I will not fall for it. You, my friend, did not answer my question. What are you making? What potion are you hiding from me? Please tell me it’s not polyjuice.” Danny put his hands together in front of his chest, “Please, do me that favor and tell me you’re not brewing a highly-controlled, Class B substance.”
“I’m not making polyjuice potion.”
“Good.” He nodded. “Is amorentia?”
“Danno!” Steve looked scandalized. “It’s not amorentia! I don’t need any help in that department, thank you.”
Danny snickered, and then he looked around the room. His eyes landed on the boomslang skin, then the nettles and lacewing flies. Then he saw the mandrake leaves and bezoar and what could be acromantula venom. Glancing inside the cauldron, he saw golden-yellow liquid.
“No. No, I’m not seeing this, no.” He clutched his hair. “This is not how you do it. Oh my god, I’m going to kill you. They’ll never find the body, swear to God. This is not…this is not happening.”
Steve looked uneasy. “You okay there, Danno?”
“Tell me you aren’t brewing felix felicis. Tell me that, Steven. Tell me this isn’t how you’ve been doing everything, and tell me that you didn’t keep this all to yourself.”
“Danno,” he started, but Danny was having none of it.
“Steven John McGarrett, you will answer my questions or so help me.” Danny pulled his own wand out and picked Steve’s up off the floor. Sparks came out of both.
“Yes,” Steve mumbled.
“What was that? You need to say it louder so I can hear you and then kill you.”
“I said yes, felix is how I’ve been doing it.”
Danny was apoplectic. “Steven!”
“I gave you guys some, too!” He crossed the room and put his hand on Danny’s shoulder. “You don’t think I’d let you guys go into those dangerous situations without some help, Danno? I made sure we had the biggest advantage we could have!”
Shrugging Steve off, Danny stepped back and took a few calming breaths. “Alright. Alright.” He took one more breath before meeting Steve’s eyes. “This is not okay. I’m glad that you didn’t keep the potion for yourself, but the fact that, I’m guessing, you spiked our drinks without our knowledge, the fact that you used this potion in the first place is so not okay I can’t even tell you.”
“Danno…”
“No. You don’t get to speak right now. You cannot go around doing stupid shit and think you’ll be fine because you took some felix felicius, because you slipped your team some, too. How do I know you didn’t take too much, huh? How do I know that you didn’t slip us too much? This shit only helps so much, Steve, and it can kill you! Either by itself or because it didn’t work! If you take too much you’ll do something stupid and you won’t be lucky. I don’t want to see you doing anything stupid, babe. I kind of like you the way you are. I don’t want any more holes in you because you fucked up.”
“Danny…”
“Shut up. Just shut up.” He took a deep breath, then another. “You’re getting rid of that. No, you’re going to give it to me and I, I will get rid of it.”
Steve looked on helplessly while Danny packed up the potion. “Please, Danny-“
Danny cut him off again, though. Standing up, he said, “The problem’s not so much that you were using this, but that you were throwing yourself and your team head-first into very dangerous situations and relying on this to protect us. It’s not foolproof, Steve, it’s no guarantee.”
“I know that, I know. I only ever gave anyone a thimble-full, that’s it.”
“Steve,” Danny sighed.
“I just, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
He looked so sad, Danny’s heart broke a little.
“I always wondered if maybe things would have turned out differently if my parents…” Steve looked away.
“If your parents…had had the potion?” Danny prompted.
Steve shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. But, they were muggles, so.”
“Muggles? Really?”
Steve bristled. “Yeah? You got a problem with that, Danny?” he challenged.
“What? No!” Danny put his hands up, “No, it’s not a problem. I just thought you’d be a pureblood, that’s all.”
“You thought I’d be a pureblood.” He said flatly.
“I didn’t mean anything by it! You just, I dunno, seem like you would be. It’s not like you seem like you’d play into the old Death Eater mentality or anything, that Wizard Purity garbage.” He shrugged. “You just do.”
“So you’re a pureblood then?”
“I guess. I mean, yeah, but does it still count if somewhere back down the line someone married a muggle? I could never figure that out. If all that matters is both your parents had wands, then yeah, I’m a pureblood.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Staring at each other, the silence stretched out awkwardly.
“Are you as good as me at potions, then?” Steve had a smug little smirk on his face.
“I don’t care how good you think you are, you’re not getting the felix felicis back. And you’re not allowed to make any more without consulting me first!”
“But Danno!” Steve whined, trailing him downstairs.
“I said no, Steven!”
-------
Additional notes:
Polyjuice potion: Potion to transform one person to look like another (physically only, one changes back after 1 hour, unless another dose of the potion is taken).
Amorentia: The most powerful love potion in the world.
Felix Felicis: Potion for luck; one has great confidence and a sense of opportunity after taking the potion, and one’s plans tend to work out. Very difficult to make.
All definitions summarized from the books and the Harry Potter Lexicon.
Recipient: siehn
Title: How to Keep Your Partner From Stroking Out (S**t Not to Do)
Rating: PG-13, for language
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Steve, Danny (pre-slash)
Summary: So, as it turns out, Steve’s very good at obliviation. And making Danny’s life hell.
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 1.349
Disclaimer: All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Author's Notes: This is an H50/Harry Potter fusion. Huge thanks to O for the beta, and both her and W for story ideas. Also, see some potion definitions at the end.
"Steve? Steve!" Danny walked into Steve's kitchen. "Steven! Where the hell are you?" He usually came over on Saturday afternoons when he didn't have Grace. Plus, Steve's car was in the driveway. The man was here, it’s just a matter of where.
Wandering around the house, poking his head into every room, he finally found Steve. In his childhood room. Standing over a cauldron.
"What? Steve? What are you d--"
At that moment Steve whipped around, wand raised high. Not one second later his wand went flying towards Danny.
"Danny you can't be in here," Steve said urgently, and then seemed to register that his wand was no longer in his hand.
"Expelliarimus, Steven. Surely you've heard of it."
"But you didn’t say...oh."
"Yeah."
"I didn't...."
"You didn't what, Steve?” Danny put his hands on his hips expectantly.
“I didn’t know you,” he gestured, something that could mean ‘look at the beautiful wallpaper’ just as easily as ‘were a wizard.’ “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have--.” Steve paused, and then paused some more.
“I swear it’s like pulling teeth. Wouldn’t have what?”
“Uh,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck and looked away guiltily.
“Did you obliviate me?!”
“No?”
“How many times?” Danny demanded.
Steve stayed silent, staring at the floor.
“How. Many. Times, Steven?” He stepped right up into Steve’s face.
“I don’t…”
Danny glowered and Steve finally answered.
“Four or five.” When he saw Danny’s expression he tried to defend himself. “You kept sneaking up on me!”
“You’d think it’d be harder to do.”
Steve pouted. Danny sighed.
“Okay. So. We’re both wizards.”
He got a shrug in response.
“And I am awesome at sneaking up on you, SuperSEAL wizard that you claim to be,” Danny preened. Steve scowled back.
“Whatcha making?”
He shrugged again. And looked a little guilty.
“Look, I know I do most of the talking, but usually you try to butt in every-so-often. What gives?”
“Nothing gives. I’m just brewing a potion, which you interrupted. No need for the third degree.”
“The third-no, okay, see, this, this is, this is not okay.” Danny poked Steve in the chest. “This is beyond not okay. I’m not giving you the third degree, I am fearing for my safety here. This is me, fearing for my safety. Whenever you get all cagey like this something blows up, and I’m usually left trying to both clean it up and explain it to the governor, because you are suddenly overcome with a life-threatening something that necessitates you running off and blowing something else up. Something else that I, again, then have to clean up and explain to the governor.”
Steve finally chimed in, “I do not! When have I ever done that?”
“When have you-no. No, I will not be distracted. That list is very, very long and I will not fall for it. You, my friend, did not answer my question. What are you making? What potion are you hiding from me? Please tell me it’s not polyjuice.” Danny put his hands together in front of his chest, “Please, do me that favor and tell me you’re not brewing a highly-controlled, Class B substance.”
“I’m not making polyjuice potion.”
“Good.” He nodded. “Is amorentia?”
“Danno!” Steve looked scandalized. “It’s not amorentia! I don’t need any help in that department, thank you.”
Danny snickered, and then he looked around the room. His eyes landed on the boomslang skin, then the nettles and lacewing flies. Then he saw the mandrake leaves and bezoar and what could be acromantula venom. Glancing inside the cauldron, he saw golden-yellow liquid.
“No. No, I’m not seeing this, no.” He clutched his hair. “This is not how you do it. Oh my god, I’m going to kill you. They’ll never find the body, swear to God. This is not…this is not happening.”
Steve looked uneasy. “You okay there, Danno?”
“Tell me you aren’t brewing felix felicis. Tell me that, Steven. Tell me this isn’t how you’ve been doing everything, and tell me that you didn’t keep this all to yourself.”
“Danno,” he started, but Danny was having none of it.
“Steven John McGarrett, you will answer my questions or so help me.” Danny pulled his own wand out and picked Steve’s up off the floor. Sparks came out of both.
“Yes,” Steve mumbled.
“What was that? You need to say it louder so I can hear you and then kill you.”
“I said yes, felix is how I’ve been doing it.”
Danny was apoplectic. “Steven!”
“I gave you guys some, too!” He crossed the room and put his hand on Danny’s shoulder. “You don’t think I’d let you guys go into those dangerous situations without some help, Danno? I made sure we had the biggest advantage we could have!”
Shrugging Steve off, Danny stepped back and took a few calming breaths. “Alright. Alright.” He took one more breath before meeting Steve’s eyes. “This is not okay. I’m glad that you didn’t keep the potion for yourself, but the fact that, I’m guessing, you spiked our drinks without our knowledge, the fact that you used this potion in the first place is so not okay I can’t even tell you.”
“Danno…”
“No. You don’t get to speak right now. You cannot go around doing stupid shit and think you’ll be fine because you took some felix felicius, because you slipped your team some, too. How do I know you didn’t take too much, huh? How do I know that you didn’t slip us too much? This shit only helps so much, Steve, and it can kill you! Either by itself or because it didn’t work! If you take too much you’ll do something stupid and you won’t be lucky. I don’t want to see you doing anything stupid, babe. I kind of like you the way you are. I don’t want any more holes in you because you fucked up.”
“Danny…”
“Shut up. Just shut up.” He took a deep breath, then another. “You’re getting rid of that. No, you’re going to give it to me and I, I will get rid of it.”
Steve looked on helplessly while Danny packed up the potion. “Please, Danny-“
Danny cut him off again, though. Standing up, he said, “The problem’s not so much that you were using this, but that you were throwing yourself and your team head-first into very dangerous situations and relying on this to protect us. It’s not foolproof, Steve, it’s no guarantee.”
“I know that, I know. I only ever gave anyone a thimble-full, that’s it.”
“Steve,” Danny sighed.
“I just, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
He looked so sad, Danny’s heart broke a little.
“I always wondered if maybe things would have turned out differently if my parents…” Steve looked away.
“If your parents…had had the potion?” Danny prompted.
Steve shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. But, they were muggles, so.”
“Muggles? Really?”
Steve bristled. “Yeah? You got a problem with that, Danny?” he challenged.
“What? No!” Danny put his hands up, “No, it’s not a problem. I just thought you’d be a pureblood, that’s all.”
“You thought I’d be a pureblood.” He said flatly.
“I didn’t mean anything by it! You just, I dunno, seem like you would be. It’s not like you seem like you’d play into the old Death Eater mentality or anything, that Wizard Purity garbage.” He shrugged. “You just do.”
“So you’re a pureblood then?”
“I guess. I mean, yeah, but does it still count if somewhere back down the line someone married a muggle? I could never figure that out. If all that matters is both your parents had wands, then yeah, I’m a pureblood.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Staring at each other, the silence stretched out awkwardly.
“Are you as good as me at potions, then?” Steve had a smug little smirk on his face.
“I don’t care how good you think you are, you’re not getting the felix felicis back. And you’re not allowed to make any more without consulting me first!”
“But Danno!” Steve whined, trailing him downstairs.
“I said no, Steven!”
-------
Additional notes:
Polyjuice potion: Potion to transform one person to look like another (physically only, one changes back after 1 hour, unless another dose of the potion is taken).
Amorentia: The most powerful love potion in the world.
Felix Felicis: Potion for luck; one has great confidence and a sense of opportunity after taking the potion, and one’s plans tend to work out. Very difficult to make.
All definitions summarized from the books and the Harry Potter Lexicon.