extremely excited as much as unmotivated

[h4zm4tt]

I have one week to get my stuff together. I have one week to get motivated to get my stuff together. i said this last week. I've tried today to get things going. It's not working. maybe it's that procrastination kicking in. i've got a glass of soda and a dvd calling my name. it says "Matthew, come play with me

Comments

What's the deal?

[h4zm4tt]

It makes you wonder about human nature. Did i happen to make an impact on these persons lives or whats the deal?
The guys at work seem to not talk to me or are short with words spoken. It's close to time for me to leave and i've only known these guys for 3 months. I've had a great time working with these guys, but why are they not talking to me as much. did i do something wrong? Or is it that i'm leaving? did i make some sort of difference in the area where i work that everyone that is there is effected by me going? The days seem longer and not as fun. I wonder what my new shop will be like. will there be the same type of people there, loose, outgoing, creative and fun people to fuck around with. Call'em an asshole and tell'em to shut the fuck up and they laugh. it's good times, but you never know. I'm known as Michael or Marshal which i prefer just because one of the guys thought i looked more like a Michael. Marshal came around because my initials are MM just as a well know musical artest. They think i'm a pot head because well my personallity is that of a pot head. I'm a little quicker though. I tell them i've never done the stuff or anything else for that matter. i drink but not heavily. that kinda stuff bothers me a bit, but i try and look at it as its not my body not my problem. it does hurt to see people i care about, and want them to be around for a long while, indulge. friends and family i see and love. i love having them around a lot more then when they are gone. I just want them to be healthy as much as they can be because i don't want them taken from me before i'm ready for them to go.I've noticed my dad drinks a lot more then i've ever seen him. i don't know exactly why. i know when he was younger he was a wild one, but as long as i've been around i've not seen this before. does he feel more freedom now that i'm grown up and on my own? Is he unhappy with his life, or is it that times are hard and he's having to struggle to get by? My mom drinks too. just that statement in itself is enough. I never once in my life ever saw her drink until she was gone. was she hiding it from me or is this new. sometimes i feel i don't know my parents as well as i thought and i'm afraid for my sister. what if something is wrong and she is in the middle of a war zone.I'm just thinking again. I could be totaly wrong. its not something thats keeping me awake or anything. i just calls'em as i sees'em.Sometimes i'm told i'm selfcentered and selfish. I am a good portion of the time. i think that most people only see that side of me because they don't get the chance to see behind it all. i don't let people know i'm keeping an eye on them. if i can help i want to have a chance. As much as people tell you to do what you want, be who you are, don't listen to anyone but you, people don't always see everything.

Re: What's the deal?

[h4zm4tt]

Sometimes they need a little help looking outside their box and they need the opinions of other no matter where it comes from. people are naturally helpful. i'm not saying all help is good, but people can't do everything alone.You are nothing without influences. Big or small, every bit helps. Mistakes are made and lessons are learned, but life is meaningless when you go at it alone. be considerate of what those around you have to say take what you will and be respective that they offered you what was in their heart for you. they saved that little bit for you because you would need it whether you take it or not.My family is afraid i'm not going to get anywhere in my life. I can't get anywhere if i don't go there first. They want to help me by offering advise and such. I'm thankful. They brought me up to be who i am. without them i wouldn't be myself and to be me is all the help i need. Everyone loses sight of themselves. some try harder and are more cautious of what lies ahead and other just go. I just go, but am cautious to not take others down should i fall. this is something i believe in as the golden rule. do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I expect everything i dish out good and bad. As much as i care about certain people, i feel a lot of love to come in return. I know it wont all come around. thats the risk you take. sometimes people just need to vent and other need people to vent to them to realize they don't have itso bad. I'll admit it i don't have it too bad at all. I get thoughts about what happens to other people and i want to give them myadvice to what i see. stubborn people don't want to hear what you have to say becausethey believe they can go at it alone. i can be stubborn. next time just let me cool off i can handle more with a clear head.

Re: What's the deal?

[mortis999]

That is some very good insight. I feel what you're saying. It's true that some people need to walk down the dark road alone. The problem is that what lurks down there cannot be vanquished by one person. Only as a team can the dragons of the world be beaten. How can we let our loved ones take that road, when we know where it leads? What does it take for a person to realize that? From experience, I'll tell you what happens when you walk the road alone(Suddenly there shined a shiny demon, in the middle of the road; and he said!.. PLAY THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD, OR I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL. Well me and Kyle, we looked at eachother, and we each said!.... ok).
But seriously... you either survive only to come home ruined, burnt, and bleeding, or you join forces with the other side. I don't recommend either.

No one is an island, and everyone needs someone to love and to be loved by. The fear of what may happen in the future is not a valid reason to avoid forward movement toward your goals. In the old stories about knights and dragons, it always seems as if the knight was fearless. Not true. The qualities of knighthood(chivalry)are honor, courage, valor, and bravery. The knight was afraid as any sane man would be when confronting the unknown. It was the above qualities that he possessed that allowed him to face the dragon. The future is the unknown, and the unknown is always a matter of concern when you are facing it. Is it friend or foe? Is it a happy ending or a sad conclusion? We don't know until we face it. But, if we don't face it, we risk rotting in stagnation.

It's much like limbo or purgatory, where nothing changes and you die from the inside out. Good things will come to you, but you have to walk out and meet them halfway. But everyone has their limit to endurance and patience, and if you wait too long, you may end up alone. Everyone needs to be loved and will eventually look for that love where they can find it. It reminds me of the last little song at the end of "The Wall":

All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

I've always said that I would rather live with the knowledge that I tried and failed than to live with the regret of never having tried. The future lies right here before you, and it will happen. The question is, are we going to play an active role in the upcoming feature, or are we going to sit in the audience and clap at the good parts.
Personally, I'm going to be up on the stage.... because, for good or ill, there's no place I'd rather be. ;)

R