(no subject)
I have officially become 'that stupid girl'... So I've been "seeing" this guy ever since I came to school, but from the very beginning he always told me that he couldn't have a relationship. He had a girlfriend all 4 years of high school, and then once he came to college he had a girlfriend for the entire school year before he realized how badly he wanted - edit: needed - to be single. That's understandable! And heck, why would I want a boyfriend anyway? I mean, its my fricking 2nd year of school, why limit myself to only spending time with one person???
Well, over the past 3 weeks I've fallen - hard. Never in my entire life have I felt such chemistry with a person. Whenever I see him or even think about him I start smiling because I just can't help it. Honestly, it has been amazing. This is the first guy in my entire 19 years that I can actually see myself with past a month - this is the guy that will be my very first love and first serious relationship.... The catch is that the "guidelines" were laid out on Day 1, and I agreed wholeheartedly to them, and now I'm so far in that I can't simply say "you know what, we need to stop this because I'm going to get hurt..." or even give an ultimatum like, "I'm sorry, but unless we're in a relationship I can't see you anymore."
This is a classic case of not only bad timing, but "He's just NOT that into you." I hate it. It has been SO EASY for me to criticize and judge other girls in similar positions to mine who can't seem to just wake up and smell the coffee! Normally I can get myself over these things, but I know he feels the same connection I feel - except he definitely will not even go there. That's what makes this whole thing ridiculous. The other night we actually 'broke up' and I was bawling for about an hour not because he hurt me, but because I knew exactly what I getting myself into from the beginning and I still let myself go.
Last night I actually hung out with him and a group of people, and later in the evening I realized how hard it was seeing him. I was going to have my friend, his roommate, walk me home, but he wouldn't stand for it and got enraged that I didn't want him to take me home - he was so insulted and offended and he couldn't understand why I didn't want to see him... For him, it seemed like I treating him like the scum of the earth - like some rapist or criminal. Of course that wasn't the case at all, and as I tried to explain that to him he wouldn't listen and for whatever reason, I started crying again. He even was getting teary-eyed, because his ordeal with me was just the tip of the iceberg on a long list of things that had been going wrong that night...
Nevertheless, we somehow ended up making up and working things out and are 'seeing' each other once more... But the rules are still the same! I just can't seem to kick him out of my life - again, I'm that STUPID GIRL who just can't get it. I have so much fun with him when we're together, but I know the day will soon come when our relationship will end and I know my heart will be broken... And the worst part is I have the power to stop it, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
Well, over the past 3 weeks I've fallen - hard. Never in my entire life have I felt such chemistry with a person. Whenever I see him or even think about him I start smiling because I just can't help it. Honestly, it has been amazing. This is the first guy in my entire 19 years that I can actually see myself with past a month - this is the guy that will be my very first love and first serious relationship.... The catch is that the "guidelines" were laid out on Day 1, and I agreed wholeheartedly to them, and now I'm so far in that I can't simply say "you know what, we need to stop this because I'm going to get hurt..." or even give an ultimatum like, "I'm sorry, but unless we're in a relationship I can't see you anymore."
This is a classic case of not only bad timing, but "He's just NOT that into you." I hate it. It has been SO EASY for me to criticize and judge other girls in similar positions to mine who can't seem to just wake up and smell the coffee! Normally I can get myself over these things, but I know he feels the same connection I feel - except he definitely will not even go there. That's what makes this whole thing ridiculous. The other night we actually 'broke up' and I was bawling for about an hour not because he hurt me, but because I knew exactly what I getting myself into from the beginning and I still let myself go.
Last night I actually hung out with him and a group of people, and later in the evening I realized how hard it was seeing him. I was going to have my friend, his roommate, walk me home, but he wouldn't stand for it and got enraged that I didn't want him to take me home - he was so insulted and offended and he couldn't understand why I didn't want to see him... For him, it seemed like I treating him like the scum of the earth - like some rapist or criminal. Of course that wasn't the case at all, and as I tried to explain that to him he wouldn't listen and for whatever reason, I started crying again. He even was getting teary-eyed, because his ordeal with me was just the tip of the iceberg on a long list of things that had been going wrong that night...
Nevertheless, we somehow ended up making up and working things out and are 'seeing' each other once more... But the rules are still the same! I just can't seem to kick him out of my life - again, I'm that STUPID GIRL who just can't get it. I have so much fun with him when we're together, but I know the day will soon come when our relationship will end and I know my heart will be broken... And the worst part is I have the power to stop it, but I just can't bring myself to do it.