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[Semi-private, hackable only to close friends]
Meh, didn't want the world knowing about my issues and honestly, you guys don't have to read if you don't want to. This is just one of those things that I want to rant about and possible be all emo for about 5 minutes and then get over it cause I don't want this effecting my life.
I was going through some things earlier and came upon some old photo albums from when I was kid. It's amazing how happy we all looked back then, before everything changed and my dad turned into a raging asshole. I swear Larxene, he and your mom are twins, why can't they be more alike?
I guess while I was looking at these old pictures, the memories came flooding back. I had almost forgot how close dad and I used to be. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I'd probably be stuck in medical school following in his footsteps and doing exactly what I didn't want to do. I don't think he realizes that, or if he does, it's part of the reason he's so pissed off and angry all the time. Dad was the one that taught me to swim. According to the stories, I had no interest in walking and he tossed me into the coean and stayed with me until I was swimming and apparently I was walking within a couple weeks after that. Back on the Islands, the swim team in the schools started pretty early. I think I was about nine when dad suggested that I join the school team. He even coached the team for a few years until I was eleven and he got the job as the head of trauma surgery at the hospital. That's about the time he started spending less and less time apart and started drifting away from the rest of the family.
It's not just the swimming, my dad bought me my first guitar, my first camera. Hell, he bought me my first several cameras. The first one was a piece of crap one cause he thought I'd just destroy it. When he realized that I actually had talent, he bought me a better one, and then, for my eighteenth birthday, he went out and bought me the best camera on the market. I bet he's totally kicking himself for that right about now.
I don't even know what the point of this entry is, I guess I just wanted to get all this shit out, I was tired of constantly thinking about it and... yeah, I still don't know. I've been expecting him to cut me off for years now, but... I honestly didn't expect it to hurt this badly. I guess I just miss what we used to have... it was years ago though, it doesn't matter anymore.
Heh, I actually feel better now... guess just getting it all out does help!
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Anyone else feel like they're going completely insane? The end of the semester is looming ever closer and my teachers just keep piling on the work and acting as if their class is the only one we have. I have a feeling I'm going to be living in the darkroom the next few weeks. If I die from the fumes, spread my ashes over the islands! And Riku! You have to do the tattoo thing I mentioned~
I'm just being silly now. It's hard to believe that after the summer, I'll be starting my final year here. I'll admit that the idea of that scares me a little, but it's not like I'll be going anywhere. I'll be sticking around here until Riku graduates and we'll see what goes from there. I'd love to go back to the Islands, but we'll just have to see what happens between now and then.