Jesus loves me, this I know
I love Jesus.
It might seem a little ridiculous and overly simple, but it's not something I say to him enough. Lately I have been so thankful for the amazing unconditional love that I get from God. It amazes me. Today I got an e-mail from Radiant Magazine, an online Christian women's zine and the two articles I read quotes the verse from Psalms that says He delights in me. I forget that a lot. I doubt that a lot.
But every day God looks at me and says "Steffi Jean you are my daughter and I love you. You are all beautiful, without flaw. I love you. With you I am well pleased." I wrote I love you twice because God is constantly trying to show me how much He loves me and I am so blind most of the time. I forget. I get caught up in the world. I get upset that no man loves me right now. I'm wounded because I feel like my Dad doesn't love me, which is a lie because in his own way he shows his love for me. It's hard though because my Dad and I do not speak the other's love language. We get too caught up in being angry, stubborn polaks that we miss the love. He doesn't tell me I'm beautiful and we don't hug, but even when I doubt his love, I know that my doubt is a lie. But knowing and feeling are different things.
I get so caught up in the fact that so much of my relationship with God is in my head and not really my heart because I don't feel Him. But again, I know that's a lie because He constantly shows me He is with me. I know it sounds contradictory, but no matter how I feel, I know God is with me and His love for me is eternal, that nothing can separate me from that love.
Christianity truly is the greatest love story of all time. What is love? God has loved me for all eternity. When Jesus died on the cross, he died for me because God loved and loves me and wanted to have a relationship with me. Love for all time. Think about that. Sometimes I get angry that I am not a constant bubble of joy because of that truth. I get angry at the chemistry of my brain and my tendency to over analyze and get caught up in feeling the lies and not living the truth.
I love how God is constantly with me. That I have matured enough that my feelings don't change how I feel about God. My problem isn't really doubting the truth, it's just that I have a hard time accepting it. But then again, maybe it is a doubt issue, but instead of doubting God, I doubt me. I doubt my worth. But then again, maybe it is doubting God because when I doubt myself and I am made in the image of God, I am doubting His creation.
This year's theme for Campus Crusade for Christ's Boston Winter Conference was Kingdom Come. It's funny how more than anything I was thinking about last year's theme, Masterpiece. I am God's workmanship. He made me. He poured some of himself into me (hence the image of His likeness) He gave me breath, He caused my heart to beat and pump blood. He formed me in my mother's womb. He knows every hair on my head. That is so incredibly precious and beautiful.
Thinking about the theme of Kingdom Come, I realized I just want people to know they are God's masterpiece. That He loves them so truly and so fully. It also made me appreciate of the gifts God has given me. I know that already, just in myself, with the skills that I have, God can use me. My skills don't matter, He can do anything, He's that big. But He has given me passions and desires. He gave me the desire to minister to people who have disabilities. He molded my mind to take in the information relevant to that passion so I can use it to help people. He created me for that calling. Honestly I just want to get my OT degree so I can get out in the work force for God's glory. I'm glad I had the opportunity to hear about this organization called Childvoice International that ministers to child from war torn areas. Those affected by war are counseled and taught life skills. I could so go there and use my gifts. But it makes me want more OT training under my belt so that I'll have more knowledge that I can put into practice there. I might go on a short term trip sometime in the future.
But while I am so excited about this possibility, I have to pace myself. Right now, this moment in my life, this time, is a treasure. I'm a second semester senior. There are things God has called me to at Syracuse University for this final semester. Next year while I am working and taking classes in preparation for grad school, there are things God wants me to do by being in that specific place. The same goes for when I am in grad school. And then, after what I learn from all that time, that waiting, God will show me where He wants me to use my skills to help show people His kingdom come. It's coming. Jesus came once and is coming back. I can tell people what happened, what is happening and what is to happen right now, any time, any place, with or without certain skills. There are different people that I'll meet throughout the different points in my life.
It's totally super rad.
God has even used this blog to minister to people. It totally blows my mind.
Jesus loves me.
He loves you too. Really. Think about it.
It might seem a little ridiculous and overly simple, but it's not something I say to him enough. Lately I have been so thankful for the amazing unconditional love that I get from God. It amazes me. Today I got an e-mail from Radiant Magazine, an online Christian women's zine and the two articles I read quotes the verse from Psalms that says He delights in me. I forget that a lot. I doubt that a lot.
But every day God looks at me and says "Steffi Jean you are my daughter and I love you. You are all beautiful, without flaw. I love you. With you I am well pleased." I wrote I love you twice because God is constantly trying to show me how much He loves me and I am so blind most of the time. I forget. I get caught up in the world. I get upset that no man loves me right now. I'm wounded because I feel like my Dad doesn't love me, which is a lie because in his own way he shows his love for me. It's hard though because my Dad and I do not speak the other's love language. We get too caught up in being angry, stubborn polaks that we miss the love. He doesn't tell me I'm beautiful and we don't hug, but even when I doubt his love, I know that my doubt is a lie. But knowing and feeling are different things.
I get so caught up in the fact that so much of my relationship with God is in my head and not really my heart because I don't feel Him. But again, I know that's a lie because He constantly shows me He is with me. I know it sounds contradictory, but no matter how I feel, I know God is with me and His love for me is eternal, that nothing can separate me from that love.
Christianity truly is the greatest love story of all time. What is love? God has loved me for all eternity. When Jesus died on the cross, he died for me because God loved and loves me and wanted to have a relationship with me. Love for all time. Think about that. Sometimes I get angry that I am not a constant bubble of joy because of that truth. I get angry at the chemistry of my brain and my tendency to over analyze and get caught up in feeling the lies and not living the truth.
I love how God is constantly with me. That I have matured enough that my feelings don't change how I feel about God. My problem isn't really doubting the truth, it's just that I have a hard time accepting it. But then again, maybe it is a doubt issue, but instead of doubting God, I doubt me. I doubt my worth. But then again, maybe it is doubting God because when I doubt myself and I am made in the image of God, I am doubting His creation.
This year's theme for Campus Crusade for Christ's Boston Winter Conference was Kingdom Come. It's funny how more than anything I was thinking about last year's theme, Masterpiece. I am God's workmanship. He made me. He poured some of himself into me (hence the image of His likeness) He gave me breath, He caused my heart to beat and pump blood. He formed me in my mother's womb. He knows every hair on my head. That is so incredibly precious and beautiful.
Thinking about the theme of Kingdom Come, I realized I just want people to know they are God's masterpiece. That He loves them so truly and so fully. It also made me appreciate of the gifts God has given me. I know that already, just in myself, with the skills that I have, God can use me. My skills don't matter, He can do anything, He's that big. But He has given me passions and desires. He gave me the desire to minister to people who have disabilities. He molded my mind to take in the information relevant to that passion so I can use it to help people. He created me for that calling. Honestly I just want to get my OT degree so I can get out in the work force for God's glory. I'm glad I had the opportunity to hear about this organization called Childvoice International that ministers to child from war torn areas. Those affected by war are counseled and taught life skills. I could so go there and use my gifts. But it makes me want more OT training under my belt so that I'll have more knowledge that I can put into practice there. I might go on a short term trip sometime in the future.
But while I am so excited about this possibility, I have to pace myself. Right now, this moment in my life, this time, is a treasure. I'm a second semester senior. There are things God has called me to at Syracuse University for this final semester. Next year while I am working and taking classes in preparation for grad school, there are things God wants me to do by being in that specific place. The same goes for when I am in grad school. And then, after what I learn from all that time, that waiting, God will show me where He wants me to use my skills to help show people His kingdom come. It's coming. Jesus came once and is coming back. I can tell people what happened, what is happening and what is to happen right now, any time, any place, with or without certain skills. There are different people that I'll meet throughout the different points in my life.
It's totally super rad.
God has even used this blog to minister to people. It totally blows my mind.
Jesus loves me.
He loves you too. Really. Think about it.