blah blah blah
Being home is interesting. My mother is all over me, but that is to be expected. I'm working on being more patient and relaxed with my parents, as I have a tendency to snappy and an overall spazz. Mom is just trying to be helpful, even though she is a touch overbearing. But that's probably just me being hypersensitive. I really need to focus on being more loving towards my parents. I'm so harsh on them a lot of the time. I feel like such a bad kid sometimes. I know that's me being hard on myself, but I'm kind of a brat. And here I am going on a missions trip to share Christ's love with others when I don't make it evident to my parents. It makes me feel really undeserving to go on the trip, and a lot of things have been getting me down about Yellowstone. I still need to raise another thousand dollars just to cover the project expenses, if I want to pay my parents back for the plan ticket I'd need to raise another 500 on top of that. I just feel like things haven't been working out and it has me questioning why I am going on this trip. But I know God has called me to go and that this is just spiritual warfare getting in the way of things.
Another thing that has been bothering me lately is that so often I feel like just part of the background and I don't really feel close to people. Like I haven't talked to a lot people since leaving school, maybe a couple of times on IM. I don't call people and people don't call me, and granted I'm not a big phone call person anymore, bt I don't know, I feel like I'm not really close to people anywhere. Again, this is more me being ridiculous, I know and letting myself get down about stuff.
In other news, next Wednesday is a surprise gathering for me. Quote unquote surprise. Mother is intent on me having a gathering of friends before I leave, and I told her to plan something and 'surprise' me. (She has tried several times and never suceeded.) I really don't want to do this, but I know this is part of her dealing with me leaving for the summer. I dunno, I don't see the need for a fuss over me. And I don't like large gatherings of friends because again, the lost in the crowd feeling. I don't know. All of this seems silly to me, but people are going to miss me (namely Mom) and yeah, I need to be understanding of that.
Meh.
Another thing that has been bothering me lately is that so often I feel like just part of the background and I don't really feel close to people. Like I haven't talked to a lot people since leaving school, maybe a couple of times on IM. I don't call people and people don't call me, and granted I'm not a big phone call person anymore, bt I don't know, I feel like I'm not really close to people anywhere. Again, this is more me being ridiculous, I know and letting myself get down about stuff.
In other news, next Wednesday is a surprise gathering for me. Quote unquote surprise. Mother is intent on me having a gathering of friends before I leave, and I told her to plan something and 'surprise' me. (She has tried several times and never suceeded.) I really don't want to do this, but I know this is part of her dealing with me leaving for the summer. I dunno, I don't see the need for a fuss over me. And I don't like large gatherings of friends because again, the lost in the crowd feeling. I don't know. All of this seems silly to me, but people are going to miss me (namely Mom) and yeah, I need to be understanding of that.
Meh.