disappointment
i must be addicted to disappointment. OR i am so subconsciously terrified of actual commitment that i trick myself into falling for people who are obviously temporary.
i will be in ny until august. i'm leaving wednesday and i can't wait. I know that my therapist would probably consider this "flight," but i can't think of what else to do. I'm exhausted and tired of being jerked around by jerks.
sick of looking around and being reminded of james at every turn. sick of boys so stupid i can't bear to hear them speak. most of them have been the same since james. then this new one came along. well i guess he didn't "come along," i've known him for some time.
yes, i finally found one who was different. but that doesn't matter. i can see i'm not different to him.
they all look at me but can't see me. i'm only worth one thing.
I am looking forward to isolation and being overloaded with assignments.
i will be in ny until august. i'm leaving wednesday and i can't wait. I know that my therapist would probably consider this "flight," but i can't think of what else to do. I'm exhausted and tired of being jerked around by jerks.
sick of looking around and being reminded of james at every turn. sick of boys so stupid i can't bear to hear them speak. most of them have been the same since james. then this new one came along. well i guess he didn't "come along," i've known him for some time.
yes, i finally found one who was different. but that doesn't matter. i can see i'm not different to him.
they all look at me but can't see me. i'm only worth one thing.
I am looking forward to isolation and being overloaded with assignments.