i've got somethin to say, but now i've got nowhere to turn.
okay. gonna open with some lyrics from 3DD. cause it's an awesome song. and it's kinda me right now.
i'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but i don't know where i am. i wish that i could move but i'm exhausted, and nobody understands. i'm trying hard to breathe now, but there's no air in my lungs. there's no one here to talk to, and the pain inside is making me numb. i try to hold this under control. you can't help me, cause no one knows. now i'm going through changes, changes. god, i feel so frustrated lately. when i get suffocated, save me. now i'm going through changes, changes. feelin weak and weary, walkin through the world alone. everything they say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone. i've got something to say, but now i've got nowhere to turn. it feels like i've been buried underneath all the weight of the world. i try to hold this under control. they can't help me, cause no one knows.
wordd. it's called Changes. you should go listen to it. kick ass song.
anywayss.
so first things first: ZOEY IS FUCKIN MOVING. bitch. one of the only people that i truly, honestly, whole - heartedly trust. and she's moving. wow. i don't even know what to do with out this girl. in this past year alone, i've probably told her more than i've told anyone else put together. she moved here from New York and i first met her at field hockey. but then i really got to know her in foods. cause our group sucked. and then we moved to a new group, with Jimmy and Keenan, and soon Bailey. and we became best buds. this girl is so trustworthy it's not even funny. i can't even tell you how many times i've said somethin to her that i haven't even told Liz or Michelle, or even Cyndi and Dan. and if i'm not tellin Dan somethin, you know it's a big secret. and we'd talk to each other and be like "oh, i gotta tell you somethin, but you gotta promise not to tell." even though we knew the other wouldn't tell. i could talk to her about anything. she was THE ONLY one of my friends that i told about Maddy the day it happened, and as i found information out, i was gettin on MySpace and messaging her and telling her what was goin on. and she was one of the first people i saw the next day at school and she came up and that was the first thing out of her mouth: "how's your neice? what happened?" no one else knew til i walked into school crying. (the only time you will EVER see me cry in front of people, btw.) like, i don't even get to see the girl now. but i know she's there. and yea, she'll be in Turkey, and she'll still be there for me. cause internet rocks<3 but it's just not gonna be the same having our girl talks on the internet. that's something that's gonna be done face to facee. but i guess we'll have to adjustt. ahh! it suckss. =[ out of all the people i talk to now, she's the only person that i really trust with my LIFE. i KNOW if i needed anything, i can count on her. i mean, i haven't really been too keen on trusting people since like, 6th grade. which is my own fault. it's time i stand up and take the blame for the bullshit that i pulled. i was immature. but back to the point, ever since then, i haven't really trusted anyone or opened up to anyone. but Zoey. idk. she's not like every other girl, bein a catty little bitch who you can trust and tell them anything.. and then when they get pissed off they take the oppurtunity to fuckin open their goddamn mouths. she's not like that at all. plus she knows if she does, i'd beat her up. lol. but seriously, my life is over without this girl. so Zoey, i love you. and i'm gonna miss you. just thought you'd like to know<333
second. i might be movin in with Cyndi. i'm goin to Cinnaminson this weekend, and Chels' birthday party is on Saturday. so i gotta sit down and talk to her parents about it and see if i can. which yes, will be cool. cause i miss Cyn hard to the core. and it's deffff gonna be cool that we can chill everyday. and i'll get to see Chels everyday. but i'm SO sick of movinnggg. i just want one place. to stay. where i can call home. but why would life EVER fucking go my way? why would i be able to fuckin have a normal life? godddd forbid. fuckin A. gr. >:O
moving along, i'm also supposed to see Brad when i go down to Cinnaminson. this is probably like the fifteenth time i've put that in an entry in here. and how many times have i seen him? 0. lol. sweet. maybe it's a jynx. and i shouldn't put it. but who knows. and then i got Chels' party on Saturday at 2 *remember to ask Cyndi what to get for her*, and then Sunday i'm goin to Zoey's, after 4, to see her. and i'm gonna help her pack. =[ and i gotta burn her CDs. i never realized how much of a pain in the ass it was to download songs. lol. it keeps tellin me that there's no host or some bullshit. wtf? bitchh. FIND A FUCKIN HOST. piece of shit. grrrrr.
Wednesday we have back to back field hockey games. and Smelly Fishie is in LBI til Friday. so i have to play them both. haha. i'm gonna be tired as hell when i get home. two straight hours of field hockey games? nuts. lol. i can do it, though. cause i totally rock. <3
i gotta find time to hang out with Walter, too. he wants me to go to a Flyleaf concert with him on September 1st. which would be cool. it's funny though, cause he left me a comment on MySpace sayin how him and Joe haven't seen me in awhile.. but why would it matter if Joe has seen me or not? right. weird. got it. sweet. anyfuck.
my Uncle's Mistress's brother's friend Rich. he's cute. i have a crush. *covers mouth* don't tell. =X
i don't know what else i have to say. there's probably something. but i don't remember.
goodbye<3
i'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but i don't know where i am. i wish that i could move but i'm exhausted, and nobody understands. i'm trying hard to breathe now, but there's no air in my lungs. there's no one here to talk to, and the pain inside is making me numb. i try to hold this under control. you can't help me, cause no one knows. now i'm going through changes, changes. god, i feel so frustrated lately. when i get suffocated, save me. now i'm going through changes, changes. feelin weak and weary, walkin through the world alone. everything they say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone. i've got something to say, but now i've got nowhere to turn. it feels like i've been buried underneath all the weight of the world. i try to hold this under control. they can't help me, cause no one knows.
wordd. it's called Changes. you should go listen to it. kick ass song.
anywayss.
so first things first: ZOEY IS FUCKIN MOVING. bitch. one of the only people that i truly, honestly, whole - heartedly trust. and she's moving. wow. i don't even know what to do with out this girl. in this past year alone, i've probably told her more than i've told anyone else put together. she moved here from New York and i first met her at field hockey. but then i really got to know her in foods. cause our group sucked. and then we moved to a new group, with Jimmy and Keenan, and soon Bailey. and we became best buds. this girl is so trustworthy it's not even funny. i can't even tell you how many times i've said somethin to her that i haven't even told Liz or Michelle, or even Cyndi and Dan. and if i'm not tellin Dan somethin, you know it's a big secret. and we'd talk to each other and be like "oh, i gotta tell you somethin, but you gotta promise not to tell." even though we knew the other wouldn't tell. i could talk to her about anything. she was THE ONLY one of my friends that i told about Maddy the day it happened, and as i found information out, i was gettin on MySpace and messaging her and telling her what was goin on. and she was one of the first people i saw the next day at school and she came up and that was the first thing out of her mouth: "how's your neice? what happened?" no one else knew til i walked into school crying. (the only time you will EVER see me cry in front of people, btw.) like, i don't even get to see the girl now. but i know she's there. and yea, she'll be in Turkey, and she'll still be there for me. cause internet rocks<3 but it's just not gonna be the same having our girl talks on the internet. that's something that's gonna be done face to facee. but i guess we'll have to adjustt. ahh! it suckss. =[ out of all the people i talk to now, she's the only person that i really trust with my LIFE. i KNOW if i needed anything, i can count on her. i mean, i haven't really been too keen on trusting people since like, 6th grade. which is my own fault. it's time i stand up and take the blame for the bullshit that i pulled. i was immature. but back to the point, ever since then, i haven't really trusted anyone or opened up to anyone. but Zoey. idk. she's not like every other girl, bein a catty little bitch who you can trust and tell them anything.. and then when they get pissed off they take the oppurtunity to fuckin open their goddamn mouths. she's not like that at all. plus she knows if she does, i'd beat her up. lol. but seriously, my life is over without this girl. so Zoey, i love you. and i'm gonna miss you. just thought you'd like to know<333
second. i might be movin in with Cyndi. i'm goin to Cinnaminson this weekend, and Chels' birthday party is on Saturday. so i gotta sit down and talk to her parents about it and see if i can. which yes, will be cool. cause i miss Cyn hard to the core. and it's deffff gonna be cool that we can chill everyday. and i'll get to see Chels everyday. but i'm SO sick of movinnggg. i just want one place. to stay. where i can call home. but why would life EVER fucking go my way? why would i be able to fuckin have a normal life? godddd forbid. fuckin A. gr. >:O
moving along, i'm also supposed to see Brad when i go down to Cinnaminson. this is probably like the fifteenth time i've put that in an entry in here. and how many times have i seen him? 0. lol. sweet. maybe it's a jynx. and i shouldn't put it. but who knows. and then i got Chels' party on Saturday at 2 *remember to ask Cyndi what to get for her*, and then Sunday i'm goin to Zoey's, after 4, to see her. and i'm gonna help her pack. =[ and i gotta burn her CDs. i never realized how much of a pain in the ass it was to download songs. lol. it keeps tellin me that there's no host or some bullshit. wtf? bitchh. FIND A FUCKIN HOST. piece of shit. grrrrr.
Wednesday we have back to back field hockey games. and Smelly Fishie is in LBI til Friday. so i have to play them both. haha. i'm gonna be tired as hell when i get home. two straight hours of field hockey games? nuts. lol. i can do it, though. cause i totally rock. <3
i gotta find time to hang out with Walter, too. he wants me to go to a Flyleaf concert with him on September 1st. which would be cool. it's funny though, cause he left me a comment on MySpace sayin how him and Joe haven't seen me in awhile.. but why would it matter if Joe has seen me or not? right. weird. got it. sweet. anyfuck.
my Uncle's Mistress's brother's friend Rich. he's cute. i have a crush. *covers mouth* don't tell. =X
i don't know what else i have to say. there's probably something. but i don't remember.
goodbye<3