a day at Vans
today i went to work at one o clock my job sucks and i hate it they over work me and underpay me i got them to let me off at five so i could go to my little brothers birthday party i guess it was okay vickie was with me so it made everything okay but david showed up outta no where and gave my little brother ten dollars for his birthday which was nice but hes still a dumb idiot that makes me mad but everyone makes me mad somebody to go un named who reads this shit gets on my nerves alot too she says oh yeah im here friends for ever but when im around her i feel so excluded and out of place i think im going to stop trying its not worth being hurt i hate talking to my step dad he always mocks me and says dumb shit that hurts my feelings in stiuations that are serious hes a fucking asshole just like dave and everyhting else with a penis but you know what most of you girls are assholes too i guess i should change it to people are assholes cuz alot if you chicks are assholes too only vickie has my trust and thats because im not on a scale or a rating its not oh shes closer to me then her or any of that shit she like me for me and i love that if you read this shit vick i want you to know that your the coolest kid in the world and without you id die literally because your really the only thing that makes me want to hold on to life im so glad you havent turned out shady and im forgetting about the whole paulo epedemic beacause none of my boyfriends ever treated me nice enough (or appeared to be treating me nice enogh) to sweep me off my feet so i dunno what its like and i cant even begin to understand but i love you man im cursed im so cursed its like god was like im going to make this ugly girl and they will call her mickie and im going to make every guy she comes into contact with an asshole except toby but hes a weirdo but i love him and understand him and apprecuate him why do i have to be so out of place in this world i have no friends no purpose no anything im just here here to be depressed and hurt im so sick of life but like i said vickie gives me a reason to live to remember that shes here to help with whatever she can whenever she can she respects me and i her and i would give anything in the world to make sure your safe and happy best friends forever lol but foreal best friends forever we even though we are twins sisters by chance friends by choice right its always funny when we do the same things over and over at the some time i always am like wow that was weird when really its just us and our wondertwin power im going to fall asleep tonight and before i go to sleep im going to pray yes pray to god that he makes my life better that i feel him around me to protect me and give me friends and help me to be happy and stay a straight edge kid because i dont want to start drinking and smoking ever again because thats how peoples lives fall apart derrcik im glad your safe and your spending some time with "real dad" because someone needs to get to know him and him and pop pop needed someone to come and take care of them i hope you stay well and i worry about you all the time im sooo happy that we found you and were able to get you to a place where you can be safe i hope you can get on your feet and go to colledge so you can get that job helping other people that you said you wanted phillip im glad you got it together you seem to be doing well i love you even though your so hard to talk to... your still a great brother and your almost 21 thats like all your adult priviledges now please use them wisely and dont abuse them dont trash your life again your doing great kiddo gary get well your scaring all of us i hope the specialist can figure out what wrong with your lungs and please please survive we all need you and love you you and your wife are so great and your hearts are awesome im thinking about you all time...its weird i like turned this entry into shout outs oh well i dont care its what popped into my head im thinking a whole lot im like thinking this never ending journal entry i kind of feel like becoming anerexic all over again because when i did that when i was in the hospital i was like 95 pounds and i liked it it was like my dream weight it would be good to look the way i like then atleast me would like the way i look but i dunno i might be too addicted to food now because i eat everything all the time but i dunno i have a lot of decisions to make and its hard to make them i dont even know weather or not i want to go to school anymore i might get home schooled then i would feel much better because almost ever person i see there makes me want to cry especially the people i thought were or used to be friends i hate that school i hate the teachers i hate feeling harrased and disrespected by you know who i hate the kids in my special ed that i dont need i hate the kids in my regular ed classes i love movies i think for my whole life i just want to sit around the house and watch movies i never want to go to colledge ir anything just watch movies and vickie can come and watch movies with me on the weekends if her colledge isnt too far away itll be great itll be an escape damn im so depressed well im going to go my little brother is having a sleepover and the boys cant sit still thanks for listening journal write in yah later alligator!