(no subject)
i got fired today. for no reason. basically the two girls who werent working tonight got the boot. i dont know what to do its happening all over again.. everything is falling apart all over again i'm terrified of whats next. my manager won't answer my phone calls. they wont give me any explanation. maria (the owners daughter) said she's gonna try to get my job back snd she said adam would too.. i don't think its realistic. i love that bar so much. i'm heart broken. theres been so many other things tearing me apart its unreal.. someone save me from myself this is the most awful thing of my life. now i'm forced to be dependant on others AGAIN.. i must not be meant to be alive, or to be successful alone cuz nothing in this univurse is telling me otherwise. its all screaming FUCK YOU KILL YOUR SELF ITD THE ONLY WAY TO END THE SUFFERING.
then there was this fiasco with my ex tom. basically his gf found some messages he sent to me and it all blew up and stuff and there was this big bar arguement. his gf was blowing my shit up with the 3rd degreee. i told that bitch the truth even gave her a ride home, for what you ask? cuz i just strive to be a goood person. well that blew up in my face cuz he managed to convinve her i was insane and just wanted him so bad that i was trying to brake them up. he told me some of the most hurtful things ive ever heard. he took my deepest fears and used them against me. "you realise yet why everyone treats you like poison, because you fucking are" i was crying all day. i tried to be honest with that girl and do eberything in my power to be nicr and respectful and she turnd sround snt tells me i'm lying and she believes her bpyfriend snd all this whack ass shit. i was so decent to both of them. he called me a doped up pil whore and all this other shit i didnt say one bad or untrue thing to or about him. i was honest and respectful to that little cunt never called her a name and she had the nerve to call me a nasty skank.. wtf.. thats what you get for being decent.. spit in your face. so fuck that imma laugh when he really cheats on her cuz he will. i hope he gives her bitch ass aids tbh.
anyways i guess everything else aint so bad russell keeps flip flopping between nice and dick face and now i have to try to be extra nice cuz i need him to pay all these bills and bullshit cuz i have no job and blew all my savings months ago.. i'm supposssed to be getting this tax check but theres a good chance i might not be getting back at all because of my hair school loan. even if i do get it its not gonna work out how i planned anywasy cuz i wanted to get my own care but now i'll have no choice but to live off it cuz i have no fucking job.. so either way im screwed on that money and getting myself to a point of independance. i want to throw up right now...
then there was this fiasco with my ex tom. basically his gf found some messages he sent to me and it all blew up and stuff and there was this big bar arguement. his gf was blowing my shit up with the 3rd degreee. i told that bitch the truth even gave her a ride home, for what you ask? cuz i just strive to be a goood person. well that blew up in my face cuz he managed to convinve her i was insane and just wanted him so bad that i was trying to brake them up. he told me some of the most hurtful things ive ever heard. he took my deepest fears and used them against me. "you realise yet why everyone treats you like poison, because you fucking are" i was crying all day. i tried to be honest with that girl and do eberything in my power to be nicr and respectful and she turnd sround snt tells me i'm lying and she believes her bpyfriend snd all this whack ass shit. i was so decent to both of them. he called me a doped up pil whore and all this other shit i didnt say one bad or untrue thing to or about him. i was honest and respectful to that little cunt never called her a name and she had the nerve to call me a nasty skank.. wtf.. thats what you get for being decent.. spit in your face. so fuck that imma laugh when he really cheats on her cuz he will. i hope he gives her bitch ass aids tbh.
anyways i guess everything else aint so bad russell keeps flip flopping between nice and dick face and now i have to try to be extra nice cuz i need him to pay all these bills and bullshit cuz i have no job and blew all my savings months ago.. i'm supposssed to be getting this tax check but theres a good chance i might not be getting back at all because of my hair school loan. even if i do get it its not gonna work out how i planned anywasy cuz i wanted to get my own care but now i'll have no choice but to live off it cuz i have no fucking job.. so either way im screwed on that money and getting myself to a point of independance. i want to throw up right now...